yep, that is how GUYS engage. They like to sit SIDE BY SIDE and do things like fish or watch football. That is how they interact.

I need to send you the book, The Wonder of Boys. As a mother of boys, I never understood their aggression and how they channel it until I read that book. They are wired very differently from us and we can really screw them up if we take away their outlets for aggression.

OK, fair enough, thanks for the clarification.

Maybe sign him up for Karate too??

One thing at a time. Glad I asked cuz if I'd acted on instinct...well, he'd be even MORE angry.

So, I won't cut him off. But he'll be scrubbing floors. Got it.

Yes! They will teach him to channel his aggression very effectively.

Good morning. I'm home w/DS. Having him go to my friend's didn't turn out to be the best option, so I brought both kids to work with me & they met my boss. DS explained to her why I'm not at work, and she talked with him about responsibilities & how our "family of 3" is affected by this mistake. They then met my co-workers & DS told them he'd been suspended, so mom's not at work today. Some of my co-workers are not happy with me. I can see now how meeting/explaining to them individually was a bit over the top and I was caught up in the moment.

Each time I get something "right", I'm left to wonder if it was right at all. I do not wish to cause my children pain.

I did talk with them both on the way home & neither one is mad or upset, they felt everybody was nice & they understand how our "team" has been affected by DS's mistake. They also know that, as a team, we are going to stick together thru each of our rights AND wrongs.

So, as I was talking about filing LSA & how all my paperwork is put together & ready to go, it was said to me, "you know, if you file those, you won't be able to file your taxes, which you need to get your mortgage current."

Hmmmmm, yea, I'd forgotten about that.

So, IM talked to H about getting me his paperwork, it seems he's been "withholding" it all this time since I didn't sign his stupid agreement promising him 35%. Anyhoo, tonight when the kids came home DD gave me the paperwork. IM did specifically tell H to drop them off w/her, not the kids, but he sent them in w/it anyway.

So, if I can get these filed by the weekend I can still do LSA Monday & the money will be deposited, AND LSA filed. He's going to be one angry man.

Speaking of angry men, DS sure is having a rough day today. Did I do that?? He keeps saying he's so hurt about H leaving & he's carrying a lot of hurt around. Earlier today he said he was going to talk to H tonight to alleviate some of the hurt, but tonight he said he didn't, as "it hurts more when we get into a big conversation about it". I don't know how to help him. Guess I'd better call for counseling for him.

Hi Julie,

How are you doing this weekend? You've been on my mind.

So does this mean that he gave you the tax info without you signing anything with him?

I am heartbroken for the pain that your little guy is going through. Be assured that you did not do that. It might be hard for him to see that right now. I remember when my Ex would tell our sons things like, "Your mom is one that filed" or "I wanted to work things out but your mom wanted to divorce". Now that they are young adults they know, but that was a really hard time.

The thing is, I knew, absolutely, that I was protecting them from a bad influence. There was pain either way...if we stayed or if I divorced. I had to choose the healthiest path for them. Now that they are grown, I still believe that I made the right choice between the two. I wished that he would have straightened out, I HATED that he painted ME as the one who was doing the damage, but I knew better and now they do also.

Counseling is a GREAT idea!

No, no, no, that stuff is GREAT FOR HIM. He is being a bad [censored] at school because his home life is in turmoil. That wrestling stuff with his dad and his basketball is a great CHANNEL for his aggression. You don't even want to touch that activity.

<gulp> I am going to have to diagree with Mel.

He should NOT be watching the wrestling. He is mimicking the VIOLENCE that it perpetuates. He is 8 and is not cpable of separating wrestling on the tv (people aren't really being injured) to real life wrestling (where children can get seriously hurt). There was actually a story on TV a few years back about a young man that watched wrestling and tried out one of the moves on someone else, and that little child ended up dying.

He should NOT be watching the violence of wrestling just like you wouldn't want him watching gang violence, gun violence...etc.

Lots of times parents will get their kids in karate and things like that to work out aggression. First thing karate teaches them is to CONTROL the violence. It focuses on channeling strength through the mind...and not the hands.

JMHO
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commie, wrestling is not "violent" and can't be placed in the same category as "gun violence." Kids can get hurt riding a bike, it doesn't mean we ban bikes. This is something he enjoys doing with his dad and I think it is good for him. If she starts eliminating his healthy outlets for aggression, he will turn to things like gang violence. Most of the boys in gangs are from fatherless homes with mothers who never taught them to channel their aggression.

Watching wrestling shows with his dad and learning how to wrestle is a healthy, productive way to channel his aggression. He has a lot of hostility right now and this is a great outlet. Watching wrestling is not even in the same universe as watching gang violence and shootings.

If she starts taking away his HEATLHY outlets for aggression, [wrestling and basketball] he will find UNHEALTHY ways to get it out and it wont be pretty. This is a big mistake that many woman make, they don't understand that their sons NEED these kind of healthy outlets or they DO turn to gang violence. This explains why 70% of violent crimes committed by teenage boys are committed by boys from homes with no fathers.

AGree very much that he should be in karate. AND basketball.

G'morning guys! Gosh, I just came here to read & see if my thread had made it to Pg. 5 yet, and lo and behold, there you are! This is cheesy, but I need you to know, I really, really, truly feel blessed to "have you" all in my life.

SOT, I was worried you may disown me for how I had DS come in & explain to the boss. I've been SEVERELY criticized by SOME of my colleagues - others supported me. And in the end, I feel very comfortable w/my choice. DS & I talked quite a bit, he wrote an "essay" on the impact of his behavior on our family. I got a list of providers from my insurance company to get him into IC. Will investigate this & make appt next week. Yes, I have H's tax paperwork & no, I didn't sign any stupid agreement, LOL. I'm not sure if I posted this or not but he told IM "ANY money I can see from this I will appreciate. You know how broke I am, had to borrow money from friends, so ANYTHING will be appreciated" We should have the taxes all done today hopefully, but as it stands right now we owe. NOT LOL.

Commie & Mel, I agree with you both & have a hard time finding the "happy medium" I'm always looking for with this. To clarify, H doesn't like wrestling - not at all. I guess they watch it @H's apartment on the weekends because "there's nothing else to watch". DS has REALLY taken to it, wanting to watch it here (and we don't) and pull up what he missed on YouTube, etc. DD said to him the other day, "yea, but like Dad said, he really doesn't care about wrestling"

Karate is something I'd like all 3 of us to get into actually, and it's been in the BACK of my mind for years! But I know it's costly with the uniforms, etc. so I've never given it real consideration.

So, that's that. DS is w/H this weekend & H took him to basketball last night. IM says H "appreciated me letting him do that". IM also watched DS for me the last 2 days (3-day suspension)! DD & I watched movies last night and we have a mile-long list of errands to run today.

All in all we're good - thank God about the mortgage & there's other good (financial) news in there too. But I still feel very strongly that I want my husband back. It's the 1st of another month and I can only guess he's paid for another 30 days away from us. I miss him, I want him back, I fantasize about having a GOOD marriage/HAPPY family/HEALTHY home. Just thought I'd let y'all know.

Did you file those papers, Julie?

You're a good kid, Julie and you are doing great! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> {{{{{JULIE}}}}

LOL

for some reason this recent discussion about kids watching violence on TV made me remember my mother's reaction to

*drum roll*

us kids watching The Three Stooges .... Mom HATED <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> the Stooges !

I never did hit my brother over the head with a frying pan - but we did have this "thing" we did .... I would grab ahold of his ear and he would grab ahold of my hair and we both pulled as hard as we could - and the one to yell out "STOP" was the LOSER !!!!

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
childhood - such happy memories <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

No Mel but they're here & ready to go. I was reminded by someone who knows me well, "now you know, if you file those (LSA) papers he's going to be mad/won't give you the tax info, and you need that money to bring your mortgage current. So plan carefully"

At which point I decided to try one last time to get the info from him, which I did. So now my plan is to get taxes filed (THIS WEEKEND FOR SURE) and THEN file LSA. Now, no "bad-guy" syndrome is lurking but as of yestrday, I'll be honest, I was scared. We're looking at oweing $1k+/- & we're used to getting back $6K+/-. BIG difference. H made considerably more money last year than he has in quite a few years. My concern (my enabler is showing) is that...

1. H gets no money back
2. H finds out "we" OWE the IRS
3. H gets slapped with court order(s) for CS & alimony
...may lead to an all-time low.

This could be good, helping the bottom rise for him, and at least I'll have court-ordered documentation to help sort it all out, but I really have this long-standing issue of causing people harm. I'll get over it & by tomorrow I'll know more, about the taxes at least.

I do not wish to drag my feet any longer. I DO wish I'd just filed LSA right away in January as I can see I've only caused myself & my kids (and my mortgage lender!) harm by not doing so. We will ALL (I mean you guys/gals too!) be relieved when the court finally has this in THEIR hands & it's finally OUT of mine!!

wunnerful words

I'd LOVE it if THIS was MY kids' idea of "fun" or even "torture" to one another! Ha ha

julie, is your house in foreclosure yet? or close to it? if so, i have a place that can help you out.

you can email me at
mboyea2@yahoo.com

my payments got behind as well when my h and i first separated. email me if you would like help on this one.

mlhb

DISOWN you? Not a chance, I'm behind you all the way! I have just been MIA the last few days. Trying to get caught up and we had a little family situation that was taking up a lot of time. You know your son better than anyone else and you feel like it was a good choice so that should be good enough for everybody.

I am SO glad you didn't sign anything,..I honestly didn't think you did, but just wanted to be sure.

When my EX had one of many show cause hearings for not paying CS I also spent time worrying about him and his depression. My attorney and a close friend would often have to remind me that this was not my fault (WHY on earth do we like to blame ourselves???) and absolutely no one is responsible for the place he was in except him.

Hang in there, you're doing fine! We're proud of you.

Julie, you really do need to get those papers filed, although it won't help you much with the IRS. You can work out a payment arrangement with them though based on what you can afford. A LS agreement however, WILL get you the protection for other financial matters and get a CS order on file. Yes, this will help bring the bottom up for your husband but you know what? He's where he is by his own choices. You can't protect him anymore without harming yourself and your children. But you know all this... right? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Yes, I know all this.

H & I both were expecting a return, as we've had in the past. I had no idea we'd end up owing & I'm sure he'll be surprised too. Anyway, thinking I'd get a return, I wanted those papers in my hands & the expected return under way before I filed LSA.

That's all irrelevant now, but that's what I was thinking prior to getting his paperwork. So, I see no reason NOT to file LSA after I get the taxes done.

Hope that makes sense.

Mel,

I need to remember that you are from Texas and that kinda stuff might be normal for ya'll. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Where I'm from...that wrestling on the TV is the height of violent. Blood running down faces... unconsciousness...body slams...choke holds...all add up to one thing...HURT THE OTHER PERSON.

High School wrestling matches are different...that WWF crap is just plain violent..imo.

He is learning aggression in my opinion. I didn't allow my kids to watch it because it is hard for kids to separate fact from fiction. Those people aren't getting hurt because it is "Scripted". Kids don't know that.


Again, this is all just my opinion. We all parent differently.

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