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#1977277 11/22/07 09:36 PM
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Well, I met this guy almost 3 months ago through a friend of mine and we've really hit it off. He's 38, was married for a few years but has been divorced for the last 10. He's a master electrician, owns his own house (where he lives with his 2 cats), is kind and generous and fun and not gay......

Maybe he should be running the other way, since I'm 45, 3 kids, 2 marriages and mostly broke all the time. But for some reason he really likes me and we've been having alot of fun going on dates and he's really helped me alot with fixing up my house, which I'm selling.

I know it's awful soon, but since it was Thanksgiving, I took my boys to his folks for dinner today. We had a great time, he has 5 brothers and their families were all there and we fit right in. Had dinner, played cards, watched the football game and left around 3:30. I think it really made his day that he had someone there too.......I think he's been rather lonely. He told me he hasn't ever invited other girlfriends to his folks, they just wouldn't fit in.

Guess I don't really have a question, I'm just pinching myself cuz my last two relationships turned out very badly and I don't want to rush anything.......but I don't want to lose out on a good one either.

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Quote:

Well, I met this guy almost 3 months ago through a friend of mine and we've really hit it off.

But for some reason he really likes me and we've been having alot of fun going on dates

I know it's awful soon,

my last two relationships turned out very badly and I don't want to rush anything.......but I don't want to lose out on a good one either.




That is the standard excuse for people that don't want to take the time to look in the mirror and work on themselves. You are just running from one relationship to another without having the assessment of self and others.

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Darn, just when you were starting to get your life together you start grabbing onto a man again.

We can't tell you it is a bad idea since you wont listen. I wish you could be alone for a while to get independent and happy on your own.

What you can do is INVESTIGATE and OBSERVE this man. Look at his friends, ask friends what he is like, find out what his history with money has been and if he has had relationships before. Try and talk to an old girlfriend and find out if he was ever a user or abusive.

Please do not start getting romantic with him until you know everything about him and his history.

Otherwise you could be accidently entering into a third bum marriage. Dont your kids deserve better?

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What is wrong with spending a bit of time with this man? It sounds like you have enough in common that you can spend quality time together. It doesn't have to get "romantic" right away. Take your time in that department. Meanwhile, you can still work on self-improvement.

I would limit the amount your children are exposed to him for a while.

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Why not communicate your fears to him? Let him know that you don't want to lose a good thing, but you don't want to jump in with both feet, either.....

If he knows your background, I think he'll understand.


Married 6 years on July 23, 2011--no issues and deeply in love--thanks, MB!

I'm convinced that I'm married to the most wonderful man alive....

I hear and I forget. I see and I believe. I do and I understand. Confucius (B.C. 551-479)

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Well........

Cinderella and Stella, that's exactly why I wrote, is because I am being carefull about not making the same mistakes. It's not like I HAVE to check in with you guys. Really, Stella, isn't that a DJ to say I won't listen? Altho I almost didn't bother to come back to the forum after you blasted me.

Tabby; I agree about not having him around the kids alot. My kids are all teens and often I spend Friday and Saturday nights alone; so that's a good date night for me.

Aeri, he's well aware of my history and I"ve been quite clear on NOT living with or getting married to anyone while my oldest son is still at home, as he just wouldn't deal with that well at all. And he's ok with that........he says he just wants to have fun and do things together and not have an exclusive relationship at all. Altho I don't see him spending time with any other girls.....

This past week was fantastic........we went to the Trans-Siberian Orchestra Concert in Des Moines and then to his brother's graduation from the law enforcement academy. We really had a good time........and it's so nice to spend time with someone who doesn't have an anger problem and also says "don't worry about money, I"ll take care of everything." He was also very understanding when I had to cancel on plans to attend a Christmas party because my son needed me to help him pick up a tux and get ready for Winter Formal......he said "no problem, your kids always come first", and then took me out for Chinese while the kids were gone!

Yeah, even the kids say he's cool.

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Anna, I am sorry! I am a hothead bigmouth! If you could see my face when I say these things it is out of caring. Just think of a passionate italian waving thier hands and being a mother to you.

The guy sounds nice!

Yes. I re-read my post and it really sounds mean and harsh. It is my fault and i am sorry and there is no excuse. It is too late to erace it. Anyhow you are right there are about 5 DJ's in there. I apologise to you.

I am glad you are having fun.

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Quote:

he says he just wants to have fun and do things together and not have an exclusive relationship at all.





If that's what you want, great. But, if you're looking for a relationship, you better be careful.

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THanks Stella! I know you meant the best, and you ARE right, I haven't made the best choices. I think I tend to go for "underdogs" (i.e. losers) and want to rescue them. But it doesn't play well in the long term. I don't want to do that again, altho this guy doesn't SEEM like a loser. yet.

Best: I didn't mean to imply he's a playboy. But honestly, he likes being single and having his own house and doing what he wants. And I am really not ready for any kind of serious relationship, it gives me chills to even think about getting married again. So, we're pretty comfortable with what's happening I think.


3rd marriage to an awesome wonderful man since 2008.

3 children from first marriage, ages 16, 18, 20
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Anna, I dated one loser man for over 14 years. Man what a drag. I stuck with his dysfunctional and selfish personality. He had a few good qualities.

It took me many more years than that to actually "hone my judgement up" and make better and "good" choices regarding men.

Looks like you turned the corner and are learning!


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