<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I had it at my old house, but I don't remember if I still do. I think I am going to look for it.

Goodness I have SO MANY books to read. That will certainly take up my time, not to mention building my business.

This morning I went to a success brunch of losing weight and had a really nice time. Now I am on a conference call for my business and then I am going to go shopping for my kids, grocery shopping, go to tanning place and then finish with AA.

I need to work on the domestic goddess person in me. That is seriously lacking. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Something weird is shifting in me. I'm not afraid, I'm just just. I feel like I need to give G-d the glory for this and thank him for his faith in me because he knew that one day I would be able to survive this.

And be a better person because of it. I'm not at the end, I just think I see the star of the light..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

That's your STRENGTH and FAITH in G-d rising up in you. I see it in your writing (especially to others). You WILL survive this. I have NO doubt.

Have you decided when to deliver Plan B letter?

Nor me. It might not be the plan I want, but I just have faith in G-d that it will be a plan that will bring me joy and happiness as long as I walk in his will.

Plan B letter delivered Wednesday or Friday. I'm thinking it's going to be a birthday present to myself. It will also protect me for one more week of his auto deposits.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Queenie whens your birthday?Are you also a Piscean?
I think once we get through this awful time in our lives we will be able to face ANYTHING cos we will be STRONG women!!

Do you think WW's are still in the fog and addicted this far down the road?
Queenie I'm thinking of you, don't give up.I watched a tv show about a stuntman and he had DON'T GIVE UP tattoed down one arm in big letters and DON'T GIVE IN on the other arm..

God bless going to bed know....

Hi Queenie! (JT waving from up north)

Slightly off topic but do you remember me mentioning my friend Tory? She was on the Today Show inducted into the Joy Fit Club. You can check it out here.


http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/23448244#23448244

Gotta run to get meds for my DD22 who has that bronchitis crud that's going around.

Love ya

Friday and yes I am. When is your birthday?

As Mimi reminds me, they are sick and ADDICTS and can't think or don't think. I have NO clue what goes on inside his head, I just know I don't want to be a part of the disease and insanity of him.

Oh Hope, I love my H with all my heart, I don't think I could ever give up. But I have to accept that G-d might have another plan that doesn't include my H anymore. I am learning to live my life for G-d only and let him define who I am to become.

I can only leave WH with G-d and get the heck out of dodge. I don't want to hurt anymore inside. I want to build back my life and honor G-d by serving him every way he has designed for me. Trust me, the hurt is still so there, but lessoning each day.

Hi JT,

I will check out the link from work tomorrow. I love you and can't wait to see you soon.

The only news I have to report is the server and I talked about getting her the address to serve the papers. I toyed with putting the PBL with it. What do you think?

WH emailed me telling me he really needs to know about the field so he can reschedule a scrimmage, oh and that he had a great first day. I'm ok. My space is good, I can see his email for sickness and leave it at that. It still hurts, I still cry inside to myself, but he is in the safest place possible with G-d. There is nothing more I can do for him, but move on with my own life and live it to the very best I can.

I have worked so hard to get to this place a peace and I don't for one second take it for granted or forget who it comes from. But you all helped me and were there when I didn't want to be.

It's so weird, I could really go to the place of questioning why he contacted me today... blah..blah.. It doesn't matter because he is an addicted, who is selfish, sick and extremely dangerous to my recovery.

I love you all very much,

Ok, I think I was lying to myself last night or it just hit me this morning.

Yes, I am looking forward to Plan B and not getting his emails anymore. They clearly cause me to doubt myself and then the stinkin thinkin creeps in. I am fighting it as hard as I can, shaking my head Mimi, but it's still there.

My head goes to, I know he was unhappy in his job for years. And we talked about him getting a new job a few times, but we were building a business back then and the answer we came to was that it would distract him. Plus financially I was scared it would hurt us. He had a safe job. This was a policy of joint agreement, maybe not something that was best for him, but as a family it seemed ok.

Then when I could tell things were changing in him, he was looking around for a job and I supported the decision because I knew how unhappy he was. He was having the A during this time.

I was always scared that I would lose my house, my big house and in the end I've lost my H, my M and my house. So who really is the big loser.

But in the end, I am a better person because of this and I have to give that glory to G-d. I was dying inside and now I just am sad and hurt, but so appreciative of my health, my spiritual walk and most important my relationship with G-d.

I just need to get the ickiness out and move on.

(((((Queenie))))))

I can't speak from experience, but just looking at some of the other plan B'ers around here, I think the anxiety of starting a Plan B is pretty normal.

Embrace it for what it is... KNOW that you are right with God, yourself, and your kids.. and then just think about the peace of not being embroiled in the daily garbage anymore.

Honestly.. I'm not in Plan B... but I'm not really Plan A'ing anymore either.. It's a modified Plan D I think (hehe.. most of you who know me will get that joke).. but I've been able to detach and extract myself from WW's madness.. it's hers to deal with, not mine.

I'm he11 bent and determined to be happy.. and dangit.. I deserve to be.

I'll just choose my happiness along the path of righteousness and staying right with God... rather than the fleeting moments the world will give me.


You'll get there.. promise.

You're always in my prayers.

Hi James,

Nice to hear from you. I am not anxious about going into to Plan B. I've lost him no matter if I am Plan Ain'g or Plan Bing. I finally understand that.

I think I am still doing that stinkin thinkin thing of questioning what happened. And the truth is, I SIMPLY DON'T KNOW. I don't know if anything I changed or did would have made a difference.

Because maybe this is what G-d had planned all along and there was NOTHING I could do to stop it. I just have to keep suiting up and showing up.

I find that sometimes when I take the crap out of my head and put it somewhere else it takes away the power.

I am truly looking forward to not having ANY communication with him. He is absolutely destructive and someone that has morals that I don't respect or want to be around. But I still love him and that's why it hurts.

I'm not afraid to be alone anymore, financially I could be ruined, but I am not afraid about it. I've got the ability to make money if I would just be more proactive and build my business. And honestly, my relationship with G-d wouldn't have happened if it hadn't been for this, so in most ways I have come out the winner.

I just need to walk in G-d's will, become who he wants and wait for him to reveal his blessings to me. Though he has already given me so much.

Our pastor spoke of this on Sunday and it's so true. He reminded us that G-d's timing is not always our timing. He said that those commericals that say, "It's my "fill-in-the-blank and I want it now!" are a disservice to most people and a reflection of the worldview today.

G-d makes promises to us but what He doesn't do is promise to do it NOW. Sometimes it may be years before we see or even understand His answer to our current dilemma. In the meantime, we have to maintain our faith that God CAN and God WILL, but in His time, not ours.

You won't be alone Queenie. He's right there, walking beside you and carrying you when necessary. I truly believe that you'll be amazed at what comes out of this for you. I sense in you a compassion that will enable you to comfort others in the future who are deeply in pain. You'll be a mother to the motherless, a friend to the friendless, and a salve to the hurting that cross your path. Just wait and see.

I think you are right. This has completely opened me up to people's pain and I want to be there for them.

You are also right with G-ds timing. I just have to walk in FAITH and pray for the ability to do that. I trust him, I can see the changes and strength developing in me.

I am recognizing the stinkin thinkin sooner and shaking my head faster.

Mornings seem to be the hardest time for me, any suggestions how to change that. I wake up at 6 and usually read my two Jewish meditation books and then pray and start talking to G-d.

Thanks PM.... How are you doing?

Hey Queenie!

Thanks so much for the positive feedback on my post! I really appreciate it!

And I am so proud of you with how far you've come and what you have accomplished! You are an inspiration to us ALL!!!!!

You are so welcome, as you are my hope. I really needed that thread. Even though I KNOW that he is this "LOST" person, you put it in black and white for me to print out and save.

I hope one day that my WH will be an inspiration to people on here as well. You are amazing and I have come to appreciate and really love it when you post to me. It helps me to not feel so crazy.

Your perception of stuff is really helpful, if you have time, please check out my thread and post when you sense I am trying to create sense out of craziness. LOL....

Ok, this is so weird. Yesterday, my MS came to school and was Cat in the Hat all day long. A teacher just came to me and was talking to me about my son. MS from the day he was born was such an angry person inside. He saw life as empty, not even half empty. Through the years his dad and I have worked very hard along with the school to help him learn coping skills.

He is the child who busted his dad, and since that day has transformed into the most amazing, happy person.

EVERYONE is noticing it and commenting about how he is so different. He walks with a smile on his face, he's happy go lucky, he is way more talkative than he used to be. They are blown away by the changes in him. And then they comment that it has been since WH left.

How interesting that MS and I are beaming in life and people notice the difference over and over constantly.

WOW! That is WONDERFUL news, Queenie! Isn't it amazing how resilient children are and how they know deep down inside just exactly what is happening all around them...even when we think they don't. Yay for Q's son!!!!!!!

You are not crazy, Queenie. You have taken one of the most horrible situations a person can go through and turned it into something positive for you and your children. That is a glorious accomplishment and you should wake up every day proud of yourself. THAT'S why people notice...it is an inner glow to go with your outer smile!

(((((Queenie)))))

You are a hero!

I am NO hero. Just doing what G-d is directing me to do in his will. Nothing special, just grateful that he is doing good. My YS is struggling way more. He is the angrier one, he is the one who misses his dad and won't talk about it. He failed 3 classes last semester and that hurts because he is a freshman.

Any suggestions?

((((QUEENIE))))

I so love this...


My stars, girl, I think you've got it!!!

I love you much. You are AMAZING! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Smartie

I love you too Smartie. Not amazing, just grateful to G-d and people on here.

How's your week going?

I sent you an email.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Queenie

I got it. Back at 'cha!

Smartie