I just read this over on Despairs thread from MEDC.

It has me thinking. My WH cheated on me when I was pregnant with my first child. That's when things got out of control with his drugs. Then when I was pregnant with my 2nd, he went out and slipped us into financial insecurity. Then years later when we moved up here he was found out to have been calling phone sex lines.

The one thing I noticed this time was that he was unavailable most of the time.

Could it be that there have been others, and he just wasn't found out? Does it matter to know?

Queenie,

You are NOT the crazy one. I am happy to see that you are not going down without a fight.

I showed up at one of my FWS's gigs with the ow. I went in and sat in a corner behind a post. I was so skinny that no one could see me and I sat there and watched as my H and others saw my car and started freaking!! Pointing at my car and looking all around.lol

I waited until they got up to play and went out front. The ow said 'Do I have a song for you' and I said I don't THINK SO. I then went in front of my H, used a slashing motion across my throat, pointed at him and left. It felt good, and ow did a LOT of LBing that night. LOL. I also called her up at one point where my H had been hanging with me and avoiding her for a couple of weeks, but ended up taking her to see on of MY favorite singers, and let her know, nicely, or COURSE, that he had been intimate with me the whole time they were in their A. She called and left a message to my H ripping into him for being unfaithful to HER. LOL. Anyway, that did a lot to end the A. But that did not stop her from calling him and leaving a message about having SF ONE more time. yuckyuckyuck.

I stood up and fought for my M. So I say good for you. I probably wouldn't have told anyone she was a sl^t tho. You naughty girl! LOL.

Well, I guess everyone knows where you stand Queenie!!! I feel bad that you had to watch your WS show affection to the ow in front of you. But you still stood strong, and didn't react besides the above. I probably would have said the same had I witnessed something like that myself.

You did VERY well, and showed your strength. Keep up the good stuff Queenie, until you are ready for plan B.

Love in Christ,
Miss M

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

No, that wasn't a very G-d like thing to say about her.

I know she is G-ds child as well and he loves her just as much as he loves me. I don't want her to hurt, I just want her to let my H go. I pray for her to hoping that she will realize what is happening.

I feel for her. She has this selfish WH, not my H who is loving and giving and wouldn't have done this. At least I don't think so.

I don't know if I will have many more opportunities to Plan A. I don't know if I will go to his next game, but I know that she will be wondering where I could possible turn up next or what I might be doing. I am surely renting space in her head and I like that thought. I hope G-d isn't too mad at me.

Queenie,

G-d isn't mad at you. Why would He be mad at you for taking a STAND for your M?

Well, I did not know about your WS's past infidelities. My H also had many years of porn use and phone sex. He, at one time ran up a 1700.00 bill for that crap. Yes, I had some anger, insecurities and issues. I was not too nice, and it would take me months to get over it. Talk about not feeling good enough, how can you compete with that nastiness?

I am very blessed in that my H has given all of this up. I don't know if there was more than that before, but it is all moot now as my H is a very good boy now.

I am concerned that this is not the first time your H has been unfaithful.

You know, your WS's behavior over the years has done a lot to destroy your self worth.

Either G-d will restore your M or restore you. You deserve SO much better, and I believe G-d has a much better life in store for you, and your boys.

Are you getting closer to Plan B?

I will be off line, and check on you tomorrow.

Have a WONDERFUL day, Queenie!!!

You are WORTHY!!!

Love in Christ,
Miss M

Yes it has. But I have to take responsibility and know that I allowed it to happen. Or I could have handled it in healthier ways. Sometimes I think that once I stopped playing the games is when he went and found her b/c he can control her. She doesn't understand the abuse and games he plays. It's so under handed and manipulative you think you are crazy and questioning if it really is happening.

That's where I wish G-d would tell me that I was abused all these years and I want you away from that.


I wonder about that too. I wish I could ask him.

I truly hope so because this pain is just unbearable somedays and I just want it to be over.

Because I called her a slut and that wasn't very g-d like.

Have a great day yourself Miss M. I am trying to find the courage to take out my sewing machine and begin a block of my quilt. I am struggling terribly with this. Partly because I remember my H saying, you never make anything for me. When I did, we didn't have the money to finish it off and it just sat. The last thing I made was an applique picture for him of eagles. It was an anniversary gift and he really didn't care about it. That's because he was in the affair. I still have it, not done and don't know what to do with it.

Talk to you tomorrow,

Queenie,

Don't worry about what you said about ow.

I did this one time during the A. I told my H she was a b!tch. And she was. He knew that. Only the once tho. I did not return evil for evil.

ow, however, had a lot of nasty things to say about me. And she did not know me. It backfired on her, my H ended up defending me.

Okay, I'm off to get my tomato seeds planted and under the grow lights!!!!

Make the quilt and give it to one of your sons!

Love in Christ,
Miss M

You have a spectacular day and enjoy the planting of seeds.

Queenie,

I know you will understand this.

I lived in Seattle for 18 years. Just moved into the sunshine for the last 1 1/2 years.

Last year was the first time I had ripe tomatoes in a LOOOONG time.

My H and I are already drooling. I have 1/4 acre here in Eastern WA. I live in Walla Walla. The town so nice they named it twice!!!!

One year we had ONE tomato that was getting ripe in Seattle. We we out every day and drooled over it. Then one day we went out and it was gone!! DD had eaten it and said it was delicious!! LOL.

Love in Christ,
Miss M

I lived in Seattle for 21 years. It was beautiful, but so much rain. Now I live in San Diego county. I have ripe tomatoes now. Hard to believe - these were volunteers that just came up on their own.

LOL, your DD is lucky to be alive. LOL, I truly do understand.

There is NOTHING better than a garden tomato.

Hi Believer, how are you?

believer,

the only place I would live except here in Walla Walla is San Diego County.

Pomegranates!!! Volunteer tomatoes!! Bird of Paradise!! Bananas, oranges, lemons!!!

Oh, you lucky woman!!!

Love in Christ,
Miss M

You know Miss M, the one place on earth I would love to live is in Israel. I have such a calling to go live my life out there. I don't know why.

Besides Seattle and Walla Walla where have you been?

I am originally from Lake Tahoe, California.

I have lived in Portland, OR, went to college there, then lived in Eastern Oregon, 10 miles from Walla Walla, then back to Portland for 2 years then to Seattle. Now back in Walla Walla, my H was born and raised here.

Back here to help my inlaws, they are elderly, and my whole family has passed away, even my brother, so I am happy to be here to help them in their old age.

I was in Arkansas for 3 months when my father was dying of cancer, I took care of him, and it was an incredible experience.(My mother is from there, and they retired there) Never will I forget the weather, tornado watch is something else. I liked it there, but was glad to get home to the NW.

So, haven't been many places besides the NW. I love it here.

Okay, I AM going now. LOL.

Love in Christ,
Miss M <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

My mom died of lung cancer 9 years ago. I was her caregiver and she died in my house. I am glad that I was able to do that for her.

Have fun........ It's nice to love where you live.

Mimi, are you out of town? I am thinking about you and missing my 2 x 4's. Hanging around this apt is killing me today. I need to go tan and get some fresh air.

Queenie, is this information that you have shared previously on this thread, and I just missed it???

This is pretty relevant.

Yes, it COULD mean that there were others. Yes, it DOES matter to know. You need to know the truth about YOUR life and YOUR marriage, so that you can make a wise decision aobut YOUR future.

Queenie, I will send MEDC over here if I have to. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

You must seriously consider what you will tolerate and what your husband needs to do for an admission ticket back into your life. IMO, his REPEATED cheating means that the admission price needs to be raised. I would REQUIRE a polygraph before I would even crack the door open to him. I would REQUIRE some VERY SPECIFICA extraordinary precautions before I would even consider reconciliation.

If he ever does start talking reconciliation, please keep your emotions in control and put him off. Tell him you would require A LOT before you would consider it. Come here and post to get some clarity and direction.

You need to get your hiney in Plan B and start living like he does not exist.

Queenie, this revelation (to me) leaves me concerned.

I thought I have mentioned this before.

I know, and he is the only one who can give me the answers and all he has ever done is played games with me and lied to me.

He has such a destructive streak to him. From the drugs, to the cheating I think just that once, to the slipping, to the phone sex and now this. And yet, he just keeps going throught the world as if he is the victim and stupid me thinks I am the perpetrator.

Actually I wish he would come over and talk to me. I am still so caught up in not KNOWING that the TRUTH is of my life. And that's what is killing me inside, that's why I doubt myself. You know.

I'm trying my H is very dangerous right now and he could pull the plug on me financially and he knows it. He loves to play cat and mouse with me. He absolutely has no use for me and I can't ever imagine if he wants to come home he would ever consider apologizing. He is to self-righteous and thinks there is nothing wrong with what he did.

About what?

If I had realized that your husband had a history of infidelity/sexual sin, I would NOT have supported Plan A, let alone such a long one.

IMO, repeated infidelity/sexual sin is a lifestyle one chooses or is addicted to. It is NOT a matter of a spouse not having needs met and gradually moving a boundary further and further until they find themselves in an affair.

Queenie, my advice to you at this point is to protect yourself completely....financially (I know you are on this), physically (buy your OWN house with NO imput from him), emotionally (do NOT let him in anymore and do NOT enable his lifestyle of sexual sin), and spiritually (do NOT let him interfere with your relationship with God and your understanding of how precious you are in God's sight).

I would be sure that your Plan B letter makes it clear that just wanting to come home will NOT be enough. There are actions necessary before you will make yourself vulnerable to him again.

This is just my .02