But we had money problems as well.

However, it's funny since he has been gone, all those money problems have ended for me. He just doesn't know it.

How did they end for you?

I all of a sudden had money to pay for my bills. Instantaneously actually. I had been bouncing checks left and right for months because he would spend money and not tell me about it, and I was spending money.

After D-day all the craziness, I mean all from anger, finances, weight, food, chaos in the house was over. It doesn't exist in our world at all anymore.

His life immediately upon leaving was nothing but craziness and in fact in the beginning when he waffled to come home he said it was like he was recreating what he had at home with me, only with her. I asked him what the common denominator was, but it didn't make a difference.

I still shake my head how my money and everything else has cleared up. In fact, if only I could have him home, my life would be perfect.

Glad that things are going okay. Financial problems lead to marital problems also. So keep on the same path.

Why are you wanting to move?

A few reason.

I feel like I am living in limbo in the apt. I would keep living there if I had to, but I can't hang up curtains or shelves or anything that is a personal touch.

My boys are boys and they can't rough house without me worrying about the walls. That's not fair to them.

The housing market is terrible and it would be a great investment for me. And my rent is going up and will keep going up. Where my house payment is one price.

A house is always a good investment. Even though the market is down, it will recover and continue going up. Also there is the tax break. And nothing beats having your own place.

Not to mention, WH doesn't believe I could pull this off. I asked him if he wanted in with me, he said yes, but was just playing games.

Now it's happening and I am not saying one word, especially with all his financial troubles, and just wait till he gets the legal separation agreement asking for more money. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I would live in a trailer if he would just come home. You know that.

SAME here!!! We bought/built a house and 15 months later he started in with the warthog! He's swears up and down he'll do everything he can to keep me and the kids in the house, but I told him I'd go back to the two room apartment if I knew it would be with him!

I'm sorry you are still missing him so much. I hope/pray for you that either the pain eases or he comes to his senses!

Queenie,

I'm so glad that you can get your own home!! You will feel better when you get in it and have it as a project to keep you busy.

I purchased my condo in a trust fund so that WH would not have any claim to it in the future. Putting it in a trust also eliminated him having to sign for it. You may want to check into that just in case. Not sure of the laws in your state.

Will check back in tomorrow. Getting late and I have to get up early tomorrow.

Hi Queenie,

The new house sounds fantastic. I hope you take alot of pride in getting the new house. It just proves once again that you are much stronger than you would like to think. The GODDESS did this on her own and should be very proud.
I know you would trade it all for him, but rejoice a little in this accomplishment, and think of how he's going to react. Remember this was the thing that really got to my F when he was wayward... the fact that my M could have a great life without him. Lets pray he comes to the saem conclusion.

I'm always here with you Queenie. No need to go see what is happening on my recovery thred, it
s kind of boring to read.

Hi TMTS

I miss you lots dude. I take it life is going great. I have no idea if anything will bring him around. Yes I love him with all my heart, but I have to somehow dig to move forward or I just might as well kill myself now.

If you could hear the excitment in my boys tonight when we were looking at the house, it was awesome. Talking about how they could play in the yard. I now know I need a yard for them. I am taking pride in this.

I am praying....trust me. What do you think about the fact that he is so broke and knows that his insurance has been cancelled because of no money. And then one day he hears I am buying a house.

I need you TMTS, please know that. You helped me those dark nights back at Christmas, I didn't think I was going to make it and you helped me.

Chai, I am praying hard for you tonight sweetie. I love hearing your voice and talking to you tonight, I promise you, I am right here for you anytime, day or night.

Thank you Serenity, that means alot. I know you are dealing with alot and I know how crappy it hurts. Please know I am here for you too.

Today, was a good day. I made the offer on the house, they are counter offering. My realtor warned me about the ups and downs of buying a house and it's one of the most emotional there is in life. LOL, I laughed, because I am truly turned this over to G-d. My future is in his hands, when the house is right he will provide in his time.

As for ups and downs.... she has no idea, does she folks.

Hugs and warm thoughts to all the special people in my life who aren't giving up on me.

Now for other bad/good news. My MS evidently blew up at practice on SAturday with the little kids. He said some things inappropriatedly. A parent wrote an email complaining to the head coach, who pretty much ordered me to the meeting tonight. He then called and wanted a meeting between him and my son. I was there and pretty much was shocked at how he acted.

My DS realizes he made a huge mistake and wants to make amends, but he let the coach push his buttons and he was going to quit, not only his senior project, but the team. I said you were half my child and I didn't quit even though I wanted to. I let him be with his emotions, let him spout off, asked him to consider all the ramifications, stayed steady, prayed and asked G-d on what to do. I didn't try and fix it for him (YEAH), I loved on him, and let him make his decision.

He came to the board meeting to face everyone, and quit the team, but when the coach kicked him out, he got mad and wasn't going to let him win. He came back in, faced the board, apologized, listened to their lectures and spoke like a man. I was so proud of me.

G-d worked a miracle tonight you guys. My son didn't quit on the one thing in life that he loves the most and if he can do it, surely I can make it through one sick addicted stupid man leaving me for a crack addict. I realized my kids really do need me because I am a fighter and they need to see that life is tough, but you can do it.

And it's because of you, that I am here today fighting. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Thank you so much. I truly mean it when I tell you how much I appreciate you in my life.

Hi Queenie,
I've never posted to you before but wanted to offer some encouragement. A major part of recovering yourself and possibly your M is gaining the respect of your WH and building your own self-esteem and self-worth. I think that by buying a house for you and your boys, you will be showing your WH and more importantly, YOURSELF that you can make it..You just may surprise yourself when you see just how strong you really are. You will build your own self-esteem and you will know that you can move forward, and he will see that too.

No matter the outcome, you will come out much stronger. Just have faith and believe that God is with you on the journey and you will not fail.

((Queenie))

Hi Robertswife,

I'm so glad to hear from you. I love to meet new people. Is there a link where I can go read your sitch?

Thank you for your encouragement. I can ALWAYS use it and other points of view. I agree, that buying this house has so many advantages for me personally, my children, and maybe even my M.

This is why I get out of bed in the morning, b/c G-d works through people like you and my children. And sends me messages about how strong my kids are because of the examples I am modeling for them.

My kids need to know that one parent won't EVER give up on them or our situation and truly will do the best she can and build the best possible life with or without their dad.

If you could have heard the excitement in their voice about the house, I just know that is my right move, whichever house G-d wants for me. It may not be this one. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thank you again, I hope to hear from you soon.

Warmly,
Queenie

Hi Queenie,

Oh Queenie, when he wakes up one day and sees what you have done for yourself and your kids, he will kick himself so hard. He sound allot like my F, too proud to accept what his subconscious is telling him. But you know what... it doesn't last forever and only time will tell if he realizes it in time to save what love you have left for him.

And as for your sons they will hold you as a saint for as long as they live. You have been their pillar of strength through this. Trust me they will not remember any times of weakness, they will remember the WARIOR GODDESS that you are.

I'm actually starting to think that you believe what we have been telling you.

Do your boys spend much time with WH and OP?

Hey Queenie,

You aksed about my story, well here it is..hope its not too long :-)
I found the site around January of 2002 (in the middle of my ordeal) but didn't register at that time..
My story is pretty much the same thing you read here in thread after thread. Most Waywards are not too original, as you already know....and mine wasn't either..

My ex-WH was having something of a mid-life crisis and became involved with a woman that we both knew, and she was actually someone I knew very well..and even considered a good friend... He left pretty quickly, within 6 months of the begining the A with her.. not really allowing me to do much of a Plan A...By the time I found this place he was already out of the home and so I tried to Plan A as much as I could from a distance, but he was so fogged out, it didn't seem to make much of a difference.

Their A had been going on right under my nose but he lied and lied, denied everything whenever I asked about their relationship and many times I actuallly thought I was losing my mind because I had no proof. The first D-Day happened when she called his cell phone, he was asleep and I answered the phone..she thought he would pick up, and before I could say hello, she was saying "Hello baby its me"...I froze because I knew that all my fears were confirmed.

He lied and denied again and tried to convince me that she made a mistake and called him instead of her boyfriend <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />...eventually I caught them in a motel together and everything hit the fan!...

I counseled with the Harley's and learned as much as I could through reading here. I was actually advised by the Harley's not to post my story back then because I was convinced that the OW in my case knew about this site...because she dropped hints to ex-WH that I was manipulating him by using a website...and emailed me telling me that she knew I was trying to win him back by acting "nice"..she was such a loser.

..He spewed much anger at me and tried to stay away from me as much as possible. He actually attempted to do a plan B on me by not communicating. Plan D was not what I wanted at the time, but I secured my finances, started taking care of myself and I started to recover myself. The D was final by the beginning of 2003.. It took a long time to get over the intial shock, anger, and utter disbelief of what was happening in my life...but I stuck it out and I made a promise to myself...he may have abandoned me but I refused to abandon MYSELF. That was the key for me. Once I started focusing on ME and my kids, I started to feel much better about myself. I started to see my own worth again. When I stopped focusing on HIM, things became much clearer to me. I found that I was much stronger than I had given myself credit for.

I finally registered here in 2005 after marrying my new H. We take our M very seriously and want to safe-guard our M by using the techniques outlined by the Harley's. My H is also a former BS so we share the same point of view on building a strong M..no secrecy, no privacy from your spouse and being completely open and honest, POJA, etc... and we think this is a great place to learn and continue to use the knowledge here to help build a strong M..

One last note, just last week, I ran into one of ex-wh family members, a cousin of his, and he told me that ex-wh is sorry about what he did to our M and really does regret it..I know most Bs's just want an apology but it doesn't mean very much now, that so much time has passed...and I have moved on...and he is still with OW and his life is pretty much a disaster...but those were HIS choices.

I am now married to a great guy that appreciates me and loves me. He respects our M vows and we both learn as much as we can to keep our M strong. God had a plan for me and I am glad He is in charge because I could not have dreamed that I would ever be this happy.

Just know that inside your WH knows what he is doing is wrong even if he never says it directly to you...work the plans here and leave the rest in God's hands.

Keep working on making yourself the best you can be and you will recover, hopefully your M, but if not you definitely will recover yourself...God has a plan for you.

Blessings to you!

OH TMTS, I really do miss your pep talks. I am not sure I believe yet, but I am not fighting it anymore.

I wish with all my heart that you are right. He just has NOTHING to do with me. I just don't understand how that happened. Oh well, doesn't matter, it is what it is.

Please keep talking to me, it always puts a smile on my face. How's life for you?

Hope,
NOT ONE SECOND with OP. NOT ONCE.

As for WH, he is choosing to not have a relationship. Aside from a weekend that we spent in Ca for a family vacation, he has spent probably 2 hours with each other kids in 9 months and I think two hours is generous. He has never spent time alone with them by taking them somewhere.

He has just stopped being their dad though he says its on the kids, not him. He just doesn't get how devastated the boys are.

Queenie,

I'm so glad to hear you happy and excited. I'm sure that you will come to agreement on the house. They want to sell and you want to buy, so I'm sure you can meet in the middle. I'm cheering for you and your sons.

I hope to talk with you later.....

Good job and dealing with your son's outburst. I had a problem with my oldest yesterday and it just about killed me to shut my mouth. Unfortunately, he quit his job and is now unemployed. Sounds like your situation went much better.

Well things are nowhere near as exciting as buying a house. LOL. Things are going pretty well, FWW is doing allot to make me feel at ease, much of the fog has lifted but there is a little bit of withdrawl in there I'm sure of it. She had fallen pretty hard for this guy and I'm sure there is some pain there. So for the time being I do not talk R or bring up the A, it's just too early, I'm basically continueing on my plan A, meet ENs and no LBs. From there I follow Jennifer's lead. All she went through last eek was an overview of MB principals with my DW and gave us homework to fill out the EN and LB questionaires. We are talking to her about them tomorrow. So we plug away and work our butts off to work things out. The vets were right about one thing, the real work start after you reconcile.