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Quote:

12/18/07 Edited to add: THANKS to the MB Vets of yesteryear mentioned in the title who have posted threads recently. Please be a part of the solution to whatever you see may need fixing....yes, the MB forums may be in transition, but if you can help it continue (or return to) positive trackings, I and the many devastated newbies will be grateful forever. THANK YOU!





Hello,

I'm relatively new to MB, having registered just this year.

When I found Surviving An Affair last fall, I discovered that there might be hope for my crumbling marriage.....after 32 years of detachment I was actually relieved that I finally had a way out when my WH had an EA that was on the verge of PA when DS and DD (20 somethings) discovered it. DS begged us to fight for our M so I agreed to try, knowing I now had a Biblical reason to get out.

The long story is in my sig line. The short story is that around the holidays I discovered these forums....in fact one of the first posts I read was Chrisner congratulating himself for reaching 25 posts and no longer being a 'junior member'.

25 posts????? That seemed like so many. But after I registered and started seeking help (how to rebuild trust?), I was offered help by numerous posters, most of which, I discovered were from recovered marriages and were offering to help us devastated newbies and rookies as volunteers.

I got confused with the terms Pros and Vets, wondering if there were assigned professional counselors helping, and if some were actually military veterans assigned to help those serving overseas.

Speaking of veterans serving overseas, yesterday I received this reply from RIF (Rebuilding in Faith), an active duty soldier serving overseas who suffered through 9 affairs that his WW did not disclose for nearly 10 years. He has recovered their marriage thanks to hard work and help from MB principles. He also posts when he is deployed and his reply (and other events yesterday) inspired me to start this thread:

Quote:


RIF
Member


Reged: May 13 2002
Posts: 4413
Loc: Afghanistan (But TX is Home!) Re: Mr. romAnCE lied.....again <sigh>***SMILES & TRIALS 2*** [Re: Ace_in_bucket]
#3350256 - Thu Dec 06 2007 06:50 AM Edit Reply Quote Quick Reply



Hey Acey!


Quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Here is my question to you RIF. In your 5 years on and off the forums, what motivates you to keep helping and what (if anything) will convince you to stop?


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


My "motivation" is to pass on hope. I didn't have any hope when I first "found out". I didn't have anyone to talk with. I didn't have anyone to share my feelings with... so I just stuffed them and drove on (sorry, that's an Army term) like it never happened. I want to give newbies and those that are still struggling hope that they too, can rebuild their M.


Quote:
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I have an idea but wanted to ask a favor of you, RIF. In your opinion, what might be the best way to approach this? Or is it better to just let it resolve itself?


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


For me, I try to stay away from controversial threads. People will come and go as they please... I really DO hope that the veterans that have left the boards have left because they have healed and rebuilt their M. At some point, posting on MB becomes more of a 'drain' on your M, especially if you've rebuilt it... I think everyone that's rebuilt their M feels this, and at that time, it's probably best for them to take a break... For me, I only post when I'm deployed. I do enjoy talking with others and sharing a bit of hope with them. I don't post here to show people how "smart" I am, or what a "great" guy I am...




Everything I do here, I try to do it in love. If I can do that, and I can give a hurting couple some hope, then my "goals" for posting here are met.




NOW posted on Idiotville and her and RH are another success story from a couple of years ago... I'm sure there are others, but like I said earlier, I think that once the M is healed and rebuilt, that it's probably 'healthier' for them to move on... Some of the old-timers will pop into Idiotville and that's another reason that I try to keep it up... That "silly" thread may be the ONLY reason that an old-timer will visit MB... Your 20 to 90 Something Vacation thread is doing the same thing for the Recovery Thread, so thanks again for starting it...




Hope this answers your questions!

Semper Fi,

RIF

--------------------
Me, BS
Her, Forgiven
Married Dec 86
Multiple A's that ended '90


Rebuilding In Faith since then...





THANK YOU RIF....

......and THANKS TO ALL OUR MB VETERANS who give of themselves so unselfishly.
We may not always agree with what they have to say....well...THEY may not always agree what THEY have to say.. ...but I wanted to express MY appreciation for all the time and typing and tears they contribute for all of us.

MB BETERANS* (AND VETERANS)..... WE APPRECIATE YOU ALL.



Ace

P.S. *It was a typo, but I'm leaving it cuz it fits....you MB Veterans are helping us 'get BETTER'! Thanks again!

Edited to implore seasoned vets to return

Last edited by Ace_in_bucket; 12/18/07 10:28 AM.

FWH/BW (me)57+ M:36+ yr.
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Woo Hoo!!!

I got the first post... so what's my prize Acey???

Semper Fi,

RIF


Me, BS

Her, Forgiven

Married Dec 86

Multiple A's that ended '90

Rebuilding In Faith since then...

Currently deployed to Iraq, but TEXAS is Home!
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ooops...

sorry Acey... this is a serious thread...

Semper Fi,

RIF


Me, BS

Her, Forgiven

Married Dec 86

Multiple A's that ended '90

Rebuilding In Faith since then...

Currently deployed to Iraq, but TEXAS is Home!
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IT'S OK, RIF....

You can whooo hooooo all you want! YOUR PRIZE?

How 'bout 2 weeks R & R with your family in a little over a week!

....and a prize for all other Veteran Posters? Maybe other newbies and rookies (who registered within the last year) will share their appreciation, too.

Acey

Last edited by Ace_in_bucket; 12/07/07 10:55 AM.

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Rookie here. Thanks Acey for starting this thread. Lately I've been thinking about doing something like this too for our vets who continue to offer constructive help (whether it's a 2x4 or advice) day in and day out. Just wanted the vets to know that I personally appreciate them. I've learned so so much from a lot of them. Please keep on keeping on.


Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists. Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Quote:

Rookie here. Thanks Acey for starting this thread. Lately I've been thinking about doing something like this too for our vets who continue to offer constructive help (whether it's a 2x4 or advice) day in and day out.




PM....hey, I just saw your reg. date. I forget you consider yourself a rookie....well to MB maybe, but you are a Veteran of the "School of doing Recovery the Hardest Way" (pre-MB).

So we have much in common....rookieness, surviving multiple D-Days pre MB, being mistaken for possible trolls...uhhhh, what else?

Like you, I consider 2x4's to be "acts of caring enough to try to keep us from falling off the cliff without a parachute". Some of us still do in spite of the 2x4s....but it's nice to have MB to pick us up after we splatter!

Glad you posted, PM. This thread is for all posters, not just newbies and rookies. Our Veteran Posters deserve far more than this little thread, but it's a start. Especially since so many are expressing thanks to JL after he may not even be around to read it. Hope you're lurking and see this thread JL...if so, please confirm somehow. Know that you're missed.

Who else wants to share your gratitude?

Acey


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Wow... I can't tell you how much help I've received from the veterans on this board.

I may not have many as regular posters on my thread, and I can understand why.. I'm a handful and a pretty tough nut to crack but I'm trying..

I've come a long way thanks to just -reading- posts made by veterans and pros to other people, to me, or even their stories.. the inspiration provided can't be printed on a price tag.

I went from hopeless, to stubbornly fighting the MB way to save my M... I screwed up a lot of things.. I'm still screwing up from time to time.. but I'm learning. I'm living a little better every day, and I now know that one way or another I'm going to -make it-.. with or without my wife.

That alone.. is worth -so- much... to not have to doubt that anymore is -such- a relief.

I also know what to expect next from reading the wisdom of the oldtimers on this board.. I know I'm going to trigger, more frequently now.. less later.. and end up in the grief and coping stages again from time to time. I know to expect that, and just having that knowledge allows me not to be so suprised when it happens.. and move through it better, more confidently because I also know to expect that it will pass.

There is strength in knowledge.. at first I wanted to know all about what was going on in Affairsville... but that's knowledge in attempt to control the uncontrollable.. now, I'm learning more about me.. a situation I have -total- control over.. I'm learning to use what little I've learned to help others.. I'm learning to walk closer to God and help others find their way too.. and the comfort and peace that comes with that.

Thank God for MB.. these boards.. and the wisdom that can be found here.. if only you seek it.


By the way.. (and not to exclude the many others I've read) if you two ever see this MyWifeILove, Mortarman.. you've never posted on my thread.. but you give me so much hope and encouragement to keep going.


Me - 32
DS - 5
DD - 13
DSD - 9
D final 12-8-08
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Jamesus,

You said exactly what I wanted to say, only you probably said it better.

I too am grateful for all of the help. I read here frequently, but I don't post too much because I'm not qualified to help anyone. I believe that MB works, but I think that I found it too late for my M. MB has helped me recover me though, if that makes sense.


So thank you to all of the vets who give so much of their time to help those in need. Hopefully I can help someone else someday.


BS - me 56
XWH - 57

12/25/06 - Dday - WH promised NC. Plan A in effect. Thought we were in recovery.

6-3-07 - Dday#2 Found out NC never took place and A never ended. Found MB NC promised again, but WH would not write NC letter.

9/07 - Dday #3. Still lying and sneaking around. Plan B implemented
WH wants nothing to do with me

Divorced as of 12/09 after 36 years
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Hugs Ace (((((Ace_in_bucket)))))

I'd hardly call you a "newbie" now, though.

Very glad that things have been getting better in your marriage!

And, no, I haven't forgotten that post I've promised you for a long time. Just been too busy and have used that as an excuse to not sit down and take the time to finish that darn thing. Sorry. I WILL get to it. Thanks for your mountains of patience!

God bless.

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I am reluctant to name those who helped me when I arrived. Mainly I fear forgetting to mention someone and I sure don't want to leave anyone out.

My biggest help came from those who posted advice to others, since I was reading and since I had already discovered that all affairs are pretty much not unique but follow the same general patterns, these poster's advice to those they were trying to help resonated with me and I benefited without ever asking the question myself.


A group of things on JFO and GQII really helped a lot even though they had been there for a while. The standard greeting of "Welcome to Marriage Builders. Be sure to read the top four posts pinned to the top of this (JFO) forum" sent me on a search for answers that hasn't ended yet.

Those threads by Longhorn and WAT, the threads I encountered with BP and Larry giving advice to other newbies, the slaps up side the head from Pep, Swords, Weaver...(I know people change their screen names, but it's hard to get used to sometimes); Dorry's thread that I sent the link for in an email to my wife, Orchid's Reverse Babble, Hiker's take on romantic affairs, the posts by LA that I read 50 times and still didn't exhaust the insights,...I know there were many more, but I just can't list them all right now.

To each and every one of you, and to Dr and Mrs Harley, to Steve Harley and to Justuss and the rest of the mods...

Thanks!

That just doesn't seem like enough to me.

Mark

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Others have posted more eloquently (sp) than I can but express the thankfullness I feel for all the MBers who have helped me. Your time and advice is so welcomed when you don't where to turn.

Thank you all. And Mark is right, that just doesn't like seem like enough.


EA4-7/07,Dday7/29,NC 7/30/07
ME 47 WH 48
Married 30 yrs.
2 DD,4 GC
Found out
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The people who regularly blow me away most are the recent joiners who have JUST begun to "get" and apply MB in their own situations, yet DESPITE their own broken hearts and desperate circumstances spend many hours offering this advice and care to their brothers and sisters just a few steps of hope behind them.

I see hurt newbies holding the hands of hurt newbies into the small hours, and their insight in application of care and MB teach me something almost every time.

Such people are the hands and feet of Christ in this wilderness of broken hearts and I offer thanks to them and for them. They have surely helped save marriages, lives and souls in this place.

I salute you all.


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Amen to that, BobPure.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Mel, Bob, FH and RIF,

Thanks for making time to post on this thread. I hope all MB Veterans realize how much we newbies and rookies (and members-soon-to-be-MB Veterans) appreciate you.

It was so kind of you to voice your sentiments towards us, Bob and Mel. We may reach out to help each other, but we are sooooo thankful that you are willing to help guide us when we need it. (That's why I am honored by 2x4s!)

I'm confident that others will join Princessmeggy, James, Chai, mvg, Mark and me in sharing gratitude to our MB Vets here.

Again, thanks,
Ace

HEY!!! I just noticed that this thread was rated with 5 Stars!!! ***** Who did dat?


FWH/BW (me)57+ M:36+ yr.
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It is my HUMBLEST hope that all the VETERANS, truly understand that what you are doing for us is G-d given gifts and I SO appreciate each one of you who have taken the time to walk me through this pain.

Mimi - you are amazing and I PROMISE you, that when you tell me, I will carry on your tradition of the hope you inspire and the help you offer unconditionally. I look forward to seeing answer my posts and read them with vigor.

Each one of you have grown in my heart and I thank G-D for you in my life. You don't know how you have save MY LIFE. I am not kidding when I say there were days when I DIDN'T want to live this pain anymore, and it was YOUR stories and your posts that kept me going.

With love,
Barbara


BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Thanks for posting Barbara/Skinsgal.

I saw your post on JL's farewell thead and I, too and sorry I did not get to know him very well. But his 12K plus posts still remain for us to glean wisdom from as we learn to deal with our devastating situations.

I hope you see this thread before you leave, JL....and know that you are one of the Veterans who most inspired its existence.
Thank you for adding such a classy touch to our challenges. Your wisdom and kindness will be missed.



May God Bless you.....and may God bless all the MB Veterans who move on for one reason or another....or, hopefully, who stay around to help those of us needing them get back on our feet.

Sincerely,
Ace


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Ace, some have ocd others may have star addiction! LOL


EA4-7/07,Dday7/29,NC 7/30/07
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2 DD,4 GC
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Quote:

HEY!!! I just noticed that this thread was rated with 5 Stars!!! ***** Who did dat?





Interesting .....never seen stars disappear like that. When I noted the 5 stars Saturday night, they then went back to 2. Now I notice it's 1. And it wasn't you, mvg?

Hmmmmmmm.......

Gonna hafta check with Justuss on that.

So who else wants to thank our MB Veterans before any more of them 'retire'?

Ace

P.S. Just to clarify, I consider an "MB Veteran" to be any poster who has what THEY consider to be a recovered marriage and are now posting advice just to help out others..... (and seldom, if ever, seek help for themselves). When/if my DH and I get there, I want to think I'll do the same, but time will tell.


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Ace it was me on the 5 Because I think saying THANK YOU is important. I don't know how or why the star rating would go down.

Who's messin' with my stars?


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Don't worry about it, mvg. The message is more important than the stars....and I'm not gonna burden Justuss about how stars disappear in the midst of all the important stuff she has to monitor.

Ace


FWH/BW (me)57+ M:36+ yr.
4 D-Days: Jun-Nov 06 E/PA~OW#2 (OW#1 2000)
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