I found out a year ago that my husband had an affair 30 years ago with a coworker. I have gotten conflicting stories from him (seems the usual) and feel like I don't really know the truth. This was a six month emotional affair and he says a one night physical. I'm not believing this was only one night. He also has had incidents of "flirting" with other women, but he says no sex. We live in another state now, but I know the other womans email address (she still works at the same company). I still have triggers that send me into deep depression. Husband has been trying to be wonderful, but now won't talk about the past any more. I don't want to talk about it either, but feel I need more answers, or rather more truthful answers. We are in counseling and that is going well. Should I contact her after all these years? We knew each other, I helped her with her invalid mother, she gave my kids christmas gifts. She was single at the time, is married now. Not sure if she has kids. Maybe I just want her to know that I finally found out. maybe just revenge. The hurt is still rather bad, but getting better.Please give me an opinion. thanks

I've spoken to a few of my WH's OW - I wasn't 30 years later but to be honest the only thing it did was cause the end of the affair. But, with my WH he just went out and found another one. IMHO if it's 30 years later and you feel you have a strong M now - let it go..
And let's say she tells you it was an EA and only physical once and your husband was telling the truth, you still dont' know for sure because that may be "their story"...It's over let it die....get on with your life. Be thankful you still have a M....JMHO

faithful,

Does your H know how you feel about this? We BS who don't get complete information from our WS, often fill in the blanks with our own worst case senario.

I have to ask, what do you hope to accomplish by contacting the OW? It has been 30 years and she may not remember many details by now. Or she could tell you lies to hurt you. Mind you, I didn't wait 30 years to talk to the OW, but I still regret ever bothering to speak with her. She was hurt and mad because my FWH had ended the A prior to my finding out and she wanted to cause as much damage as possible.

IMHO, I think talking to the OP is a mine field after the A has ended.

Who

thanks, you two are probably right. I should just leave it alone. I've only known for a year, not 30, so this is still fairly fresh for me. She probably wouldn't tell me the truth. thanks again