Next time he comes over make sure you have lipstick on... Right before he leave kiss him on the forehead...

Send him back to her with a message attached so to speak...

LMAO

holy crap, people, your snooping gives you special insight into their internal problems and helps you fight! You are at WAR. Knowledge is power. Don't allow some temporary hurt feelings leave you vulnerable for MORE SERIOUS HURT when you give up this method of protection. Sure, it hurts to read it, but if it can HELP you in some strategic way, it is VALUABLE. I can think of several ways to take advantage of that intel, SS, so it seems valuable to me.

On the other hand, if it is not helpful, I would avoid reading it and only do so when you think something is going on you need to know. [but some of you folks do not know if its helpful or not, so come here and ask the first few times]

But having a spy in the enemy camp can be a VALUABLE ASSET, so buck up and take it if the intel is valuable!

SS, now you know the OW is SCARED OF YOU and his visits are a THREAT to her. So when he comes to visit the kids, be sure and look as sexy as you can and DELAY HIM! Maybe even have his favorite meal cooking. [hopefully you are not in plan B, if so, ignore that advice!]

You have new intel that can help you in your BATTLE PLAN! Carry on, Mimi!

ROFL!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Here's a great one....

Next time he's at your house take a walk out to his car...

Put a pair of your sexy panties drenched in the slut juice perfume in his glove box...

If OW opens his glove box before he does.... Look out...

Even if he opens it first It's gonna make him think of you...

LMAO...

I'm grinnin like a [censored] eatin briars...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

You're cracking me up, Amazin.

But SS is upset that the OW is jealous of her. She doesn't see her power yet.

MIMI and Melody have a great point...

SS by reading his email you just got a great big advantage in your war agaist the affair. (not a war agaist WH...the war against the affair)

Here's a quote from the art of war...

"To secure ourselves against defeat lies in our own hands, but the opportunity of defeating the enemy is provided by the enemy himself."

Thats exactly what's happened... you've been given an opportunity to defeat the enemy by the enemy itself...

TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT.

SS,

He is still married to you. OW can't undo that.

She can't ever really have him until you let him go.

Even if you do let him go she will forever have to share him with you because of the kids.

She's in a no win situation and it scares the [censored] out of her.

He says: OW doesn't want you here when I visit the kids.

You say: This is our home, I'm not going anywhere.

He says: She doesn't like the thought of sharing me with anyone.

You say: She should get her own husband.

He babbles.

You reverse babble.

You take every opportunity to deliver your message without love busting.

The message should always be the same message: You are MY husband and I will fight in any way I can to keep our family together.

He says: I'm tired of living like this.

You say: Me too.

He says: This is making me unhappy.

You say: Me too.

Don't try to convince him, just tell him that you want your family to remain intact.

He says: OW doesn't like me seeing you so much.

You say: You are MY husband and I am entitled to see you. She is the usurper in this, not me.

But then you need to leave the conversation and let it drop. Let it lay there like the stinking mess it is. Let him smell it. You don't have to.

Accept no blame for her love busting. It is her problem.

And always remember that he has a history with you that she can't undo or take away. It will be there forever no matter what else happens. You had him first. Every time he sees you, it eats away at her love bank. It is a love buster to her for him to even be in the same room with you. Make that work for you.

Not2,

Knowing the truth is not what causes those feelings. It is what you found out, not the knowing. You have lost something that you can never replace...unwarranted blind trust. You believed it could never happen. You had faith that he would be ever faithful because of a fantasy that wasn't real.

Truth is what will set you free from the pain. The pain was because of the lies, not because of the truth. Knowing when something is true by being able to verify it for yourself gives YOU the power over your own life.

Letting the lie remain because the pain of finding out it wasn't really true after all will keep you a slave to the pain forever...even if he comes back...

I know the pain of finding out the truth. I saw a phone number, with hundreds of calls to it in a short time and looked it up. I knew who it was as soon as I verified the name. I knew him. I knew where he lived and I knew his story.

I looked for more and found it. More pain followed, but not for knowing the truth, because of the lies. Letting her know that I knew the truth was the beginning of the end for him because once the truth was in the open, the lies were doomed.

He can't lie to you when you already know the truth...The lie has no power over you once the truth is out.

That's the piece YOU are missing in this. It is the truth that will save your marriage, not ignoring the lies...

SS,

Hang in there. You are still in charge and still in a position of power because she is the usurper. Even if he ends up with her, she will forever be the usurper. When he is with you, you are still his wife.

When he is with her...YOU are still his wife...She can't change that without your letting him go...

Mark

crap guys where did Serenity go??? Hopefully she read all of your replies, there were some really good ones.

Mimi....you ain't going to let me or SErenity go, are ya??/ <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> ...ya know I love ya....

I guess I can see some of the logic of the snooping by what has transpired in Serenities case.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

me's a thinkin'

not2fun

hmmmmmmmm, is that LOVEBUSTING [selfish demands] I hear??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> UT OH, bad lovebusting will ruin the FANTASY!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> And when the fantasy explodes, there will be nothing left except dishonesty, selfishness, entitlement; all the very worst traits, to bolster the affair. This DOES NOT LOOK GOOD, PEOPLE!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Bwhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Can we clarify that statement...

THIS DOES NOT LOOK GOOD FOR OW AND THE AFFAIR... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

LOL....

Great post, Mark! I thought of a way to turn this against the OW and come out looking like a rose. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

He says: OW doesn't want you here when I visit the kids.

SS: I am so sorry she is putting that kind of pressure on you. That must be very upsetting to you! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" />

I love Melody's response....gosh I hope Serenity see's this before she does anything....

Mark, I get it..I really really do....I will post on this later....

Serenity, I told you troops would come a'callin.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

yes, i'm reading between the tears.. you are all so wonderful!!

what really, really pisses me off is the thought that she thinks MY kids will eventually spend time in her house! AAAHHHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! How in the world can I keep that from happening?? They are 16, 14, & 13.

I now know her email address too... but from the sounds of her emails she doesn't like me, (she doesn't even know me!!) so my heartfelt letter I wanted to send would probably be a waste.

Honestly though I don't know how knowing all of this really helps. Yes I can look and smell hot when he comes around, but now I'm in such a pity party state, maybe I won't want him back... I just don't want her to have him either, and I surely don't want my kids going over to the homewreckers house!!

SS - Your plan is working, so don't have a pity party. Your kids are old enough that they won't want to be around her. And their is NOTHING like resentful teenagers - I raised 8 of them.

You need to keep doing what you are doing and give her lots of time and reasons to lovebust.

All most ALL OW think that the married man is going to divorce and marry them. Almost all of the married men end up with their wife and family.

LOL..that's her littly pretense for your WH's benefit..

He wouldn't dare...

She should be SCARED of those teenagers...they don't have to go at their age..tell them you don't want them to go...won't allow them to go..CASE CLOSED...



She is your ENEMY, Serenity...of course, she doesn't like you..she knows who you are alright...

She clearly is trying to DESTROY you and YOUR FAMILY...

That's why you have to use all of your AMMUNITION to fight her and evidently she is LOSING...

Did anyone say BALLS?????

She will be eternally HATED by your children for breaking up their family. How do your children feel about her?

You can ask the judge to specify in his order that the kids not be exposed to the affair. Outside of that, I would not allow the kids around her unless there is a court order and a sheriff with a BIG GUN. I dn't know what your situation is, but I would resist any attempt to drag your kids into his sleazy affair becuase a wayward will try and use the kids to NORMALIZE his affair. It also trains kids to grow up morally confused. It is often a SHOCK to a WS when the BS objects to bringing the kids around because they are so sleazy. It is a great wake up call!

So, if your H wants to bring the kids around the OW, tell him that you don't think it is in the childrens best interest to be exposed to his adultery partner because it will cause moral confusion.


A compliment. If she LIKED you, that would be a problem.


Oh God yes. Don't throw pearls before SWINE. She is a PIG, don't share your heart with PIGS.


Then you need our help, SS. And that is ok, but knowing this is GOOD, because it helps you see the vulnerabilities in the affair. When you know where the weak spots are located, it is much easier to puncture the balloon. Let Mimi and the others here teach you how to use this intel to your advantage.


Well, you don't have time for PITY, you are AT WAR!

SS,

Be strong... I know it hurts... but you have to be strong...

Get yer boo hoo's out of the way... you need to have a good cry...

Then get back up on the saddle and fight the good fight…

You do that by not letting them know you’re hurting. (And by putting the slut juice panties in his glove box)…..LOL

Make her feel uncomfortable for a change… You need to make her crazy every time he comes to the house… She’ll start ripping on him for visiting his kids… I’ll bet that’ll go over like a fart in church….lol

Yep, like B says, unless you just hand him over without FIGHTING.

And, you see, we all know those your teenagers aren't going over there...

I can't say how much I appreciate all this wonderful support. Geesh, if you guys could meet my real H, not the fogged out WH, you'd like him. He is a good guy and right now he's feeling like crap! ;-)

The emails they sent back and forth just real hurt, oh i love you, oh i'm so happy with you, oh i can't wait to spend the rest of our lives together. ACK!