Wow, the picture thing really got things going. LOL

You sound much like my DW where your somewhat embarrassed by getting TOO sexy, so I understand where you are coming from.

My point was really to get you to send him stuff to tease him by sending different pictures. You can send him stuff that gives the illusion of sensuality. A close up of a wink, then a pic of you looking over your bear shoulder, one of a leg with you pulling down pantyhose. Very seductive, suggestive with out getting into something you would be uncomfortable with.

Keep it up Soon, you're so close. Let's hope the warthog keeps up her LBing ways.

And just as a side note...ummmmm, since when is it the least bit SHAMEFUL to be erotic and sexy with your SPOUSE!!!!!!!! If there is something you aren't comfortable with, that's one thing, but to feel embarrassed or ashamed or to be CHASTISED for it is RIDICULOUS!!!!!!!!!

The only people in this mix who are shameful: your WH and his hussy warthog. You are his WIFE and are entitled to be as seductive as you damn well please with him. I would stop DEAD short of SF, though...with a flirty little "No, dear, you'll have to give up you girlfriend first!" (said with a seductive smile as you walk away)...

((((Serenity)))))

Glad to see the advice kept coming last night... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />. Uhmm...except for some of the "male" replies from Amazin and TMTS.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />...LMAO....

Seriously though, looks like we need to work on that self-esteem issue (me too, but hey I say its more fun to work on someone else....). Mimi, Lala, and Mark are right. It's one thing to be modest and all, but you have GOT to come out of your shell with you DH (when he returns that is....). What is it you don't like about yourself or body???? Let's address this issue...get you more confidence....you Mojo going...which, if last nights interaction with WS was any indication, you should have a little back.. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />.

hmmmm...maybe you could "borrow" B's shoes...... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />.....

anywho, glad to see things and YOU are looking up.....

not2fun

Hey.... I resemble that remark...lol

A lot of the stuff I said last night was ment to lighten the mood...

However, when you think about it there's probably alot of honesty in it too ... that's why we laugh at some things...

We all need a good laugh once in a while... If you guys/gals had a good laugh at my expence... well then Mission Acomplished....LOL

Darn I forgot all about the "shoes"... when I was telling him that story! LOL oh well next time I'll make sure to use them in the story somehow. I hate to get my hopes up like this... but I'm going to keep on working! Just gotta get him to spend time away from her! It really didn't matter last night, because while we were chattin' he was at work and she was sleeping.

we texted a few times this afternoon and then I called and we chatted for a bit! We'll probably be in contact via computer again tonight.

Self-esteem issues? Who me??? NEVER!!! When I first mentioned him leaving to my Doc, and me willing to take him back, my Doc didn't like that and said I had low self-esteem. Whatever!! Anyway, I'm too thin, I know I need to put on weight, but at the same time I'm rarely if ever hungry. Kids evening activities have really slowed down, so we'll be sitting down for meals together, that might help a bit, though it didn't do much in the past...anyway I've never been one to appreciate my body... enough about my self esteem, what are your esteem problem(s) Not2??

Serenity,

I just need to share this with you.

If you are insecure about your own body, it might help.

I once heard this about the male psyche - when a man loves a woman:

They would rather have that live woman in the room, acting sexy and flirty, than pictures or fantasies about a woman not there.

They would rather have you, warm and real, naked against them, than anything else in the world.

What *you* believe or feel to be your physical weaknesses melt away, the moment you become seductive with him. He becomes focused on the positive, the seduction - the flirtation, the idea behind it - and any perceived flaws fade fast.

Remember - YOU, live, in person, warm, naked, against his body - that is what he wants. If he loves you, that is what is on his mind.

Your flaws? They are in YOUR mind, not his.

SB

for you to be more open with your feelings.
for you to be more sensual/sexual
for you to dress more sexy sometimes
for you to come onto me sometimes... not all the time...
tell me a fantasy.. that we can try to make come true....
think of me with little things.. when you are out
TOUCH ME MORE!!!
tell me you love me... when it's not expected

ss;
I copied 8 out of the twelve needs your WS gave you, and 8 out of 12 of these are love/sexual needs, you say these are from awhile ago? If I were you I would really concentrate on these, because it seems your WS has found someone else to fulfill these, even tho he asked you FIRST.

I don't mean for this to be a 2x4, but it is fairly obvious to me that WS needs these things, his TOP needs. I know because these were things my FWS needed from me. Get goin' girl. Loosen up. This can be you. You will become more comfortable, and if you cannot, get thee to a therapist to help you understand why you can't do it. I think these are all really reasonable requests. These are things a spouse can give their partner with no shame.

If you really cannot do this, then maybe you DO need to rethink your marriage, as it is very, very obvious that this is what your WS needs.

And with him liking what you were texting him, he STILL wants YOU to fulfill these needs.

Be wise as a snake and as innocent as a dove. You having those emails may hurt, but use them to your advantage. To wage your WAR, girl.

Good luck, and God Bless!

Love in Christ,
Miss M

If you are self conscious, get yourself some sexy clothes - Victoria's Secret or something.

I used to be very modest and a perfectionist too. The house was sparkling clean, I did well at work, took care of the kids, the yard, cooked breakfast, packed lunches, made nice dinners, did the laundry, had a nice garden and yard.

Years ago, my husband told me he was more interested in good and frequent sex, and I could skip all of the rest. That was a real wakeup call.

SS,

I'm not going to comment on IF you have self esteem issues or IF you’re insecure about your body. You know yourself better than anyone here.

What I will comment about is from my (the male) perspective.

After my first divorce when I was single and actively looking I went on lots of dates. I wasn’t looking for one night stand stuff; I was looking for a mate. If I dated a girl and she came across as a buck wild slut...that wasn’t an attractive characteristic for a good mate. At the other end of the spectrum, if a girl seemed like a prude and thought sex was only for procreation that was also a turn off… Both of those characteristics to the extreme threw up red flags for me.

I knew a girl who was drop dead gorgeous … Beautiful blond hair, blue eyes, fabulously sexy body. Just a total knockout…The kind of girl you would expect to see on the cover of a glamour magazine. We were both divorced and had been for awhile. We were both ready to start dating again. She was smart and extremely well educated, made good money and knew how to manage it. She had one young daughter. My friends took me out with her on a double date. I couldn’t believe any man would not want to be married to this gorgeous woman. As we started talking and as I got to know her, guess what??? BIG RED FLAG. She was at one end of the spectrum. And guess which end… PRUDE. She was an extremely nice girl and all… But I didn’t want to deal with someone who had issues with self esteem, guilt, sex, etc… I saw right away it would be a big issue in any relationship she had.

I figured out pretty quickly why her husband divorced her… It must be like being in H*LL to be married to a gorgeous sexy thing like that and not have sex…

Anyway the moral of the story is if you go too far to either end of the extreme (and stay there) it’s a turn off for most men. But being a sex kitten ONLY for him is a definite TURN ON.

Somewhere in-between is what I think men really find attractive. Kind of like what I said before…. Betty Crocker in the kitchen… and a Playmate in the bedroom. Almost like having a split personality…LOL

Hey, SS, I just had a thought. When you give him that hug when he leaves, make sure you take the LEFT side, and instead of kissing his cheek or forehead, press your face against his left shoulder. He probably checks himself in the rear-view for "marks" before going over to the warthog, and that way, he won't even SEE the mark...but SHE will as soon as he walks in...(hehehe <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />)

I hear you all! Thank goodness i'm not at either ends of the extreme. We do (did) have different sex drives. They were different but not hugely so.

We've talked twice today on the phone- very matter of factly on his part... business like I guess you could call it. And he didn't respond to my flirty tm, so I didn't send another one. I think last nights "dream" was enough different for him to take notice and I don't want to be overly flirtatous because he'll think somethings up. I'll just periodically text him or leave a message that will have him "thinking" of ME!

He's coming for dinner tomorrow ;-)

I've never worn lip stick, darn it!!

It's not too late with the lipstick.

Start slowly with LIP GLOSS. He WILL like it.

Do you have a MAC counter in your local department store?

If you do, they can hook you up with a SUBTLE color..just enough..to get those LIPS looking JUICY...

Your girls don't do GLOSS?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

hey I guess that's what they make teenage daughters for, I'll hit them up for help with the "gloss"

What a GREAT idea. Go bond with those girls and have fun dressing up.

I know how different I feel when I do. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Ok, as I was saying... I would like to find something that has the opposite affect of viagra... WH is coming over for dinner tomorrow night and I'd love to slip some of it in his meal ;-) Yep, we were supposed to have dinner tonight, he didn't cancel this time though... 2 kids weren't going to be here and the third is having a friend over...works out so well, I think... anyway because warthog emailed him saying something about all of them going swimming tomorrow... well he can't do that if he's running his own kids to appointments and staying for supper! HAHAHA of course joke will be on me if he cancels for tomorrow. I went around looking at some of his more "prized" things and they're still at the house. In January he told her he'd bring his stuff to her house, well there's a tiny piece of good news I can hold on too, since I had such a downer of a day!!! He hasn't answered email (since yesterday) or text from this afternoon, but I'm ok with that...

Not2 sorry about the TJ AGAIN! I just get to reading posts on your thread and cant help it ;-) You can tj here anytime if you'd like. I know what you mean about that line... you want to make them feel wanted but you don't want to go overboard either way.

so then DO NOT TRY ANY CONTACT AGAIN TODAY....I know Mimi has opposite advice, but you need to give him some of the chase. That was my dad's advice to me, "Men generally like to do the chasing. Oh sure they like to be chased occassionaly, but for the most part they like the hunt...". So, I guess we female BS have to tow the fine white line...

Now, what are you cooking tomorrow night?? You know what they say, "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach"....let's work on your menu tonight....

How about some chocolate chip cookies baked with Ex-lax chocolate for dessert. That'll fix THAT little problem! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Praying for you tonight, SS. Praying that your Plan A shines like a lighthouse through the fog tonight, showing him the way back home. And that he keeps seeing the shining light in his head tonight when he lays down to sleep.

It's called salt peter.

In the days of iron men and wooden ships.... rumor has it they would put it in the food to keep the rowdy sailors from going buck wild in port. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Unfortunately it didn't keep me from running wild....LOL

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />