I actually don't know if it would bring me joy or not anymore. I haven't given it a chance.

I have been trying NEW things, not anything of my old life.

I'll try...and give myself a break.

I understand. Trying something NEW mignt not be a bad idea..

How about a PHOTOGRAPHY CLASS?

Now that I have thought of. I signed up for classes when I got my new camera. I'll give them a call.

I still would like to study Hebrew, but that would keep me isolated at home.

Oh, you can bet if WH ever comes home. the camera is absolutely history. Her hands were all over it taking pictures. I so wanted to grab it out of her hands and smack her with it.

Oh Mimi,

I miss him so much. When will this deep pain stop inside of me.

WITHDRAWAL starts all over again each time you see him..so you got another 3 to 6 months to go..THE PAIN is GREATEST just after EACH CONTACT...

LUCKY ME....

How can G-d know I am strong enough to survive this.

Did you ever go through those days where you feel like it's not fair or right or whatever that you put your life on hold for something that may or may not change.

I have never really thought this, but would it be better if I just gave up, gave him his divorce and moved on? How do I know that I am not just wasting my life and missing out on all the good that G-d has to offer?

Did you ever feel this? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I'm going to come all the way to WA and SHAKE YOU!!

TRUST and FAITH in the LORD...LET HIM GO...Put him in God's hands...

Have FAITH that GOD will work this out for you...

Queenie, STOP IT!! You know better...

Yes, I certainly had my days..but you've got to get BACK UP ON THE HORSE..don't let doubt creep in...

I just called my H and said: "A DOG CAN'T HOLD BACK A GODDESS" ( I was soo anxious yesterday)...Join me in saying that..with the the affair/the OW being YOUR DOG...

LOL, I was just going to post I am done feeling sorry for myself.

You beat me to it.

HEAD UP, CHEST OUT, SMILE SHINING, LOVE IN MY HEART....

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> You are good babe... VERY GOOD....

I would LOVE to have you COME to WA and hit me. Then we could go visit the sites as GODDESSES....

I had a glorious day yesterday after I got out of feeling sorry for myself.

For the first time, I could imagine my life WITHOUT H and maybe in a new relationship.

He may have thrown me away like garbage, but I don't have to buy into it. He might think I am ugly and worthless, but I have G-d teaching me I am ok.

I am having another good day this morning so far.

I am very GRATEFUL to G-d for this.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

You just keep getting stronger, doncha?!

I think I have a CRUSH on Queenie!!

It's G-d SMB... Plain and simple. I love life SMB and I want to live life. I want to experience all that is good in life, I truly hope it's with my H.

But he has NO DESIRE for me and he has no trouble telling me that at all. It's like I am no longer a woman, just an object or trash. Anyways, his loss. As I lose weight and gain confidence, the world is opening up and I want that to include someone who WANTS me. Do you think that can happen?

Did you get my email?

FINALLY THE FEELING IS RECIPROCATED BY YOU. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Queenie, I am doing the happy dance for you. You have made my day, girl!

And YES! I certainly DO BELIEVE that one day you WILL find someone who appreciates, values, and loves you...who knows, maybe it'll even be WH. There are many right now who probably find your new strength quite attractive. You DO have A LOT to offer. Hold you head high, but keep your heart protected. (remember where I went right before the awesome miracle...we don't want you going THERE!)

I AM so proud of you!


I did get your email. But I have been totally lazy as I try to recover from this flu/strep or whatever! I get zoned out over here on MB sometimes and can't seem to leave.

No we don't want to go there, but I also do recognize I am extremely vulnerable and it DOES feel good to have men pay attention to me.

I just need to keep placing my life in G-d's hands everyday and let him reveal his plan to me as time goes on.

thank you, that means a lot. And it helps me to keep moving on.

Take care of yourself. We have kids dropping and throwing up like flies. UGH...

I'll say a misheberach prayer for you.

Well true to his selfless, giving nature, WH has emailed me for use of the fields for his lacrosse team to run scrimages. he can't even say ask me to do him a favor. Why didn't he just give the team leader my email and let him contact me, why did he need to do that?

He NEVER asks how the kids are? Is there anything I can do to help you with them, blah blah. Just about him. He doesn't even get mad at me for showing up at his game like I did. I wonder if it mattered at all.

How does someone just stop being a human being with a heart and involved family man. Is there any hope? I'm sorry, it's not that I am down, I'm sad for the loss. Why does he contact me at all? He has no use for me as a person or his wife? Oh wait a minute, maybe this will be helpful for me in Plan B, because it does seem that he will intiate contact with me when I don't. I just realized that. I remember in October when I thought I was doing a modified Plan B, wasn't talking to him he would look me up online to say hi. Or every so often I get an email telling me he wants something from me. Is that useful at all to think that he contacts me to stay connected or am I just being hopeful for nothing.

My boys lacrosse season just began and I have been at the fields Mon and Wed because I decided that's more important to me than sitting at home waiting for them to come home. I know I will look back on this and realize that I truly stepped up to be the EVERYTHING parent. That's been the hardest thing... My H and I shared child rearing in everyway. Now, NOTHING.

On the way home, my boys and I were talking about upcoming projects and I offered to help them. They took me up on it. I will have to admit, that's one of the things I most regret is not being more involved in their homework. I never understood it and so stayed away and just made sure they completed it. I can't make up for the past, but I certainly can create memories for them now and I plan on taking advantage of that.

Ok, I think I am done feeling sorry for myself, but I don't understand why he needs to contact me. May I ask you to help me work through how best to respond on this. Plan B is really just around the corner and I don't want to put myself in the position of getting the field and then canceling out, because I will need to be at the field while they are there.

(((((Queenie)))))

I haven't posted a lot lately but I have kept up with your sitch on and off the last few weeks. TBH things are so busy around here I really only have the odd moment at work to read and catch up with people, and haven't even been posting to my own thread much anymore.

What I see in this post today from you though is something I still struggle with.. and that is letting go. We've both been fighting with ourselves to let go, and I see you worrying yourself a lot with what he does. In the end, what he does isn't influenced anymore with what you want him to do.. that's something we both need to come to grips with. It's still holding expectations of him.. and we've got to let those go too.

I'm right there with you Queenie.. you've got my admiration, prayers, and support. I truly pray that Plan B will be a blessed respite for this drama for you.. and sometimes envy you for having it as an option.

Keep your head up, chest out.. and be the WARRIOR GODDESS we all know, love, and look up to.


"His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires." 2 Peter 1:3-4

I'm not sure I understand what you mean by this.

I really feel like I have let him go, I don't think about him NEARLY as much as I did and I don't have the need to talk to him or contact him.

It's when he contacts me in his selfish way that jerks me. If you can help me understand better then I would love to learn and let it go.

I think you need to be a bit more blunt. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

In my mind, he has no use for me or the kids. We aren't a part of his life now. He loves her, wants to be with her and we are just whatever. And yet, he still sends me an email when he wants something. Why doesn't he just leave me completely alone? Is he trying to control me?

Hi Queenie,

Oh your question is easy...

Deep down somewhere in the pit of his soul, he knows the following is true.