Melody,I do respond much better to "gentle" slaps. As I said before, I am very sensitive right now. I am not asking for people to feel sorry for me...I do enough of that on my own. As far as the moving back home, the dates changed for very LEGIT reasons, doc. appts,my son having bible study,therapy,and my WH's work hours along with my schedule just were not allowing for it. I am sorry if you felt I was toying with you. That was not my intention at all! I dont play those games. My mind is not well enough to handle that right now.
To ALL, I know I have had alot of posts in such a short period of time.And I am greatful for that. Yesterday I was a mess and I was used to getting responses fairly promptly so I kinda PANICKED! Not to say that I am going to expect that all the time, but I just did not know what else to do. I am sorry if I offended anyone or seemed the least bit unapreciative. I do not want to make ANYONE feel that way.
SOOOO SORRY!
Cathys01,the reason I said that I felt like you were being incredibly rude is because I was surprised and taken off guard by your reaction. Put yourself in my EXACT situation and tell me you would not take things a bit more personal or be a bit more sensitive. I do appreciate all the advice I have received here and I am sorry I did not follow it to a T. But we all make mistakes and should be forgiven. I am sorry if my posts made you that upset but please next time could you go about telling me a little more softly?

Tyk-
thank you for standing up for me. I can take blows but they just need to be "soft" right now. Thanks again!

sexymamabear-
guess I did not know how many were vets. SORRY! This is the first "FORUM" I have ever been in so I do not know quite how they work yet. I am just now begining to figure out who has been here a while and who has not.(even tho I have read alot of their threads) DUH! Not the brightest bulb on the tree!
Anyway, thank you for bringing that to my attention! I really appreciate it. I do alot of reading on here and plan to do more.
I guess I am just really impatient and expect to have my WH fall back in love with me as quickly as he did the first time we met. Today was another bad day. WH called me while I was at a friends house and said he had locked his keys in the truck while it was running. i did not get the message right away so I called back. I asked what the plans were for the a.m. with our son(when should I pick him up or have him drop him off) and he said nevermind, I am bringing him to my parents house (1/2 hr. away) and that I could pick him up there instead. I am not comfortable going over there since they know now what my "plan" is. My WH said that is just the way it is going to be. PERIOD and hung up!

missalot - ?

You may not have had time to respond yet, but I also don't want you to forget the questions you were asked.

missalot - With respect to your moving back home.

JUST DO IT.

What I mean by that is simple.

Did he "inform" you that he was planning to commit adultery, or did he "just do it?"

Did he "inform" you that he was HAVING an affair, or did he "just do it?"

That is YOUR home as much as it is his.

So "just do it." Reclaim what is yours, and if he gets angry or upset....too bad. That IS how he views your feelings about the WRONG that he is going, right? So if he gets upset with you "doing the RIGHT thing," too bad. Let him rant all he wants. Let HIM move out if he wants to.

Do NOT let him continue to play "mind games" with you in order to enable him to keep on doing wrong.

God bless.

Well, I haven't seen any evidence of that yet, miss. I don't see anything happening here, so that tells me that gentle is NOT working. The train has stopped and when folks bring that up, you react badly.

Miss, you need to find time to move home and stop putting this off every week. Therapy can wait, you can get your toes done next week. All that stuff can WAIT. But your marriage CANNOT. The faster you get moved home, the faster you can repair your marriage. Two weeks in a row it has been "next week," Miss. That is foot dragging. And people are not going to waste their time posting to foot draggers.

Go home, Miss. Stop the foot dragging.

Melody-
I am sorry if you see things differently. I did not come here to argue or to be slapped! I HAVE implemented alot of the advice! Just because I do not tell YOU about it does not mean I am not doing those things.
You say you see "nothing happening here"? Well when I look back on my thread, I do see something happening here. I have implemented plan A. Now I am moving home.
I do not give a Sh#@ about my "toes" and I am not sure where you came up with that! Therapy IS important and it IS the "something" I do for myself once every 2 weeks. I was told to do something for myself by people posting on this thread so that is what I am doing(more evidence). I don't think that if you were in my situation you would think that "skipping" therapy would be such a good idea.
So tell me again nicely (if you would please) how I am not doing ANYTHING???? or taking ANY advice.
So I screwed up! BIG DEAL!! You do not have to deal with it, I DO! And I am!And I have apologized over and over agiain. Not much more I can do. What happened yesterday was yesterdays problems. Now we are in a new day and those problems that I created my still come up, but I have had the SLAP to take advice and implement it to a T!
God Bless
Always blessings, Never Losses

Mis,

If you were responding to gentle slaps, you would already be home. You have not responded to gentle slaps, hence, the harder ones are coming. They are coming because these people care about you and know that nothing else matters until you get your hiney home. One step at a time. You have to take this first step before any others.


Mis, these are NOT legit reasons to put off moving home, unless you don't consider saving your marriage and protecting your son from this affair as critically important to you.

Reschedule dr. appointments, skip one Bible study, etc. Stop all else and go home. What is in your schedule that is more important than this? What can you not miss for one day?

Your family is in a dire emergency. Would you not immeddiately rush to the hospital and seek the necessary treatment if your family had been physically attacked? Would you ignore the dr. if he said they needed to do emergency surgery?

Hon, your family has been emotionally and spiritually attacked and it is time to rise up and take the necessary immediate action to save your family. All else needs to take a back seat to your plan of action to save your marriage.

GO HOME...NOW.


Sweetie, you didn't hear the little more softly, so they shouted it to get your attention.

It is not going to happen overnight. Buckle up for the long ride. Sorry to tell you that, but you need to get yourself prepared for a long battle. But you can do it!



This is why you need to be at home where you belong. He is calling the shots right now and he is under the influence of an illicit drug...his affair.

Well gee, why don't you just throw a hissy fit and that will deflect some attention? How old are you now? Do you want nice words or do you want some HELP, Miss? Because I really thought you wanted HELP.

There is nothing happening here, Miss. Except foot dragging and conflict avoidance. Every week it is "next week" and there is some new conflict [appt at the doctor, have to go to beauty supply store, etc, etc, etc] Folks here aren't going to shut up and pretend like they don't see you foot dragging simply because you don't want to hear it! THATS NOT NICE!!

So, you can lash out all you want, doesn't phase me ONE bit. [I'm a Texan, after all! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />] And it won't get you nice words from me when the best thing for your marriage is to quit your foot dragging fanny and move home.

Ya ain't getting no nice words from me until stop sabatoging your recovery. Period.

ForeverHers-
You have not offended me in any way shape or form. My Christianity is something I take pride in now. I always have been but when my daughter passed I felt I need the Lord now more than ever. I felt like the Lord was calling out to me to follow His ways.
So I listened. I tried going to Church but it is just too hard for me now(last place I saw my little girl). So I have been in regular contact with my Pastors and one of them has become a really good friend of mine. She has helped guide me into the Lords direction and has been teaching me how to implement some of the values into my life and my Marriage. I have received 2 study Bibles and read regularily about adultry, being a wife, a husband, a mother etc... It has been pretty refreshing for me.
As far as my H goes, I am not so sure. He says that he has had a new found Faith since Natalie died too, but does not act as a Christian should. Not to say that I do all the time either(nobody is perfect) but I do try very hard. My H has not shown any true Faith to me. yes, he will go to church with his mother if she asks and if he has the day off but that does not make him a Christian. Right?
Thank you so much for your kind words. I do take comfort knowing that Nattie is with the Lord. She is in good hands and is surrounded by the best love ever.
God bless
Always blessings, Never losses

Miss - are you AFRAID of your husband? Has he ever threatened or hit you?

You said this yesterday Miss...So today's the day! How's that coming along?

Mrs. W

Mis, this may sound to you like I am slapping you around, but PLEASE hear this with the love that I write it with.




But you DID come here for help, and you are getting it. Do you realize the reason we all keep telling you over and over and over to go home is because it is THAT important. Everyone here sees that nothing else you do will matter if your not at home where you belong.

If going to therapy every two weeks is more important to you than saving your marriage, then by all means, don't miss it. But if you want to do what is necessary to save your marriage, then cancel these appointments ang GET HOME. You can reschedule! You can go to therapy or Bible study or anything else NEXT WEEK, but go home TODAY.


Whatever advice you have implemented has little to no affect if you are NOT home. You need to see this. If you are not willing to go home, then ask your therapist to start helping you prepare emotionally for divorce. That's what most therapists are good at anyway. But if you want to save your marriage....do MBer stuff and GO HOME. Dr. Harley says you need to be IN THE HOME.

If you want some nice words, then MOVE HOME!! MOVE HOME=NICE WORDS!!

Mel<----can be SO NICE!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I was thinking the same thing, wondering if she is afraid of him physically or of the verbal confrontation.

Melody-
Have I not asked you repeatedly to stop being that way with me right now? I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! I am not throwing hissy fits, I am lost,scared,and confused. Your bantering words are scary to me.
I believe that nice words and help can be done at the same time. \


"There is nothing happening here, Miss. Except foot dragging and conflict avoidance. Every week it is "next week" and there is some new conflict [appt at the doctor, have to go to beauty supply store, etc, etc, etc] Folks here aren't going to shut up and pretend like they don't see you foot dragging simply because you don't want to hear it! THATS NOT NICE!! "

If you must know, my doc. appt's could NOT be rescheduled. They were to check a tumor on my chest, check how the abnormal cells in my uterus are doing, and to get tested for several STD's( thanks to my WH not using protection with OW)! The beauty supply store thing is for MY JOB!!!!!I do not go there for FUN! I go there because I NEED supplys in order to work and that is where I have to go to get them and it is an hour away as well as the doctor.
I have not asked anyone to shut up. I have just asked them to be a bit softer. So far everyone I have asked to do that has been responsive except for you.

Like I said b4 I screwed up. I am dealing with it now. I do not need to have you continually reminding me of that. I have that reminder every minute when I look around and see that I am not at home yet. I was up till 1 am packing. Does that sound to you like I am not implementing?
How was I lashing out at you?? By standing up for myself and trying to get you to understand WHO I am? And how I react to things? And that I am sensitive? I don't feel like that is the kind of person I am.

What do you need from me to prove to YOU that I am NOT sabatoging my marriage? To move home? I AM! as I had said over and over and over again! TODAY! No if's and's or but's abut it!

"What do you need from me to prove to YOU that I am NOT sabatoging my marriage? To move home? I AM! as I had said over and over and over again! TODAY! No if's and's or but's abut it!"

Melody does not always sound "nice", but you will not get any better advice from anyone. She had a big influence in my life and how much better it got - and I was unable to save the marriage.

Hmmmmmmmm.

Talk is cheap, Miss. Two weeks in a row it is "next week." At this rate, "next week" will never come. Good folks are not going to support you in foot dragging and conflict avoidance. That is not support and most folks are not likely to give you THAT brand of support. [some will, but those that care will not]

If you want some nice words, call your mommy, if you want some help saving your marriage, listen to us and MOVE HOME. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />