I wish GF could show up at the move out party tomorrow, or maybe just keep POSOM home. Maybe if she thought your WW was the one trying to keep the affair going, GF might have some sharp words for your WW. Let GF scare her off so you don't have to be the bad guy. (in WW eyes)

I haven't hit the button yet. I've fixed the grammar a little. And I tok out my home number in case she there.

Dear Miss XXXXXX
My name is XXXXX and I live in XXXXXXX. I had seen last week that you were in a relationship with POSOM. If this relationship is serious, please call me as he is lying to you because he is involved with my wife. I can prove it to you, he is planning to help her move tomorrow. If you are not involved with POSOM, then please disregard this message and sorry for taking your time.

Please call me at XXXXXXXXXX (cell)

Sorry one last draft... i think.

My name is XXXXXX and I live in XXXXXXX. I had seen last week that you were in a relationship with POSOM. If this relationship is serious, please call me as he is lying to you because he is involved with my wife, and telling her that he is not invovled with you. I can prove it to you, he is planning to help her move tomorrow. If you are not involved with POSOM, then please disregard this message and sorry for taking your time.

Please call me at XXXXXXXXXXX (cell), or XXXXXXXXX (home) If at home you could talk to my wife for confirmation.

Hey TMTS,

How are you doing? I can't comment on the letter, but I imagine there are many butterflies going on inside of you.

Please don't send. Save it, there may be a time to send this later. Wait until Monday at least, see how things are going to pan out. Exposure can be tough on a Plan A, can set it back a notch or two. Wait to see if you have to... You have intel that says this may be over...

Please don't go Saturday unless she invites you. It would be a withdrawal of her LB if you show up unannounced, like you are checking up on her... You can ask if she needs help if you want...but if she doesn't, don't go snooping around.

Please be still, settled, and calm. Let HER be in the whirlwind right now, not take you with her...

Save your strength for the hard stuff that will happen when she moves back home...recovery!

Yes I can't believe we were able to find this. I'm thinking that I need to send it ASAP. Try to get her to meet up at the move. If he doesn't show great, if he does she's there waiting...If she responds.

Hey TMTS--

I don't want to burst your bubble... but I think maybe I would sit down and think about this (and all the possible outcomes) with a clear head before you push "send".

I know you think you've got a golden ticket here... but really, will the situation be ANY different if you tell the GF next week as opposed to RIGHT NOW?

I think that a lot of good could come out of this... but I could see it going sour and backfiring too. And you've done SO much hard work, I'd really really hate to see it backfire.

I think StillHere is onto something... maybe just be still for a bit...

Gather some intel. See what you can find out about this GF first. Wait a few days, consider ALL of the possibilities. Plus, consider that this may look like "punishment" in her eyes... you exposing NOW on the day she decides to move out. (that's why we aren't doing plan B right now, so don't punish her another way!)

I know you really don't want her to leave, and I know you want this to be a huge smack in her face. But from my experience, those smacks have to come from HER wrong choices and HER realization of them. As much as you want, you can't force that on her. And the more you try... the more you are going to defeat your own plan A.

So hold that send button! Think think think. Sending on Monday isn't really going to change much as opposed to RIGHT NOW. Don't act based on high running emotions. Give yourself sometime to process and think of all the possibilities. My main concern is that OM is gonna go running into the arms of WW if GF takes off. And I think that is a A BIG concern.

I just think you might be a little TOO excited about this, and might have some skewed expectations. This guy sounds like a smooth talker, so he may be able to talk his way right back into WW's life if GF ditches him. He might just say, well I didn't believe you were going to move and now that you did, well I am all in. Then you've sort of inadvertently created that perfect excuse for him. And WW is in a fog, so she'll buy it. She's not going to listen to you. Sorry, I know that's hard to hear, but its probably true.

And I'm also concerned about the timing of this looking like "punishment" and setting you back there too. I say wait... until at least Monday. Gather some more intel on this GF.

Good luck, and let us know what you decide. I'll be rooting for you either way, you know that!

RIM

Read JL's post again.

And I hate to do this, because this is not always the case, but time in experience, those who have made it 2 years past recovery, are able to look at things a little clearer, not in the chaos so much. Not 100%, but if I were a betting person...

going to repeat - timing might not be good

Don't send! You are lacking too much information. It's kinda like the old rule for lawyers at trial... never ask a question if you don't know the answer. I can see this backfiring on you big time.

TMTS - I've been following this story like a great suspense movie...
I implore you, please please please do not send that email. You have far too much to lose and far too little to gain by doing so.
POSOM is a lying b*stard. You would be foolish to assume anything other than him lying to EVERYONE in his life including GF. Considering WW's state of mind right now, she is likely to fully believe any far fetched story he comes up with to weasel his way out of this. You stand to lose all of your secret intel. Don't you think paranoid WW might just wonder how the ****** you came to this knowledge?
You could lose N as an ally, you will appear, as others have suggested, as spiteful and mean. You will justify foggzilla's warped perception of you AND possibly clear the way for POSOM's re-entry (literally and figuratively) into your wife's life, maybe apt.

You don't need a "buzzer beater" shot right now.
You're up by plenty with little time left on the clock. (Sorry for the sports analogy).
You have done a remarkable job to this point.
PLEASE DON'T BLOW IT NOW!!!
You're letting your emotions get the better of you.
Make us proud, brother.

Dude!

I know you want this to be over, but why do you keep looking for short cuts at every turn?

You can't educate her.
You can't make her stay.
You can't coerce her into staying.
You can't control her.

Only you...

Not saying don't expose to the GF, just saying that it needs to be done methodically rather than a wild swing at the first pitch...

Contemplate what you are planning on saying before you send the email. Discuss this and get some input, then make up your own mind.

Part of the difficulty of all of this stuff is that it is counterintuitive. Our natural instincts tell us to charge in and perform the rescue, but sometimes the best thing to do is wait for help to arrive before ending up a casualty ourselves.

I lost two guys to a rescue gone bad on my old job because one guy went down inside a confined space and his lookout ran in to get him out. Nobody knew they were down till they didn't show up at break time. The saddest part was that the lookout had a radio to call for help, but he was sure he needed to act at once and paid with his life.

What I see: You are doing all you can to stop POS OM from seeing your W tomorrow. Understandable and I can relate. But think about what you will say to this GF before you send anything because if it backfires in any way, it will bite you and not OM.

What if GF has it out with OM tonight and tells him pack his bags? She throws him out tonight and tomorrow he shows up with his suitcase to help WW move into her new love pad...Don't EVEN want to go there...

Wait till morning and ask W if she needs help with anything and suggest that maybe you and DDs can help her out...edited to add: Not sure this is even a good idea but might be better than the email. Gotta think about this a while...

If she balks, then OM is on his way. Perhaps while he is away from GF you can send her an email giving her a heads up to the situation.

But I would be willing to bet a week's pay that if you bust this guys chops tonight, it will be your wife he will run to for comfort tomorrow. And then, they will BOTH be convinced that it is kismet.

DOH!

Mark

TMTS,

Be still....listen to those who are talking to you.

Talk to G-d.... Listen for his guidance.

Breathe.... your M won't be restored and healed on one thing, but it could be hurt.

{{{{{{{{{{TMTS}}}}}}}}}}}} Please listen, read, and Let G-d guide you.

Remember, that's what he wanted all along from us, to seek HIM and depend on HIM. He is bringing us through this to have us seek him, don't lose that when the excitement or the actions of the situation are running you. I truly understand, but in order for the changes you are making to truly be lifelong, the biggest one is G-d and letting him lead you on his path and his will.

Please be still.....I honestly don't know what you do about the letter, but I know that things are moving way fast and you need to be careful..

TMTS--

What's going on over there?

RIM

It is not your role to get in her face about how OM-is-evil.

He could be the biggest POS on the planet...but she still chose him didn't she? So by critisizing him, you are criticizing HER. You aren't getting that.

You could throw 25 ugly facts in her face about OM and its not going to make her pick YOU today.

UGH. Only by making yourself an ATTRACTIVE option and doing Plan A followed by Plan B, are you going to win her back.
Take the high road.

Stop trying to save her. Stop trying to teach her.

It smacks of "I know better than you..." A very disrespectful judgement....

Hey TMTS, I agree with you your friends, Do Not e amil her! Hold on, I think they are right, you will be getting rid of the OM girlfriend and sending him right to your W. Even if she does find out about his evil ways, it might push OM right into W arms!

Also I am so proud of you! Your calm and realxed attitude is refreshing. Hang in there it's not over! Keep doing what you are doing, I feel it will pay off in the end.
We are here to support you Big Bro!
(again) I am so proud of you!

Don't go on Sat. to help, I know you will seriously injure this guy if you see him, you are too much like Ma!
Love you Mucho!!!

Well hi there littlesis,

You have a wonderful brother who helped me through some deep dark days during the holidays...

Hi folks,

I got even new info. The GF may be pregnant. So I got to sit still and let the chips fall. The neighbor is still helping and he might not even show up. I've got to hang tight for now.

YES YOU DO

I guess I can cancel my fight to Toronto and tell my wife I'll be home for dinner...

Don't make me come up there...

Mark