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Road,
I posted to you on EN with regard to questionnaires, but the bottom line is that the early recovery process can be extremely difficult. I don't often suggest it as a do-it-yourself project. So call the Harley's and get into counseling.
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Is your husband pitching in at all to help get to recovery? Has he answered all your questions? Has he explained how he could so easily take a chance on losing his wife and family? Or better yet, does he have a plan to keep it from happening again in the future?
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Is your husband willing to (enthusiastic about) working on a self-study plan using MB materials?
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You can always phone Steve H and see if he'll use my rate (or frankly, ask for a discounted rate). I was a bit PO'ed my wife didn't start her affair earlier---I would have been at the $45/session rate instead of the $60/session rate. I see it's gone up a bit! (He's still worth every penny...)
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RU,
You could call into the Harley's Radio show and ask your question(s) also. Just an idea.
I bumped the thread for you. But here's the info.
[color:"blue"]Thursday December 27th or Friday December 28th:
Call-in 888-606-1776 [/color]
Jo
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What does he give you for a reason............?
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Well, that is quite common actually. And sometimes the OW IS manipulative and DOES threaten to expose to the wife. But that doesn't explain why he did it in the first place.
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Are you certain the affair wasn't the reason for the separation?
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Often the affair is already started, but they cover it up, but who knows?
Is he putting any effort into recovery?
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RU,
I am so sorry you are hurting. I completely understand your feelings as does everyone else on here. You are so not alone.
I have no expertise in this whatsoever to offer, except I care that you are in pain and are keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
All I can do to get through those most horrible feelings is pray and look to G-d for strength and FAITH. FAITH that one day I will recover completely and BELIEF, that my M will be restored to something that I can't even imagine at this point.
I also come here and hope that I can either offer some warmth and caring to someone or read it from someone else.
Bracha
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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You are doing great. Keep listening to the experts on here and you can't go wrong.
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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What was it about his answers about his top emotional needs that upset you?
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Hi,
Has your reading included SAA, HNHN & LMBT? How familiar are you with plans A & B?
Your H isn't with you in recovery....not yet.
Either way, you should get a plan. Finish plan A (read the concepts section above, SAA), learn how to communicate with a man (HNHN) and then if he still is stuck on 'stupid' (maintaining the WS mentality), then read LMBT (Dobson) to learn how to implement a good plan B.
Fow now, regardless of what he does, you will learn HOW to move forward. If and when he decides to get on board the recovery plan, you will be ready to lend a hand.
Realize it isn't as hard for you as him but you will have your own stages of grief to go through along with your personal recovery.
There are also several other points to consider:
1. Create your personal support group (include your children). Be a part of their support group as well.
2. Secure your finances
3. Pray for a clear mind, calm heart and lots of patience
4. Get MC for yourself and IC for your children as needed
5. Know that your mind and heart must be in sync before you can implement plan B.
6. Understand the plans and how each needs to be intergrated into your situation.
There's more, that's for a start.
Post as needed.
take care,
L.
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