I love log houses (because of some of the ones I have seen, I can't call them cabins any more) My dream house would have stacked-log walls, state of the art heating and cooling systems and be wired for every electronic or communications device and service available now and in the future.

I gotta go to bed.

You kids have fun and try to stay out of trouble...

Mark

Good night Mark,

Thanks for being there!!

How are you doing?

Hi Queenie,

Alright I guess. It was a tough night. I guess the last couple of days have been building up and it was time to release. Would you believe that even 6 months ago I would not have allowed myself to get to this point? I was never a crier, and that may have been part of the problem. I just feel sometimes that this is futile and that I don't even deserve her. I feel weak at times.

She plugs along like we were just two buddies sharing a house. Different rooms some interaction but no intimacy. This is where it all started... where she is in all this. I would like to think that Lala is right about her not going anywhere, but I think the only reason she hasn't is because she has no money that she can tap into for a move. This is why I need to delay the mediation as long as I can.

I do not feel as confident as Lala is. She seems very determined to do this, she just doesn't talk about it.
I know that she is waiting for a settlement from the LSA to allow her to move. Because then she'll have some money.

I feel allot better but have lost much faith. I will never show this to her... as far as she's concerned it's Plan A 100%, but in my heart I feel her slipping further and further away. I see what might be interpreted as glimpses of my W, but I don't trust them. I think its WW just playing her 'I don't want to give you any false hope' game.

But all of that is irrelevant. I work on improving myself and show her the changes. Hopefully she will she me in a positive light one day.

Thanks for checking up on me. I'm going to your thread now.

I will be back to post. I am running late and need to get my fancy Redskins outfit on for work.

I have to do the professional deal today. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Has anyone ever experienced dream fog babble? I had a dream where my WW that the reason for her leaving (On top of the real babble) is that she felt like our family was emotionally raped and that we never had a chance. I'm not sure how to interpret what my subconscious is trying to process with that. Anyhow it caused me to wake up in a pretty down mood. I'm not anywhere near where I was last night, just a general blah feeling.

TMTS,

In the book of Joshua, God tells Joshua 5 times in the first chapter to not be afraid, to be strong and to be courageous. When God says something that many times it might be important.

Worry is the interest you pay on your fear of tomorrow. Fear comes from uncertainty and uncertainty comes from lack of hope and lack of hope comes from forgetting that God is in control and He wants only what is BEST, regardless of what we want.

That does not mean that God will give us what we ask for, it means that He will give us what we need. When we pray, we have specific requests we make of God and we ask Him for what we want. But as we continue to pray, He begins to change our focus from us to Him and from what we want to what He wants for us, which is always ultimately and finally better than what we are asking for.

Jesus tells a crowd that they should not worry about what they will eat or what they will wear. He basically tells them to look to God to supply daily needs and stop worrying about tomorrow. And at the end of His speech He adds that He has measured what we have to worry about today and it is enough to worry about because we can't carry what will happen tomorrow as well; it is simply too much.

Psalm 102 begins by describing where a BS finds themselves after D-day...We don't eat, we don't sleep, we cry alone and afraid, we don't even know how or what to cry out to God for. In the first 11 verses it describes perfectly where I was in the first days after D-day. "I forget to eat my food" and "I mingle my tears with my drink."

But verse 12 is what gave ME hope, not that I would save my marriage, but that I would be OK and even better than OK, because while I had no idea what would come to pass, as it says in verse 12, "But You, O Lord, sit enthroned forever..."

Colossians chapter 1 it says that He is before all things, above all things and by Him all things are held together. This holding together is not a passive thing, like applying glue and letting it work. It implies an active holding together as if He is using both hands to keep things in position.

Does this have anything to do with your dream? I have no idea. It does apply to your situation though in that you can try to remember that He is in charge of all of this, no matter the outcome, and has a specific plan for your life that does not entail being fearful or living with uncertainty forever.

No matter what she does, you will be OK, and will even be happy once more...

That is what faith is all about; knowing that God is in control and He will not let harm come to us.

Email me when you get time...

Mark

mark,

check you e-mail

I had a dream that I left my boys in the house alone while I went to the doctor or something. When I came home, my parents and neighbors were all standing outside my house. They had just found my 3-yr-old who had been wandering around outside by himself. They all just looked at me like I was a leapor or something.

Gee...I wonder what that one meant <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Okay, here's the thing about dreams...In the future if y'all are going to tell us about your dreams, tell them as though they actually happened so that the rest of us are genuinely captivated! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Totally just kidding...I heard a comedian say something like that once...been dyin' to use it ever since! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Mrs. W

Or just preface the dream telling this way..."Okay, listen up guys, I'm about to tell you all something that NEVER actually happened to me!" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Mrs. W

LOL, you're too much Mrs W.

Thanks for last night, you really snapped me out of that pity party for one.

Anytime TMTS...This is a tough journey, but look around, YOU are still here and you ARE making it...I have confidence in you...Life's hard, get a helmet! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> You're gonna be better than fine! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Mrs. W

LOL

You know it's hard to keep up any kind of pity party going when you get lines like this. Thanks

LOL! That's Denis Leary, I can't take credit for it! I LOVE comedians! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Mrs. W

LOL!!!

I can picture him saying it too. Remember [censored], that just floors me every time. What the name of that movie he was in that he broke into a house at Christmas time. (I think) Too funny.

Hmmm...Don't remember the movie...LOVE the song...Mr. W and I are totally into the show Rescue Me starring Denis Leary...We watched the whole series on DVD this summer-cept for season 4-dyin' for that one to come out!

Mrs. W

WW is back home from work and all happy and pleasant. No R talk just how's your day, complemented on her hair, told her how it brings out her eye, and reminded her how much I love her eyes. I have to believe that somewhere deep inside this is making a difference.

Rocks in the river...

Mark

Little victories... no expectations. Got to play all 60 mins.