thanks! he's hugely civil, we both always have been, that's why this is such a mystery to me. HA and he's miserable I can see it in his eyes, he's miserable for the pain he's causing and I honestly don't believe he's even "happy" over there. No matter... gotta keep on, keepin' on... and let it die (hopefully sooner rather than later)

I know those darn expectations! Can we bury them out back with the warthogs corps? ;-)

Ok, I'm laughing so hard I'm going to be sick!!! Or maybe that's all the beer.

I can be laudry boy for more than one dear. ROFL!!!

Oh!! I should have read further. LOL
You guys are killing me.

ROFLMAO!!!! As I was posting this my ODD was asking me how she should separate her new clothes.

I'm the one that's OLD. At 53 I could be the mother of all of you..but inside I FEEL like I'm in my 20s...remarking on Lsla referring to her OLD AGE....

Anyways...

Serenity, what do you think caused your marriage to be vulnerable to the WARTHOG? You may have said before but I have forgotten. Sorry.

It seems like your PLAN A IS BEING EFFECTIVE...was going to help you refine it given the additional information...

I was suffering from migraines, the doc put me on a medication that KNOCKED me out!!! I slept all the time! I didn't want to sleep, it made me sad and mad that I could not function beyond going to work and sleeping!! Then instead of thinking it was the meds they run me through all sorts of tests thinking it was everything and anything. So what happens while I'm sleeping.... ENs are neglected!! this happened from about Oct-May... they started "chatting" in February and got together in April and told me in May, just after I switched Doctors, switched meds and got my energy back!


So I just figured out what it was he was doing hanging around yesterday... I peeked in his email that he uses for family, not warthog, that's a different account, anyway there's a "draft" email of a list of things he wants from home ;-( Not a lot that's for sure, but enough to say he's not coming home anytime soon. ;-( He came to plow the drive this a.m. and brought me a latte ;-) but I'm sad now... knowing that he's further from coming home than I had hoped.

So when he does let me know that he wants to take some stuff from the house should I act happy for him? Actually I don't know that I could, that would be a lie anyway... but I can't be all teary eyed and crying begging him not to, because he's going to do what he wants anyway... I just don't know what would have the biggest impact on him... any suggestions???

Do NOT beg and plead, but there is no reason you cannot calmly and confidently state your truth. Something like "I am sorry you feel the need to abandon your family and move in with another woman. We love you and would love for you to come home." I certainly wouldn't say much more than that...just change the subject. What good could come of it? If he is determined to do this, then let him go! She sounds like a real piece of work, so I'm sure it won't take long for him to realize what he is missing. I would tell him that until an LSA is drawn up, he will ONLY be taking personal items out of the home (IF he brings it up).

Hang in there, hon. I'm sorry you are sad!!

((((SS)))))

Sorry you are feeling down. At least he is contacting you. Now is the time to be calm and cheerful. Affairs always end, and his will too.

Keep Plan A'ing.

so much for being calm and cheerful.

13DD broke down and cried today, to him! But I was the "cause"... supposidly I was being "stupid" about her chores. I was like right! She's never cried about chores before I"m sure that's all that she's upset about. Well I ended up crying too, he felt like crap, had to pull himself together before he could go upstairs... his mom was here to celebrate sons #16. Anyway it all turned out pretty good. He's committing himself to coming on Wednesdays for supper and spending more time here with the kids. HAAA plan A needs to be shaped up I guess... not that I haven't thought I was doing a darn good plan A all along!

anyway at one point during my breakdown I asked him if he was really happy "over there" and he said he wouldn't have left here if he was happy. HA talk about not answering the question! I was thinking it's because he isn't happy over there, honestly doesn't act like it, but then again maybe he didn't want to speak the truth because of how that would make me feel... ugh I don't know?!?

Honey, all you can do is your best Plan A. He is missing his home. Make is hard for him to be away. But please be careful with the SF. Too many BSs have given up their health because of an STD that their WS brought home to them. I'm not trying to scare you, but just saying-get tested and be careful.

You are doing a great Plan A. I'm sorry you cried and were upset tonight, but this is reality. There are going to be times when the emotions overwhelm you. Don't beat yourself up over those times. Just pick yourself back up and make sure the next few times he stops by you are all Goddessed up and smilin'! I hope this will all be over for you soon.

HUGS!!!!

((((((Serenity)))))))

You don't want any advice from me.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />, cuz I haven't done anything but make a mess of my situation. and I'm not a VET <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />.

Actually, I would take Res advice and don't ask him again if he is happy over there. Don't bring up OP...ever...remember its YUCK.

Tell son Happy Birthday. Hows the scrapbooking coming along??? Good I hope. and 13yr DD's, what are we going to do with them???? If you are like me, you never know if they are upset with what is going on or hormones, or friends, or GOD FORBIDE boys, or any combination of these....

Gosh, you couldn't convince me to be 13 again for anything. Well, maybe, because 34 hasn't been all that great.

Oh well, such is life....

not2fun

PS....Res, thanks you for your support for the both of us...you are truly a godsend....

Thanks, Not! It deeply saddens me to hear the pain you guys (and ALL BSs) are going through. It keeps me sound in my resolve to do everything humanly possible to make up for what I've done to my DH. So, it helps me, also.

I wish for all of your WSs to turn around and realize the devastation they are causing you and your families. I wish for them to be healed and to come home and help you begin to heal. And I wish that God will grant you peace as you fight so bravely for your marriages.

You sound like my sister, Res. Do you know what started lifting her WW fog??? My situation. She said she never truly understood and didn't care what her A did to her BH until she saw the desperate and utter pain and sorrow I was going through. Now, her and hubby are on the road to recovery.....yeah for them.....

not2fun

It's hard I DEFINITELY KNOW...but try to grow in your ACCEPTANCE of who the WS is...

He is NOT REALLY your H...

His main focus is on justifying his affair..

So if you ask him a question that provides him that opportunity..YAY for HIM..he scores one...

It is a FIGHT, SERENITY..against the WS..against the affair...

The WS is by nature a LIAR, a PRETENDER...DECEITFUL..

My H says that he got so used to LYING that he began to think that his LIES were the truth..he says he could have won an ACADEMY AWARD for his acting..OK, Denzel..LOL..is what I call him..

So for the WS..ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS..

I had to stop listening to MUCH of what he said..when I knew it was BLAH..BLAH..BLAH...

LOOK AT HIS ACTIONS..when he comes over, when he calls you...

Not-- nope no scrappin' ;-( maybe before the game tomorrow. I really do need to get back to that and quit this obsessing!! You hang in there.

Thank you LaLa and Mimi... for some silly reason I keep thinking my WS is soooo unlike other WSs ;-) I know foolish of me, but... maybe it's out of guilt that he still does so much for us. He has called and texted and emailed and IMd more this past week. He really can't understand why I would even want him to come home, let alone that I still love him. But I'm going back over and reading plan A stuff, I know I've got to stop telling him I love him, he knows that, well I don't love WS, but I do love my H. The sad look he has in his eyes tears at my heart. Part of him feels miserable for what he's doing, I can tell. You know how MANY BSs say they're WS blames them for the affair... he doesn't in fact if I bring up something I could have done better he continually reminds me that it isn't/wasn't my fault, that it was his because he didn't communicate his needs to me... anyway, I know you all probably think I'm making excuses for him, but he really was a good person before WARTHOG got her claws and fangs into him. OK, maybe my sleep deprived head is going overboard. Nope, he is different ;-) we'll see if I still believe that tomorrow.

night all

This was true of my H, too....that's why I just couldn't BELIEVE he was having an affair..NOT HIM...

Now my H is HIMSELF again...or even BETTER...

His sense of SHAME about what he is doing is a GOOD SIGN...

It's an indication that he is ADDICTED...and would break away if he could...

I hope you are letting him know that YOU BELIEVE that RECOVERY and a better marriage are possible.

NOT2:

Are you listening? This is why you need the EXPOSURE..to create the SHAME about the AFFAIR...

This a.m. I wrote myself a note and put it in my pocket, because I was in a bad mood! "I am a decent person. I deserve honesty and respect. I don't deserve to be lied to or used!(disgusting!)"

I just have to keep reminding myself of that!

None of us heard a peep from him yesterday. I got an email at work today... blah blah, not feeling well because of the game, talked to his friend about an apartment (YEAH!)* going to get a hair cut, and signed it have a good day.

*I say yeah, because I didn't re-ask, he volunteered the info and I would much rather have him living in an apartment than with the warthog!!

I've backed off, trying to be still, still praying, standing, (and obsessing)... but it seems like we have better conversations when he initiates... so I'm still hanging on... goodness I keep wondering to myself what would I be doing with my time if I weren't obsessed with the mess life is right now. I know, I know I need to get on with life!! I'm tryin'

;-)

Me too Serenity....we better get off our pity potties before Res and Mimi stone us......LMAO......


I replied to you in my thread about the "list"....

not2fun

Am I going to need to put you two through a spin cycle to get the expectations ou of you???

Don't give up hope as ahrd at it is. tell yourself you are dealing with someone else and nt the person you love.

I'm still here with you. Prayers to both of you and your kids.

Laundryboy.