I got home and saw that god [email]d@mned[/email] shirt (excuse me but I'm P'Od) and I cut it to pieces and then sent a scathing email. I won't post it here, because of some of the language.

I am soooo angry at him. I'm so disappointed in myself for allowing this behavior of disrespect to continue. I'm REALLY tired of his f'n silence on ALL matters. I just lost it. I'm at the point where I don't know if I can continue with recovery under such strained conditions.

I'm just so angry right now.

Mulan, I have NEVER felt (since childhood) that my pain was important, so I have NEVER complained or voiced it.

I've been struggling a great deal with this. My fear that he will leave overcame me. I'm getting to the point that I don't care. What do I do now?

Breathe!!!!!

DEEP!!!

Calm down...

That's what i see you needing to do right now!

breathe!!!

(((SL))))

It's going to be okay...

Oh, Rin, I don't know much, but I certainly know that I am going to be okay.

I'm just tired of this method of recovery, WAITING for him to come around to even respect the teensiest little thing, like not bringing OW's presents or crap of any kind into MY home. That's just ridiculous, and I can't believe that I have allowed it for this long.

SL, I did the very same thing to a shirt OW gave my FWH for Christmas. This was after he came home the 1st time and the same night I found the "love letters" he'd written to her and pictures of her hidden away SINCE he'd been home.

I totally understand. He was FURIOUS. But remember, I didn't do things the MB way.

Betcha got his attention now.

I know that YOU are going to be okay...but it's an AO, and that's going to hit his LB...of course you're has been taking a hit these days too!

JMHO, but to him he's probably thinking it's JUST a shirt...I know POWS didn't see things from my POV...so be prepared to hear that one...or it reminds me of my mistake...I heard that one too...

I just think that you need to calm down so you can think clearly...hence deep breaths!

Oh, I heard that one too when he first brought it home. But for me it represented oh so much more.

Oh, MEggy, thank God you guys are posting to me. I need the support; I will take 2x4s, whatever, I just can't go this route anymore. It's not working.

I still want to do things the MB way, but I have a resistant spouse. I can only do my part, not his, and he's NOT doing it, IMO.

I'm no longer afraid of losing him; I'm afraid of losing me. I want him in my life, in this marriage, but I can't make him do it. I can't make him find remorse; I can't make him contribute. It's up to him, and if I have been making it all too easy on him to skate by and have everything be the same, then I AM TO BLAME.

THat shirt represents how much more HE means to this marriage than WE mean. It's just not working.

I don't feel cared for, even if he does buy me cookies and put my clothes in the hamper. THat shirt negates it all. That shirt is a HUGE slap in the face.

I think I need to get out of here. I may just take my son to dinner, get out of this house.

You've got mail!

Okay Mimi, thank you for posting even when you are trying to make an exit.

Yeah, but now that shirt is cut up into little pieces, so it only WAS a huge slap in the face.

Why not take the little pieces and have a ceremonial burning in the back yard? Invest all the bad feelings about it into the pieces and let them drift away with the smoke. Then stand up, dust off your hands, and go about your life.

What did LA tell me adn probably all of us?

you say it once...he KNOWS...you mentioned it right? I remember her saying that if I mentioned it more than once than I was trying to control the sitch or was being disrespectful...

I don't know what to tell you...I was in the same sitch...told him and did it matter NO! he was stil inconsiderate and thoughtless of my feelings in my eyes!

it's hard when they are not stepping up to the plate...and you're thinking if I'm patience a little longer it will help...

It's okay SL. You should have done it a long time ago. I like Mulan's idea to scrub the toilets with it and send it back to her.

It was wrong on so many levels for him to keep the shirt let alone wear it.

PM is right, maybe you have his attention now.

I just had the thought of burning that shirt. It represents so many bad things to me.

Oh, thank you for all posting so quickly. I kirked out when I saw that shirt on the floor. I just KIRKED!

Where is that woodchipper when I need it?

Yep. Remember a while back when I told you that during our recovery there were times that I would just lose it and everything would bubble over? My DH was truly remorseful and repentant and would hold me and say, "I understand." He allowed me those moments to get it out. Then we'd be fine. Those times grew less and less and now what he did hardly ever comes up except when I tell him about what's going on with MB or he talks to someone to help them through their own stuff.

I've believed for a long time that you needed to confront your husband (because he's a lot like mine - conflict avoider to the max). I'll probably get shot down for saying that but you can't go on like this much longer. I know they say it takes a couple of years to get over an affair, but isn't that with both parties doing their part... at least a little bit?

(((SL))) You'll be okay. You're a strong woman. Your husband KNOWS this and I hope he'll realize how close he is to losing you.

Okay, so what's KIRKING? I'm in Texas remember? LOL

Meggy, my FWH has not once comforted me in my pain, even when it bubbles over and I show it to him. Not once, has he held me while I cried. HE just stares at me blankly, like a deer in the headlights, waiting for a honk to get him to move.

It's a slang term for going haywire, like you're not in control. Like you're CRAZED!!! It felt [email]d@mn[/email] good to cut that shirt up, though, even if it solves nothing.