D-day was Nov. 22 and 10 weeks later my husband is planning his second wedding to his 25 year old girlfriend. It has been confirmed that they ARE engaged. Is there anything to salvage when it has gone this far?


Daday Nov. 22
DD 3
DS5
DH 40
Me 37
Married 10 years

Yes, Plans A & B still work even when a WS is this far gone.

Even if he rushes in and marries her (not likely, but it could happen), you would still have a very good chance that he would want to reconcile in a year or two, if you were still interested.

Funny thing, but A's tend to take the same general course, regardless of an engagement ring, or even a piece of paper that says they are married.

You may have seen this already, but only 3% of A's actually end in marriage. Of those that do, less than half are still married 5 years later.

I think it is time to just let him go and go forth and live a happy life.

Got to disagree, Medc. She's got a 3yo and a 5yo. While I wouldn't blame her a bit if she dumped his sorry behind, I still think it's time to fight to save her family, for the sake of the littles especially.

Now since she found out 2 months ago, assuming she has done a Plan A since, it is probably just about time to cut off the cake supply.

Neak, I'm with you on this. But I don't know Unconditional's whole story. I went to look up her old thread and see that she starts new ones instead of keeping to one.

Unconditional, would you please summarize your story here. Then, just keep posting to this same thread over and over as the months progress. That way, if someone wants to jump in and help you out, everything is right here. It makes it so much easier on those reading and following your story.

After you post a summary, I'll come back and try to offer my 2 cents, for what it's worth.

If you WANT to walk away from the marriage, you certainly have reason. But from your post here, it appears that you WANT your family intact and to recover your marriage. If so, stick with the Plans. The WS babble and behavior doesn't really change YOUR plan.

Hang in there.

He is still married, yet engaged to someone else??? LOL???

I like that sexymama - their behavior doesn't change your plans.

Keep that in mind.

I was thinking the same thing.

Or are we missing something?

sorry, I figured they were divorced.

That's ok. This week Medc gets one free pass. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Ok... I've got all of that beat...

My EX wife from my first marriage...

We go into court for the final hearing.... the Judge says...Ok... I'll grant the divorce today... but Mrs. Amazin you have to do A, B, and C before I'll sign the final decree...This is Jan 3 1996.

In mid Feb my kids come back from a weekend visit at moms... they say mommy got married.... I said WHAT? they say yea... she got married again...

She calls and says...yea.... me and so-n-so got married on Valentines Day...

I say... Don't you think we should get divorced first...LMAO ROTF... She say's what do you mean?.... I say the Judge hasn't signed our divorce papers yet... you haven''t done A,B & C yet...He's not going to sign it util you prove you've done A, B, & C....

Needless to say she got A, B and C done.

My divorce decree wasn't signed until April 26th....

LOL...

Sorry I just thought some humor might lighten things up a little...

The last time I checked it was illeagal in all 50 states to be married to more than one person at a time...

Delaying a divorce could be a strategy to ending the affair... the OW probably won't want to wait forever for WS to get a divorce...Gives you time to work on a plan...

Just a suggestion...

Good ideas everyone. Yes we are still married, In fact he just moved out Jan. 18. We are just working out the terms of the legal separation but he and his plaything are planning their wedding. Looking forward to getting some sort of settlement from the house so they can pay for it! I'm sure he's done this to keep her. Yes dragging things out will be good. They are basing much of their plans on assumptions. If the property and support is not settled, there will be no divorce and that could be made into a long, painful, expensive process. But listen I am moving on, working on myself, becoming the kind of person and mother I was destined to be. I've been journaling for a long time and looking back I am able to see just how much I was rowing the boat. If he ever came back, there's much work to be done.

He's leaving the country to be with her. Planning to see his kids once a month. I am sure I will hear plenty of excuses why he can't make it up here $$$. But the consequences are his. I will take care of the kids, be there for the kids. He and his FIANCEE can stay in their fantasy but eventually the bubble might burst and I may not be there to take him back.

Funny how when she announces to people I know that she is getting married, they don't congratulate her. Well, that's because the divorce ain't even filed yet and we have not even been separated for 2 months! He met this girl in NOVEMBER!

I'm getting stronger every day.

NEVER, ever, NEVER let your kids leave the country with him for any reason.

You are doing a great job.

Unconditional,

Tell WH that you have no intention of divorcing. It is good that you are getting a Legal Separation to protect yourself financially. After that, do NOTHING. Make him do anything related to the divorce, and don't agree to anything about a divorce.

I know where I live, I could have drug it out a year by contesting. After he has been gone from the home for 1 year, he can file and it will proceed even if I do not want it. But we would have been into year 2 by then...and really good chances of an A dying out.

Chances are good that your WH's A will die out over this next year, especially since it has been brought out into the daylight. Have you exposed? By that I mean, have you told people of influence in your lives that you are fighting for your marriage and would appreciate their support?

Please update us on this thread with a summary of your story.

I have exposed til there is no one to expose to.

My husband met this girl at the hotel he was staying at on business. He lied consistently, said she was interested in him but omitted the fact that he slept with her. After being with her he said he wanted out of them marriage. the marriage was a sham. He never loved me....he only married me and had 2 kids because it was the "right" thing to do. We lived together for 3 years before marrying, he had lots of chances to walk away and never did. So I took it all as the usual fogspeak. She is 25 and has clearly made a play for him, despite him being married. She has pursued him all the way and he is a very willing participant. What kind of woman actively pursues a married man with two children? (A predator!) I tried PLan A, exposed, was nice, accommodating. Lots of cake-eating. To no avail. He is so foggy he was babbling all the time about how he was meant to be with her. BLAH BLAH BLAH. I've realized now it is all fogspeak. He says he is divorcing me no matter what. I feel she just wants to be in love and once they face reality, that life is not easy, that real love takes effort- he might be back. But just today on the phone he said "even if I came back you wouldn't want me." I have faith the A will die out. She will get tired of waiting... That it felt great at first but it will die out. She won't wait for him. She said in her emails to him she loved him to infinity and beyond-seriously. This is her second engagement and she is only 25.

Even today he denies he's engaged, but his GF is advertising it to OUR friends.

Even today he says I guess I should have worked on myself before entertaining the idea of other people.....DUH!

Anyway, I'm doing what I can to protect myself and the kids. The rest is up to him. If he pursues Divorce I will contest, stall for as long as I can. I have never wanted my children to come from a broken home. I will do what it takes to keep my family together and he knows that BUT there will come a time when enough will be enough and I may have to leave him behind.

______________
Dday Nov. 22/07
Separated Dec.8/07
He left Jan 18/08
DD 3
DS 5
WH 41
BS 37

Have you read up on Plan A and Plan B? THey are very important to saving your marriage and fighting to keep your children's family intact.

What a pair they make! When he comes out of the fog, will he ever be embarressed!

Hi Unconditional-

I remember reading that any young woman who gets involved with a midlife man (like my XH and his XOW) usually has one or more of the following: a poor self-image, a poor relationship with her parents-particularly her father (daddy issues), is emotionally immature, has psychological issues and possibly experienced abuse as a child.

So, maybe that explains what a 25-year-old is doing with a 41-year-old.

Well let's put it this way. When I exposed to HER parents they told me: "She is 25, she knows what she is doing." And they like him. Have never seen her happier. Well hello he's a married man!!!!!!!

Definite daddy issues. Second engagement. If my WH thought I was high maintenance and moody, look out!

Add to that her confusion over why no one is congratulating her on her engagement to a married man. It's embarassing.