LOL... so we chatted for 1 1/2 hours (he's at work) then he had to get offline and came back on... and now I've really got him going :-) talk about SF and not having to touch him!!! I made up a dream and he's lovin' it. Shame on me. I really am going to have to think/pray long and hard about this... I don't imagine this is the way I want to live my life. Perhaps its a phase and he'll be over it soon, I don't know.

See... now you got him going... he's fantasizing about you right now… What a good time to send him that picture… Just a little something for him to remember your talk about SF…

You don't see how close you are do you. Warthog is probably making his life a real he!! Right now and you're being sweet as pie. Then you start up phone SF with him... he's probably stuck to his seat right now because of the chubby in is pants thinking about you and missing you. As for the picture, don't send it as one picture wearing something trampy. Put on your skimpiest undies, then your most classy looking outfit then send pics of you taking it off bit by bit. By the time you get to the undies, he'll have to leave work... LOL
If he’s so in love and close to her why is he spending his time online with you? Ha! Let’s see you spin your way out of that one. LOL

Actually, I'm going to recommend against a bunch of nudie pix. Not intrinsically anything wrong with them, but while he may get off on them, they will not be the final reason to choose SS over the warthog. Yeah, I know, as a guy I 'd love for my wife to do all that stuff for me.

But if I was trying to figure out which woman I wanted to spend my life with forever, it would be the modest wife, not the bedroom ho.

Not saying don't send pictures, I actually liked Pep's idea, but I'm not sure it needs to be turned into a full length porn feature...

You just don't want this to come down to a choice of the one with the worst sense of morality.

JMO and not in the MB manual.

Mark

Mark you are of course so right... unfortunately (or not?), I've always been on the more modest side, more so than he likes... anyway I guess he's found someone who isn't modest... and actually this "side" of him that I see right now isn't someone I want to live the rest of my life with... pretending, the whole telling him a dream (that I made up) it's actually embarassing to myself now that I look back on it, it's not me! I don't want to pretend I'm somebody I'm not, it feels low and it makes me feel trashy! Like I said earlier, maybe it's a phase and he'll get past it soon. He wasn't always this bad, yes I knew he always wanted more than he got, but it's gone beyond rediculous, I just can't believe it!

way to late/early to be up! I'm beginning to wonder if I'm not addicted to him and need help myself.

Anyway I've decided I really need to talk to a priest and a lawyer... finally. Not because I want a divorce, I'll still fight it as long as possible. I just think I'll be heading to plan B sooner rather than later ;-(

If it's out of character for you to do somegthing like that then it may come across as desperate... But... you can still send him a photo... Not x rated... but still sexxy...

Plan A is about CHANGING, Serenity. It is not BAD or TRASHY to be SEXY for YOUR HUSBAND if that is one of his primary ENs. It is BAD or TRASHY to be that way with a married man and for your H to seek this outside of his marriage. Your H KNOWS the difference and most probably DOES want this CHANGE in YOU. For Mark, SF may not be a primary EN but, maybe like your H, it is for mine who had become turned off by my becoming a "PRUDISH OLD CHURCH WOMAN"..LOL...although I was still young...YUCK..

PLAN A is about YOU stretching outside of your comfort zone to be a DIFFERENT PERSON.

I most definitely am not the person that I used to be...

The way I was wrong...

Pick up the book: THE PROPER CARE AND FEEDING OF HUSBANDS by Dr. Laura..she speaks about this issue more eloquently than I can...

I don't think pictures would be a bad thing at all. I would just be careful that it doesn't become a series that escalates till all self respect is gone.

A BIG reason not to send them IMO is they could fall into the wrong hands. What if OM gets a hold of them and posts them on the web? Or sends them to all her friends making fun of OP. I think a "nice sexy" picture would be good but nothing she wouldn't want the world to see.

Serenity:

I wasn't making reference to the pictures per se, cause I probably wouldn't do THAT either.

I was referring to your mindset about the issue of SEXUALITY in your marriage.

I encourage you to take a look at your viewpoint about YOUR SEXUALITY.

How come the MODESTY with YOUR HUSBAND?

And if anybody is getting anxious, I am not encouraging her to do the do NOW. I'm talking about her MINDSET.

It's OK for you to be SEXY, Serenity.

I understood what you were saying mimi, and thank you so much. I don't know why I guess it's just insecurity about the bod! Guess it's the way I grew up I don't know.

I wouldn't send pictures to him that I wouldn't want published for the world to see, not that he would do that, but things happen in cyberspace, etc... and if she got ahold of them yeah, that would not be so good.

Anyway thank you! It all goes back to low self-esteem I guess. OH, I do have that book! The kids saw it when it came in the mail this summer and laughed at the title, it was cute! I'll pick it up and look through it.

I agree, she should think about ways that she feels comfortable showing her WH how sexy she is and what he is missing! I think flirty text would be good. Start off slow and if he responds then take it up a notch. She should know if he is reseptive if he responds to the first one.

Another idea I had is if she knows she is going to see him she could put on a sexy workout outfit and look SHARP. That shows she is working out and looks good. Give him enough time to get a good look but then say "I have to go work out, I am working on getting a washboard stomache." Then she can touch her tummy and laugh. Just a thought.

SS,

Mimi and I are on the same page on this.

You can be sexy for him without being sleazy.

OW is sleazy. You can be hot without being a ho.

It's frankly a balance my wife has never found for herself. Marriage is where that stuff belongs. So many women find it difficult to be sexy for their husbands but when an A begins, turn into sex pots. Then their husbands find out what they did for OM and wonder why she can't be like that for them.

So much of it is simply attitude. Flirting is lost for some reason when the vows are said. Seduction is gone when the kids come along. It doesn't have to be that way, but usually is.

I'm off to a seminar. I'll be back... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Mark

SS,

I don't know if I've ever posted to you before, but this thread is great.

OW is clearly threatened by you. The whole time my FWH was involved with OW, she was absolutely obsessed with ME. He refused to communicate with her over the weekends and every Monday, she would demand to know what we did over the weekend. Once, he told her that we had a dinner party over the weekend and she had a complete melt down.

She would ask him constantly if we had been intimate and after a point, he simply refused to discuss me with her at all.

She just kept on LBing and LBing and eventually, he started to hate her and ended the affair.

I can see the handwriting on the wall here. OW knows that your WH will always have some kind of relationship with you because of the kids, and she obviously can't deal with the fact like an adult.

She is actually helping you out here without even realizing it.

Best,

Who

NO SHAME on you. You are his WIFE. You won't have to live your life like that, remember he's in lala land right now. When he comes back to earth, he'll settle down. But there's nothing wrong with a wife telling her husband about her dreams or fantasies.

What would be really great is if OW is snooping! Too bad you can't cut and paste that IM session into an email to him telling him how much fun you had with him on the IM.

Nope bad idea... cutting and pasting the IM session. Just an email telling him how much fun you had.

Don't be ashamed of sharing your 'naughty' thoughts with him. You have every right to say sexy things, and to be sexy - he is your husband.

You have no idea how much ground you have gained just in the last few days, but trust me, you're on a winning streak.

This is not a phase for him - it is a mind-numbing insanity that he will someday fight free of.

Also, save that evil email addy, cuz you may want to send a copy of your PBL to her. That is my personal recommendation, and I think it is very powerful. Do not contact her before that.

Such helpful support you are all providing. I thought I'd gotten off the roller coaster, but boy this has been a crazy few days!! I guess I have to keep being reminded that even if he does move ALL of his stuff in over there it doesn't take away the fact that I'm still his wife and that he still loves our kids and won't let anyone stop him from seeing them (at least right now-I pray that doesnt' change).

I like the idea of flirting with him occasionally, I'll keep that until he gets annoyed, which if I know him, will never happen ;-)

Keep your chin up SS...

You're going to be OK... you're doing great...