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Amazin...(serenity...sorry about the t/j... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />)
It was kind of rough. Actually I was replying to the message, but decided that I was too mad, that I decided to erase and come back when I felt better.
Yes, I understand what you are saying. But you need to understand that being in Plan A for too long (as serenity is getting close to be...and so am I for that matter....) and continueing to look like doormats to our daughters, does in fact send the wrong message. Especially, when WS are boinking another WOMAN right in front of the kids faces. It is a delicate line here...
Now, Lala said it best on my thread, right around page 30 I think.....
Also, in MY case, WS has been verbally abusive. The other night when I invited him over to dinner, as we were eating him and I were talking about our workouts. I told him I lost another 2 lbs.. He asked me what I was weighting. I told him 138 to which he replied "you should be a maximium of 120". You should have seen the look on my daughters face when he said that. She had to leave the room, because she didn't want her dad to see the pain she felt for me. I believe this is what led to her melt down the other night.
Honey, I want to apologize for the tone in my posts to you. If it seems I was harsh and angry, it is because I am. Not at you, but at myself and MY situation. Its not your fault, but when I see you hurting, it just burns me up because I see myself and my pain. And it wasn't fair to you. You need comfort, I know that. Heck, all us BS need that. Anyway, I will try and be more gentle in the future and remember that I am not doing anything better than you are. I will also remember that I am NOT a VET....yet... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />.
I hope your studying is going good for you this weekend....
amazin totaly didn't take it that you were being a butt head, you said what needed to be said. no appology necessary.
so didn't do anything fun! Found pepperband thread on good posts and read through that the entire night! geesh! Girls want to go shopping, yuck! it'll be more like window shopping, but at least we'll get out and do some walking.
NOT you gettin' closer to B? I haven't spent the time necissary to read about it yet.
good to see you...missed YOU too honey....how's it all going??? Have you been to the Dr. yet??/ anyway's, still praying for you and W2S....keep up with us....but not at the expense of your M....
Shoppin' trip wasn't much fun... by the time we got to the mall we only had an hour. Hey when I was growin' up everything was closed on Sunday.... so these kids are lucky... or not, probably better when everything was closed on Sundays.
Anyway DD14 thought she needed everything and anything. Wouldn't do it. Got the shirt we went for and she was nasty. Ended up taking her phone and she went without it for most of the day. She had to appologize for her rudeness.
Co-worker does the whole B.E. make-up gonna try that and probably buy some ;-)
I've been such a MESS. Twice this weekend WH asked when was the last time I talked to IC. Tonight he asked about when was last time I talked to doc about ADs. UGH!! I said so going to the doc about meds is supposed to make this all better.
We chatted he went on about he knows I'm committed, he just can't committ, he can't give me the happieness he knows I deserve. He can't be happy here... doesn't have any reasons though! Ugh... I gotta get in some good Plan A or there won't be anything "good" for him to miss.
I know... not supposed to talk R talk... well I keep "needing" to know where he is.
"i know things are wrong... things were wrong before..I guess I just don't have the feelings that your do. I can't say I'm sorry enough... but I know how I feel... or how I don't feel. It doesn't make me feel very good to know you are so sad... to see you cry... to know that i have hurt you"-his babble for the night ;-(
Mimi was reading on your thread... your WH mentioned a few times how he wanted to come home, just had to finish up with OW etc... my wh doesn't say that, he pretty much says he's DONE. Every once in awhile I think geesh, you were married 30yrs and this happened... do I want this to happen again, or should I just give up and start over new... ugh.
I'd love to figure out a way for OW to LB my WH...
I don't know why WH isn't "moving" forward one way or the other. We don't see much of him anymore, I think that's what my problems been lately, withdrawls from him.
He tm about 15 times Sunday while he was at work... just chit chat.
We IM'd for about 2hrs tonight while he's at work.
I'm just so ready for this to be done and for him to realize what a disaster he's causing AND COME HOME!
OMG.....you've been with me from the beginning, so I don't need to tell you that I've been in the SAME situation you faced with your WS this weekend. Wah wah wah whahhhhhhh....have you been to the MC??? wah wah wahwahhhhhhhhh...the meds.....(which, as much as I hate to say it....he is right....no it is not going to bring him home, no it will not stop the A, it will HELP YOU get a handle on your emotions....)
You do not need to know where HE is, you need to know where YOU are (try looking in your shoes....lol <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />).
Yes, you need to get in some good Plan A...lets review the course work...
1. meet all WS EN's 2. advoid all LB's 3. NO EXPECTATIONS......
then you need to go to Plan B....FOR YOU.....so you can get off the carnival ride.
I love you honey....and I want you happy too....or at least at a middle ground...
not2fun
ps...how's the scrapbooking coming along....another winter storm headed our way...may end up with a snow day tomorrow....you know where it'll go next....
I'd love to figure out a way for OW to LB my WH...
You already did, Serenity. When he comes around, you leave your mark. You know she hates when he is around you so use that intel. I'll bet you haven't done the perfume or any of it that we suggested....have you??
Look, pull yourself up, hon and start putting some value on YOU! We have told you this, plus you see Not2 getting there...but we had to lop her upside the PC about a hundred times first, so I guess it's YOUR turn!!
You are admittedly a sweet person who loves her husband. He has had very little to say about what is "wrong" with you-in other words, he has very little to complain about. THAT is the reason we are trying to get you into Plan B, Serenity. He is using you and playing both sides of the fence. You need to put a stop to your end of the triangle. You need to trust that it WILL end between them, he WILL miss you and want to come home. But in the meantime, you need to protect yourself from further abuse.
I would suggest getting some ADs and shutting him out via Plan B asap. You just have to seal the deal completely and not let him in by getting an intermediary to handle the go-between of the kids and change the locks on the doors. None of this "Oh my, what was I to do-he just walked in the house!" You need to be firm and tie up all the loose ends so that it has the greatest impact.
The ADs are nothing to be ashamed of and will help you see things from a little less emotional VP. They will help you be strong, as will we.
Do you know that Dr. Harley says that people (especially women) who stay in Plan A too long are at a great risk for severe emotional trauma up to a nervous breakdown? You are the SANE one in this scenario and need to remain that way for your children.
Please take control back Serenity. I am really getting worried about you!
Since plan B (and plan A, for that matter), is extremely stressful for the betrayed spouse, I usually recommend that he or she ask a physician to prescribe anti-depressant medication to be taken throughout the crisis. This not only greatly reduces the suffering of the betrayed spouse, but it also helps keep a clear head at a time when patience and wise decisions are crucial. Anti-depressant medication does not numb the betrayed spouse to the crisis, it actually helps raise him or her above emotional reactions that would otherwise prevent clear-headed thinking. Why suffer and and make poor choices when anti-depressant medication can help ease your pain and improve your concentration in this time of unprecedented crisis?
I am on something! I originally started it for the extreme emotions I got monthly- I asked the doc for an increase just before Christmas because I knew what was headed my way. Doc doubled the dose, it seemed to be helping. This past week though has been the pits.
I know what I have to do, doin' it though is the hard part. It's just scary. I guess I've become too dependent on knowing he'd be around, and then when he isn't I get upset.
LaLa don't want to change the locks. He'd be "forced" to take his stuff. Which it being here continues to be an LB for her ;-) He promised her in Jan... next week I'll get my stuff. OOOh he got a grocery bag of dvds other than that nada... still has clothes in the closet and all other things that belongs to him are still here in his "ex-house".
Ok-back to being strong... I can do this.... I took care of three little ones in diapers when he was away for a year (army) then again two years later when he was away for a year (army). I could pretend he's overseas?
Oh and the point of changing the locks is so he WILL be forced to take his stuff. Plan B is NO COMMUNICATION...let him be with her 24/7. I'm willing to bet that she has other LB's than just coming over to your house....and it will SAVE you from the emotional trauma of seeing him....
may be another snow day for us tomorrow... or ice! yuck! Anyway I've got plans on doing some realy deep cleaning if we're stuck here tomorrow... sort of hoping for it ;-) 'cause then I get to sleep in first!
Feeling much better today. noticed WH isn't just deleting my emails. He is actually saving some of them in a folder. There isn't any new email between him and ow.
no scrappin' yet, but I'm going to promise myself to get to that soon... maybe even if I only start with a promise to do an hours worth this weekend.
Took the kids for a drive and then we went out for dinner and got groceries together as a family ;-) OH MY Word, I just realized, I wasn't depressed doing it either! HA!
Mimi was reading on your thread... your WH mentioned a few times how he wanted to come home, just had to finish up with OW etc... my wh doesn't say that, he pretty much says he's DONE. Every once in awhile I think geesh, you were married 30yrs and this happened... do I want this to happen again, or should I just give up and start over new... ugh.
He would say he was DONE..sometimes.. when/if I asked him. The LAST TIME he left, he considered himself DONE. I'll never forget him saying: "FACE IT, IT'S OVER". I COMPLETELY STOPPED THOSE KIND OF DISCUSSIONS WITH HIM CAUSE I KNEW EXACTLY WHAT HE WAS GONNA SAY. Having RELATIONSHIP TALKS with a FOGGY WAYWARD is USELESS and HURTFUL. You give him a PLATFORM to JUSTIFY his AFFAIR.
And turns out, when he was saying he was coming home, he was BSing me. He said that he should have won an "ACADEMY AWARD" for his ACTING...moreso LYING.. He thinks he's DENZEL anyways.. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />
YOUR JOB is to PLAN A..meet EMOTIONAL NEEDS with the time you have available with him. Try to do ONLY that and nothing else. No amount of TALKING to him about how and why he needs to end the affair will make any difference...
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
This is too cute! I'm a big country music fan. The songs probably from last year... but I heard it and searched for it. FUNNY! Not anything I'm in the mood to say to WH, but it sure as you know what could fit!
Sarah Johns "The One in the Middle"
I can't believe you'd do that to me Use me You've fooled around and a'wrecked my heart She's just a skank rode hard and put up Well, good luck
Pre Chorus
I would've given you the finger on my left hand The one that you use for a wedding band
Chorus
(But) (And) now I'm givin' you The one in the middle The one that's a little bit longer And I got another one On my other hand So I can say it even stronger If you're askin' if I'm done Well, I'm sure not sayin' you're number one (No, now I'm givin' you) (The one in the middle) (The one that says we're through)
2nd Verse
I hope you're happy with your sad life That's right I hope you get what you deserve And when you're tired of TV dinners Remember
(Repeat Pre Chorus)
(Repeat Chorus)
Bridge
Well, you made your bed So go lay in it And you forced my heart and hands To the limit
Spoken
Ah, yeah, I've had it with you, darlin' That's right
