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So it won't say deleted. Go to my last post.

Last edited by pomdbd3; 03/05/08 12:54 PM.
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(((((((((((((((((pom))))))))))))))))

I know there's not much any of us can do to help....but I wanted you to know I will keep you in my prayers and I hope the upcoming court date will help you recover time with your kids. Have you been to some of the sites that help fathers? Medc has some links in his tagline that I know could help....and he might be a good person for you to talk to.

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Dude, I so feel for you. I'm in the same spot here, I want more time with my children, but the VERY bitter ex ain't gonna let it happen.

The anxiety is there, just keep on keepin' on. All I choose to believe is that it will get better.

If you ever need to talk, let me know.


It is rare for a truly happy woman to try and take a child away from it's father.
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Thanks for the hugs.

I appreciate the notice to contact Medc.

There really is very little others can do other than offer support.

In the end the justice system boils down to the feelings of a judge that doesn't know you and makes huge decisions on your life and that of your kids.

I wish I could go in there, simply say, "Hey, I'm a good dad. I love my kids and they love me and we simply want more time together" and have that be the end of it.

Judge hears that, says, "Done! 50/50 (or custody to father). Make it happen."

I've lost this forum as an avenue to vent. It's safe here, but the ex has made it unsafe. I miss having my own thread and the odds are I'll end up deleting this one in the end.

It would be nice to hear from any father's out there that actually have a decent amount of time with their kids.

They are my life and I've centered it around them. Even my dating is guided by how these potential people will fit into my kid's lives down the road if it gets serious.

I keep my kids away from who I date and have even accepted in the back of my mind that the last thing I want to do is throw more change into my kid's lives. Their relationship with me is the only really pure thing they have. I so wish I could share more, but I can't.

I've met so many single moms who wish their kids had a father in their life who was active and present for them.

Kids need mom and dad.

Last edited by pomdbd3; 01/15/08 07:24 PM.

D-Day 28 Feb 06
Plan D (Not by choice) - 24 March 06

DD6
DS4(Twin1)
DS4(Twin2)

She moved away with the kids April 08. I contested it and got a lot more time with my kids. She's unhappy that I want to stay involved in their lives and don't settle for being an "every other weekend" dad.

Never going to happen.

Ongoing personal recovery through the help of friends, family, and DC United Soccer!
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Pompbd3 -

I just wanted to give you some support and a thanx for your service protecting our country.

I find adultery committed while the BS was away in another country serving in the military particularly repulsive (my Daddy was in the Navy, Army & then Air Force). Maybe there should be some sort of mandatory 'training' for the spouses stateside while their husband is serving overseas? Or better yet, a session with both spouses beforehand (because sometimes the spouse who is away is the one who strays)? It's pretty sad how some spouses can remain so faithful and devoted during long separations, yet others apparently can't even make it through relatively brief separations without becoming involved with an OP.

There was something particular in your post I wanted to comment on:

"The ironic thing is that her boyfriend stood on my property taking video of the whole thing and captured my son holding his arms out to me, saying, "I want to stay at daddy's house!"
She didn't care and he kept filming.
That's a whole nother issue (the filming), but his cries broke my heart."

*********EDIT********

Meanwhile you could increase your other efforts to keep in communication with your kids by calling them more, sending them cards, maybe even keeping a journal for them so your life to them on the days they don't see you isn't a mystery to them. How about making a photo album with photos from their visits with you? You add to it as you go with themed pages for the holidays, fun activites you share on thier visits, etc.

Last edited by JustUss; 01/15/08 05:29 PM.
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Yes, kids need mom AND dada. Funny how all these women cry for more involvement from dad, yet it is their sisters, and sometimes even them, who ran the man off!

Maybe more women need to stand up for children's rights, which include fathers. Too many kids are tired of the bad taste of mother's rights.


It is rare for a truly happy woman to try and take a child away from it's father.
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Last edited by pomdbd3; 01/15/08 07:28 PM.

D-Day 28 Feb 06
Plan D (Not by choice) - 24 March 06

DD6
DS4(Twin1)
DS4(Twin2)

She moved away with the kids April 08. I contested it and got a lot more time with my kids. She's unhappy that I want to stay involved in their lives and don't settle for being an "every other weekend" dad.

Never going to happen.

Ongoing personal recovery through the help of friends, family, and DC United Soccer!
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Thinking about you.......

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Just a thought- after my divorce (no infidelity), I moved to be closer to my family. since I was the one who moved away from the kid's dad, I am responsible for all their travel to and from their dads for all visitation except half of summer. Maybe that can happen in your case and the financial burden would be too great for her?

HTH


I'm the FWW EA 2/06-3/06 NC 3/06 BH still not sure
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Pom...you are certainly up against a system that gives far too many rights to lousy mothers and deals good father's a bad hand.

BUT...do not give up the fight.

Speak to a father's rights attorney in your area. It is important to find someone...preferably a woman...that specializes in this field. You can contact the custody arrangement time and again...follow your attorney's advice and be very aggressive. Start a paper trail of any issues...positive for you...negative for her that come up. It may seem silly...but do it anyway. It will play to your favor in court.

Remain as active as possible in your kids lives...they will eventually understand all of this stuff and your wife will be lucky if she gets a chance to dance at their weddings.

Be aggressive. Be firm in your resolve. You will win this battle. But it will take some time. First thing...see a father's right lawyer. In fact...interview two. Go with your gut. More likely than not she will be prohibited from moving out of state...I would say the chances of her getting approval for this are less than 5%. I would also say her moving an hour away is also not likely to be approved. My ex tried those things and it cost her big time in the end. I can now move anywhere in the country...anywhere and she has no say. many of these moms make tactical errors. I believe your wife is doing that.

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I wish I had some wonderful advice to impart to you my friend. I'm in something of the same boat with my visitation times.. and I too am fighting for more.

The best book I've read so far is called 'Civil War' I don't have the author at the moment but it's on heck of a strategy guide and a heads up on what to expect.

I'll try to remember to post the information when I get settled at home for tonight.


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DS - 5
DD - 13
DSD - 9
D final 12-8-08
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Joseph Cordell

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D-Day 28 Feb 06
Plan D (Not by choice) - 24 March 06

DD6
DS4(Twin1)
DS4(Twin2)

She moved away with the kids April 08. I contested it and got a lot more time with my kids. She's unhappy that I want to stay involved in their lives and don't settle for being an "every other weekend" dad.

Never going to happen.

Ongoing personal recovery through the help of friends, family, and DC United Soccer!
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Mkeverydaycnt, I wish I had your luck! I realize you worked hard and fought the good fight, and that all worked out in the end for you. I fought the same but lost, even though I did nothig wrong! Would appreciate ANY advice!

Doesn't mean I won't continue fighting, but let's make sure to not give false hope. Sadly here in Cali, truth seesm to lose more often than not.

Pom, good luck and keep fighting. I love to hear success stories, helps keep me going.


It is rare for a truly happy woman to try and take a child away from it's father.
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D-Day 28 Feb 06
Plan D (Not by choice) - 24 March 06

DD6
DS4(Twin1)
DS4(Twin2)

She moved away with the kids April 08. I contested it and got a lot more time with my kids. She's unhappy that I want to stay involved in their lives and don't settle for being an "every other weekend" dad.

Never going to happen.

Ongoing personal recovery through the help of friends, family, and DC United Soccer!
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Quote
Sadly here in Cali, truth seesm to lose more often than not.


It's the same everywhere.

Just keep fighting and don't give up. I got full...and EXCLUSIVE custody of my son at almost 10 years old.

My only advice is to get into court often...get things evaluated and re-evaluated. You will most likely get a little more time here and there. The battle is hard and so unfair...but it is worth fighting. Oh, and don't be afraid to go out and evaluate other attorney's. Sometimes a fresh set of eyes can come up with another strategy.

I hope things work out for you.

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I'll never stop trying, but when an evaluator admits that mom told child not to kiss or hug dad, or to talk to dad on the phone, then claims "but that isn't alienation," and the judge agrees, hard to overcome that. Mom even admitted to assaulting me in front of child, and was caught having a convicted drug dealer spend the night.

All they had on me was, "He yells," which they couldn't prove. Mainly becuase it doesn't happen, but, hey, why does that matter?

Can you say, bias, boys and girls?

Just glad to hear of your success. Some day...

My current pleasure in in seeing his happy face when he is with me, and knowing the truth.


It is rare for a truly happy woman to try and take a child away from it's father.
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Consider taking this matter to a more public forum if this persists. What you have described is not fair and sometimes people need the heat turned up on them to get the point across.

Contact local legislators, newspapers, support groups...you would be surprised to find the people that are interested in this kind of stuff.

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Thanks for the help MEDC.. was just about to get on here and post that.

I guess he's got a website too dadsdivorce.com.

The book is great and has helped me a lot.

See MEDC.. I told you I was reading!


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DS - 5
DD - 13
DSD - 9
D final 12-8-08
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Jamesus and anyone else in a custody situation:

Can I have your email. I have much to share and can't safely use this forum.

Last edited by pomdbd3; 01/16/08 08:47 AM.

D-Day 28 Feb 06
Plan D (Not by choice) - 24 March 06

DD6
DS4(Twin1)
DS4(Twin2)

She moved away with the kids April 08. I contested it and got a lot more time with my kids. She's unhappy that I want to stay involved in their lives and don't settle for being an "every other weekend" dad.

Never going to happen.

Ongoing personal recovery through the help of friends, family, and DC United Soccer!
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