Yes they cannot meet with the OW until after the D.

I will look into all of these things.

he just takes them to his moms where she does all the work.

Sounds like Peachy. Her Wayward even took the OW to the same place for the honeymoon and they decorated their new place like hers. These guys think they want something new, then start trying to turn her into you and recreate your own past.

I'd drop her a note to congratulate her on having the engagement party at that hotel because you KNOW how nice it is and have fond memories of your wedding night there.

What point does it make. He has been with me about 10 times since January, she knows and doesn't care. So I don't think it would matter to her that he took her to the same hotel.

If she's not bright enough to realize what an insult it is, at least maybe you could make her obsess for a while on your motives.

Hi all, it's been a week and I must say I'm growing weak. Starting to feel like maybe at 37 with two young children who would give me a second glance.

Should I send my husband a PLan B Letter. Is there any point. He is living in another country and gallivanting all over town with his girlfriend. Doesn't that say it's over? Is there a marriage to fight for. So much of me is saying just let it go, hang onto your dignity, your children and move on.

My kids, esp. my son is struggling with him not being here. He misses him dearly but won't talk to him on the phone. I know this is a natural consequence of what has happened but it still hurts me to see him hurting.

All of the plan B letters talk about ending the affair. I don't think he sees it as an affair any longer. Starting to feel like I'm the loser who can't let go, and it has only been less than three month. Am I just fighting a losing battle? Am I better off without him? All my friends think so. They see what he has said and done and find none of it excusable. I only find some of it excusable because I believe he is in a thick fog.

My friends saw him with her the other night and it seems she thrives on the drama of it. Constantly looking over at their table. She wants them to know she's happy to have stolen a married man with two children. What kind of a woman does that?

Most of my friends live where they are and have asked me to visit. What do I do if I see them together? Ignore them, walk out? Wish them well? It's not like I am divorced! It's been three months! These two have only spent a MONTH physically together (the rest is online) and they are engaged. As you can see I am having a lot of trouble accepting this!

Sometimes I hate how much I still love him after all that he has said and done to me. And no one understands that except you guys!

Without appearing flirty...I would. I prefer women with kids and the fact that you have been through this makes you no less worthy of love and a chance at happiness.

Thanks for the vote of confidence. Maybe in my next mariage I need to find a man who's been through what I have.

Feeling sorry for myself tonight. Overwhelmed.

Have hope. Affairs always end. Are you getting child support?

I'm right here UC. Staying at home tonight. I truly, truly understand your sadness. It's ok to feel sorry for yourself. Own it and fall asleep. It always seems to get better in the morning.

B - I need to keep hearing you say that. The rest of the world around me thinks I am just plain stupid.

So I call my husband to find out when he is going to sign the separation papers, confirming support, and find out he was in an accident last night.

He's crying when he tells me. I asl if he's OK, what happened? He's got scrapes on his arms, legs and face. Why do I feel anything for him? He has shown me NO compassion whatsoever.

So I ask why he's crying and he says: "I'm not doing this." I guess that means he is not getting into it with ME.

I'm starting to see that maybe his choices are getting to him. He doesn't want me to care for him at all....so I then asked, when can I expect to hear from you regarding the separation agreement? It is so hard for me to be callous, yet so easy for him.

He has no money, barely any friends, now he's been hurt and this is what he wants- but he has his girlfriend/fiancee. Why is he purposely self destructing? Why does he HAVE TO hit rock bottom?

Please help me get through this. I am not him. I care.

Unconditional,

I read something the other day from Mortorman about how the bible says a marriage should work. I'll see if I can find a link for the post. I only got to read the first couple of posts but it seemed like an excellent read.

One of the things that was written was that in the bible it says something like this... “husbands love your wives like Christ loves the church”. In other words “Agape love.” Unconditional Love...Love without expecting anything in return. Even when they’re being terribly ugly. The reason I bring this up is because sometime love takes a strange form.

I love my children. But sometimes I have to let them make their own mistakes in order for them to learn from it. If I rescue them every time they’re about to make a mistake they never learn for themselves and continue to make the same mistake over and over until they learn for themselves.

For example: If my child was about to touch a hot stove I might tell them “Don’t touch that! It’s hot! You’ll get burned.” I can tell them that until I’m blue in the face but they will still want to touch that stove. And the minute I’m not around, guess what… they touch the stove and get burned. It’s unfortunate that they had to do it but that’s what has to happen for them to TRULY understand why they shouldn’t touch a hot stove. If I save my children from the hurt of learning from their mistakes they’ll live sheltered little lives until they grow up. When they get to adulthood they won’t have the tools to deal with the real world because I sheltered them from reality.

Get it!! You’re husband is living in a fantasy world right now. A great big dose of reality is what he needs to wake up and realize what his life is going to be like because of HIS actions. If that’s in the form of him realizing that he has no money, no friends, gets hurt, finds out his girlfriend is a immature vampire brat… then let him figure it out…

In order for him to TRULY learn from his mistake you have to let him fall down and skin his knees. Otherwise you will be enabling him to continue his affair. You can't sooth his owies every time he comes crying to you.

This is not harsh … This is truly compassionate…. This is a little tough love…. And he needs it if he’s going to make a turnaround.

You need to be strong for you, your kids and for him… You’re the only adult in your marriage who’s living in reality right now. So be strong and make good decisions.
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Unconditional,

Here's something from Pepperbands carrot and the stick of plan A. This may help you when it comes to being nice and showing compassion.

And here's a link to the post:
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...&PHPSESSID=

Great advice. Helps me put things in perspective.

I'm planning to visit my friends for a much needed respite in the same country where my WS ran away to. Tons of friends thre, planning some nights out and a day at the spa, walks on the beach etc.. Hoping to make it the start of the new me....Anyway, question is, would you tell WS you were coming or not?

Hmmm... That's a good question. The veterans should have a better answer than I do.

But here's my answer anyway. If you're in plan A, I would let him know and see if he wants to see you. Coffee, or a lite lunch.

But if you have another motive for going... like to check up on him... Why go? You know he's cheating and seeing it for yourself is only going to make you more hurt and angry.

If you're in Plan B.... I Wouldn't let him know. Might not even go if I thought I may run into him.

Can I let him know once I am there? I know about the A not really wanting to see him and her together.

I think someone else who's more expiranced needs to give you some input...

ask yourself this first...and answer truthfully.

Am I going to the foreign country to work on me and making me a better person or am I going because I'm obsessing about my husband.

If you're truely going to work on you then go and don't worry about if you see him or not.

Just my opinion... I think the vets need to chime in here...

I guess it sure saves me money to be able to stay with friends and hang out with them instead of going somewhere else by myself and paying for a hotel. I think it's only obsessing if I follow him around and call him all day and night. I would prefer NOT to see them and truly enjoy myself. And this place is where my closest friends, who have been supporting me, live....