STRIVING FOR PERFECTION...AS USUAL...LOL...

LOL, and what would STRIVING for PERFECTION entail today?

I have a question. The LSA isn't in the courts yet.

Should I be continue to created Plan A opportunities or stay quiet and when they arise use them as best as possible. I find myself in the same position I was in in October where nothing I was doing had an effect and his totally disregard of me as a human being was there and so I just stayed low and quiet.

What do you think I should be doing? If anything. BTW, it was at this point in November that you got on the case. So that's why I am asking.

Oh no, I'm not going to DIVULGE about my OCD TENDENCIES!! Just suffice it to say..CLEANING is involved... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

This would be my advice. I think YOUR CONTACT with him robs YOUR LOVE BANK for him. Plus, he DISRESPECTS you so much and you need to gain his respect.

Mimi is right.

Honey, keep away from him for a w hile. Towards the end of my divorce, my LB had a negative ten katrillion in the account.

Don't use it all up. The good fight is not over yet. Right now the fight is about Queenie regaining her own life. Let him catch up to you. We'll see if he's even able to do that! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

What I'd do is focus on changing you and making positive choices for you and that also includes protecting your heart and your finances and family. There is room for the WS if and once they truly become an XWS. Not right now. No room for that in your life.

If he wants to change you can talk. Until then it's basically pointless. Take back the power. You have it.

Mimi,

what makes you think that? Pictures of her on the wall in his office, or the fact that he has no use whatsoever for me other than to do his taxes so he can get money for her. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Naw LOL <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

JP,
What good fight is that about? He has NOTHING to do with me whatsoever. I am garbage to him. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

What power do I have. Not sure I understand. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

I am at building a life, it's just hard because my heart isn't in it. It's just the motions of doing things.

I went looking at houses, and that was nice, I went exercising, did 40 minutes. Home to change and look at another house.

Where can I go to read your story?

((Queenie))

Oh honey-you are not garbage to him. He avoids you because you are the mirror that shows him he has treated his marriage covenant, his integrity and his family like garbage.

The power you have is in how you choose to respond. Even when your heart isn't in it, you can still choose to "fake it until you make it" because you aren't doing this in your own power-you are doing it with God.

Also, your kids will always know that you did everything you could to keep their family together.

I'm praying for you-and I'll see you next week-end. The only day I am not available is Sat. YS has an ROTC meet that day. But I have Friday and Monday off.

And responding is by building a new life for me and my children without him.

So hard, but I understand.

I am doing it with G-d. I feel him with me. I feel somehow protected today while I was looking around at houses. It was very cool.

I pray for you too my sweet friend. I hope all is well and you are taking care of yourself.

I love you, and yes, how about next Sunday, that way we don't have to deal with traffic. Are you sure you want to come down again, surely I am getting close to a trip up your way.

Mimi,

If you can remember back when you started helping me in November, I had somewhat put into place a modified Plan B. You pretty much told me to stop that and start with Plan A. I just need some clarity on what the difference between now and then is. I'm doing just about the same thing.

How will I KNOW that I have humbled myself to G-d with complete abandonment?

The difference is that YOU are not the one AVOIDING OR STOPPING CONTACT...like in PLAN B..

So now..if/when he contacts you, then DO YOUR PLAN A STUFF...

Oh, and like before I was avoiding him and there was no reason given?

I just got off the phone with my insurance agent, imagine this. Hubby's policy is being cancelled due to non-payment. He told her he didn't have the money.

And remember last week he called me asking when would I get the taxes done because he really needs the money. Hmmm.. Is this normal? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Wouldn't he just be so happy to hear I am looking around for a house to buy. And that I found one and am making an offer tonight. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Oh, do tell about your possible new home............

It's totally awesome. Not my house yet, just putting an offer on it. But I LOVE it.

It is 1290 sq ft. 3 bedrooms - 1.5 baths

It has hardwood laminate flooring throughout the house, which I have always wanted. The boys room will be ok sizes, BUT the master bedroom is HUGE. Has a walk-in closet and I could set it up as a bedroom, small seating office areas.

The bathroom is cool. I have a vanity in my room, turn to the right, walk through a door and is the shower/tub and toilet, then turn to the right walk through the door and is another vanity. So in essence I share a tub and toilet with the boys, but we each have a vanity.

There is a toilet and sink downstairs, so we don't we have choices. LOL. The kitchen is pretty disgusting and I am going to remodel as time goes on, but for when I am alone or when H comes home it will be perfect for us. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

The yard isn't too big, but has a nice deck, I can have my own flower garden with flower boxes. I always asked H to build me some, now I get to myself. I have a 2 car garage, and my kitchen is small, but I can just store dishes in the garage and remodel how I want.

It needs new paint throughout. It has the marble look, and trust me that wasn't the design. LOL.

Ohhh, sounds wonderful. Paint is easy enough.

My kitchen is small (5'X 7'), but I've gotten used to cooking in it. And I do a LOT of cooking! But kitchens are expensive to remodel.

Yep, they are. I really would create it in stages.... Which could be a project as I go. I actually would open it up and have way less counters. I can do a lot of that myself with the help of friends and get good prices on the cabinets. Actually our first home, when we remodeled we built our own cabinets. I did a lot of the work and could do it again. Or H could help me, but not counting on that.

Do you think he will care that I am moving on without him?

I just found out WH called his best friend for more money. WH borrowed money to get into his place and I told his friend he would get paid back. I am wondering if I should let his friend no, I am not going to make sure that he will get paid back and it's a risk he has to take.

Or just stay out of it and let happen, what happens...

It's hard knowing something is going on but not knowing. Ya know.

I would stay completely out of it.

My ex realized I was moving on, but it sure didn't put a dent in the affair. Now he is kicking himself. So don't worry what it will do to hubby. Do it for YOU and your family.

I am, it's just hard because I miss him so much.

Do you think the money problems will put a damper on their life or strengthen their commitment to each other.

Money problems will help END the affair. I think that is why my ex's affair went on for 3 and a half years. It was like one big party, and they had tons of money to blow.

The sooner the wayward can experience the consequences of not with their partner, the better.