I hope you will return Maggie...Please do email me...FWIW, I think you are EXACTLY right about BA...Some people here are more concerned with the treatment of TROLLS than they are about posters of value here...<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Mrs. W

Maggie, All the best to you and your DH. Keep your head up high because at the end of the day you reconized and decided to fight the fog. Please come back and update us when you are feeling better.
Take care and thank for your input!!!

You know this is just UNREAL to me...Here we have Maggie, a brand new FWW, who was using this board for accountability and was making GREAT progress as well as adding valuable input to the board in general and to the situations of others...

On the other end of the spectrum we have BA...Who has done nothing but stalk, attempt to impersonate a valuable board member, changed their name about a gazillion times because of being BANNED, someone who HAS MOST CERTAINLY given LOADS of bad advice, and only asks baiting type questions or offers statements of NO VALUE...

But it's MORE important to worry about how BA is treated??? You've got to be kidding me...Political correctness has gotten WAY out of hand...

I realize that Maggie is responsible for her own choice of leaving the board, but seriously, give me a break...She should NOT have been scolded for stating the obvious about BA...Silencing voices of TRUTH in favor of protecting the trolls here is just ridiculous...

Mrs. W

Mrs. W - If you could talk to her off line and ask her to reconsider. You are right she was doing great!!! And her honesty helped this newbie BS to understand some aspects of the fog. She is also very encouraging and was my "keeping each other in check" buddy.
I certainly will be one that will miss her presence here!!!

Mrs. W...I couldn't agree more. I am so sick and tired of the PC's fools on this board. Between idiots attempting to tell others how and what to post...to taking up arms to defend trolls...it is just sickening. People that are mentioned as being wise posters here have been among the worst offenders. I personally am hoping that a few more of them decide to leave...and as usual they will do it with much fanfare.

MM was already an asset to this board and shame on anyone here that had word one to say to her regarding her response to Bum Advisor or her supporters.

The PC crowd here has become downright pathetic.

Maggie, you were right, BA should stfu...and so should her/his supporters. Anyone here doesn't like me saying so, TS...put me on ignore.

Maggie,

If you're still out there, please reconsider! You are doing so well with the help of the vets, and your input to me was invaluable.

All the best.

Maggie,

I'm bummed out to see you've left. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> Good luck to you and your husband and I hope you'll reconsider because I think that you could be an asset here. Have a good Christmas.

Maggie

I like reading your take on things - it helps BH and FBH alike. We need more FWW perspective - they are necessary in this community as most guys are a bit clueless when it comes to the other gender - heck I am 48 and married 27.5 yrs and still a dummy.

When you get the chance - pop in here when you feel you can -

Have a great holiday season with your family.

This is completely untrue, and I wish I could believe that you know it. But I can't.

The Great Troll War that we've all experienced recently was a battle - not over coddling or chasing trolls - about long-time posters falsely accusing others of dealing with trolls in a manner they themselves wouldn't, under the guise of "posting style".

I could care less about an indiidual's posting style. I have no desire 2 "control" how people post (though I was accused of that). What I'd love 2 see, but maybe can't expect, is a bit more class.

More compassion, which can never, ever be misplaced. (It CAN be misapplied, however).

-ol' 2long

I absolutely agree with this concept. I don't remember if I've posted 2 maggie before, but I would hope she'll reconsider (but understand that it is more a matter between her H and herself, and if it hurts their recovery 2 post here, then I accept their judgment and respect their decision)


Has BA ac2ally been banned? If it has, then it must have access 2 a LOT of computers, because the moderators could easily identify multiple versions of the same member by their IP addresses. If it hasn't been banned, I sure wonder why not?


As above, I don't think this is about PCness.

-ol' 2long

I, too, want to defend maggie. I don't think that anything she said was wrong. I have had BA respond to my threads a few times and thought that it was rather harsh. I know nothing about BA, but I recieved a few personal messages from some board members that I trust here and they told me a little about BA. I don't think that maggie was out of line whatsoever and this never should have gotten to this point.
maggie was a great inspiration to me and probably many more here. She gave me great insights from thew perspective of a FWW. I do hope that she will reconsider, I was hoping ot get to know her a little better and valued her POVs.
Isn't this place supposed to be a safe place for BS and FWS alike?
maggie, please reconsider.
Rock

Tempting, but I'll try not 2 be dramatic. THAT is what's wrong here.

-ol' 2long

Maggie, it was never a contest between you vs. BA. As to comparing bad advice to profanity and determining which is worse, I neither agree nor disagree....it's not even on my radar, and it wasn't the focus of my post.

I'm not going to get into the whole troll thing. It's nothing but a smokescreen. Moderators and administrators could ban BA if they chose to. If they haven't, and you feel that they should, why not take it up with them? Just as we can't control how others post, neither can we control WHETHER others post.

Finally, I'm not doing a pile-up. I spoke to you one on one. It would be awfully silly to leave because one person chose to speak to you. If your H is not on board with you being on the forum that is another story, and you are certainly wise for listening to his concerns. At this point in your recovery, he deserves the bulk of your efforts.

Take care.

PK

Mag,

Please reconsider. Having FWW is vital for BH's to understand the flip side of the coin.


As for the trolls...
I have to agree that the protection they receive is unwarranted. I would think it best if we all just ignore them completely. There is no point to calling them out because that is what they are trying to bait you into doing. All they are looking for is attention. They like to stir up trouble and try to make you angry. Maybe the best way to handle it would to create a post with evidence citing all of a trolls(BA) offenses and whenever he/she posts one person could respond with a canned response like below:


If this is the only interaction they receive, eventually they will get bored and move on to another forum to cause trouble. You see once you take the fun out of it for them they move on. I have seen this tactic work very well on other boards.

Also, as many of you know, I am a webmaster by trade. Banning isn't a perfect solution. There is a chance of accidentally banning legitimate posters by using IP banning. There is a way to get around this though. Basically, they could put an ip monitor on a specific account and record all the IP's used to login by that user. If they all match for a week, it would be resonable to assume that they only have a static IP address used to access the forum and then you could ban that IP. As soon as I get my business back together I plan to offer the Harley's my services to help spuce up the forums(bloody SQL errors) for now though our best bet to eliminate the troll activity is just to ignore them. It drives them crazy!

Just my thoughts........

Want2Stay

This is very disturbing to read.

Maggie,

I really wish you'd reconsider. In your short time here you've been such a valuable contributor and member.

Please re-think your departure.
Jo

Maggie,

I read your response and felt it might be better if these concerns and conclusions you have posted were answered individually, so my response is written below. Hope it helps.



Orchid: Maggie, I brought this to your attention I was not trying to change your posting style. All info and support shared here are suggestions. We are not professionals of this board, we are sharing our POVs based on our experiences and what we have learned.


I went looking to see what type of advice BA gave that was harmful on that thread.... didn't see any red flags. That was why I posted to you. Try this suggestion: You can block a poster who you think is offensive. That is your choice.

[/quote]Maggie: I thought that the word "troll" entered the public lexicon about a decade ago, I think its a safe assumption that most people on message boards know what a troll is. I was trying to prevent harm, not cause it. [/quote]

Orchid: People may be familiar with the word but application is often complicated. For example, I have been called a lot things that in reality were not true. The user knew the meaning but misapplied it badly.

[/quote]Maggie:I think I may have made one other short post like this, after kindly pointing out BAs bad advice and asking him to stop asking questions when he wasn't willing to answer any. I got really upset and went with the short/to the point route because I'd seen many other vet posters here, who I admire, say the exact same thing in the exact same way. Please, before you accuse me of being unhelpful or lacking in understanding,look at my posting history first. I don't think I lack either quality.[/quote]

Orchid: I asked you to stop. The choice to do so still remains in your control. I did not say you were not helpful, just commented on the troll post. You do realize that at times we all post something that could have been rephrased in a more helpful manner. I have been guilty of that well. When it is brought to my attention, I listen and work on what is valid. You did mention you posted out of anger. Now you realize it and stopped. See, that's progress. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

[/quote]Maggie:So anyway, Orchid, while I understand your point, please don't tell me how to post or who to post to - it feels very condescending and controlling. I also think it's odd that you picked a newbie to chastize when plenty of older vets have used the exact same terms and posting style. I read here a long time before I started posting, I'm familiar with the "tone" of this board.[/quote]

Orchid: I am glad you understand. I am sorry if you thought my post was condescending and controlling. As for picking a 'newbie' and chastising, well I was wasn't. I posted to you to make a suggestion. It takes time to realize how to heal and help. How to handle someone whose style or post we don't like can be a bit more complex and of course responding in anger often has it's drawbacks. Basically my post to your was to help you stay out of harms way.


FYI: If other posters who have been here longer post with the same words and style you posted and you stated it was done in anger, then that would be a point of concern. Not your issue but a point of concern. I have seen that happen before and in the past when this happened, most posters would understand when it was brought to their attention and going forward, we learned to refocus back to helping and not post in anger. Just sharing info. here. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

[/quote]Maggie:I am too emotionally raw to be on this board right now. My DH has asked me to please not come here anymore.[/quote]

Orchid: Hm..... emotionally raw is what brought many of us here. Your DH asked you to not come here. Does that mean he is working on helping you heal?

When my H was a full fledge WS and in his very selfish mode, he demanded I stop posting. POJA wasn't in place yet because he stayed in the WS mode for a long time. I considered his request and then compared it to mine progress MB helped me make. My personal MB progress outweighed me having to listen to the very BAD advice of the then WS. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

So I informed my then WS that until he could help me with the kind of help and support I received here at MB and MC, I would have to continue with my MC and MB support. :griN;

Of course as a WS he was in no shape to help me heal.... that goes against everything a WS stands for. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> So he reluctantly stop demanding I stop posting.

Mind you this happened while we were having not an 'assumed' troll invasion but a very blatant one where the same posters were tracked back to the OW website and confirmed by their own admin.

Those times did scare off some MB posters but I choose to concentrate on the positive benefits from MB and learned how to control my moments of anger.

See while I was upset that anyone would post harmful stuff to those in need, I knew I could choose to steer clear of them and focus on my quest to finish my plan A, work on my boundaries along with prep for plan B. At that time, I personally had a lot to do and didn't waste a lot of time following trolls to see what they posted (until I could emotionally handle it... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> ).

[/quote]Maggie:I really don't feel safe here - which is my issue, no one elses. Bur I can control that by leaving.[/quote]

Orchid: Yes you can keep your environment safe. Sorry you don't feel safe here. Still I hope you continue working on your recovery. Steve & Jennifer @ MB can help. A local MC may be able to assist you in your recovery as well.

Sincerely,
L.

We just started chattin, but I miss ya already.

I hope you and H get in a good enough place where he feels comforatble with you being here.

Until then, we'll miss you!!!!!!!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" />

((((Magster)))))

Yes, she stopped....stopped posting.

I guess some might call THAT progress. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

~ Marsh

Marsh -- so if I left MB, would that be progress to you?

LA