I should probably add this to the 'spying 101' thread. Probably the most useful tool I used was a combination printer/scanner/copier connected to my home PC. I was able to make copies of countless things, at home. So in your case, you might have made a copy of the license and returned it where you found it. This leaves you with the 'problem' of concealing the paper copies. One easy place to hide paper is with other papers, such as in a filing cabinet or a drawer with a stack of other (normal) papers. However, you might forget something there before you have a chance to put in long-term storage (i.e., a safe deposit box). You might consider looking for a spot to hide papers long term in the house or car. To get you started with ideas, think under a big piece of furniture that hasn't moved in a year, under the 'carpeting' in the trunk of a car, in the box of christmas decorations, ....

- WG

I'm going to get a copy made of it and put it back as quickly as I can. I'll have to do it today, though. I have a safe deposit box that I'm keeping things in.

My PI said that having the number doesn't really help that much because all we'd get is if she has any tickets, etc and that won't help in a D case. She said the only thing I could possibly get is the satisfaction that this person is an even bigger loser if soemthing big showed up. Probably not worth the hours and travel $$ for her to drive 4 hours down and back to the county OW lives in to get the info.

I think having the license is another nail in his coffin, though. Maybe I'm just looking at anything as an advantage, though.

You know what a good thing to do this weekend would be?

Tell your hubby you've just been feeling some wear and tear on life, and you'd like to get away by yourself for the weekend - go to a resort - even a Bed and Breakfast will do - do some sight-seeing, get a massage, relax - do not turn on the tv - take your ipod and listen to some great music with no lyrics, read a great fiction book, or a biography, just so long as you do something that you haven't done before. If you don't feel like eating, just pick the most sumptuous dessert and have that. Take the whole time you would have to be around him or answering his questions - trying to Plan A when you are on the verge of breaking down.

Then come back ready to do whatever your lawyer tells you to do - and do it quickly so you can get this exposure part handled.

For real?

Fascinating information.

KLD,

I had a couple of thoughts for you. You say that your PI does NOT find a car registered to her. How about another car registered to your husband???

And also that there does not seem to be a current drivers' license registered to the OW? And YET, she drives!! That seems to me to be illegal in ANY state. Maybe at SOME point, the police might act on an anonymous tip with that information.( I don't know, sounds a bit vindictive as I write it. Still....)

Ditto on KaylaAndy's idea.

PLEASE take care of yourself

Praying,
WH2LE

Absolutely, we have the same law here. If you live in a state where only fault divorce is allowed then you have to provide grounds. Adultery is grounds but only if you did not have sex with the WS after discovery. Otherwise WS can contest the grounds on the basis that he/she was forgiven.

Of course, WS might back off when you tell them that the OP will be deposed in the courtroom . .

KLD,
Might it be possible that she is using your H's last name even if they are NOT married? Maybe one more way of finding information.

How are you?

WH2LE

hi kld,

i just wanted to check up on you to see how you are holding up.

you are in my thoughts. i know you have the strength to get thru these darkest days and will find your way to the happiness you deserve.

gentle hugs ...

I'm having my PI do a check to see if there is another car registered to my WH in her county. I never thought that she might be using our last name. I'll check into that, too. Thanks for that.

I'm having a rough time and this weekend has seemed worse than I'd expected. WH was more affectionate than usual and suggested we go to a movie. We were too late for the movie we wanted to see so just walked around the mall instead. He kept wanting to hold my hand, etc. and that just really affected me. I found that I couldn't even walk with my head held up and that I was sinking lower and lower.

I decided I had to tell him something because he did notice. I told him that I had been depressed and very stressed out - gave him a list of concerns that had just become difficult to bear (some true, some not). I told him I didn't want to burden him with it so I went to my doctor and got some drugs to help me cope. He was understanding and seemed to buy into what I told him. He asked me if I was in counseling and I told him yes. All he really wanted to know about that was if it was the same one I'd seen before and when I said no he asked if I liked this one. Then he asked if I thought the counseling was going to help.

He did say that he felt like he had caused some of my stress and he was sorry for that. I went to bed then and today there's been no discussion at all about anything important.

Since he will be gone all week long, I know my week will be much better. I'll be able to focus on how I'm going to confront him and once that is done I know I'll be better and more able to get myself together.

Well, WH didn't go out of town this week as planned. Said he didn't feel well yesterday when he was supposed to get up to get ready to go so he came back to bed. I had appointments yestrday and didn't talk to him all day so I didn't know what he'd worked out. He said his new boss said no big deal and that maybe he could come to Denver later in the week or they'd work something else out.

So, he has another week to jack around doing whatever he wants to do which is normally text and talk to OW1 and OW 2 all day long. That's what phone records show for yesterday, anyway.

I believe that if he says he's going to Denver after all, he'll actually go see her. I'm going to have my PI follow him if I don't get an itinerary for the Denver flight. I may not need any more ammo against him, but every time I turn around there's more crap. My attorney said that the more info I get the more leverage I will have in a settlement if it comes to that.

I found where he paid an insurance company money on Friday. We don't use this company and our insurance isn't due until May. He must be paying her insurance, now, too. There's an account number, so I'm going to call and see if I can find anything out.

I'm actually so disappointed that he will be home this week. I had plans to turn the house upside-down to find anything else I could. I won't be able to do that now.

He knew I was feeling low again last night, so he got me my favorite ice cream as a surprise. What a jerk!!!! LOL. I guess victoria's secret makes the OW feel better.... so that's what she gets.

Verified the insurance account is in OW name. The CS agent probably told me too much, but at least I know that he is paying that bill for her. I'd wondered if she was on public assistance because I definitely don't think she works, but why would she need to be when WH pays her bills out of our household money?

I'm so sorry. That's got to be horrible. I just can't imagine.

Thanks, Cat. I feel like such a fool. I know I shouldn't feel that way, but I know the signs were there and I chose to ask WH and believe his lies. Not that I deserve this, but still... Why didn't I act sooner? I really thought he just needed some help.

Now I've got to figure out how to confront him and do it the way that I'm protected legally. I practiced with my friend over dinner last night, but I still need to work on it. I also can't do it until I find out where more of the $$ has gone. The more I can find out on my own, the lower my lawyer bill will be.

Arrrgggh! Why do we do that? Blame ourselves for something the other person chose to do? Honey, you are taking the high road. Be proud of yourself. Half the people I know would be beating on their husbands in your shoes, or tearing up his stuff, or selling it, or making fools of themselves. I'm incredibly impressed by you.

My lawyer was surprised yesterday that I wasn't ranting and raving. I've been pretty much under control except there are times when I get very emotional. And right now, I'm very low with no motivation. I have my counseling session today so maybe they will consider changing my medicine or at least the dosage. I know i've only been on it for 2 weeks, but I seem to be getting worse instead of better.

If I could take time off work to just be alone at home for a few days, I'd do that. I wouldn't be alone, though, because WH is there. I don't think I could take being thee with him right now. The weekend was difficult enough! If he ends up going away at the end of the week, I may take some time off work then.

P.S. I did dream I sold his wedding band last night....

Hee. And used the money to pay for a 2-week cruise for yourself!

KLD,

And right now, I'm very low with no motivation.

I have been following your posts and biting my tongue, waiting for you to confront your WH.

But you keep needing to do this, and then do that, and gather some more info, and check on her car in another county,and wait until you see your (3rd?) attorney. And now your blue with no energy.

In my humble opinion, the longer you are with him, knowing what a low life he is, acting like nothing is wrong, smiling and holding hands with him while all the time KNOWING WHERE HE HAS BEEN AND WHERE HE WILL BE GOING, the more this is eating you up and dragging you down.

Of course you are very low with no motivation!! What you need is a good CONFRONTATION with your cheating, two faced husband. Get it out in the open and go down what ever path you need to go.

Get some anger and indignation boiling in your vitals. YOU DESERVE SOOOO MUCH BETTER THAN THIS!!

HOW DARE HE TREAT YOU THIS WAY!!

kirk

{{{{{ KLD }}}}}

So do you have a plan to confront and expose? Yes, it will feel better to actually do something, to take charge of the situation instead of waiting for things to happen.

KLD,
I am wondering if your husband REALLY has another job, the new one. It seems there is always something that is keeping him from working.

Is he actually having contact with BOTH OW#1 and OW#2 at the same time? Do you suppose THEY know about each other? If you are looking for someone to expose to, it would certainly be THOSE 2(to each other ABOUT each other).

KLD, I completely understand that you want to protect yourself legally, BUT.... You need to see that you are not going to be able to completely cover ALL the bases here. You already have so much more information than most BSs do when they confront. You will still be able to gather info AFTER you confront your WH. You will have time to continue to protect yourself if necessary AND most importantly, you need to stop him NOW from using any more marital assets to further his adultery(s). I can imagine the possibility that IF there is a D, that a shrewd attorney for your H might try to find fault with your waiting so long to confront after you were certain.(God forbid of course, but that's what lawyers are paid to do.)

Realistically, if there is to be any hope of recovery, you have to confront BEFORE you know everything so that there is at least a shred of feeling left for your husband.

The longer you wait, the more information you get and the more you SEE him lying the more you are losing any tiny bit of hope and rspect you might have had.

I am hoping you will confront him in the next day or so. Then his lies will be exposed and you can see more clearly what is going to happen and whether or not you WANT to try to recover your marriage. And this WILL be the most painful thing you have ever experienced. In retrospect, confronting my WH was actually as painful as telling my 2 then small children that my husband(now X) and I were going to seperate. It physically hurt. BUT....I lived through both those things and so will you. We will help you.

I am going to tell you the best piece of advice I was given in the early hours of D-Day. I had called one of my best friends who in turn called a mutual acquaintance who had been through her husband's A. She sent me a text that said, "Stand your ground. BE mad." And I did and I WAS.
If I had attempted to be calm, or understanding or logical or rational and if had avoided LBs, I WOULD NOT BE MARRIED!!! I would have lost some of the wonderful times my FWH and I have had since D-Day and ALL hope of complete recovery. My husband would have walked all over me, showing me the same disrespect and disregard that he had been showing me for over a year. I have ABSOLUTELY no doubt about this. My husband needed to see my anger and contempt for what he had done to me and to understand that as far as I was concerned he could jump off a cliff. And KLD, I believe your H is the same way. Not every wayward spouse will respond to this but there are some who will not get it any other way.

He is doing what he is doing now becasue he has NO regard for your feelings, your life, your devotion to him or your marriage. He is in every sense, a foggy wayward. WAKE HIM UP!! TURN THE LIGHTS ON!!!

Praying intensely for you. I promise.

WH2LE

KLD, wanted to send some prayers and hugs your way. ((((KLD)))