ACCEPT that he's already taken A STEP away from the marriage. You are being the LIGHTHOUSE that is drawing him back in...ACTIONS..ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS...

I get soooo SAD for you guys, remembering when I was there and my heart was beatng out of my chest with anxiety and my heart would be in such pain from the sadness...

What helps is to WORK..WORK YOUR PLAN..come up with ideas of what YOU can do for YOURSELF and for your MARRIAGE...REGARDLESS OF WHAT HE DOES OR SAYS..REGARDLESS OF WHAT HE DOES OR SAYS..which is out of your control..

thank you mimi ;-)

I don't recomend this. I recommend PLAN B...because I believe in order for him to come home he will need to suffer..reach his bottom..without you meeting any of his ENs...with the both of you, there is REAL DANGER of him falling more deeply in love with her..because he will feel NO PAIN from the AFFAIR. Being with YOU and HER allows the affair to feel OK with him. He has to SUFFER the LOSS of you in order to end the affair in most instances.

but that would mean he doesn't come around here anymore, when I'm here. i won't allow my kids to go to the pigsty! so I would be out of sight out of mind. I just don't know if I'll be able to do a plan B, I've still got lots of love for him though, the banks not dry yet.

OK, then the WELL should be, if ya know what I mean!!! Sheesh...what's he got to lose in this set-up? Your kids are old enough to make a decision in the matter, SS. They don't have to go there is they don't want. PLUS, if you get an LSA that stipulates that she absolutely cannot be around them until after the D, and the D drags on for 2+ years...shoot, your oldest will be 18, and so on...

Come ON girl!!!

Ohhh..I remember when I was saying and thinking this...

Hon, you don't want your H just coming around..

You want your H home with you..like mine is...although he's in there snoring...LOL

He's not REALLY there with YOU...

YOU WANT ALL OF HIM..not just the leftovers or the crumbs...

YOU ARE WORTHY AND DESERVING OF HIM BEING THERE WITH YOU 100% of the time...don't sell yourself for any less...

That would be THE POINT of PLAN B..for him to RETURN HOME where he belongs..not just coming over to visit...YUCK...

But Mimi, don't you think it is a good sign that he is quite attached to Serenity? Mine left on his Harley and darned near ran over me on his way out. He wanted to be with his "soulmate". He had very little interaction with me for over 3 years! And now he wants to get back together....

lol, wh snores too, but it's never bothered me, I can sleep right through it. I even told him I miss that sound. I hope she hates it and it bothers her, or better yet, she probably snores like the warhog she is! and maybe eventually that will get to him ;-)

you are right! i know I deserve him 100% unaddicted and I will hold out for 100% of the good guy!!

Oh, yes, definitely..he's the cake-eating kind...

I don't think it's time for PLAN B..YET...

I just want SS to be thinking about it when and if necessary...

ha...my WS is STILL sleeping like crap...he even says he has a more comfortable one than ours, but he still can't sleep. Me,,,I am finally sleeping pretty good.

I have no opinion on whether you should Plan B or continue Plan A....I am messed up myself, so my advice would be no good.....

Mimi...thanks for bumping up your old thread....looks like Serenity and I have some reading to do....lol

not2fun

yep, i'm having such a wicked hard time getting off this message board, keep finding more and more things to read! plus I was reading through some old emails that wh and I were sending back and forth early summer before i "guilted" him in to coming home... talk about a wasted non-recovery! N2F that's why we have to let them come home on their own! Don't want no grouchy, still in contact with piggy, men around!! ick!!

And they DO come home on their own.

EVERYONE told me that when I came here almost 5 years ago. I just didn't think it would happen to me. My ex was out the door, in love with a beautiful woman 20 years younger than I.

But the affair ended, albeit 10 days after I divorced him.

Hang in there. Everything is in your favor.

Mum, you sound like someone we know just 2 weeks ago, and we know what happened there. I'm going to do a North American whoop [censored] tour and start with you and Not. Both your Hs are IMO looking for a way to come back so badly, but don't think they deserve the chance. Keep on your plan, you guys are doing much better than you think. You are GODDESSES!

This being said I agree with the point Mimi is making (And this applies to you to Not). They boys do not feel enough pressure, they know the door is still wide open and the opportunity to return is there, so why rush? See if the A works out then if it doesn't they'll just waltz back into your arms. They must not be left with this impression that you will wait forever, it must be clear to them that the door closes a little more everyday because this will make them think a little more everyday.

Stay strong Soon, you deserve better than what you are getting and certainly did not deserve for this to happen to you.

thanks tmts, but if they don't think they deserve to come home... which was one of the things I was re-reading in this past summers emails, how do we let them know that even though they may not deserve to come home, they still should come home? My WH doesn't believe in forgiveness for much of anything, he can't get it through his thick skull that as far as I'm concerned I can/will forgive, forget no, forgive yes. Anyone?

I've stopped saying I love you all the time, I really do believe I've done a pretty darn good plan A, taken care of myself and actually being pretty darn up beat lately ;-)

Just keep doing it dear. I have found out over the last two weeks how effective Plan a really is. All the little things, like the text messages, the little gifts, the touching (Please tell me you're touching him when he comes over). But most of all the fact that I didn't give up on her. Once the fog started to lift, this was the thing that made her change her mind about us. The fact that I DID show change, and was consistent about it. So don't give up. He is still very much attached to you, and that will make a difference in the end.

awful, awful day... remember the snow... well after it snowed it rained and froze and then made a slushy mess and we didn't get plowed out, got stuck in the drive way... after many attempts and knowing the kids were going to be late to school I called WH cell, luckily he answered, even though he had already fallen asleep for the day... anyway I said "the vehicle is stuck can you please come take the kids to school." he says "yep, I'll be right over"... well it took awhile for him to get here, but then the kids and I had pushed it out of the driveway, but it got stuck again, where the town truck put snow in front of the house... anway we were all out there trying to get it unstuck when he drove up. I was livid! Didn't say a word to him at this time, just hopped in his car and I took the kids to school while worked on getting mine out from being stuck.

so I come back and he's sitting in, it waiting for me. I said something about him not being where he was supposed to be and this wouldn't happen and he said i knew you were going to say that, if I was here it would have still been stuck (no it wouldn't, because if he lived here, he would make sure it got plowed) anyway I say that's ok, it won't happen again I've hired someone to come and plow for the rest of the winter, that made him mad, "WHO?" by this time I'm crying and he's got tears in his eyes... I go in to get ready for work, while I'm in the shower he comes back with a plow... I leave for work and on the way out appologize for talking to him the way I did... he said please don't hire someone to plow, I'll make sure it gets done from now on. Then I get to work and there was a "sorry" email from him + blah, blah... or as Mark says wah, wah, wah wah. ;-)

anyway Happy VD to me ;-p Anyway I wasn't depressed, sad all day! ;-) and I still LOVE the jerk!! Back to plan A I go!!

((((Serenity))))

You poor thing....I'm sorry your day started out so rotten. And don't worry about the LB. We all have them and you seem to control yours most of the time. I like how you imagined the Wah wah wah wah....this analogy STILL cracks me up. I thought of it today when this girl at work was complaining (she gets on my nerves at times...she's high strung, easily stressed out...OMG, I want to say to her...you don't know what stress is.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />).

Anyway, my day was ok...a little down right now though. Anywho, what's on the plannier for tonight???? A little scrapbooking maybe????

I told WS how I wanted to take a photography class last night. He was surprisingly supportive of the idea. I think that I am messed up in my thinking of him sometimes. I'm not sure why I would think he wouldn't be supportive. I think it is because sometimes in the past he wasn't. Maybe I'm a little too sensitive sometimes..who knows.

Anyway, I'm gonna get some cleaning done and spend some time with DS. DD's went out, so its just me and him...

I'll be around off/on tonight....lucky me... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

not2fun

no scrappin' tonight, making a card for a dear person. and then going to watch a bit of tv, but lucky me I have a tv right here by the computer so I can stay on all night, shame on me. maybe if I hadn't stayed up so late last night I would have handled things better this a.m. oh well, live and learn.

Well, at least in the future, there will be better Valentine's days.

I was just laughing with my sons about the Valentine's Day when we got stuck in the middle of a storm in the ghetto, pushing the car in an area known for drive-by shootings. I'd gone through a huge puddle and the car stopped working.

And that was when I was HAPPILY married. My husband was out with a friend, and I couldn't get him on the phone.

after every bad day or bad incident I'm continually reminding myself "it could be worse"... wow b, that would not be fun!