Hey. I recently posted on here about a bad situation with my husband. About a day later he decided he wanted a divorce. It was [censored], he finally got a job and a house and then kicked me out so now I have no where to live. Well things were so bad I honestly started thinking about taking my own life, I mean I was (still am) living in my van, my school grades dropping dramatically, struggling to find somewhere to eat all while dealing with the loss of my husband. Then this really great guy came along and we have been dating ever since

It had been going great with him, we have so much in common and are so interested in each other. The only problem is that he is Indian and I am American and his parents want him to have an arranged marriage (but he doesnt want one) and there is this problem with his family. So yesterday out of the blue, he told me he wanted to break up and said it was because of his family situation. I told him I respected the Indian culture and his family and I understood perfectly and I wasn't mad at all. But then we talked awhile and the real truth came out

He told me that the night before when I had let him borrow my phone, he had looked through the pics and videos and had stumbled across this picture of my ex-husband naked. Of course, when my marriage ended I was thinking about exams and finding a place to live and hadnt taken the time to delete the pictures. On the second hand, I hadn't even taken the picture. My ex was an exhibitionist and liked to take pictures of himself and of course we shared the phone because we were married.

Anyway I tried to explain this to him but he said he was just so pissed over imaginging I had been with another man he couldn't stand it. He just on and on for hours upon hours about how this was so horrible for him and he didn't want to break up with me but he doesn't know if he can ever accept that I have been with someone else. He told me he thought I was really immoral that I would have this picture and he just couldn't get over it. I tried to explain over and over but he just didn't get it. I know him and I grew up in very different countries and we view some morals differently but he said he just can't get past this

But then he said he still wants to be together. So we decided not to break up but he just keeps bringing this up whenever I even mention my marriage he just gets pissed he says it makes him so mad he wants to drive the car off the road I mean what can I do to make him feel better? His friend that he lives with is keep telling him I'm a ****** I'm a ****** and my husband is the only man I have ever been with. In fact my husband is the only man I have ever dated aside from this man

I can't stand this because I feel like I am dealing with so many other issues right now. I feel like my husband completely ****** me over and apparently continues to ****** me over because of things like this. I don't know what to do. I really like this guy but do you think its irrational that he is acting like this? I mean what can I do to change my past? It's not like I slept around or had lots of relationships, like I said my husband is the only man I had even dated and he is the one that wanted the divorce not me, I never would have divorced probably just because I view that commitment so strongly. I feel its unfair for him to judge me for this when I feel like I am the one that got screwed in the situation. I never would have married my husband if I had thought he would want to divorce me so its not like I went out looking for guys, I had planned that he would be the only one my whole life

What should I do? To be honest I am crazy about my new boyfriend he is a dream to me but I just feel consistently insulted by him along these lines like he pictures I have done something so wrong and immoral and I Just don't know how to make him realize its not like that.

Are you for real? Here come the 2x4's:

35 DAYS ago you came here looking for advice on how to fix your marriage to the recovered-drug-using-hepC-infected-2baby-daddy-jobless-money-squandering-won't-do-anything-with-you-loser...and now you are already talking about marriage with another man...someone who is already throwing hissy fits because he doesn't want to "imagine" that you've ever been with another man? (somebody that you claim to have so much in common with, but he's from a completely different culture and his parents will not allow him to marry you -- gee, after less than a month I wouldn't either -- that gets insanely jealous...but "he's a dream" that constantly insults you?)

Seriously?

You need counselling, honey. Stop dating. You are not thinking clearly enough to have a mature adult relationship with any man right now (husband or otherwise).

Focus on school and on individual counseling for yourself.

Read what you wrote. You need to get your life in order (not to mention the details of getting divorced, healing, etc) before even thinking of dating someone else.

Your new "BF" sounds like a lost cause anyway.

AGG

go easy yall... it can't be easy living out of a van and this guy provided shelter

fleazo, your parents or other familiy members won't take you in?

i work for the salvation army. private message me if you have questions about life in one of our transitional housing programs

Charlie, the poster was here a month ago discussing her problems with her husband and how to make it work. Now, she is calling him the "ex" husband and talking about her new BF, the love of her life. I do not mean to hit someone when they're down, but she is not asking about how to get back on her feet, but how to make her BF be happy with her. That is the part I am responding to, becasue that is what she asked. And I guarantee you that she will not find happiness with another man while being in her current situation. Do you disagree?

AGG

certainly not AGG

i was trying to help her prioritize her needs

when this doesn't work out she is going to find herself on the street again and i wanted to know there were other options out there

FYI, this board has the private message feature disabled.

So was I <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />. She needs to get herself together before she can date, and yet she seems focused on her issues with her BF, forgetting that she is still married, lives in her van, etc - and that ain't gonna happen. Let's face it, there has to be something wrong with this man to be "dating" someone in fleazo's situation, and my worry is that he is taking advantage of her.

Your advice to her is also very good, and I hope she follows it.

AGG

fleazo, you sound like you have a codependency issue. I know, I know, you need money and a place to stay and he provided that. BUT. You seriously need to back away from this guy, get on with your college, start a career, learn how to take care of yourself and BE OK with yourself before you consider dating another guy. You need some counseling - I'm sure your college provides free counseling - to learn to be ok with yourself. Please do not go down the path of trying to fix or please men for your own worth. It doesn't work.

OK....uh...let's recap.

Your husband has HEP C and did drugs for years and wont work. You two are living cheap in public housing. You were raised in foster care. His penis is way too big for you and he is black, you are white. You are a nice virgin who is also a college student with a scholorship and he is a dirtbag with a bad attitude and bast---kids coming out of the woodwork. Girlfriends all over tarnation calling telling him he has several kids. One or two of the kids live with you but your husband wont get a job and broke your vehical. And wont pay for it and blows all your money.

Then you say sex hurts yet your husband wants more and more sex. You come here for advice.

Wow a lot has changed in 30 days, Your husband has a job, he got a house, wow. Now he kicks you out. who is caring for his kid?

And you got another boyfriend? Right away.

This is way way way too unbelievable to be real. Do you think we are all fools here? Did you have fun trying to play with our heads???? Get a life! Whoever you are.

look. I don't see why anyone should insult me. And I'm also sad to see that apparently just because a couple of you have never experienced a situation such as this, I must be making it up, because it is just impossible that a situation like this could happen.

I am coming on here for some serious advice and it is kind of harsh to just see go get counseling.

My husband did leave me ironically the weekend I posted the thread about him and yes everything about the situation was real. He left because things would never work between me and him because of his child, he wanted to prioritize and I think that's great I was happy to move on but it has been hard, because he happened to do this right as he got a job and a place to live. Unfortunately, my scholarship check doesn't come in until January so I am staying in my van and thank G-d I have that

Amal is my new boyfriend. I never said I was in love with him. I expected my marriage to be over, which you might have been able to tell from my last post here, and had attempted to start moving on before. He is a great guy but has led a very different life than me and some of his cultural issues have shocked me.

Sorry I came here for advice since apparently it is impossible to experience some hardships in life.

I am not going to lie, I am in serious need of some advice. I am trying to hold onto a scholarship that is my only option for the future and I am struggling to keep my head above water. But if you don't believe me here you go.

http://www.tulsaworld.com/community/article.aspx?articleID=070715_1_A22_hSurr66461
http://www.tulsaworld.com/TWPDFs/2007/Final/W_042907_A_1.pdf
http://newsok.com/article/3069194/?print=1

or just google my name if you want more proof that I'm not just "playing with your heads". Unfortunately, life isnt peaches and cream for everyone in this country. And my life isnt bad compared to most everyone else I grew up with, which is why it is hard for to figure out what is really good or not.

and yes I have tried the salvation army. I have tried to get bed there but I have to be in the shelter by I think 4:30 or 5:00 and I never get out of class before 8:00 so I'm not sure its an option

i would say prioritize.

what is most important here. that scholarship is! and congradulations on that!

an education is more important that anything.
work on finding a place live.
get that education and you will never be sorry.
lose the boyfriend and concentrate on getting your marriage ended.
get some counseling so you can get over the marriage ending and how he treated you and to take care of yourself so you don't continue in a pattern of choosing men who are NOT good for you.
men will always be around sweetie. they are not the be all and end all. get yourself together financially and with housing and with that education. THEN worry about having a man in your life. you will appreciate your life so much more when you know you can do it on your own and that you don't NEED a man to be in it.

mlhb

fleazo

most salvation army shelters have normal check in times but if you talk to the director he or she is capable of making exceptions... especially if you show the director you have a plan

for example, you go in and let the person verify your school class times with a schedule... show paperwork that your scholarship is starting soon and that you only need help for a month or so... alot of the directors are flexible

yea i think rebounding into another relationship is a bad idea but im not trying to insult you

Honestly, fleazo, I'm sure you have had it rough. I'm sorry for that. But you have made choices in your life that have obviously not been the best choices.

Now is the time to start making good choices. Your number one priority right now is school....certainly not another man!! Yes, I do believe you need to ditch the boyfriend, as you're already having problems with him and you've been dating less than a month.

Find a shelter for the next month. Move into a dorm when your scholarship funding comes through. (I read in your articles that the scholarship includes room and board -- so you should not have to worry about a place to live or food to eat after January, right?)

Go speak to a guidance counselor tomorrow at the school where you are currently attending. Explain your situation that you are now homeless and until you get moved to the new school and new dorm you need to find a place to live. The school counselor may be able to find you emergency housing to get you through until next semester.

But, above all...my original point still stands. You do NOT need another relationship right now. You have just come out of a bad marriage. You are already involved in a bad relationship. Get out of it, now...before you end up screwing up the best opportunity you've ever had to get yourself out of the life you've led and into a more promising one!

You are OBVIOUSLY a smart girl. Unfortunately, some of us are book smart, but not so much where love and relationships come in. Until you get your education finished, take a step back from relationships and just focus on the most important thing...SCHOOL!

The thing that jumps out at me is your BF (cough) has his thong in a wad because you've been with another man - ummm does he not know you are MARRIED? And you still ARE married until the divorce is final.

Even if the divorce was final - does he not equate having been married with having "been" with your husband?

That alone would send me running in the opposite direction.

And FYI - I have no problem with interracial or inter-cultural relationships or marriages, however if one or both families don't embrace it, they can wreak havoc all over the place. If his family is very traditional, it doesn't matter who you are, only that you aren't of the same ethnicity and possibly religion and some traditional types just never warm up to that sort of thing. Sorry - not politically correct, but that's a fact. And when you marry somebody, you do take on their family so if it's a stressful match from the start, it isn't going to get any easier.

I concur with others who are advising you to focus on getting your own stuff together - ALONE. Get housing, get your education, get a job - get YOUR life together - for YOU, so that you do have something to offer if and when you're ready to re-enter into a relationship. Oh and get that divorce too - if that's what's in the cards.

Once all those things are in order - *then* look at relationships, but not before.

JMHO

JinGA

if i read the articles correctly this scholarship leads you to medical school right? good lord woman do NOT let any man get in the way of that! what a fantastic goal, to be a dr. i'd forgo any relationships until you get that degree. you have a lot of work and studying ahead of you, i'd think you would not have much time for anything else...

mlhb

Go to school............forget ALL men at this time.

How many hours are you taking? If you're not taking 18 hours, you still have time to take a part-time job. Millions of people are doing just that, and paying their way through school, along with the scholarship or even without one. I know. I did it, my brother did it, everyone else does it.

I'm not trying to condemn you, just show you that you are expecting things...well, you can make it happen yourself, if you will just decide to make sacrifices. You can find a job working 4 hours a day and weekends, and still have time to attend class and study, and those 20-30 hours will surely pay for at least a room in a motel.

Please don't go through life thinking that you need a man to take care of you; you don't, and with that attitude you're likely to continue making a lot of mistakes.

See what you can do - for yourself. Worry about a man later.

Well, you have a full scholarship at a prestigious school, sounds like a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Why not focus on that opportunity, and not on dating? When would you be able to start there?

AGG