I am officially home now. Sad and home alone. Shortly after he got home last night and discovered I was gone he text messaged me telling me that he was sorry that I felt I had to leave. He told me how much he loved me, asked me to turn around and come back etc. All the sweet things he needed to say. Only, it didn't work. I stood my ground. He still held firm that he wasn't going to counseling, and I told him it was okay. That it was unacceptable to go for him, and unacceptable not to for me. So, I guess it is over. He eventually got sort of testy when his sweetness then his "stand" didn't move me from my position. I honestly think he felt that if he stood his ground long enough I would be more worried about losing the relationship and eventually would give up the fight for help.
Later he sent me a text saying if I thought it would help he would go but it was something he really wasn't happy about. I told him I didn't want him to do anything that made him uncomfortable and I understood if he chose not to, however, I wasn't changing my mind about the fact that it was necessary.
Eventually he sent me a text telling me that he didn't feel anything we did would change the fact that I didn't trust him. I think he thought if he sounded as if he was giving up I would fold. I guess he didn't take me as seriously as he should have. I didn't fold.
He has been all over the place today. Saying would he would do it, then saying it wouldn't help, etc. It finally ended with him saying that he just wasn't sure he could do it. And me telling him that was fine. That I understood his concern and dislike of the idea of going to therapy, however, I had concern and dislike of the way tough stuff is handled in our relationship,how he speaks to me, the fact that his past women are still present in some ways etc., and we hadn't been able to do it alone, so we either found help, or the relationship would self destruct down the road anyway. So why put ourselves through it. I told him if he couldn't rise to the challenge, I understood. It would make me sad, but if he couldn't do it, he couldn't do it. I told him to take a day or two and think about it. I would accept his answer either way.
So.... now we wait. I truly think he thought if he stood his ground that I would be more afraid of losing him than I would standing my ground. In the past I have reacted that way. This time if he doesn't go... we are through. It will hurt, but it will hurt more in the long run if I were to stay and let him treat me that way.
So.... time will tell what happens. I am prepared for it either way I think. Maybe. It is just so hard to imagine someone being more concerned about their image than they are about losing the person they love. Just don't understand men sometimes.
