Okay, well, please schedule it in somewhere after therapy and dress shopping. It is very important that you move HOME. If he has a fit and doesn't like it, then HE can move out.

You CAN work through the grief and work on your marriage too. Your grief is normal and expected. I'm glad you are in good hands as far as your specialist. It's the little (or should I say BIG?) things, like the what ifs, if onlys that drive a person crazy.

So start working on a plan to work on the marriage. Moving home will be step one. Then you will be working on Plan A, and making your home warm and welcoming. You will work on changing things you need to change, and being a mom who is there for her son. And fighting for your marriage is a good thing for your boy.

I am sorry I took awhile to respond. Like I said b4, busy day today. I think I am going to talk to WH before I move in. Simply out of respect. I talked to my therapist about it and he thought I should talk to my WH also.
So the plan is, talk to my WH tonite to set up a time that we can have an "adult" conversation in the very near future. No children and no inturruptions. If he says no then I will just tell him that I really think this is something he would like to hear because I don't want him to have any surprises.
As far as a "plan" for our marriage, I am not sure. I can't seem to come up with one cuz he does not want a marriage PERIOD!
I told a couple frenz today what my plans were and they think I am stupid for even thinking this could work out. Because my WH has not given any indication that he wants this. I started to second guess my plan. But I need to do this for ME not HIM! So...not much support. Which makes me even more scared! GREAT! like I need that right?

oh yeah, any suggestions on a "plan" for our marriage? I just dont know where to start I guess.

What if he says no? Then you are screwed. I don't see how forewarning him that you are coming to YOUR OWN HOME is an act of "respect," miss. It is not "disrespectful" to move back to your own home. I only see that you are going to sabatoge your move and give him an opportunity to stop you. [which he will] You have the element of surprise if you just go home, which will preclude him from pulling any stunts to stop you. You are forfeiting that advantage for nothing.

You can move home without warning and STILL show him respect. But it is not an "act of respect" to ASK if you can come home to your own house, it is an unneccesary step that is likely to blow up in your face and result in your having to get a COURT ORDER to enter your own home.

I don't know that you are going to get that far if you can't get back into your own home.

I was not planning on asking him. I was going to TELL him. How could I just MOVE in and show respect at the same time? I kinda feel like that would be deceiptful. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> OOOOHHHHH GOODNESS! I sure get myself worked up.

How is it "disrespectful" or "deceitful" to go to your OWN HOME? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> You aren't going to deceive him at all, when you get home you were planning on TELLING him, right?

When you move in, be as polite and respectful as possible. Its real easy. Say, "hello honey, I am home!" as respectfully as possible. That is how you show respect.

but I am not his "honey" anymore:(

I am going to smack you!!!

GO HOME!! you goofball! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

My goodness. Don't tell him. The guy is having an affair. Of course he won't want you and his son living at home. It is much more convenient for his family to be OUT.

Why would a wife need permission to live in the family home. My bet is he will keep you out.

My ex made the mistake of telling me he was moving back home (affair still going strong), and I kept him OUT.

Ya sick of me yet???HEHE! Obviously I am very very insecure about our situation.and of myself, that is SLOWLY changing. I will get a babysitter Wed. and move all my stuff back. Should I offer to him that I use the spare room?
oh yeah, and...any ideas on a plan for our marriage and where to start? Is it MY plan or OUR plan? like someting we discuss and agree on?

the reason you are INSECURE is because you are allowing your FEAR to control you. Put the fear aside, make a decision and MOVE FORWARD. Or I will smack ya! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />


No... HALE NO. Move right into your bed. Don't manufacture a NEW obstacle to overcome next month. If you are going to make him mad anyway, get your money's worth now!


If he wants to recover, then your plan can be found here: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5065_qa.html

Don't push any of that on him, though. Get Surviving an Affair and leave it laying around, though.

Yes, I really think the recovery plan has to be YOURS at first. He is still in contact with the OW, and I would assume the affair is continuing. So you will have to be the one with the plan. Plan A is the starting point.

Thank you all soooooooooo much! I will continue to read these last few posts over the next few days for encouragement! Gotta go for now and put my little man to bed. I will be back on later 2nite!
LUV you ALL!!!!!

nite, hunny! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

WOW! that was the QUICKEST my little man has EVER gone to bed! So I am back on and ready to talk.
Believer,
did you read my response to the finacial stuff?

Did you give that child some whiskey in his bottle, miss??

OMG! NO! You are so funny! and...I would hope he doesn't still want a bottle at 4!HE HE!!!
he wanted to watch a movie called "The Rescures". It is a cartoon type. I put the movie in,said our prayers,hug,kiss, 2 min. later he was OUT!!