YOU ARE DIVORCED...

There is NO plan A

There is NO plan B

THERE IS NO PLAN

YOU ARE DIVORCED...

*sidenote* I posted in CAPS thinking that she might be able to read it more clearly...but I think I am deluding myself.

committed

Hi Jo,

From the point of view of someone who believes that marriage is not permanent, and the bonds of marriage are completely disintegrated by divorce (even spiritually in every case)... you would be correct.

That appears to be your understanding of the matter.

In my understanding, actually.... my XS is still my WS and the bonds of matrimony are not dissolved by God. That is my understanding of the matter.

To me, the terms are interchangeable in application to my situation.

The hostility being expressed is a matter of anger at a belief system.

It is my belief system. No amount of hostility is going to change it. It's my personal biblical faith and conviction... and I will remain faithful to it... because in so doing, the way I look at it, I'm being faithful to the Lord Jesus Christ in my biblical understanding.

Semper Fi

Even if it takes being crucified... I will be found faithful by God. That's my heart in the matter... my personal dedication to my faith.

Dr. Harley recommends continuing to Plan A/Plan B - as I recall - 2 years past divorce at least - perhaps beyond.

As for the "deluding yourself" open door... in grace, I'll not further comment on that.

Be blessed!

Ok. I could support PLAN B for TWO YEARS...but PLAN A needs to be short-term...my biggest mistake was in doing PLAN A for too long..which become ENABLEMENT of the AFFAIR...

Find me the reference for PLAN B and then PLAN A..that's nowhere in the Harley books...

As a Christian, these are the verses I am standing on. If people don't share my faith... that is their business.

Who are any of you to judge me? On the basis of beliefs I do not share?

I base my beliefs on these words:

Mark 10 (New International Version)

Mark 10
Divorce
1Jesus then left that place and went into the region of Judea and across the Jordan. Again crowds of people came to him, and as was his custom, he taught them.

2Some Pharisees came and tested him by asking, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?"

3"What did Moses command you?" he replied.

4They said, "Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away."

5"It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law," Jesus replied. 6"But at the beginning of creation God 'made them male and female.'[a] 7'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife,[b] 8and the two will become one flesh.'[c] So they are no longer two, but one. 9Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."

10When they were in the house again, the disciples asked Jesus about this. 11He answered, "Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. 12And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery."

What you don't get, BACK, is that I'm saying that IMO (if you choose to listen), your BEST CHANCE of marital reconciliation..is PLAN B...any "pseudo PLAN A" will only make you into the OW...and PROLONG his MARRIAGE..

Mimi..trying to step inside YOUR VIEWPOINT...

I understand, MM. I agree that a person can Plan A too long. I understand also that it can be a mistake that becomes enablement of an affair.

However, a permanent Plan B can also be a mistake.

"out of sight out of mind". I'll get a reference for you.

Sometimes a successful Plan B... is successful... by following up with a Plan A... I believe.

I'm willing to try. I will not enable an affair. I will see if the prodigal is ready to come home.

Without a Plan A... he may never be... left in a permanent Plan B.

It's how I'm personally feeling lead. There's no guarantee. But if I don't try when I am feeling lead... then one never knows what "would have happened".

It's not a big deal, imo... I can always go back to Plan B.

God bless,

that ignore button really is a beautiful thing. i think we all should be using it in this case. or maybe just plan B back? either way, the more you feed into her, the more she keeps going and going and going...

over on the divorced board she is talking about (well, before i hit ignore that is) how she has dated since her divorce and how men just drool and drop over the site of her <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> and how she has had many a good looking and wealthy man want to court her.. but alas she turns them all down because she is dedicated to winning her EXH back. she even said her therapist said she was all that! oh, and everyone tells her that she is the pinnacle of christianity as well, don't want to forget that. they way she talks she is practically anointed with a halo and dove flying above her head. we all should fall down in shame and shudder when she walks into the room.

ignore button people.. don't get all worked up over this person.

mlhb

back has been posting on numerous boards...and with the same message.... (before the majority were completely removed by her)...

She is determined to have sex with her remarried XH...and she is using Harley principles and the Bible as her grounds for it being "right" and not wrong.

She insisted that people not post to her unless they could support her in her Plan A attempt... too bad I didn't recognize that for what it was worth,

committed

Oh my goodness!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

I stand by my original assessment of Back...

and notice how she did not respond to the question about calling people "pricks."

Santa is in the house.

Please point out where I was hostile in my reponse to you. You won't be able to because I was not.

Back,

I think you feed on the attention you're getting here; negative, hostile or otherwise, for your very unconventional use of Harley's principles.

I wonder why you're here when you seem to already know everything there is to know to recover your former-marriage.

If you're so certain of your plan, then why do you post here for support.

My observation is the greater majority, if not all the MB member's responses to your threads have been negated and vehemently countered by you, with your consistent "heel's-dug-in" response that no one knows YOUR situation or special plan. And they all need to "BACK OFF".

Eventually you may get your wish and the MB Vets will, and you will no longer have the benefit of so many wise and experienced minds supporting you.

Something to think about.

God Bless,
Jo

Hi MM,

I think what you are stating is a legitimate risk.

I believe that there is an inherent risk in Plan A'ing. (I don't believe the OW analogy, myself...)

I personally will make no "initiated effort" at a Plan A.

I will only respond to any initiative on his part.

And, I agree, I will need wisdom in how to proceed... because I cannot enable the affair.

That, too, is a legitimate concern to monitor... depending on how things proceed.

Those variables are, at this time, unknown to me.

But are people's comments motivated by their own psychic pain... or are they really concerned for my situation.. and speaking out of care for me???

A number of people, mm, are not... (which is why the name issue is "off limits" to me... thanks)

There's too much projection onto my situation in many cases for other people's input to pertain. For example, im.. is basically just appearing angry to me that I hold a different value system... and she is focussed more on trying to change my beliefs or expressing hostility towards what my beliefs mean to her in her situation. To me, that's wasted energy. (Some people are more wanting to argue with me based on a set of values and beliefs to which I cannot personally relate in my own faith.)

God bless,

ahemmm...

she also talked about it being the fault of the "members" and I thought at first she was talking Elks club...or something like that, but when I asked if she like meant...the penis...she said yes. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

Shoulda been yet another clue for me... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

committed

lol.

Back,

Will you please answer Mr. W's questions to you (from the after divorce/dating board) regarding how your divorce came to pass? Who filed? Did you or your attorney sign the decree or did the judge order it?

And Back, I'm curious, why are you posting here if it isn't your intention to get feedback from others? You do understand I'm sure that God uses His foot soldiers to help in getting His work here done...I'd just say be careful that you don't miss something valuable due to your tunnel vision on this...

Mrs. W


P.S. I noticed you called my husband "Mr. Wonderful" in several of your posts...Now to ME, he is certainly "Mr. Wonderful", but around here he simply goes by "Mr. Wondering"...(I posted about this to you on the other board, so it may be redundant-just wanted to let ya know!)

Post deleted by mimi_here

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Yea, I agree with Mrs. W...stop worrying so much about OUR MOTIVES..and focus on what we can do to help you..if you don't want help..why are you here?

Hi Jo,

I certainly am not, imo, "feeding" on any negativity. I did not find your comment particularly hostile. I did think, however, it was an effort to "correct me". So I did make an effort to clarify the definitions and why I view them differently.

That people know concepts intellectually does not necessarily translate into emotional capacity to "walk them out" consistently.

I'm not claiming to know anything successfully. Knowledge has to become capacity and strength to do.

And I've not yet arrived. However, meditating on these things is an effort, on my part, to internalize them.

I am, perhaps, one of the "weakest"... imo... of those "able" to "walk out" what I know intellectually.

In "real life" situations... I experience paralyzing panic attacks in this situation. I am an extremely empathetic person.

The only way, imo, I will be able to walk out a Plan A is if the other party (I'll avoid acronyms)... has been sufficiently "broken" by a Plan B.

There are many on the site who have "walked out" a much better Plan A.

In fact, I have probably never Plan A'd... as I consider.

My "Plan B" was guaranteed, perhaps, without going back to "re-do a Plan A"... to result in divorce.

I'm not seeing a great deal of compassion for myself in my situation.

And I'm really not certain how much longer I will have capacity to bear up under the attacks. However, if people do see that I am standing on what I truly believe, support may result.

God bless