SS trust me from expierce OW don't care... they think they are entitled to what they have cause for some reason we threw it all away..... YUCKKKKKK

((((Serenity))))

SO WHAT IF HE FILES FOR DIVORCE!!!!!!!!

SO WHAT IF HE FINDS YOUR THREAD ON HERE!!!!!

you have got to look past that....and face your fear. Go read Mimi's thread on fear.

Whenever I get this way, I talk to my sister, because she will say all of this to me. Do you think if he D you, you will die??? Do you think that you will be all alone??? Do you think you could never be happy again??? Are you happy now????

I know Mimi will crack my butt for saying these things, but I tell you what, the day I told my WS that no, he couldn't stay with the kids at MY house, that what is he going to do if we divorce, is the day I took my POWER back for the FIRST time. I had already looked at my future without him, I knew that I would be ok. Does that mean I don't want WS to come home??? Does that mean I want to D???? Does that mean I don't want to repair things????

NO it doesn't, but I means I am not settling for anything less than what I deserve. I am not and WILL not accept going back to what my M was before A and during A. This is what my WS offered me this week. And I said no. And look at what is happening...good things. If he keeps fighting his own demons, I will do Plan B. I am ready. Honey, you need to look at the big picture. Yes, I know you want the kind of marriage we see Mimi and others who have survived here, BUT you need to stand up for it. NOW.....otherwise, you are going to keep doing this and it will make YOU sick.

I don't want that. YOU CAN DO THIS...I KNOW YOU CAN....LOOK INTO THE MIRROR AND START LOVING AND RESPECT WHO YOU SEE.

((((Serenity)))))

not2fun

Serenity,

I'm sorry you're having a hard day. And I know you're mad, angry and hurting. But... sometimes anger is a good thing if you can direct it toward something constructive...

Forcing yourself to have the self respect that Anointed spoke of for one thing. Sometimes you have to pissed off before you’ll act or make a change.

Sometimes anger gives us the courage to act in situations when we wouldn’t normally have it ... Understand?

For example:

Sgt Alvin York... WW I Congressional Medal of Honor recipient, and the most decorated veteran of WW I. He tried to avoid being drafted because of his religious beliefs, he believed killing was wrong. He was denied conscientious objector status and drafted into the Army anyway. In France, York and 16 other men got turned around and ended up behind enemy lines. A line of German machine gunners turned their guns away from the front and toward the small American squad killing 9 of the 17 soldiers including York’s best friend and the squad leader. York took charge; he flanked the line of machine gun nests, killing 25 Germans, silencing 32 machine guns, and ultimately capturing 132 Germans.

After the battle he was asked why he changed his mind about killing. He said that he still believed killing was wrong. But when his best friend was killed he got very angry. And the way he saw it, the more Germans he could kill or capture the less killing they could do. Ultimately he would be saving lives.

It’s a true story and was made into a movie called “Sergeant York” starring Garry Cooper... It’s an old black and white feel good movie that I would suggest renting if you haven’t seen it.

Anyway...

My point is this, Take that anger and turn it into COURAGE. Do the things that you haven’t been able to do yet because you’re afraid to do them...

I’m praying for you Serenity.

Amazin.

(((((Serenity))))))

How you holding up honey??? yes, I finished LMBT and it must. We can't do it for you though...wish I could.

not2fun

Yeah, how are you doing?

doing a lot better. have lots of studying to do this weekend ;-)

ss

calm down.

All you will do if you give ow a piece of your mind is make it easier for the adulterers to trash you.

You be sweet as pie.

Do NOT call the ow, not good right now.

If you do, be in the right place. Sweet as pie. Firm about saving your M.

You need to think hard about plan B. And when you do get there, you need to set some firm boundaries.

And about you getting mad and yelling at WS, its okay. We ALL have our moments, and you had one. You have been stellar in your plan A.

You are WORTHY, please SS, know this. You deserve the best.

Love in Christ,
Miss M <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

(((((Serenity))))))

How you doing today??? Let me know....you can run....but then so can your stockings.....LMAO.....

not2funny

OMG you are too funny NOT

that would be funny... but mine don't run ;-p they sit in my drawer and smell my clean panties LOL!!!

up and down kind of a day. tm'd about going to get myself a new cell, he had added my name to the darn contract but they wouldn't let me sign it. so I have to have WH go in and sign it if I want a new phone I hate that. He tm'd me about sittin' down and talkin' about who's going to pay what etc. cause "we're not going to live like this for the next two years" meaning the length of the cell contracts. He finally added lines for the other two. I don't know what he thinks he's going to do, he's so sick!!

Wait a minute. If your name is not on the contract then why would you get a phone under the same plan. What did I miss?

Im such a Hommer... I had to read not's joke three times befor I got it. D'oh...and soon, I would hope that the pantie in your drawer are clean. LOL

(((((Serenity)))))

Hows the drama going??? Are you ready to be out of it????

I know I've been hard on you (snuggles your next.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />), but honestly, do you not see the similarities between our WS. I pi$$es me off to see him doing these things to you, and then I step back and see my situation is NO different.

Are you responsible for this contract??? If not, then go your own phone and plan. No need for him having "one" more thing to manipulate with you. My WS could do the same thing, but as I could care less if I have a cell phone or not, it would not bother me. And its good that he finally got one for the other 2, now when YOU go into Plan B, he'll have no excuse for not contacting them, and this gives YOU no excuse for NOT going into Plan B......

Honey, the stars are aligned for you to do this. You know there is trouble in La La Land, she is demanding things from him, he's having "trouble" performing, and the kids have no respect for him.....your timing at this point could not be any better.....Don't miss this train before it leaves the station....


Ok....no more soapbox.....How's the kids??? How's the scapbooking going??? What's on the plate for the weekend???

Not2fun

ps....TMTS....3x's??? you are SUCH a male.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

ok, i'm sure this is going to make all my supporters out here sick, but... I'm starting over AGAIN! Yes I had one HE** of a night. Went to a friends for an evening out. Got to talking. One saw WH with OW in the grocery store and couldn't believe he would go so LOW!! This person said she is TRASH, SCUM and a REAL LOW LIFE! Then I guess someone who knows OW saw them together someplace and reported it to WHs brother, and brother said something about OW being a disgusting ho. Well glad to know what he thinks of her, just wish I had a bit more support from ANYONE when it comes to telling him NOT A GOOD move on your part WH!

So after 2 glasses of wine-enough for me. WH brings son home from an outing and we start chatting and I lost it big time, bawling my eyes out to the point of almost not being able to breathe. He goes on about "caring" for me, not wanting me to be miserable, blah, blah. (Subtle wiping of the eyes on his part). He stayed WAY longer than he intended, he'd left his car running in the drive, I hope OW LB'd him when he finally made it over there. Anyway I was pitiful beyond belief!!

NOT2 I have the opposit of you, I wake up in a good mood and think I'll be fine!! it's early to late afternoon and the evenings that are hard for me.

Anyway I am starting over today, the new me! Yeah right! Well darn it I am going to try. New Goddess time! I've gotta do something different.

(((((Serenity))))))

Oh honey I am so sorry. This is why you need Plan B though. You can't keep doing this, I can't keep doing this, Snuggles cannot keep doing this. It is not healthy for us, it is not healthy for our kids. This is where WE stop the cycle and put OURSELVES FIRST. It is VITALLY important. You also need to get a hold of yourself. Crying is ok, becoming hysterical is not. He may have gone to her and she may have comforted him. Not good.

Him caring for you??? Him not wanting you to be miserable???? That is all babble...you KNOW this. If he cared so much, he would be home. He would MAKE better decisions. DO NOT LISTEN TO SUCH CRAP, because that is exactly what it is.

Look at it this way, my DD14 told me she doesn't understand why I am doing all this stuff for her dad. He doesn't deserve it. He should love me for who I am. YOur DD has said the same things. WHAT KIND OF MESSAGE ARE WE SENDING TO OUR DAUGHTERS BY ALLOWING THEM TO DO THIS TO US???? Doesn't THAT pi$$ you off??? I sure does me.....yeah, I wasn't perfect, I am responsible for my part of the demise of my marriage, BUT I am NOT responsible for his STUDID decision to throw it all away, to discard his family like yesterdays trash, to treat his children like an inconvience. PUT that responsibility back on HIM. LET HIM wallow in HIS MISERY.....and YOU, RISE UP AND RECLAIM YOURSELF....

this should be our new battle cry......

We deserve better....

Our kids deserve better....


Ok....now, you are right, today is a new day, what are going to do for YOURSELF today????

Me, I took my shower, got dressed in clothes I like and am comfortable in (no sweats though...some capri jeans, nice casual T-shirt I got last night, hair is nice, and make-up on.....gonna watch all the men at the batting cages STARE at me when I walk in....just like they have been doing EVERY time I go there.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />). Cleaning up the house as we speak.....gonna take DD14 shopping after batting cages, and tonight well, I AM a little stumped on that one...but it'll come to me...

Come on Serenity....let's do this....oh and what are your thoughts on Plan B at this point??? You really need to come up with a Plan..you will FEEL SO MUCH BETTER AND IN CONTROL if you make a plan. That was another part of my awakening this week.....and I made a back up plan so WS couldn't get me off track. So, lets make you a Plan.....TODAY...that is what YOU can do for YOURSELF....

(((SERENITY))))

Don't you wish we lived closer so we could console each other through this???

not2fun

also Serenity....did you read Mulan's sitch on Boundaries??? It is an amazingly good one to read....

(((Serenity))))

How is the studying going??? Hope your day is better than last night. It's nice and sunny here....I love it...

not2fun

ps...this is a peace offering for all my 2x4's....I can't help that I want to fight for the ones I care about....

Ummm... Hello... you should be teaching them these life lessons...

I’m fighting for your father, our family, my husband, my marriage and our happiness. Darling daughter I know I appear to be a doormat for your father right now. (You better not really be a doormat or your kids will know.) But in the end when you’re older and when all is said and done, my hope is that one of the lessons that you learn from this is how a wife/husband should treat a selfish wayward spouse with love even though they are still being selfish, ugly and all their actions say they don’t deserve it . (Loving detachment I think?)

How about teaching your kids to do the right thing even when someone else is not doing the right thing. It takes COURAGE to do the HONERABLE thing... It’s real easy to go the other direction and to be ugly, selfish, manipulative, and mean.


Hmmm.... if by “this stuff” you mean the changes that you’re making in yourself ... They’re supposed to be for you, and you should be the one who primarily benefits from your changes... If your wayward spouse decides to come back and work on the marriage then all of the changes you made for yourself are just a side benefit for the WS... Even when you’re meeting their EN’s ... ultimately you’re the one benefiting because you’re learning how to be a better spouse.

Guess who benefits from your changes if they don’t come back.... yep... you, your kids... and possibly your future spouse...

JMHO...

Did I go overboard? Sorry if I did.

I just think you're looking at some of this stuff backwards... Take some of this negative crap that's happening in your life and put a positive spin on it.

Thanks not, yep doing better. You have sun? We have had snow all day!! All kids of activities for today were postponed because of how much snow was expected, I think it's still coming down. SICK of it. I have never seen this much snow in my life!! It is beautiful though.

Thanks Amazin, I agree about teaching them that you hold on to your marriage, show them that divorce isn't the answer and forgiveness is important ;-) I sooooo pray this doesn't happen to one of my kids when they're married!

WH did come for dinner, even though it gives me "false hope"... don't care about the false hope, I just want him to feel comfortable and loved here and when he makes it back there, I hope he gets bombed with LBs!!

ok, decided whether I want to do something fun, or sit and read all evening... choices, choices.

I vote for the something fun <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />