OK, this is one of the reason why IF I remarry I will require my spouse and i to have a 'state of the union' report to fill out periodically LOL. Hey, if nothing else when the OW tries to tell me that my husband was unhappy and the marriage was already 'dead' (so she's some sort of sexual superhero on a mission to sleep with 'unhappy' married men? LOL) I can at least produce a document stating otherwise LOL

It's just fog-babble and rewriting history.

Unfortunately sometimes the kids can even be infected with it! My youngest daughter now makes comments that sound just like the fog WXH spews... right after she comes home from visiting with WXH and the outlaws... She even said something about how hard WXH took it when his first wife divorced him (several years before I met him - REALLY had nothing to do with me)... Confirms my suspicion that WXH and the outlaws are pretending that WXH is a victim because of the divorce and/or losing the OW (um the divorce which he insisted on and odds are the OW would have dumped him by now even if I had not Plan A'd him). Two out of three daughters have made comments lately about how he spent Thanxgiving all alone... just another Thursday... Since daughter brought up his first divorce I asked her what she knew about it. She said she 'knows' from what the outlaws say (expressing sympathy for him and blaming his first wife) that SHE divorced him. I simply stated that his first wife did divorce him BECAUSE he gave her grounds for by committing adultery. Then I reminded her that I also had grounds for divorce because of his adulteries, but that I chose to try to keep the marriage and family together because I love her father and I love her and her sisters. So IMHO he isn't a victim at all.

[color:"blue"]RB: Oh.... then what are you still doing here? [/color]



[color:"blue"]RB:Space you need space to do what?.... have an A? [/color]



[color:"blue"]RB: Well that's not why I married you. Thanks for letting me know this reason. So you no longer want to to the right thing? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> [/color]



[color:"blue"]RB: As a WS, you can't. You do know why right? (allow for answer, the real answer is because WS' never loved the BS.... your real spouse does). [/color]



[color:"blue"]RB: Your use of the word love is weird to say the least. Give up an OM? What a loser. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> [/color]



[color:"blue"]RB:You sure did. You missed out on wrecking your young life. You were saved the misery you now crave. [/color]

Orchid: Those are my RB takes. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

L.

You are a fog babble goddess, Orchid. I know, I know - you don't think so but your talents are impressive indeed. I LOVE the response to not getting those feelings back and missing out on something at a young age. WW has not said either of those things to me but I know she believes both of those and I'm likely to hear them at some point. Now I have a round in the chamber, ready to be used <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
-JC

My WH told me OP was 'innocent'and this was a problem between WH and myself.I think my mouth dropped open I was so flabberghasted!The OP told my SIL that she had nothing to do with the break-up of the marriage.to which she replied "you can fool yourself all you like but you did!"She said WH just glared at her!!
My WH thinks OP is amazing for all the crap she supposedly put up with from her EXH.I said if he was so terrible why did she stay married to him for 16yrs!!!No answer.

Good for SIL!!
There is a whole lot of self-fooling going on it seems. Amazing that they can actually make themselves believe that having an affair has no impact on a couple's chances of having a good marriage.
-jc

Holy cow,is there a script out there? My WH has said almost all of the above. Soon after DD, he accused me of having an A w/ my friend....a girlfriend. He also told me that our passion was over therefore it was OK for him to pursue his A. The difference thou is that my WH doesn't want to end our marriage but would it alright for him to cont. his A to make sure it's really an illusion?!

After I picked up my jaw off the floor, I said hey sounds like a great idea, why don't you go do that while I get dinner ready. What the heck invite the OW, maybe she can just move in w/us so that you don't have sneak around! She can sleep in our bed and I take the couch!!!

I think he thought I was serious for half a second, then he said your just being sarcastic. Uh you think.

We are now in the beginning stages of divorce. He still in contact w/OW thru work and they talk "casually"...what does that mean? Do they spend their time talking about the flight patterns of the Canadian geese?

My Wh also said that our M problems has nothing to do with the OW and that he would feel that way even if she wasn't in the picture. I wonder if that is why he felt he had to get us matching wedding bands a month BEFORE his PA. And that he tells everyone that he married up...so I guess he's slumming now.

Sorry about the rant...it's just so frustrating! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />
T

Hey Tami!!!!!!

How are you? Sorry for the thread jack......
are you okay I haven't seen you for a while. Shout at me over in recovery, I want to know how you are doing.!!!!!

Fled

I've heard these as well, esp. the ones relating to spying on her and how she's "felt this way for a long time". Its comforting and scary at the same time to see these statements are so commonly used.

Can't they even be original?

I know what you're saying - comforting that your bizarre situation is not unique, scary that there seems to be a universal mindset (fog) that our loved ones suddenly fall victim to like followers of Jim Jones or something.

I suspect that they have fooled themselves into believing these things or that they are the best attempt they have at explaining their poor choices. ILYBINILWY is SUCH cheesy, overused, nonsense babble that you would never expect to hear it outside of a high school yet that seems to be the best they can do.

-JC