Hey Rin,

Did you see you have mail. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> We really need to talk. I have SO MANY questions.

You're growth is amazing and inspiring especially understanding the hurts and depths of games that were played with you.

[quote] I, too, had to be reminded that I was not alone and I was loved and cherished! {/quote] Yes, I could use the reminders. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I get lost in the stinkin thinkin and need a board to get me out of it.

LOL...yes, I saw it, I was giving you time to think...I am sometimes a slow processor...need to dwell on it to get it straight in my head sometimes...

I think that as Human Being, it is natural to focus on the negative and that it really is hard to focus on the positive until you get the hang of it...

Boards are good...SOMETIMES...LMAO <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

yep, that stinkin, thinkin will get you everytime!

Rin, you have mail. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Ok, I need to vent just a bit. I think the anger is kicking in a little.

I'm angry because this was WH's last day at work and I don't get to share this with him. I was there when he went to school, got this job and I am being cheated of sharing this time in his life.

I hope he had a good last day. It makes me so sad all the time that is going by and we aren't sharing our life anymore. I know he is in G-ds hands and there is NOTHING I can do for him.

But it hurts and I'm sad.

you have mail...I know that it's difficult but you have to focus on YOU, not him!!! it's sad that you are suffering the consequences of his actions too...but no dwelling, k?

Be MAD, write him a letter, cuss him out, then teat it up or burn it and let the feeling go with it...you can use this as many times as you need too in your journey!

Focus, list five great things about today!

((((((Queenie))))))

I know it hurts sweetie. This is something that will hurt for a long time. The range of emotions is what makes this such a rollercoaster ride, and it just plain sucks.

I just read the post on boundaries and it made so much sense. Sometimes you just have to remove yourself from the situation and it seems like time for you to do that. It will still hurt, but at least you can look at it as a start for your new life.

I love you Queenie, and so does everyone else here. We are here for you.....

1. My friendships with you and a few others have been deepening today.
2. I was pretty productive at work and that hasn't happened for awhile. And I LOVE MY JOB.
3. I faced my sons about something without getting mad and explained my feelings to them. I cried because it was scary to do, but I did it with respect in my heart.
4. I am getting to talk to G-d and know that he has plans for me.
5. I didnt beat myself up for gaining a few pounds.. I just know it part of the process. I can do the work, but G-d will supply the results.

How's that?

Hi Chai,

I miss you. Hopefully we connect over the weekedn on the phone. How are you? Is there anything I can do for you?

Hi Mark,

If you are peeking in....

Good Shabbas sir..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Give him the letter first, Queenie, the LSA will arrive soon after. Do not tell him about it.

I know this is hard, we can all see the love that you still have for your WS, but this is absolutely the healthiest thing you can do to preserve your love.

It will get better, I promise. We will be here for you.

YOU ARE WORTHY!!!!

Love in Christ,
Miss M

Shabbat Shalom, Queenie.

Why Miss M.

Well he left work and went to see DD to say goodbye. He acted like he never called her and called her a thief. How can he be like that. He said he would call with the new number, he was giving me back my cell phone and wanting me to get it transferred into my name.

I know it shouldn't surprise me, but it just HURTS. It's ripping me up inside, just ripping me up. I'm sorry, I am so trying to be brave and strong.

I need to go pray and be with G-d. I need some comfort, I can do this anymore. I can't wait to give him the letter and get him out of my life. How can he be so cruel. How can he so flippantly use me on the one hand and toss me away on the next.

I don't believe that the mistakes I made deserved this kind of punishment and so I am getting on my knees and praying like I have never before asking G-d to help me. Just help me live one more day.

I love you all so much and thank you so much for your help and support. I'm really doing the best I can.

Hi Queenie, kinda like days of old, just me and you while everybody else sleeps. at least for me now it's due to too much coffee.

What's this deal with WH calling DD a theif?

Hey, you are doing better than the best you can! You are the WARRIOR QUEEN!! and don't forget that.

YOu will never be alone as long as you check in with us. I know it's not the same but know how many people here truly love you for who you are... me included.

Hi TMTS,

Yeah kinda, except you are happy and recovering your M.

I actually took some sleeping pills to try and rest, but that wasn't my greatest idea. They make me dream and all i dreamed of was WH walking out on me and the drama of his new life and yet he won't come home.

Tuesday of last week my DD was very hurt that WH had not come and told her that he was quit his job. She was so hurt and angry she went into his office and took all the pictures of her as a little girl. WH called her up and screamed at her that she stole his pictures and something about some Home Depot pictures. I think those Home Depot pictures must have been pictures that OW bought him.

In any event, I guess he just went off on her and she just hung up on her. They hadn't spoken since that day and he just walked in the office and told her goodbye, pretty much like everyone else, hugged her and said he would call her with his new number. Then he told her that he was giving me back the cell phone and he wanted me to get it changed into my name. Just one more step of him breaking away and it hurts, I wasn't prepared for that.

No, I am not doing good. I am just surviving. I am praying to G-d and seeking the lessons that I need to learn and praying for the willingness to stop loving him and just get him out of my life. But he is a part of my heart and I love him so much.

I asked G-d to teach me how to love him above all others if I wasn't, because I didn't know what I was doing wrong. I don't want to idolize anyone, I just want to be at peace and serve G-d. But there is a missing link and I am praying for the clarity for G-d vision for me.

There are so many others on here who deserve that name. I just am one desparate woman trying to pick up her life after her WH threw her away.

I know G-d has plans for me. I know that he knows the beginning and the end. I know I get my feelings WAY too hurt and I forget this is just simply a monster who has realy no use for me or his children.

What I can't comprehend is how he just doesn't give a rip for the hurt and damage he is causing and the way he just expects me to do all the work to untangle this marriage while he lives in happyville.

In a weird way, it seems that as hard as I want my M, all my actions have been to get away from him. I found the deal for the house and we moved faster than i would have liked, I am the one who got the two lawsuits off our case by finding the money to pay for them. WH and never once thenked me for anything, just take and threw scraps at me.

As you can tell, it's early, I am still groggy and my stinkin thinkin is rearing it's horrid head. I think I will try and head back to bed and not have too many nightmares.

TMTS, get to sleep. Your lovely wife needs you next to her.

Queenie,

Stop the Stinkin Thinkin girl!

Look at the things you list above in terms of what you have ACCOMPLISED! You have to stop thinking of them in terms of WH.

He's WH. Not H. He's not going to thank you for anything,,,,,even if he "should". You and WH can be given a test to give the names of animals on a card. Let's say the card shows a red bird. You and the rest of the 'normal' word say "Red Bird". WH will say respond with anything but those words.

So, knowing that is going to be the kind of response you will hear from him what are your choices? You can keep asking yourself, "What is WRONG with him" You can keep trying to convince him that the RIGHT answer is Red Bird. Or you can accept that neither of those things is getting YOU anywhere good in life and let WH get the answer wrong and you let it go. The consequences of that 'wrong' answer WILL come upon him someday.

Let it happen in God's way in God's time. AND while that is unfolding, keep your eye on what He CAN and Will do in YOUR life. Allow yourself to have the peace that he wants to give you.

You are a WARRIOR GODDESS!

Thanks Bugs,

What you said really helps me to keep a visual so to speak. I guess I wanted him to validate that what he is doing is stupid and wrong, and that's not going to happen today. He thinks what he thinks, which doesn't make it right, it's just what he thinks.

I have allowed him to control and influence my thinking of situations that I am having a hard time believing that what I am thinking or saying is the truth. This is what I have drudged with my whole life and something that I need to work through because of it.

I have to learn to live without anyone validation but G-ds and mine. I've never had an internal boundary that has established that or allowed it to be a possibility.

So thank you. I hope that how you used the red bird will always be a reminder to me and help me to just let it go.

I am really praying for this to just be. Thankfully G-d is patient and knows I am working hard at just letting it go and gaining the peace and serenity that everyone is talking about.

I realized this morning during my mediation that I am trying to create the "best" situation to give the PBL. The one where he can't mess with me financially, and that's still controlling stuff. I'm stalling for sure. I now am praying for the courage to just suck it up and give it away. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Well, if you are afraid of him screwing you finanacially, maybe the LSA and Plan B letter should go together.

I am just afraid that if you warn him of the LSA he can get his ducks in a row and you will get a lot less.

You will probably get less anyway as his new job pays less, unless the bonuses kick in. IDK. Just speculating.

Don't mean to bring you down, I just want to see you protecting yourself Queenie.

I am sorry your WS is being so unthinking and cruel. I agree, you did not do anything in the past to deserve this treatment. YOU ARE WORTHY!!!

((((((HUGS))))))))

Love in Christ,
Miss M

Hello my friend-

I finally had two minutes to rub together and thought I'd check up on you. Believe it or not, you are doing great.
Things like this will blindside you-but just because you feel wounded doesn't mean you aren't standing strong.

And God understands. He is there to listen to whatever you need to unload on Him. He can handle it. That's why I think the Psalms are in the Bible. David was called "a man after God's own heart" and he had no trouble pouring out his complaints, his fears, his longings, and his praise.

Ps 142:1-3a
I cry aloud to the Lord,
I lift up my voice to the Lord for mercy.
I pour out my complaint before Him,
Before Him I tell my trouble.

When my spirit grows faint within me,
it is you who know my way.

Hang in there my dear. I hope we can get together again soon. But after I'm finished with my project for my class at Western. I can't believe how busy I have been with work, YS, and my classes. Don't worry though-even when I'm not posting, I try to read now and then, and you are definitely in my prayers!

Love ya <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Queenie, he's AN ADDICT! You know how it is as AN ADDICT! CLEAR THINKING does not occur. Why are you holding on to the notion of him being a NORMAL FUNCTIONING human being?



Basically, YOU CONTINUE to have a hard time letting go of HIM, I think. YOU WILL HAVE TO DEPEND TOTALLY ON YOURSELF. Is that what's SCARY? It doesn't matter AT ALL what he thinks, Queenie. What matters is what YOU THINK about ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. What matters is YOU.



But YOU have YOURSELF, NOW, Queenie!! Why do you begin to DOUBT yourself? Your PERSONAL POWER is AWESOME!! There is a GIANT that has been AWAKENED INSIDE OF YOU!!



JUST DO IT!! Is he on the fields TODAY? At the end of his games would be PERFECT..walk right up to him QUEENIE and put it in his HAND!!

You got me. I am still trying to make sense of my part in the marriage so that I will not make the same mistakesin my next relationship with whoever it is.

You are so RIGHT. But I had questions lingering in my head and I got them answered last night. I am at peace letting him go, knowing it could be for the rest of my life. I didn't think I could get to this point, but I am. Between what Bugsy said yesterday and my meeting last night with former MC's I have clarity about stuff that I wasn't seeing or wasn't ready to see.

You are so right. Do you know the book awakening the giant. Do you think it's worth reading for me?

I am going to just do it. I just haven't had the chance because honestly I have been out being mom, goddess and taking care of myself. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

I experience a true sense of happiness for most of the day yesterday. I got to play mommy goddess for the morning, went to my friends house and got pampered into a new hair style, and then went to a business meeting where I got to listen to my favorite couple and I realized that i have the ability to create money and not have to rely on the WH for anything. I just have to learn some stuff that i am afraid to do.

And then I went out to dinner with my MC and we had a FABULOUS talk on my M. Not because it will change or fix anything, but help me to understand what is going on in my head. The one thing I learned was that my boundary is almost on my person, and by the time my boundary was violated by H there was no safety net for me and I would explode.

So, it gives me a starting point for learning to set boundaries. Very useful information to me.

Mimi, I am letting him go more and more each day, but specifically today. I can see the difference of when i do and when I don't. It still makes me sad, and fearful, but I understand it's just the way it is. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I LOVED the book AWAKENING THE GIANT...

I'm now reading UNLIMITED POWER...