This is absolutely true in our case, I think. We've even discussed it before and he has told me he knows he'll get blasted so he doesn't tell me the truth. I know I've had plenty of opportunities to respond in a safe way and I haven't done it. Not that I'm responsible for his decision to lie or that telling the lie is okay, but I created the environment that makes him feel unsafe telling the truth.

For the past 6 months I've been really watching this LB. I haven't always been perfect here, but there has been drastic improvement. But the pattern was already set. He probably doesn't even notice that a change has been made here. Mainly because he doesn't give me much of an opportunity to show my new skill off - he always chooses to not tell the truth about something he doesn't want to get blasted over.

This one will be a hard one for him to manage. He will have to trust my claim that I'm not going to yell at him and that probably won't happen very soon.

KLD - Echoing andrew, "Not Just Friends" is excellent. Over the last few weeks I have read it twice. The author has a very easy to read writing style but supports her positions with data, an approach that I appreciate. Also, she has done a nice job of examining all aspects of infidelity from both parties' point of view.

I also found "After the Affair" to be very helpful. "Infidelity: A Survival Guide", not so much.

TIM

p.s. - My d-day was ~5 weeks ago. The MB posters' support, encouragement and guidance has been invaluable to me. Sorry to see you here but you have come to the best place for help with this. Good luck.

TIM, Thanks so much for the reading advice. I've ordered "Not Just Friends" and I'll put "After the Affair" on my list as well.

It helps me so much to know that people care about my situation even though they don't know me. I've learned from reading other threads, too, because not every veteran can get to every thread! If nothing else, it helps greatly to know I'm not alone - not that I wish this misery on anyone.

So sorry to hear you've had a D-Day, too.

Sorry, but this made me laugh. Wanted to point that out, so you could, too. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

LOL, Cat. Thanks. Today is a particularly hard day and a laugh really helped me out.