Thank you Miss M,

I truly appreciate your kind words. I am not able to say those things about myself yet. But I am doing things that are worthy and being respectful of G-ds faith in me.

I had a revelation about my drugging and drinking all those years ago and realized how much I hated myself then, and for years because I didn't think of myself as worthwhile.

Today I can say that I am learning to take care of myself in a healthy way and say thank you to a compliment.

I am very humbled when you stop by to talk to me. I admire your walk in life with G-d and strive each day to become more and more of what he wants for me.

I need to be understanding and accept that G-d will give me the best when he is ready to. I still have much to learn I think for him yet.

Sweet dreams Miss M

I'd have to say God works in mysterious ways. Continue to read the Bible and you will gain insight into God's character.

God is so good!

Queenie,

About this,



Great progress!!! You are working your way up to seeing yourself as God sees you - His Perfect Creation! Most of us dont' ever get to the point of thinking we are "perfect" (thank goodness), but if we can see ourselves even a little bit the way that God does, that is a Good Thing!

Keep it up! You ARE worthy!!!

Have a great weekend!

Queenie, just picture this. When your children were little and they would toddle around and be so sweet... then they would get into something or ignore our instructions to do or not to do something. Our hearts overflowed with love for that child, even in their disobedience. They would cozy up to us afterwards looking for affirmation that we still loved them (or that they were worthy).

This is how G-d looks at His children. His heart overflows with love for us, even in our disobedience or neglect of Him. We are beautiful to Him, just as our earthly children are beautiful to us. He finds us worthy even when we don't feel worthy. You're working so hard to turn your life completely over to G-d. He sees that. But He has never stopped loving you and you have never been unworthy in His eyes.

He is worthy of praise. You are worthy of His love.

You are not worthy??? No, no, no Queenie... HE is not worthy...

Remember this?



Ya, you thought I'd forgotten about that didn't you. I know that you know this, but I'm waiting for the day that you truly believe it in your heart. Until that time, we will keep reminding you of it, because we believe it.

((((((QUEENIE))))))

My1st love,

I will. Thank you for your encouragment to keep learning about G-ds word.


PM,
I truly am with all my heart and soul. I will do whatever he asks from me. I don't want to live in my will at all. I just am still learning about how and when I am not doing it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thanks TMTS, I still need to see that. My actions are showing that I am worthy. My words and heart aren't there yet. One day soon G-d willing.

One day I will be able to look at myself in a mirror and know that I am good and worthy. For today, my actions have to speak louder than my words.

Hi Queenie! Thanks for stopping by my thread. I really appreciate it. You are such an inspiration! I know how your heart is hurting, but as you said...Your ACTIONS are speaking LOUDER than your WORDS. I think that might be where I'm at.

I can't wait for you to pick out a new house and tell us all about it. That sounds exciting to me. I wish I could move.

I'll keep checking in. You are doing great!!

Queenie,

Just checking in to say that I'm thinking about you. Sorry we didn't get to chat again.

I know somehow that things will get better for both of us. They can't keep us down for too long - we're women!! We will survive this.

I love ya girlfriend. You keep being strong.

Well that might not be so fast in my horizon. Evidently the contractor hasn't paid our house payment for a few months and we are now in default. I think was one of the conditions of me getting the loan. So we will have to see.

It's so weird in the past, I would be angry, trying to fix it, etc. and I just have NO DOUBT and TOTAL FAITH, that G-d is working things in my life. I don't want to control I am just going with the flow.

Zorro, I will keep checking on you too. We have such similar walks and pain right now.

Hi Chai, I am sorry we didn't either. I am pretty much home for the weekend and just cleaning.

Oh did the DOMESTIC GODDESS strike my kitchen and porch today. And I lit candles for Shabbat which was important to me.

Today was a GREAT DAY EMOTIONALLY. I wish I could bag this day and hold onto to it. I don't understand why some days are like this and others aren't. I hate rollercoasters, always have.

But today I just seem like I am in G-ds protection. The sun was shining, I am reading this amazing book on living the committed life and I feel protected or peaceful. I am very grateful for today.

Queenie,


You know that G-d is doing a great work within you. Look at all the wonderful changes you have made, that are permanent.

You know that G-d is using this situation to mold you into a better person, that G-d knew who you were before you were even born, and you are precious and WORTHY in His sight.

You know that it is the ENEMY that makes you feel unworthy, and I believe your WS has had something to do with you feeling that no one would want you. Don't you know that this is the ENEMY speaking to you?

You know, I did a lot of stuff that was really wrong, and when my H had his A, G-d humbled me BIG TIME, and showed me that no matter what my H had done in the past to hurt me, it gave me NO RIGHT to treat him the way I had in the past. Yes my anger was JUSTIFIED, but G-d showed me how wrong I was, and yes, when my H was doing the WORST possible thing I had to turn myself around, not return evil for evil and NOT come down on my H.

A lot of crazy, unbelievable stuff happened, but G-d would NOT let me respond to that, I had to take everything that came my way, and believe me, it was hard. I had never seen such evil in my life. A's are hard on the BS, you feel so foolish and humiliated and unworthy.

But I know, in my case that G-d took the WORST situation, and wrought a miracle. My marriage was over, and G-d took what was destroyed and gave me a new marriage, and changed me into a better person. I am still very humble, and I know that ONLY G-D could have taken what was destroyed and healed us, my H, my marriage and myself. I am truely blessed.


I listen. I changed, permanently. I will never, ever, use my H's poor behavior as an excuse to abuse him verbally. I learned to step back, not react, and think of what the healthiest way was for me to respond.

I NEVER put my H down again. I was totally humbled.

Queenie, we all fall short, I am no exception. But what I see you doing is not forgiving yourself for your past behaviors. What I see is a miracle. I can see how much you have changed for the better.

Don't listen to the enemy. When you start thinking that you are unworthy, say to yourself, STOP the bad, I am WORTHY.

Continue to give your life up to G-d. He knows you are listening and are obedient, His child.

You are doing awesome, keep listening and rebuke the ENEMY.

G-d has a plan for YOU. It might not be what you think it should be, but it is the BEST plan for you. G-d knows your heart, and knows what is best for you. Give yourself up to him, and you will have the best that G-d wishes for you.

Okay, I am rambling now.

Just remember that you are precious, worthy, and loved.

Love in Christ,
Miss M



<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I don't know it yet, I am learning it. However, I am letting my actions speak for my words right now. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> My actions are showing I am worthy and respecful of G-d and the faith he has in me.

I don't think I ever thought of it that way.

I thought I had. Maybe I need to pray on this and see where it leads me. I really thought I had. Can you still forgive yourself and be regretful for your past mistakes.

I am seeking him with all my heart and soul. I truly believe he is my lifeline to my new life and I just need to have FAITH.

Thank you and I am working hard to do this.

I think I am being honest and G-d knows otherwise when I say, I really only want to walk in G-ds will and experience the plan he has for me. My way has created ickiness and heartache. I live for G-d and his will for me. I just get impatient wanting to know what that is. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Your ramblings are very soothing to me. Please share more of your walk with G-d, it somehow brings me comfort to see how you have been transformed into the woman G-d always envisioned for you.

Queenie,

I guess what I forgot to say is that G-d used the most horrific situation I had ever gone thru to focus on what I needed to do to change.

I couldn't focus on my H's behavior because G-d wanted to change ME. He used that awful time to transform ME into a different person. G-d did his own work on my H, but G-d turned the A into fixing what was wrong with ME.

And I am NOT the person that G-d has envisioned for me. I have made a lot of great changes, but I am a work in progress, I have a long way to go.

I really struggled with alcohol after my H's affair, it was gradual and insidious, and just this last year have I gotten my monster on a leash. I am not perfect, there was so much pain, I knew way too much about my H's affair, more than any BS should EVER know, the ow stalked me in a very bizarre fashion after the A was over, and recovery took a loooong time. I got caught up in self medicating the pain. My darling H was very, very patient with me and I am blessed.

I have felt SO unworthy of G-d, that he gave me the miracle of a restored marriage and a changed H, and I succumbed to the demon alcohol. I came here asking for help with my alcohol issues, but all the vets couldn't/wouldn't help me because they are so firm here about alcohol and drugs being separate issues.

I do wonder sometimes how many FBS's turn to alcohol or drugs after the A to try and deal with the pain.

But you know, G-d has shown me sooo much mercy when I did not deserve it, His grace has covered me in my pain and alcohol abuse. I am past it now.

I did not find MB until about a month after my H's affair was FINALLY over. MB really helped me stay on track and Plan A and B were so close to what G-d was doing in my life. I have been very grateful for that.

It's just that I have been moved to tell you that you are valuable, WORTHY, and precious.

Bless you Queenie,

Love in Christ,
Miss M

Miss M I can so relate to what you said about your H's affair humbling you.My problem is that my WH still thinks of me having my old mindset and he can't see me getting over the affair.The old me wouldn't be able to,his right,but how do I show him I will be able to after this life-changing experience?
Its so frustrating!!

Miss M, I will be back to reread what you have posted. Yours is an amazing story. Thank you for your honesty and openness. I am actually on my way out to my AA meeting in a few minutes.

I have been a very busy GODDESS today. VERY BUSY. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> I got up, went for about a 3 mile walk in the sun around the lake, then went to the library, picked out a few books and then went to the tanning booth. Sometime during my walk I gathered up enough strength and decided to go to WH's lacrosse game.

OH YES, CHEST OUT, HEAD UP AND SMILE SHINING, I walked right down onto that field with OW there. I immediately started talking to people and introducing myself as WH's wife. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> I got asked to keep score. At one point I needed to leave the field and get a pen. I know she was hoping that I was leaving for good. NOT..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

I walked back down and invaded her space and blocked her out. I talked to the players, one of them particularly from the high school team. I talked to the mgrs wife introduced myself as WH's wife and that he was having an affair with a crack addict with hep C. I loved him and was fighting for him to come home. I told her that I was here to support my husband and that I wasn't going to cause any trouble.

Then she said, you've changed. I asked her if we had met before she said yes and then she said my hair was shorter and a different color. I laughted and said that was the other woman she had met. LOL. I chatted with the refs... they know me as his wife..and the lacrosse mom for Maple Valley.

I walked up and down the side lines, cheering for my honey, very sweetly and supportive. She didn't say one word. She walked over to the ladies at one point and stood by them and they pretty much ignored her. I don't know if they were doing it on purpose or not. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

And then at half time, I went and got near where she was, pushing her away from those ladies and just started talking.

My WH, ran by me and barely said hi, in fact I don't think he did at all. He completely ignored me pretty much the whole time and would walk over to her throughout the game and give her a peck kiss. Actually not a very loving kisses, but that's my interpretation.

I can only imagine what OW was thinking. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> I looked FABULOUS, tan, getting skinny and strutting my strength and territory, all the while completely ignoring her. The weirdest thing is she kept picking at her nails. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Constantly. Don't know what that was about.

She was pretty quiet throughout the game, stood really close to WH. At one point he got sandwiched pretty bad and she walked over there. So did I, but I calmy stayed away and just my presence was enough. I hope he knew I was there.

I felt empowered. She has no idea when I am going to turn up next and when I do, I walk right in like I belong, which I do. Right after the game, I handed off the scoring information and walked away. As I got almost to the end of the field I looked back and there she was staring at me. I turned and smiled, walked up the ramp and held my hands up in success.

I have NO clue whether he is pissed at me or not. I have no idea what home is like for them tonight. But I do know, that she wasn't smiling too much while I was there. Oh, I did notice she is wearing a ring on her wedding finger. I wanted to puke. But of course, I was showing off my BIGGER diamonds in the sunlight and turned to face her a couple of times so she could see that I wear my H wedding ring on my neck. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> My very tan neck.

So, how did I do? I don't have much Plan Aing time left, so I really wanted to take this opportunity. I just needed to do it for me. I left with the wifes knowing that my H is going through a mid life crisis, I even asked one if she thought he would come out of it. I told her we weren't even legally separated. I just had to do it. I might have lost him forever, but I was going down with a fight, the only way I know how. With my grace, love and support for my H in my heart.

Oh I do have to cop and say that when it was over, I turned to the one wife and said, well I have had enough of being around the slut for one afternoon. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I know that was wrong, but I did it lovingly and jokingly.

Do you think this will matter to him at all? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Queenie!!!!!!

I just read your post to tst and he and I are cracking up about you getting in the ho's face tonight. WAY TO GO, GIRL!

Queenie,

Wow!!! I just don't know what else to say but WOW!!!

You are certainly going out with a bang.

Let's talk soon.....

Queenie, I was listening to this song while reading the above quote... maybe it will help.

History by [color:"purple"] [/color] Matthew West

Its been a bad day, you've been looking back
And all you can see is everything you wish you could take back
All your mistakes, a world of regrets
All of those moments you would rather forget
I know it's hard to believe
Let me refresh your memory

Chorus:
Yesterday is history
And history is miles away
So leave it all behind you
Let it always remind you of the day
The day that love made history

You know you can't stay right where you fell
The hardest part is forgiving yourself
But let's take a walk into today
And don't let your past get in the way

Repeat chorus

Yeah Yeah

Would you believe that you are history
In the making, in the making
Every choice that you are making
Every step that you are taking
Every chain that you are breaking
History is in the making
Every word that you are saying
Every prayer that you are praying
Every chain that you are breaking
History is in the making
History is in the making
History is in the making

Repeat chorus

Yeah yeah
Oh history is in the making

Every word that you are saying
Every prayer that you are praying
Every chain that you are breaking
History is in the making
History is in the making
History is in the making

Miss M, G-d is doing the same in me. I was sick and dying spiritually and G-d has used this time to begin the transformation into the woman he envisions. I like you am a work in progress. There is still so much to be done, but it has begun.

But for the grace of G-d so would I have drugged or used, just to take the pain away. I don't know why I didn't, I just kept going back to meeting and praying. I think deep down I knew that one hit or drink would be the end of my life. I couldn't do that to my kids.

I am truly humbled by this and your kindness to reach out to me. I understand your pain and path of addiction. It's a walk that I admire because I truly understand how you have to dig deep and just take it one moment at a time.

You are truly a blessing in my life, because you give me hope that maybe G-d thinks my M is worth saving. At least I can still hope. I just have to give it completely over to him. Thank you Miss M. You are truly one of G-d's greatest miracles.

I did ok then. It was the right thing to do? I just needed to go down swinging. I hope that OW understands this is a battle that I intend to win, no matter how long it takes. I just am going to do it by my rules and my way. Did tst think that it would make an impact or impression on my WH?

Chai I was going to call you when I got home from my meeting, but you posted on your thread you were going to sleep. Call me in the am girl so we can talk. I have the phone right next to my bed.

Thank you Exodus, I think I need to repeat this over and over again. I truly thought I had forgiven myself, but maybe not. I love him so much and as I watched at his game this afternoon I thought how sad that he is missing out on his children and his children are missing out on family time. It truly just hurts. I hope I get the chance to apologize to him one day for the hurts I caused him.

I shall remember this song.....

YES <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Thank you. I didn't sleep at all last night thinking this was the STUPIDEST THING I have ever done.

What did it really accomplish but make me feel good and feel that I am fighting for my M.

But do others look at me like I am the crazy one?

Would it have pi$$ed them off?