I won't say your fear isn't valid at all, but if you bluff too quick, he could get sneakier.

For comparison, let me tell you about my red flags. When I started to get suspicious enough to start research, I got a total of 31 out of a possible 46. 5 weren't even valid for us, so it was 31 out of 41 red flags. You may see ripples of one and two red flags from time to time that mean nothing (like he buys a good looking shirt, decides to buy a 6-pack on the way home from work and you find a few in the garage trash on saturday, gets a haircut, etc. but it is a good ability to be able to recognize the possibility of others popping shortly thereafter. I don't know how many red flags is a good number to say start getting suspicious, but I think anything more than 3 weak or at least one strong red flag would allow you to feel more at ease.

I'll try to link or post a list of the 46 that I found elsewhere on the net.

Haven't had to use a simm reader, but from what I have read, you put the simm card in it, and it reads everything- including deleted stuff. Don't know about their effectiveness, but maybe others could chime in on that.

hmmm- guess i would need to figure out if his phone has a simm card. I didn't think all cells had one. wow- now that would be interesting to see in action.

thanks for taking the time-
am

The really old phones didn't have them, but I think I can safely say that if its newer than say 3-5 years old, it should have one. So, don't worry about the account- just try to find out how the simm card reader works and how accurate from others here that may know that stuff.

I'm just trying to keep you objective because I just recently got out of "that emotional place" we have both been, and don't want somebody to go back there unless it is really valid to.

ha ha- dude its an emotional roller coaster- it's been over a year for me. All I can say is the hills on the ride get smaller.

I used to tell our MC I felt like a bipolar child on speed. (I used to work with foster children so this was an awesome analogy for my FWH). I do have my insecure moments- which I think are self induced- looking for the bad.

Thanks for the insight. And I hope all turns out well for you.

AM

Yeah, I think she is starting to come out of the "fog" two weeks after moveout. I don't know if its false yet, but we shall see. I don't really know anybody at her work, just a guy who works for my landlady that I discovered just recently quit work out there, and he provided me with answers to my targeted questions about some name dropping to him that I know from my wife talking about work. But, my WW is convinced I know at least two people out there watching her like a hawk! The second tidbit is a password from a F coworker who is married, but her password is "boyfriend" I found in her portfolio, and this F is someone she tried to use as an excuse to go to happy hour. Needless to say, she wasn't able to attend. So, she is also convinced that I hack her computer and see her emails due to some "fed" friend I went to high school with. Lololololol. Like I said, the mind game and your intuition means more than any electronics.

I would rename your thread to something about "spying and simm card reader info needed" or something. Focus on learning what you can control, and thats the simm card he brings home in his phone every day from work, and go from there. Keep your eyes open.

I have always had my cellular service w/Sprint, and never had a SIM card in my phone (and I just got a brand new phone). I think it's to do with the type of cellular network your provider uses (CDMA vs GSM). Sprint uses CDMA, whereas carriers that have phones w/SIM cards use GSM.

I am so freak out. I informed my FWH that I would like him to take the lie detector test- so I could confirm his answers of his affair- gain closer and move on. Questions such as- was Dday the last day you talked with her, only affair, etc. I do not seek details of the affair itself- I just want to fully believe him- when it started and ended- as well as if there were other affairs.

I even told him of the questions- he balked saying if he went ahead then next month I'd come up with something else and want him to again take a test. I told him I only seek closure and desire to move on. I have explained I have a difficult time suddenly believing him because "HE SAYS" I am sensing much gas lighting- and am reading up on it now.

I did tell him that I this was something I needed to move forward. I think I said something to the effect that this was needed to remain married. It just freaked me out when he said no.

Should I be worried or does he have a valid point- it has been a year since the affair- am I just dwelling on it??

I want to trust him- but having a hard time with it now.
thanks
am

To agree may be an act of bluffing you into believing he has nothing to hide if you didn't follow through. The fact that he agreed, you called his bluff, THEN he decided not to is definitely NOT a good sign to me.

But then again I am no expert.