Who? The OW? If anything the OW is making any depression he may have worse... not better...

To imply that the OW may be good for his depression... is a bunch of hog wash... I ain't buying it.

You shouldn't either... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Here, here Amazin.

His depression is from doing the wrong thing and he knows it.

Doing what he is doing is making it (depression) worse yes, I agree there, but he was depressed before this... years I believe. Read some more email between the two of them he professes his love to her and how happy he is now, how he's never been so happy in all his life ;-(

We made it to church this morning!! My first time since July, and I dragged the kids-first time in years ;-(

Don't believe it... He's addicted remember...He’ll say anything to you or the OW to keep getting his drug… Watch his actions not what he says or writes.

What did you expect him to say to the OW in his email??? "I hate you, you make me miserable...???" When you read his emails be careful, don’t let what you read run your emotions. You should be reading his emails in order to find a weak spot in the affair so you can exploit it… Just like we talked about the other day… The perfume, lipstick, panties in the glove box… etc…OW is definitely threatened by him spending any time with you… take advantage of it.


Ok... I was going to put this in my earlier post but didn't...

My dad was bi-polar... He married his high school sweetheart, they had 11 kids and a loving home, she passed away at the age of 58 and he never re-married, … they had their ups and downs… but the one thing he never did was CHEAT ON HER AND HE LOVED HER UNTIL THE DAY HE DIED…

I probably have some depression issues too... but I'm not screwing around on my wife...

Don’t let the depression your WS may have justify any of his actions… in his mind or yours…

(((Serenity))) (that's your hug before your 2x4...sorry sista but you have it coming...)

He had an affair because he was DEPRESSED....BS..BS...BS..

My mom suffered/suffers from D. She had multiple A's. Her and my Father STILL to this DAY blame it on the D (we talked about this again last night....). I say bullcrap....I suffered from anxiety/panic attacks/Depression for the last for years. I had a H who was not there emotionally through my DD trauma and yet I STILL DID NOT HAVE AN AFFAIR. Maybe Dr. Harley is right in that I never had the oportunity, but STILL....I DID NOT HAVE AN AFFAIR......During the worst of those times I thought of suicide, I DID NOT DO THAT EITHER.

Serenity, many people suffer from DEPRESSION. Some chose to fix it by just going through life. Some chose to fix it by seeing an IC. Some chose to fix it by getting AD's. Some chose to fix it by drinking or street drugs. Your H DECIDED to fix it by having an A. Is it working??? Temporarily.....If (and I believe this with my all of my heart and whole being.....) you were to go into Plan B, your WS way of fixing this would come crashing down on him, because he is CHOOSING to aliviate his D with another woman. She is a bandaide to his D. And when he looses contact with you and the kids, then the bandaide will start of fall off.

Why you ask? Because you can't heal a bullet wound with a bandaide. It just ain't gonna work.

As far as the emails....YOU KNOW THIS SERENITY....BS,wayward, fogspeak babble....and when you go into Plan B you will see that...because the emails will suddenly turn a different tune.

Heck, I wouldn't be surprised if Hogwart tries to contact you during Plan B, either looking for advice from YOU on how to fix him (ie....I'm really worried about him....He's talking suicide....) or to chew your butt out because in their screwed up little world they will think YOU are the cause of his misery....

Either way, it is not YOUR fault any more than it is your fault that he CHOSE to abandoned your children.

Girl, it is time you stand up and fight for you and your kids. I know your "excuses" on Plan B. You won't let the kids go to Hogwarts...he wouldn't be able to see them...blah blah blah....

Your kids are old enough to be able to decide if they want to see their dad or go to HER house. The courts cannot make them go there (don't believe me??? Go talk to that lawyer like you've been saying you may do.....). And even if he takes them out one day and they ended up over there, from what we have seen from your kids, they will make the visit so HELLISH he will NEVER make that MISTAKE again.

Ok,,,I'm done.....

Serenity, girl, you know I feel for you and love ya to death, but I am not liking your thinking about all of this. I have seen the effects of depression and what it can do, but I CANNOT and WILL NOT buy into this theory that he was depressed and it made him have the affair. Nor will I buy into this theory that because he is having an affair it fixes his depression, because honey, if that were the case, that is what the Dr.'s would start recommending to all of the patients suffering from Depression.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

you know the saying "An apple a day keeps the DR. away",,,,well I haven't heard "An affair today keeps depression at bay".....

Sorry to burst your bubble......(you know how passionate I am on the topic of DEPRESSION...)....

Your thinkin is stinkin....it would be like me saying my depression caused my WS to have his affair....sorry...not buying it...

ok...I swear I am done this time..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Tell me about church......

not2fun

there isn't much to tell about church. dd14 was p.o.'d that I made them get up and go. ds16 was saying we should go saturday evenings so he could sleep in. dd13 wasn't too happy that I made dd14 wake up to go "now she's going to be cranky" LOL gotta love 'em. Anyway I was hoping the readings would be about the prodigal son, oh well ;-) I am SO GLAD that we went, I really hope this is the beginning of returning and continuing to go.


ok, ok, 2x4s accepted!! geesh. LOL I need them every once in awhile. I just need to be reminded to watch his actions and not pay attention to the lies he's giving her or me.

I don't "think" I meant to blame the affair on his depression, I will have to re-read what I wrote. I just think that he's been searching for happieness for awhile because he will not admit to having an illness, men!

He sent me another email last night saying he was going to call a bankruptcy attorney this week. Of course if he needs something in the future he can use "warthogs" credit, me? Won't have good credit, this sucks!! Oh well I think we'll be back together anyway, so it will be "our" bad credit... frankly I wouldn't care if we were together and rebuilding our life TOGETHER.

So I was in a darn good mood, went to get some groceries, holding my head high. Thinking if I do run into OW (which weird that I never have) that I'd just smirk at her and walk away. Anyway who do I see, the one that was supposed to be my BF. I have't wanted to speak to her since she wrote email to WH to do whatever as long as he was happy. Justifying what she was getting ready to do (kick her dh out.) So anyway, I tried avoiding her and just as I was getting ready to leave I walked by her, she looked at me, I waved and said hello, and she just turned away!! How rude! I know she saw me and if she didn't one of her kids would have pointed me out to her, the 6yo is my God Son ;-(

So anyway I was in a funk on the way home, but reading what Not2 and Amazin wrote helped me snap out of it! THANK YOU!!! Guess what I'm going to do NOT?? Yep scrappin' table here I come!!

GOOD FOR YOU... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Like I said, I know I was harsh but this is something I believe with all my heart. We will get through this together.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />....and we will come out of it no matter the outcome STRONGER, HEALTHIER, MORE VIBRANT WOMEN because of it...

Scrapbooking ya say?? You know, the kids and I went to Captiva, FL 3yrs ago and I came home with some amazing pictures. I always said I was going to do a scrap book of it, but never did (scrapping is not really my thing....I tried it when I was first married and DD14 who was 1 at the time got a hold of the first book I was doing and ripped it all up....frusterated me to no end...it took me a long time just to get done what was done.....never did it again....), so maybe I should take your lead and get on that... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Here's a quote for us this morning....

"Listen to God and the changes He wants you to make in your life"...by Queenie

She wrote that to Snuggles this morning....it just really spoke to me and I thought it was beautiful.....so lets work on that .....

(((Serenity)))

Not2fun

yes, that is a nice quote...

well now that dd isn't 1 anymore ;-) you can safely scrap! You would be amazed at how far the scrapbook industry has come, incase you didn't know LOL they have huge stores dedicated to the hobby!!

ok, ok getting off the computer.

Not2, did you watch a movie last night?

I thought about that quote a lot too... I don't know why but I feel like God has a plan for me and my family But I havn't been going to church... Resisting maybe? I've never been a very religious man or had a lot of faith. But since all this affair crap has been going on I've been much more willing to accept??? More receptive maybe??? Does that make sense?

I didn't mean to TJ... but I was thinking about that quote too...

Ladies, excuse me. But I read this and want to make a slight comment as I am facing Plan B myself.

I could be wrong, trust me and correct me if I am, but when you go into Plan B, there won't be any emails. There won't be any contact. He will cease to exist for you until certain conditions are met. If he needs to contact you, there needs to be an intermediary and I think I am safe in suggesting that this person understand that there job is to relay only emergencies.

The whole point of Plan B is to go completely dark and completely out of his life for yourself, your sanity, your recovery and possibly your M.

Another gift from G-d, but my two older kids are adults and don't have to see him at all. My YS is 15 and the courts will let him decide what he wants to do. I have asked in my LSA for sole custody and all life decisions regarding my children are left up to me. He has no input, OR is she allowed to be around my children.

I can imagine that will make him angry, however.. As so MANY on here say, I am protecting my children and you have that right too.

Please know that going into Plan B is a serious decision because in essence there will be no more WH in your life. I think that's why the heart and mind need to be in sync as best as possible.

JMHO

I'm pretty sure Not meant that when/if I go to plan B the email between WH and OW will change. I've been snooping every once in awhile, it gets me down, but I know I should JUST be looking for that weak spot in their affair and use it to MY advantage.

He popped in for about an hour and a half this afternoon. I remained cheerful and pleasant. We talked about bills that are due, etc. Talked about when kids need to be where and when he'd have to do it because I have meetings out of town. He doesn't really have a way to prove to OW that I'm really out of town, so I hope it burns at her, making her wonder if I really am out of town.

not to disappoint you Not, but haven't gotten to the scrappin' yet. Decided to color the roots ;-) and watch some Greys Anatomy on DVD, first season, never watched it before... oh and I did do a bit of exercising! Plenty of time left in the day though... foods already cookin' so that's one less thing to get in my way.

Gotcha....

How do you like Greys so far. What's on tap for dinner?

So far it's pretty good. Guess during the season there's just too many other things on ;-) My dd14 has raved about it. I heard that it might be inappropriate so she wasn't allowed to watch it. Well it came on a school night anyway, but then her best friend started recording them, and they'd watch them when my dd stayed the night over there. She knew why I didn't want her to watch them, so we discussed certain issues and stopped giving her a hard time. Heck if staying in having Greys Anatomy marathons are the worst she's doing at 14 then I'm grateful! Actually that is the worst, cause otherwise she's here with me or at school and that leash is still pretty tight. I'm "over protective," and proud of it!

Beef stew, quick and easy threw everything in after church and haven't had to worry about it.

Ok, I've got to prepare for a presentation... my first EVER in front of a group of strangers- elementary students parents, this shall be interesting.

hugs to you queenie, don't know if I mentioned it on your thread, but what I thought you did at the field was brave and you're my hero ;-) standing up for your marriage the way you did. I hope to be that brave and not sulk and hide away (if/when.)

I don't know if it really will matter to my M, but I know that I love him and miss him so much. I have to try everything and just know I did my best.

My heart wishes that I took up space with them yesterday. Don't know though. Might never know.

Thank you though. It did't seem like it was being brave at all. Just what I needed to do.

Hi Soon,

Still got them expectations I see...

Remember, this is like a football game and you’re the coach. Anything he says is but another play you defend against. I know it's hard, and I wish there was something I could say that made a difference. I also know and hope that what you say here is not shown to him.

Still pulling and praying for you. Keep it up, because it sounds like he's getting LB from the warthog, and he will eventually see that you are there for him.

so... where to start...

DD14 calls and said "girl" walked up to her at the bus loop and asked what DD's dads name was, DD asked why, girl said "he's dating my aunt, but none of my family likes her." well duh! warthog cheated on her husband before he passed away-that side of the family can't stand her. Anyway, DD14 goes to text her best friend "warthog(used her name) is girls aunt"... she got back at text "no sh*t" from her dad! Yikes, she didn't mean to text him. Anyway he made some sort of comment when he picked her up. She called me as soon as he left and begged me not to tell him that she texted him on accident, let him think that she did it on purpose. I agreed that I wouldn't say anything to him. Not really in the mood to chat with him anyway.

So I get home find out he didn't spend time with the kids like he said he would, didn't take ds to get hair cut.

Take DD13 to the library on the way she asks if there is anything that would put me in a better mood, I couldn't think of anything. So we were looking for videos and whose standing at the counter AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!! I've never seen her in person, she's UGLIER than her pictures. I said to DD13 I'm sure that's warthog, she said "are you going to go and hit her or something" LOL oh yeah that's how I deal with things. LOL!!! So I had to get out of there, I see her talking to one of the piglets (I know the piglets so now I know 100% that it is her)(wh may have been hiding back there behind the stacks, but I really don't think he's out in public with her yet) So we're checking out the videos and I tell the older librarian (very nice lady, known her for many years) "that woman that was just up here is sleeping with my husband" she said "WHAT?" I said yep, he's been staying with her since just after Christmas. The shock on her face ;-) She says "you never can tell with some people"

So on the way out I purposely walk by her and smirked!!! Ha! If I weren't so nervous or grossed out I would have said something like, "good luck with him" or "thanks for taking him off my hands" something to make her think.

So this day can't get worse!!

oh boy sounds like we are all having one of those wonderful mondays.

I think it was priceless that you exposed her to the librarian! Right on!

SS... She's intimidated by you ... use that to your advantage...

You should have acted like you didn't know who she was or that she was there. You should have said something that she could overhear that would make her even more intimidated...

Something like this to your daughter...

"Honey you know your dad and I are still planning to take you guys camping in a couple of weeks... why don't we make a list of the movies you want to watch on the ride to Florida...."

Put her on the defensive... make her un-easy for a change...

We talked about this on N2F's thread the other day... the liar thinks everyone is lying... the thief thinks everyone is stealing... the cheater thinks everyone is cheating...

Make her think exactly that... that he's playing her... then she'll break it off...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

oh amazin that would have been perfect. darn it, why can't i think fast on my feet like that!!! oh that would have been so funny!