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#2019744 02/04/08 06:54 PM
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Are there any success stories of those who did Plan B and brought their WS out of the fog? I know the focus is more on personal recovery, but I could use the encouragement in knowing it could bring my WW back. If you can post them here, I'd appreciate it. thanks.


BH- 33
WW- 31
DDay- 6/07
Separated
A ended 10/07
A2 - WW dated OM2 12/07 - 2/08
Agreed to R 2/08, but WW not serious.
6/08 - ILYBINILWY - No longer wants R.
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A couple that come top of mind would be Mimi and Mortarman. You might want to look up their stories.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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....and BrambleRose. Its much easier to list marriages that didn't make it because they DIDN'T go into plan B.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Hi DrowningMan,

Sorry you're having a tough time finding Plan B Success Stories. If you haven't found them yet, Mortarman and BrambleRose's stories are briefly outlined in the Success Stories thread linked to my sig line.

Although they are not specifically detailing the Plan B steps they used, their stories are still inspiring.

Maybe there are more on the Plan B forum. I think Notable Posts has more success stories but I'm not sure if they're Plan B either.

Hope this helps a little.

Ace


FWH/BW (me)57+ M:36+ yr.
4 D-Days: Jun-Nov 06 E/PA~OW#2 (OW#1 2000)
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PlanB always works. Either the spouse comes back, or you are able to put your love aside and move forward with your life. It says so in the book.

I would say the only planBs that fail are the ones undertaken with the sole intent of bringing back the partner. They are never implemented properly, and the BS remains engaged in the mess.

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Gale is right, the purpose of Plan B is not to bring back a wayward spouse, but to remove a betrayed spouse from the abuse. It ALWAYS succeeds when no contact is maintained.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Thanks for pointing me to those. I found Mimi's and BrambleRose's, but I'm still looking for Mortarman's. If you happen to see a link somewhere, would you mind posting it? If I find it first, I'll put it up incase others are interested.

That's what worries me and is making me hesitate. I want my WW back more than anything and I'm not ready to move on. It's just that my sitch is really complicated and I think it calls for plan B at this point. I know everyone says their sitches are different, but I really haven't found one like mine. I couldn't even describe it without filling up this whole page. The closest one might be Princess Meggy's, but they're still very different and she didnt use plan A OR B.


BH- 33
WW- 31
DDay- 6/07
Separated
A ended 10/07
A2 - WW dated OM2 12/07 - 2/08
Agreed to R 2/08, but WW not serious.
6/08 - ILYBINILWY - No longer wants R.
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Hi DrowningMan,

About halfway down the page is part of Mortarman's story on the Success Stories thread page 6.

Ace


FWH/BW (me)57+ M:36+ yr.
4 D-Days: Jun-Nov 06 E/PA~OW#2 (OW#1 2000)
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Principled started athread about this and has all the links. I'll bumo it up for you


Plan D June 08
Me FBS 36
W 38
Married 13/1/09
The best is yet to come, with or without your WS
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By the way if anyone does know of a sitch like mine, PLEASE post it.

I'll try to describe it the quickest way possible.

- Together 15 years, no kids yet.
- DDay 6/07 - Wife had A for year and half.
- She wanted R, but also continued A.
- I LB'd like crazy - made her move out.
- I contacted OMW and OM ended A
- 10/07 - WW said no more R and wanted to continue the A, but it was done.
- WW hated me and wants divorce.
- 12/07 - She Started seeing OM2, but doesnt care for him too much.
- I started plan A, but can't get near her.
- Now WW says she needs time, doesn't know what she wants, but she's getting more and more serious with OM2.
- I keep trying to plan A, but she doesn't let me meet her ENs and spends all her nights at his house.
- I'm losing it, I can't take it anymore and I can't watch her do this.


BH- 33
WW- 31
DDay- 6/07
Separated
A ended 10/07
A2 - WW dated OM2 12/07 - 2/08
Agreed to R 2/08, but WW not serious.
6/08 - ILYBINILWY - No longer wants R.
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That's what worries me and is making me hesitate. I want my WW back more than anything and I'm not ready to move on.

DM, please understand that the purpose of Plan B is not to get your spouse back. Its purpose is to remove you from the triangle when the affair doesnt end in order to protect you from emotional abuse. Affairs are such a lovebuster that there is also a risk of you growing to HATE your WW. Once that happens, and it often does, it is almost impossible to turn around.

See, most affairs die a natural death within 2 years of being exposed. The best thing for the marriage and for the mental health of the BS is to remove himself via plan B after plan B. Sometimes plan B has the effect of ending hte affair when the OP fails to meet the needs of the WS, though.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Thanks for the links, everyone.

Mel, I do understand that it's not the purpose of plan B and I'll also admit that it's partly a desperation attempt for me. My problem is I'm stuck in a really tough situation and neither plan A or B seem to fit perfectly. I had a session with Jennifer and even she decribed it as being "dismal." I don't think anyone can give me a straight answer, so I may have to take a gamble at this point. I'm even considering plan D.

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See, most affairs die a natural death within 2 years of being exposed

What if it's after the first A that tore us apart and after we've seperated? WW is in the mindset of moving on and doesn't consider this to be an A. There's nothing to expose anymore.

Quote
Affairs are such a lovebuster that there is also a risk of you growing to HATE your WW.

Starting a second affair during my plan A efforts is causing serious damage and the further it goes, the more I think it will prevent the possibility of R. This is why I'm in need of drastic measures. I'm hoping that she hasn't developed strong enough feelings for OM2 yet and Plan B or Plan D will jolt her loose. To be honest, Plan D is starting to look more effective. If she continues this for too long thats probably where we'll end up anyway.

If anyone has opinions on what they would do in this sitch I would love to hear them.

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I wouldn't Plan D to jolt her. I would only do it because it was what I wanted.

Ace


FWH/BW (me)57+ M:36+ yr.
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The nice thing about Plan B is that either you will end up back with your wife, or you will be ready to move on. Although I initially wanted my ex back, Plan B gave me enough healing room to want to move on without him.

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Starting a second affair during my plan A efforts is causing serious damage and the further it goes, the more I think it will prevent the possibility of R. This is why I'm in need of drastic measures. I'm hoping that she hasn't developed strong enough feelings for OM2 yet and Plan B or Plan D will jolt her loose.

DM, I doubt there is anything that can jolt her loose. If you are wanting that result from Plan B, you will probably be disappointed. In your case, I would go into plan B NOW so that you can detach from the situation emotionally. Once you are detached, you will be in a better position to assess the situation and choose divorce if that is the best answer for you.

Divorce is a much easier transistion, IF NEEDED, after one has been in Plan B.

But, be assured, I don't think there is anything more you can do to bring her back that you probably haven't already done. Sorry I can't be more positive. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Just my observation based on my almost 4 years on this board but it seems that WW's are much more affected by a good Plan B than Plan A(which works only in about 15% as per Dr H).

Unfortunately my 4 years on this board also shows me that 90-95% of posters so-called Plan B's are done in a half *ssed manner. Doomed to failure from the get go.


Divorced:
"Never shelter anyone from the realities of their decisions": Noodle

You believe easily what you hope for ernestly

Infidelity does not kill marriages, the lying does
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Unfortunately my 4 years on this board also shows me that 90-95% of posters so-called Plan B's are done in a half *ssed manner.

by half *ssed... do you mean they didn't go dark enough? What are the ways you can screw up plan B?


BH- 33
WW- 31
DDay- 6/07
Separated
A ended 10/07
A2 - WW dated OM2 12/07 - 2/08
Agreed to R 2/08, but WW not serious.
6/08 - ILYBINILWY - No longer wants R.
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Yes.

Most people have a hard time with Plan B, because their WS FREAKS soon after Plan B begins. They (WS) see it as punishment, or control, or LOSING control over the BS, or whatever. So, as soon as they start calling all the time or pounding on the door or threatening things like D or taking their kids away or begging to talk or to be let back in, etc, the BS comes out of Plan B. It would be extremely hard not to, considering that for the longest time, the BS craves to feel love from the WS, so when the WS acts out against Plan B, they want to believe is because they want to reconcile, even if their conditions are not met. Or, if the WS has threatened them with some sort of retaliation, and the BS is not prepared for it and does not know what their rights are, they cave for fear of whatever the WS has threatened. If PB is completely successful for 2-4 weeks, the drama USUALLY ends, and the BS can get the peace they deserve. That's why most plan B's go bad-outlasting that initial backlash of the WS.

Anyone going into Plan B should probably speak to a D attorney and find out exactly what their rights are. They should have a written plan for visitation for the children and a rock solid intermediary. It seems (IMO) that many times, BS go to PB to try to get their spouse back through a reality check of what D would be like, when really that is only part of the reason to go PB. The main reason is to remove the BS from the continuing abuse/drama of the WS and for the BS to find peace and become strong again on their own. It is also to preserve the love the BS has left for the WS so that when the A dies out, there is a chance for reconciliation.

Edited to add: Another reason Plan B may be necessary is if the WS is relying on both the BS and OP for ENs, PB removes the BS's contributions and the WS's Ens must then ALL be met by the OP. In essence, it will hopefully cause strife in the A and end the A faster.

Last edited by Resonance; 02/06/08 11:35 PM.
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Unfortunately my 4 years on this board also shows me that 90-95% of posters so-called Plan B's are done in a half *ssed manner.

by half *ssed... do you mean they didn't go dark enough? What are the ways you can screw up plan B?

By allowing contact. Allowing contact signals the WS that he is still in control and that the BS is not really serious. It also prevents the BS from ever detaching. Often folks will look for creative ways to stay in contact instead of creative ways to avoid it.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Sorry to chip in but I gave my WH PBL in Oct 07 and he weaseled his way back in house by Jan.(ie when he fetched and dropped kids).I got D papers mid Jan so I told him very calmly to go back to PB conditions.He was furious and told me its time I accepted things.He knows what Plan B entails and doesnt like it!!

He wants us to be friends!!NO WAY.When he phones I switch off my phone...feels good!I also feel MUCH better..with divorce looming I dont want to be caught up in fights with him either.Plan B is hard but best for your sanity!!


BS;ME43,WH45
DS19,DS16
DDay:6Dec06
WH left12Dec06
DIV:3Dec08
WH marries OW 21days later!







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