Only can I'm holding right now is a can of F-U. Seriously, the gall! I really appreciate the support folks, I really do. I'm going to be OK.

In response to my email to SIL/H's sister/current IM this morning that said:

"1. Will kids be picked up/dropped off tomorrow per our visitation schedule (he's been quite flaky w/this lately)
2. When can I expect to see financial contribution?"

SIL/H's sister/current IM got word from H:
"He said he will get them tomorrow night and the fact that he's giving you 65% of the return answers the second question. He's not working has no money."

Do y'all remember the letter he wrote me (on paper, in his handwriting, currently located in my jewelry box) where he said he'd give me 50% of his checks? Or how about the phone call in which he asked me not to get lawyers involved, because he's going to contribute?

I wonder what made him change his tune? I wonder what's causing all this irresponsibility in my once-very-caring-and-responsible husband? He obviously is honing some resentment or something. Weird. New low AGAIN.

I ain't signin' nothin'

In my sick little cartoon bubble head the picture I'm gonna send you would come from your H to you--------->in response to asking him about this

Remember-Laugh or we'd cry all the time.

Hope ya enjoy

You'll have mail soon. Wish I new how to put it up for all to see.

Rocky

Thanks Nesre. You do have the pick-me-ups!

I haven't cried in a while. I'm too ANGRY!

I would see an attorney before you get in bad shape financially. Hubby will have to pay child support or go to jail - his choice.

Do y'all remember the letter he wrote me (on paper, in his handwriting, currently located in my jewelry box) where he said he'd give me 50% of his checks? Or how about the phone call in which he asked me not to get lawyers involved, because he's going to contribute?

He had ZERO intentions of supporting his children. He needed to make sure that you wouldn't take any action to get it, that is why he said what he said. He KNEW that if you filed for LSA or divorce that he would be forced to pay support. He couldn't risk that so he gave you lip service.

He's not working has no money."

Well, he is probably thinking that he has kept his word, afterall, 50% of nothing is nothing. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I wonder what made him change his tune? I wonder what's causing all this irresponsibility in my once-very-caring-and-responsible husband? He obviously is honing some resentment or something. Weird. New low AGAIN.

I think that if you were to be totally honest with yourself, you would see that he has never been that responsible....few alcoholics/illegal drug abusers ever are. They would take food out of the mouths of their children for their next drink/fix.

He moved out in December...it might be possible for to file as Head of Household. Check out irs.gov and see what the criteria is.

committed

I'm re-reading old posts & picking apart advice and thinking and wondering...

I wish it were simple to know what I can do RIGHT NOW with the means and the resources I've got RIGHT NOW. My "plan" is blown to he!! now that he's not forking over the paperwork. He called the kids tonight & I guess his truck is running again. Act of God? I think not - broken trucks cost MONEY to fix! He celebrates this w/my children over the phone after they've watched me exchange money w/umpteen strange men who've come into the house to buy H's stuff. They know I was doing this to pay bills. Such audacity.

I think tomorrow I'll respond to SIL/H's sister/current IM's email with "I'm not signing this. I will let the courts decide" and then pick up the paperwork & file on my own. I've got to get off this pot!

No response - no indication of your plan. He doesn't deserve the warning. Besides - responding keeps you engaged in the drama - and your recovery depends on every single choice being calculated to reduce the drama exposure - let him feel it. You just find a way to get what you need - for example, call his employer and stop by and pick up a duplicate W-9.

P.S. - Tax Cut is a computer tax program I have used for over 10 years now - It imports my records from last year so all the basic data is only input once. If I'm with the same employer, or the same W-9 contract, that data all stays the same and I just import this year's numbers. It has a questionnaire for each business deduction and prompts reminders to help you audit-proof yourself.

Sorry for mixing up sisters-in-law.

PS - asking for help is far from SILLY - the idea that you'd use that word tells me you aren't to the point of taking your situation that seriously - and girlfriend - it's serious as a heart attack!

Get the loan and get the lawyer - sue his sorry [email]b@tt![/email]

Julie, file. get it done. Do not give him notice.

Julie

Bites when reality sets in.





ENOUGH OF THAT CRAP.

I would keep silent with SIL IM.

Is SIL a tax professional??

I don't think you need H's paperwork to file taxes by yourself.

Let us know.

Prayin for ya

Rocky

Hey Nesre, thanks for your post and for your prayers. Yes, it bites when reality sets in & that's precisely why I left this thread alone. KA is probably right - I'm not ready - and there's a bit of shame that goes with that but obviously not enough motivation to change it. I don't know why, I do know it's stupid, that's all I got.

Of course it hurts to think his "thoughtfulness" was just manipulation all along but it's eye-opening, and again probably true. The power of looking back is an amazing thing. Like, our fun family vacation - not so much cuz he was crabby I wouldn't "let" him drink. And lots of other things along those lines.

Julie

It is how we (when we use) alcoholics work.

A dry drunk works in the same way (behaviors) but no booze.

Its why its so important for us to work a recovery program

I'm gonna leave ya alone now

Maybe you could try #7- JUST KIDDING




Rocky

He's got the kids & I'm home, snowed in, watching Oprah (good one today! Got some book ideas!) when DD/11 comes thru the door. She came for more pants as they're going sledding. H is close behind her so I tell her to tell him he can't come in. He says, "I don't want to come in, but can she come to the door?" I told her just go get her pants, so she did, and as she was leaving I told her to remind him if he wants to contact me to use SIL/H's sister/IM. I really HATE that WE did that to DD. Way too much to ask her to handle.

I'm shaking. The neighbor (soon to be (hopefully) new IM) calls to make sure I'm OK. Thank God for her & her family - she's got 3 boys who are my age, all were there ready to come over if need be. SO grateful for them, I am.

Anyway I wonder what he wanted...maybe he's ready to get help? Maybe he had money for me? Tax paperwork? Or more likely he had some stupid banter about nothing at all. Gotta get back to Oprah, she's got lots of positive people on today.

Anybody here read "The Secret"? Or "You Can Heal Your Life"? Think I'll pick them up. I'm tired of reading up on alcohol & the people who abuse it.

Hi Julie,

Well, he finally came for his visitation. I bet the kids were happy about that. I'm sorry that your daughter got caught in the middle a bit, but it sounds like it went OK.

I am personally not into "The Secret" stuff, but a lot of people are. It's Ok to take a break from the alanon reading, but just keep it at a healthy break. This is for your recovery. It's hard work and worth every bit that you put into it.

Remember, you still have a lot of work to do. Work on your recovery and work on getting yourself protected.

Still here for you...

Good morning everybody. I know I've got a lot of support here & I really appreciate that. I also know you're getting sick of me as I really haven't DONE anything to better my situation, aside from attending meetings, etc.

I have some questions & hope, even though you're frustrated, you're willing to offer more of your great insight:

1. Since the taxes are up in the air, leaving my attorney opportunity up in the air, would you agree it's at least a step in the right direction to file for D on my own? I can DL the forms online, fill out, and have SIL/H's sister/current IM "serve" him as I can include the papers w/mail, etc. Should I do this?
2. Regarding H's desire to get in the house & get more stuff out - should I arrange this so that I'm not home? And IM is here to let him in & "supervise"? I won't arrange this w/current IM, his sister, I'll arrange it once the switch has been made. Because as my kids said last night, "he's going to be mad. And when he's mad he breaks stuff". So while I know he won't do it w/my neighbor, he'd likely be vengeful if his sister were here. So how should I handle letting him in? (Or should I continue to ignore this request as well?)

That's all for now. I know you're frustrated with me. I recognize I'm still inviting/welcoming/surrounded by drama. I'm trying to stop that. What do you think?

yes and yes!

1. Yes

2. It depends...I am not so sure that he should be coming in the house and removing a thing. I would compromise and box up his things...set them outside...let him come get them with the IM. It is untelling what he would take if he thought it could net him a couple of bucks.

I have to disagree with Mel on number 2. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

<ducking>

committed

kiss my hiney! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

However, on second thought I have to agree with C&L [dang, why can't you come up with a shorter name like SUE or something?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />] because it won't be a good idea to have him in the house. GEt a list from him and box his crap up and set it on the curb!

lol

C&L sounds good.

I remember a few years back, someone let their WH come in get "some things" and he helped himself to stuff in the fridge and in the pantry. He dayum near cleaned out all her food. He was going to be having the kids over, and he had to feed them...doncha know. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

NEVER a good idea to let them in they will only help themselves to everything.

committed