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I just read your story about SATURDAY...
YOU ARE THE EPITOME OF MAINTAINING SELF-RESPECT and ANGER, HEALTHY ANGER was driving your actions on Saturday.
YOU ARE WONDERFUL..such a GODDESS!!
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Thank you. I have to be honest, I have waited all weekend for your opinion. I wasn't sure this was the right thing to do, but I felt empowered.
People in my real world think I am plain stupid and should never have done what I did.
I am fighting for my M and claiming my rightful place as his wife. If nothing else, I went down fighting with self-respect.
I do however wonder if showing up at his game this weekend wouldn't be as smart. What do you think?
I know I shouldn't care, but that's me, do you think it made a difference to him or her at all?
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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What do you think being REALLY ANGRY should be like..OUT OF CONTROL???? Yes, if I am really angry then in the past I screamed and yelled, not very g-dly like at all. I'm hurt and devastated, I'm frustrated that he won't come home and give me a chance, but I had a part in this and I can't be angry at him. What could would it do. When have I shown anger. Maybe I need to see an example to learn to build on what is ok and what isn't.
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 6,643
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Posts: 6,643 |
HEALTHY ANGER was driving your actions on Saturday. Not self-respect? See I don't think I understand the difference.
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310
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I am fighting for my M and claiming my rightful place as his wife. If nothing else, I went down fighting with self-respect. Isn't ANGER at the root of a FIGHT? I can't see how he cannot have the UTMOST RESPECT for you. It mattered to MY HUSBAND..I don't know if it's true for your husband. Even this weekend, I noticed that it was so important to him for me to gain my SELF-CONTROL...CONTROL of MY FEELINGS. Back in the day, I used to wilt and become a basket case about things. He must have found that to be unattractive.
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310
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You're talking about RAGE..that's ANGER out of control.
YOU ARE DEFINITELY ANGRY and have expressed YOUR ANGER and continue to EXPRESS YOUR ANGER. You have now learned to do it in a healthy fashion. It goes like this inside yur head: "I am angry about this so I am going to do such and such to not be DEMEANED by this affair and to MAINTAIN my SELF-RESPECT"..or something like that...
If you WERE NOT angry, I think you would let him TRAMPLE all over you like you did in the past...
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Isn't ANGER at the root of a FIGHT? No, not always. In Israel sometimes it's just standing up for yourself and what is right. That's what my motive was. I am standing up for myself and showing WH, OW and everyone else, I am his wife, I am proud to be his wife and I will stand for my M. If anything I am angry at myself for becoming this ugly person inside. And then confusion starts....
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 6,643
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If you WERE NOT angry, I think you would let him TRAMPLE all over you like you did in the past... Oh, I hadn't looked at it like this. I did let him trample me, but only since he left. I used to think I stood up for myself, but I am truly wondering if I did. I just don't know what the truth of our relationship is and that's frustrating to me because I can't change what i don't understand. I see the difference about rage and anger. I was in a rage all the time. I just don't have that kind of rage inside of me anymore.
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310
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In Israel sometimes it's just standing up for yourself and what is right. I don't see how you can stand up for yourself without being angry. So what makes you so sure that you are ANGRY at yourself and NOT HIM? Stinkin thinkin..Why are you saying you are an UGLY person inside? GOD didn't make anything UGLY. You are a CHILD OF GOD.
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310
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YOU ARE SO WONDERFUL!!
ERASE THOSE NEGATIVE TAPES!!
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Posts: 6,643
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Have you ever seen the movie Mommie Dearest. If so, do you remember the wire hanger scene? That was my mother EVERYDAY of my life. So what makes you so sure that you are ANGRY at yourself and NOT HIM? You are GOOD. I love you so much. Because if I stay angry with me then I can fool my mind into thinking that I had control over this and could have prevented what happened. But that's a LIE, I had not CONTROL over him EVER, and he chose to do this. So I can be angry at his choices, just not express it in rage. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Why are you saying you are an UGLY person inside? Because the rage lived inside and that was ugly. I made so many mistakes and that's painful to realize and accept. It would be so much easier to know that even if I hadn't made all those mistakes it wouldn't have stopped what is happening now.
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 6,643
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Posts: 6,643 |
YOU ARE SO WONDERFUL!!
ERASE THOSE NEGATIVE TAPES!! I'm working on it. My AA sponsor told me to go back to my 4th step and see what might be blocking me from believing. I am doing the actions, it's just I can't say it or believe it. I'm trying, but something is saying it's not ok to believe this.
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 6,643
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Posts: 6,643 |
I have to own up to the fact that I couldn't take my sewing machine out and quilt a block.
I am going to work on this very soon, as I think it would help me in my recovery.
How a stupid little block can carry so much significance. A block that I don't even know what it's too look like.
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Posts: 1,637
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Queenie,
I haven't done mine yet, either.
Aren't we great? I mean, how hard can it be to do a butterfly? I even have butterfly fabric.
But please stop beating yourself up. Would you LIKE to take out your sewing machine and quilt a block? Then find 15 minutes. But if it doesn't nourish your soul to do it, don't do it!
Chrysalis
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I used to LOVE quilting, but my H complained that it took time away from him. Everything I did took time away from him, and yet he was having an A and wasn't really with me even when I concentrated on him.
I'm more scared to do it, than a question of not wanting to.
Weird huh?
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310
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Posts: 15,310 |
You're SCARED of QUILTING but BRAVE enough to go to your WH's game with the OW there? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 6,643
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Posts: 6,643 |
Go Figure. Simply Amazing isn't it.
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310
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Posts: 15,310 |
So what are you AFRAID of?
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Posts: 6,643
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Posts: 6,643 |
I used to love to quilt. It brought me enjoyment because I was creating something beautiful and was made with love.
It's just stuff and the one thing I truly loved the most is gone and I am afraid I will get mad at my stupidity. Of taking classes when I should have been at home with my H.
I should never aloud myself outside interests.
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310
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Posts: 15,310 |
Focus on the PRESENT. Do what brings you JOY..NOW.
The PAST is GONE..FOREVER...
Focusing on the PAST is STINKIN THINKIN...
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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