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_Ace_ Offline OP
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It's a New Year. I think I'm turning over a new leaf after what I just posted to K on the Success Stories thread.

I don't want to threadjack that thread (but nor do I want to delete it), so I thought I'd just start a new thread to see if anyone else feels like I do.

This thread may get locked or I may get banned by MB. If so, so be it.

Chrisner called me the social chairperson around here but I'm not so sure what I'll be called after this.

I'm not a newbie any longer but neither am I an MB Veteran. I started to think of myself as an MB V.I.T. (Veteran-In-Training) but now I wonder if I even want to be that.

Why?

Cause I'm weary.

I'm weary of the 'war of words' and the power plays, the accusations, the ignoring, the insensitivities, the innuendos and the outright slams....and I haven't even been here a year yet.

To repeat an old phrase, "can't we all just get along?"

Oh.......and....uh....HAPPY NEW YEAR.

Ace

Edited to change subtitle.


FWH/BW (me)57+ M:36+ yr.
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Happy New Year, Acey.

We're very fortunate to have you here. Thanks for all you do.

Best,
Jo

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I'm with you Acey -

I try to skip those threads, and I'm sure I've been very guilty in the past. Trying to turn over a new leaf for the New Year - chasing after being a Proverbs:31 woman.

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Ace,

I skip them too. I use to do the same on the other board I use to frequent. It eliminates unneeded frustration.

LC





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Hi Acey,

I appreciate your dedication here to bringing up the old positive threads. I enjoy the threads you pull up that help me see where the vets "came from".

I apologize if you feel my earlier post to StillSame was offensive. I did call him/her a liar and stalker. I am weary myself. Weary of this person continuing to ignore my requests that he/she leave us alone. Nonetheless, I have the option to put this person on ignore....but, my goodness, 14 usernames! I was glad that JustUss deleted my post quickly as I really didn't want it to become a distraction to the threads where people need help. I didn't think of emailing JustUss, but realize now that would have been a better alternative than the actual post. BUT we all know this person will be back, don't we?

As far as the "other" threads. I agree with you, but admit that I was drawn into those conversations easily. I thank you for redirecting my attention, which tst and I had been discussing already.

Blessings to you.


Happily married to HerPapaBear



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I've been trying to stay out of those too, Acey.

It seems they begin as differing opinions and degrade rapidly into personal attacks. Nobody wins. Nobody gets help. Nobody learns. Somebody gets hurt. Somebody checks out and Marriage Builders is poorer than before.

JMO and hardly anyone cares about that, I'm sure.

Mark

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It would be good to be able to. However, IT is coming back with a new name as we type. "TheRealBA" is a new junior member.

Sheesh, could it be????

It's like that robot in the Terminator.

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_Ace_ Offline OP
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It seems that we can bash the trolls or ignore the trolls, starve 'em of the attention they're seeking and hope they go away.....or.....we can stalk them to newbie threads and then reply with truth when they expose their ignorant errors....or a number of other to-be-determined-limited options.

But in the meantime, the trolls win if we start bashing each other and ignoring hurting people.

Ace

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I find it's best to just ignore people who bother me w/o making a grand announcement about it. Trolls eat that stuff up and then try their hardest to get people to "like them" therefore talk to them.

LC





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_Ace_ Offline OP
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TRUE CONFESSION..... I yelled NOOOOOO! when I saw that the troll was back in the top slot....wondering who had posted to it.

But it was strange that there was a 0 in the reply box. And after I clicked on refresh, I saw that it was JUSTUSS!!!!!

Whooo hooo! Way to go Justuss!!!

Ace


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I haven't stopped helping the newbies. I help off-board a lot, because I don't have to deal with the interference that way, either.

With 15 usernames, it becomes difficult to warn the newbies of the user who is a current problem unless we let one another know it is back under a new name again. The regular members pretty much would recognize it, of course, but the newbies don't know the history and would not know.

I haven't seen regular members "bashing" each other (well, let me qualify that): those who haven't usually "bashed" each other in some way before anyway.

And I do see healing and reconciliation happening as well. Why, just yesterday or the day before, even Mel and MEDC exchanged pleasantries and greetings with smiley faces all around.

Yeah, it happened!

I think that it's fine for disagreements to happen. Respectful disagreements are fine. The issues discussed here are serious, and tough to talk about without disagreements. People get upset, they are passionate about their beliefs. That's to be expected, because this topic is emotional and brings up memories, triggers, and personal experiences rapt with fire and tears and pain.

But people also need to understand that a disagreement on the boards need not involve name calling, DJs, or LBs - just like in the MB plan.

(And yes, for the record, for the first time on the boards, I did call a troll a name yesterday. I have had enough. I am guilty, and fallible.)


But overall, I don't see that happening. Most of the time people disagree respectfully. They offer help to those in need, humor at times, their own stories for ideas, and support through experience, links, and the MB principles.

I think we have just had a few threads with some people who needed to have a discussion and air their problems out. That happens. It doesn't mean we need to paint the boards with a broad brush, and also doesn't mean we need to ignore the problems, either. There's a need to address the problem posters, and JustUss is on it; she also deleted the threads that became too controversial and offensive to the principles of the owners of the board. That's their right, and personally, I would suppose if I owned the boards I would do what I thought was right as well.

As far as we members are concerned, YES, we do need to continue to support the newbies.

Because it is ethically and morally the right thing to do.
Because they need our support

whether they are BS
or WS

they need help in getting through the difficulty of infidelity.

And as members, we also have a duty to help the moderators when we see the problems crop up again, and to let others know that the problems have returned.

If anyone has any ideas how to handle the problem, please email Justuss.

SB

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_Ace_ Offline OP
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THANK YOU SCHOOLBUS. I do have an idea but it would be difficult (maybe impossible) to implement...but it is an idea.

What if all bonafide recovered posters linked their stories to their sig lines when posting to anyone registering within the previous months....3-6-9-a year? Whatever....it really doesn't matter. We usually omit our sig lines when we post to friends in need or on fun threads but that's not what I'm talking about.

Those of us who are not yet recovered but are serious and trying to encourage and share what little we've gleaned could post a 'status story', even if we don't have a success story per se.

Troll hunters (yes, we'd need everyone to be vigilant) could have solid (or falsified-to-be-revealed later) information and could work with the mods to reduce (wish it could be eliminated) the negative effects of developmentally challenged posters.

It might be a hassle, but here would be the upside. Newly registered posters could be encouraged to check out the sig line stories as well as the date registered and number of posts. It might give them a better way of way to identify who to listen to and who might be suspect.

Veterans could recognize new posters and encourage them to check out success or status stories for POV, similarity of sitch, etc.

Trolls could still falsify status stories (not necessarily success stories) but the inconsistencies could be rooted out easier so the mods could be alerted quicker.

Like I said, it might be a hassle, but it is an idea...and many recovered and recovering posters are already doing it.

Ace

Last edited by Ace_in_bucket; 01/01/08 06:30 PM.

FWH/BW (me)57+ M:36+ yr.
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Good idea. You know, I never had a thread of my own. Somebody asked me to link them yesterday, and I didn't remember ever having one. I went back and researched, and I really didn't. I just had a post or two. Mostly, I was a reader and didn't start posting much until later in recovery. I guess I wouldn't know what to link someone to in my case!

SB

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Personally, I'm getting weary of threads about the "war of words" Maybe that is just me.


Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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_Ace_ Offline OP
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Hey Hi!

Sorry BK, but I guess I missed those threads or I would not have duplicated them.

Quote:

Personally, I'm getting weary of threads about the "war of words" Maybe that is just me




Thanks for your post, it reminded me of when Aph was being accused of being a troll on the Recovery forum. You and I were the only ones posting to her for quite a while, supporting her and bumping her thread when she disappeared. I always meant to ask you why you discerned what you did.

Do you remember?

Ace


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I do remember Acey. I liked her honesty and her genuineness to me anyway.


Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
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_Ace_ Offline OP
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Quote:

I do remember Acey. I liked her honesty and her genuineness to me anyway.




I think there may have been dissention towards you and me for supporting her. I was a newbie, but I saw her consistency....she kept her story straight cuz she was telling the truth.

Hey Aph...hope you're reading this. You are a prime example of why it would be great if posters linked their stories to their sig lines. You were unjustifiably accused of being a troll but you stuck it out. I think Larry's eventually confirming you were legit truly helped.

But you, Aph did not waver in your story. It was bizarre enough to be suspect, but many of us have those wild kinds of stories and have no idea why anyone would question it. But yours was questioned, mine was too, but we're still here.

What about others who might not have had a _Larry_ to back up their story?

And worst, what if the arguments that ensued made veteran posters even more weary than the stories themselves?

On the other hand, if Aph had been a troll, she would have eventually tripped herself up....lies do that sooner or later.

Glad you remembered, BK......thanks for posting.

Ace

P.S. I'm still recruiting for that MB BBQ you promised we're all invited to in 2010. I've been charging air miles like crazy.....Bob P said you were financing the whole thing, but I set him straight!!! LOL


FWH/BW (me)57+ M:36+ yr.
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Happy New Year Ace,

No comment on the title. I just avoid those threads because they aren't productive. You contribute a lot around here, so I hope that you will stay. Just say NO to wars of words.


BS - me 56
XWH - 57

12/25/06 - Dday - WH promised NC. Plan A in effect. Thought we were in recovery.

6-3-07 - Dday#2 Found out NC never took place and A never ended. Found MB NC promised again, but WH would not write NC letter.

9/07 - Dday #3. Still lying and sneaking around. Plan B implemented
WH wants nothing to do with me

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thank you to all who have "come before" me a newbie... you've all been great. I think it's funny, I nicknamed OW troll, before I got on and started posting here.

ACE I think you are doing a great job as a "V.I.T."


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One problem is that sometimes someone is ID'd as a troll, and isn't one. I've seen that several times.

I would rather post to a thousand trolls than ignore ONE hurting person.

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