This is the tricky part... if he took that new job, no longer is his paycheck being deposited into my account and then he is messing with me financially.

So I lose.

If I don't give him what he wants, then he will get mad and hurt me. While I can take the hurt, financially I can't take the hit.

And getting that letter in writing, if my lawyer agrees will help me in the long run because they he is saying to everyone that he is giving me half his check for spousal maintenance as well as child support.

Remember I am going for spousal maintenance and I have to show that he has been paying it. It appears to me, but my lawyer needs to confirm, that this gives me my documentation. And if this new job does create more bonuses then he still is saying that he is giving me half his paycheck.

And if he stops, then I contact the foodbank and he loses his help.

Makes sense, Queenie. You know what's best regarding your financial situation. I really don't know much about legal matters. I like that you have your THINKING CAP on! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

I'll check you out tomorrow. NO MORE OF THAT STINKIN THINKIN!

I may be a sap for this man. I may love him with all my heart and want him to come home no matter what.

BUT.... I am NOT STUPID. And I AM NOT ABOUT TO BE SCREWED FINANCIALLY because of his ADDICTION.

I know you don't like to label people but WH is a passive-agressive man and giving him the opportunity to cut me off financially would play right into his hands. Not only would he benefit financially with the extra money until I could get him into court, but it would hurt me and my children tremendously and I have to protect us.

If I didn't need the money, oh trust me.... my fingers would freeze before they hit the pen and paper.

Sweet dreams sweet GODDESS....

NOPE, NO MORE, NO MORE.....

Queenie,

Please keep your strength. You have to protect yourself first. Remember what you told me about my daughter. Don't allow the addicted to bring you down.

As Jennifer told me, you have to proceed as though they aren't coming back to protect your future. It's tragic, but you have to do it. Protect your finances!

As his situation erodes, OP will start to become a ball and chain around his ankle.

We'll talk later.

This is why I suggested you see your L. Just in case he can use this as a legal document to give you a hard time with your LSA. To me, you shouldn't even consider the letter. All the terms will be spelled out in detail in the LSA. Not sure how it works in WA but here in Ontario the calculation for spousal support is quite simple. Add both gross salaries,
Divide by two and the on with the higher salary needs to make up the difference to take the lower salaried spouse up to that median. Now I don’t know how the calculation is affected when child support is involved. The point I'm trying to illustrate is that you do not want to give him anything in writing that he could potentially use against you later.

Now IMO it is a very good thing that he is having difficult financial times. It will only be a matter of time before he and the crack head start arguing about her going to work, and her habit. It may open his eyes to what she really needs him for. If she goes to work, or gets into rehab, then he doesn't have this issue...or like Mimi says, he could just simply come home.

I was thinking that since he left he has had nothing but financial troubles.

Remember he moved from a 3000 sq ft house to a one bedroom apt and slept on the couch in the living room for almost 4 months. He turned over his entire paycheck from May until the middle of October and virtually lived off of that old man. He bragged to me about how he knew exactly when to get into the food line to get the most amount of food.

This house he lives in is considered the Deliverance area and it's tiny. It's tiny and isolated and old, very old with no heat. His world is lacrosse, work, her and cutting up firewood, oh and the absolute chaos they live in.

This having financial trouble has been with them the entire way. It's almost like they feed off of how to survive the cheapest. I think its like white trailer trash.

I mean no disrespect to anyone. He just has lost all of his standards of what is ok. Or who knows, maybe he is most comfortable in that.

So he has

He got used to a certain lifrstyle and I don't care how much he makes it sound like he's happy in his new found life, he will get sick of it pretty soon becasue right now there are no emergency expenses that he needs to worry about. That will come. Hang tight Queenie because if he goes through that and still doesn't come back then do you really want him? You can do better I'm sure of it.

Hang in there Queenie. You've seemed like such a strong woman, with weak moments. I have the SAME issue with finances, I know I don't "need" him for anything other than that! Yes I want him, but really only the him that's moral and decent. So far he's been decent with his paycheck, but like in your situation, it could change. Keep me in your prayers, as I keep you in mine ;-)

TMTS,

I don't believe this for a moment. Who would want me?

But really that isn't what this is about. I love him and just have faith that the person that is good and my H still exists way way deep down and would be gone forever if I gave up. I can't abandon him when he is so sick.

However, I am lonely and I don't want to spend my life alone without someone to share my life with.

As for the emergency money, he lived in a tent for a few days because they were broke and got thrown out of their apt after the chaotic story of non payment. He just seems to keep landing on his feet with finances no matter what. He lives in his head and his lies, and that's what has ALWAYS, been his downfall and destruction

I'm trying Serenity to stay strong. If I do, it's because G-d just has my life and I am walking through it because of him. I will honor myself that I have hit 83 3/4 lbs as of this morning. WooHoo.....

Queenie,
Stress can definitely induce feelings that can cause you to want to numb yourself and not feel...
Do you have a timeline in mind for going to Plan B?
It sounds like you are ready for it. Just make sure that your head and heart are in synch. When you do go into Plan B, you need to be really dark and your focus is going to have to be completely on yourself..Have you started coming up with a plan for YOU? You will have to plan your life as though WH is not coming back and start down a new path for yourself...maybe you should start to make a list of all the things you can do to focus on yourself..Do you have any hobbies that you enjoy? Is there a course you'd like to take to improve yourself at a local college? Do you have a support system in place that can be there for you? How about thinking about things you can do to pamper yourself?

It may be a good time to start thinking about these things, and start to shift your focus from your WH, because in Plan B you have to be totally dark..and in Plan B you will go through withdrawal from WH..you will have to adjust to no contact as well..I am just thinking of things that may be helpful to you as you move closer to Plan B..you mentioned before that you didn't know how to take the first step in focusing on yourself, maybe these things can help..

Blessings to you!

Actually there are emergency expenses, that's why he is desparate, one of their cars is breaking.

But we also have to remember, this is a twice divorced drug addict who lives off of the state or welfare or whatever and is use to finding money and doing things cheap. So she is opening his world up in so many ways. I think I could puke.

Hi RobertWife, Nice to see you.

I am being forced into this because of the situation. I have NO OTHER choices. No, I don't want to plan and live a life without my H, but I have NO OTHER choices.

He is receptive to Plan A, when I dissapear and then come back after a couple of weeks. He always responds favorably to me. And him admitting that he still loved me through me to be quite honest.

But he believes that he has a right to destroy other peoples lives because of what HE WANTS and screw the rest of us. I don't think that I can continue to subject myself to that kind of destruction and selfishness. I don't think G-d wants that for me.

Yes and no. I am looking to buy a house and have projects to help me through. I like to quilt and am going to make a quilt about this journey of my life to hang up in my house. I have an AMAZING SUPPORT SYSTEM. Not just on here but in real life. ABSOLUTELY ROCK SOLID support system.

I have toyed with going back and learning Hebrew to study to become a rabbi. I love to travel and if I had the money would go on a cruise. Fortunately the timing of this is perfect because lacrosse season for my boys is upon us and that will take up my time and give me things, plus my AA meetings.

So, yes I have lots and lots to keep me occupied, BUT IT'S NOT WHAT I WANT AND I feel hollow inside at being forced to do this. I love him so much and that reality that I might never see him again in my life is killing me inside. But there is NO OTHER WAY. I have to fight for my M with the best possible chance and Plan B is the only next step.

As for the time frame, as soon as I can be secured he can't screw with the money, I am good to go. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I will have my letter ready.

All I can do, is completely TRUST G-D AND BEG HIM TO LEAD ME OUT OF EGYPT TO MY PROMISED LAND.

PS, just got off the phone and the lawyer sees nothing wrong with the letter, he says that the courts really like to keep to what arrangements have been set up and if he is admitting to paying me spousal maintenance and child support in this letter, then it's helping me in the long run. I'm just going to be hard to get a hold of and make him sweat.

Sorry for the thread stealing Melody and Julie,

This is exactly what I am doing a lot of the times. Feeling sorry for myself. Feeling sorry for myself is just another way of stinkin thinkin isn't it Mimi?

I just got off the phone with my GF and we are taking our kids to the movies to go see Bucket List. I think that will be a great thing for us to do. So I have to hurry up and get my work done, get my butt to tanning booth and then get home.

Has anyone seen the movie? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Thank you Melody....

God will definitely lead you, just keep putting your trust and faith in HIM...remember, it's all in HIS hands. Keep doing the best that you can...and God will take care of the rest. Enjoy the movie..I saw the Bucket List and enjoyed it..you will surely get more than a few chuckles out of it <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Good, we need to laugh....

What are you doing today?

Cleaning my house today and then going out to dinner with my dh and a few friends..It's cold here in Chicago but its sunny out, so that makes it a bit better <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I guess I should log off now and finish up cleaning so that I'll be ready for dinner later..

Enjoy the rest of your weekend!

Another Chicagoan? We're going to have to have a Midwest MB picnic this summer. There's a bunch of us around Chitown.