We should get him and my WW to have a chat, they may actually make sense to each other. They do things thinking that it helping us when it's just tearing us apart.

Hang in there SS, we'll all make it through this. I pray that it with your H and that the alien abduction ends soon.

You want to have the opportunity to do PLAN A and that is best accomplished if he is at home.

Your position is that you want to work on your marriage..regardless of what HE SAYS...

He's CONFLICTED..a cake-eater..which actually is relatively GOOD..for want of a better word...

If you know anything about my story, my H did the same..stayed home during PLAN A..with me full well knowing that he was continuing his affair..

They will be continuing the affair during PLAN A...

Better WITH YOU..under his own roof..getting a taste of what he will miss if he chooses to continue in the affair..

This was recommended to me by Steve Harley while my H was trying to convince me to go along with the idea of him leaving...

He eventually did leave but thankfully I did have the opportunity to do a GREAT PLAN A...

I'm sorry..I'm busy and typing this hurriedly..can fill in the details later..

BUT MOST DEFINITELY INVITE HIM TO LIVE AT HOME..with the purpose of doing PLAN A...

WORK the MBers' PLANS..consult SURVIVING an AFFAIR..

AAHHHHHHH going through the credit card statements and bills trying to figure out what can and can't be paid this week and he's charging his D*** affair!! I soooo wanted to send him an email stating that I see the charges and tell him I hope that this doesn't cause me and the kids to lose the house!!! But I didn't send the email!

talking on line last night about expenses and bills, he wants to do bankruptcy ;-(

and he mentioned taking me off his insurance... it only costs $15 a week to keep me on. I couldn't keep talking to him, I had to disconnect I was so hurt and bawling so hard. It just seems like he's rushing through this so fast. Don't know how anyone could hang on and wait two years. I love him enough to do that, but ohhhhh the pain!!

SS

SS,

I'm in the same mood this morning. I won't t/j here have a look at my thread.

I understand where you’re coming from, 2 years!!! How would anybody last that long? The pain is just too real, and what's worse is that they seem to not feel any of it. We're left with fighting for our M and having to deal with all the pain. And the wanting to get it over ASAP is all about appeasing their own guilt nothing more, we need to remember that this is all about them now and finding something that they think we cannot or will not provide. From the things I have read hear and in books, they are in for some rude reality checks because they are not fixing the root of the problem which is themselves.

Sorry to hear about him wanting to go the B route. Is it fairly easy in N.E.? I have no clue on these issues.

Hang in there, you have friends here to help you get through this.

You need to see an attorney. Your finances should be secured from the affair. There is no way he should be charging up supporting his affair and taking money from his family. It makes the affair last longer, and is also harder when you are deciding whether you want him back or not.

I totally agree with what Believer posted:

"You need to see an attorney. Your finances should be secured from the affair. There is no way he should be charging up supporting his affair and taking money from his family. It makes the affair last longer, and is also harder when you are deciding whether you want him back or not."

My WXH divorced me a couple of years ago, and the OW dumped him even before that, but my WXH is still paying off credit card bills he charged up wining and dining the OW plus paying for his midlife crisis toys! My WXH pays the support money the court ordered but when our kids have extra expenses (college, braces, etc.) he whines about his credit card payments...

Also, the sooner he has to cut back on the wining and dining of the OW, because it's time to stop spending and start paying off the credit card bills, the sooner she will lose interest in him.

(And guess who will get to help him pay it all off and live on a tight budget when his spending splurge is all over?)

Serenity (I love that name...I wish the same for myself...lol),

I am new here but I am in the kind of the same position you are. I know how this sucks, and you see a good plan in the MB ways, but sometimes it is so overwhelming. Heck, I have a hard time trying to remember which EN I am trying to meet when he is here and which LB I need to advoid when he is around. I just wanted to let you know that while I may not have any good advice, you are not alone, I empathize with you. You will added to my prayer list. I hope today is better than yesterday, and that tomorrow will be better than today.

Not2fun

ps. Don't worry about the "I don't want to give you any false hopes" line...my WS fed me that one on Sunday. It continues to amaze me how "unoriginal" these lines can be. Of course, I have to agree with you, that they are extremely painful to hear.....

Serenity,

Sorry about the above post. You posted on my thread my first day here. I didn't make the connection. I am sorry....and thanks for the encouraging words. Did you books come yet??? I already have both of them (if you posted that already I am sorry, I still trying to remember who's posts is who's, like I don't already have enough on the brain...lol).Anyway, I just wanted to apologize that I didn;t remember your post.

thanks....not2fun

not2fun, hey don't worry about it. I've done the same thing. Plus I've gone through and read the same threads and not realized it 'til I'd spent another 15-20 minutes re-reading! I'd like to read more, but I'm trying to stick to just a few so I don't totally get confused, I read yours, TMTS, skinsgal, and maybe a couple others here and there.

It seems like some of the vets stick to certain ones as well. I'd sure like to steal Mark from TMTS... and have him come over and post on my thread ;-) Well WH was just here going over finance stuff. And talking about our BFs, CRAZY!! He went to pick up DD14 from basketball and he'll be right back, so I'll explain the weirdness after he leaves, which I'm sure he will ;-(

SS

Post deleted by SerenitySoon

SS

Did he give any indication that seeing the other side of the coin made any kind of impact? And more importantly, did he stick around for a while? It sounds like the guilt is really getting to him.

How you doing?

Serenity,

that is kind of weird. Guess we will see how that plays out. I got to see my BS tonight as well. I'll be putting that in my thread tonight. You all are going to be proud of me.....

Not2fun

tmts, I'm doing fine tonight. He was here for about 2.5 hours. I could "see" that what his BF is going through got to him, but I don't think it has sunk in yet-I hope he does a lot of thinking about it. I'm hoping when he left here that he went to see him, but maybe he just went to the OW.

not2fun, headed over to catch up on your thread.

*update... no not an update, hmmm guess I was just thinking of something that makes me sad/mad. I am the oldest of 5 kids. Dad passed away a few years ago. My dear middle brother at the age of 31 took his own life because he could not stand to live life as his wife was taking the kids and moving away to live with OM. This happened 19months ago. When my WH first informed me of his A and moved out in May, I avoided calling home. I wanted to be in a really "good place" mind wise when I talked to my mom and other siblings. Conversations went well, I didn't want them worrying about me. They knew he came back over the summer and I informed them in November that he was once again on his way out. No one!! has called to check in on the situation. Talk about a disfunctional family. Honestly growing up it wasn't that way. I don't know what happened. No, I'm not having a pity party, I'm actually too tired for that tonight ;-) I'm actually feeling ok about waiting WH out. I'm more stubborn that he is, and he knows it! I'm going to look into doing something one night a week, either join yoga or a scrapbooking class! My goal... find something to do!

Maybe it is just too painful for your family to hear about. So sorry that is happening to you. Hang in there.

Serenity,

Oh sweetie, I know how you feel about the family. I am so sorry. In my situation, my sister is a WW and is seperated from her BS (by his choice,not hers...when she told him A was already over) and they are on the road to R. My mom and dad separated on Thanksgiving week, mom was not happy (both have had A in their marriage, mom multiple...but that is not going on this time, they have been in/out of counceling for a couple of years now...). So we are all having a hard time dealing with each others messes. Mom looks like she could be headed down nervous breakdown lane. The only good thing is my sister TRULY realizes the pain she put her BH through when she talks to me. It has given her lots of guilt, some of it in a good way though. And she helps me because, she can explain what WS is thinking, or at least tell me that she thought the same thing whenever he fogspeaks to me.

So just remember, we are all here for you, we are just a "click" away. Think of us as "family" ... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />


(((((Serenity)))))


not2fun

Serenity, hi there,

Can I make a suggestion if you'd like to talk to Mark, re-edit your thread title mention his name and invite him over. (mark .. I'd appreciate your input etc)

People don't read all the threads there are just too many.

SS,

Mark has been with me since I stated on MB, and I don't think (Sorry, I know), that I would be where I am now without his guidance. His analogies are especially helpful.

I was wondering about a couple of things...
Could his 'troubles' finding a place have a lot to do with the financial situation? Could you use this to your advantage to invite him back home?

You kids are old enough to understand what is going on. Keep a close eye on them, I instantly became the Man of the house that day and stopped any kind of emotional growth. That is not so much a problem as the fact that I held on to the repressed feelings for 25 years. I know that in my case I was more worried about what happened to M than me. As for my F, I couldn't care less what he did at the time. As far as I was concerned he abandoned us and could live with the consequences. That something he will need to deal with at some point if he wants a relationship with them, and unfortunately it will be difficult for him to do while he's under the fog, because he will still tell himself that the Kids are ok.

Mt F told me recently that what snapped him out of the fog was the realization that we would be just fine without him. So in effect my M had imposed a Plan B after Plan FU and he did come back.

This is a story of hope that I tell myself when I'm feeling hopeless. I hope you can get something out of it.

You are my "family" I spend sooo much time with you all ;-)

not2fun, wow, glad you have your sister to talk with about it. Have you recommended this site to any of them? I sent one thread to my husband and of course he said "it's different, everyone handles things differently", yeah, yeah, at least he read it. (((((not2fun)))))

tmts, I don't know what to do with son15, I don't want him to stop growing emotionally. WH is around a ton and wants to be around for the kids, so maybe son won't feel like he needs to be the man of the house, I'll do some research though, because of course I can take care of myself, WH thinks he can take care of himself, but the kids definately still need someone to look out for their best interests.

Thanks Oz I'll take your tip into consideration ;-)

Not going to sit here for hours at a time like I have been. I'm going to "be busy" making home and myself a place where WH would decide he would rather be than with OW who says "don't touch the washing machine". LOL

SS,

I think I'm going to get busy too. I'm doing the same thing.

As for your son. I my case I started wanting to take care of everything. If you see him doing more chores, being more supportive of you and siblings, doesn't let his emotions out, it could be a sign.

But that was my reaction to it, his will be different.