Hi, I'm just dropping in to let everyone know that I'm doing well!

YS had to have surgery and that put me around STBX alot more than I wanted to be but everything was fine...YS is doing well, he'll be out of school another week...just tonsils and adenoids...

OS was sick last Thurs., and then I got it Friday...couldn't keep anything down w/o feeling sick to my stomach...I slept on and off for 36 hours...one son was checking my temp and the other tucking me in...I was hot and them cold...

D is still under way...I felt well enough Sat. to go looking for a new dryer and ended up getting a new washer too...that little trip took a lot out of me and I rested the rest of yesterday and today...checking in with people when I felt I had the strengthen...today, we went for a ride and I stopped at the store to get some powerade...So, I'm feeling better and I have to go back to work tomorrow...

I can say that dealing with STBX has been rather eye opening...I can clearly see that his line of thinking in not based in reality...and I feel extremely confident about removing him from my life...

I have to call my Lawyer tomorrow with an update about CS, more than likely we will be filing a contempt of court and asking for assignment of income...I also got the value on the house done and STBX and his lawyer accepted that...so, I'm trying to move in the direction of finishing that up...

I have 40 days until the D is final and I'm very comfortable with my choices...

I have been reading a new book called Why does he do that? By Lundy Bancroft and I completely understand where MEDC, Mimi, and some of the other MBers were coming from about abuse programs verses anger management, IC or MC...It's answering alot of questions that I had that no one could seem to answer, perhaps in a way I could understand...I'm not sure on that one...perhaps I didn't want to hear...but I have enjoyed my time away from MB and outside of not feeling well have been doing great!

The interactions that I had with STBX were okay, nothing stressful...he did help with YS some...and as long as we didn't talk about us, we were fine...and he's the one that started that...I just stood my ground which upset up and he did his usually behavior and stopped talking to me, which is in no way hurting me...I love it this way...

MOF, I have set up somethings like email forwarding so that I don't have to deal with him...

Oh, on another lever...remember HN1 and HN2, horrible neighbors...well, you all know that HN1 moved, well, Friday night HN2 left her H again...that's right again...I found out that she left while I was gone during the summer for about a month...well, I got to witness the cops coming out and her leaving in her SIL's car...didn't even take her vehicle...I mention this because the CLAN is still breaking up...all of these people who didn't believe me, appeared in court against me, said horrible things about me, etc...their world's are crashing down around them and I'm so very grateful that mine is peaceful...

I hope that this offers hope to OP here if you are in a sitch where "evil" sort to speak, is working against you...IT DOES get better!

I have even created a visualization board, a cork board with things that I want or want to do...cut out pictures...one was of my washer and dryer...I just did this Thurs. night...Friday I was informed that my dryer would cost more to fix then it would be to buy a new one...Sat., I went shopping and had half of what I wanted to spend...well, God works his magic and I got my dream washer and dryer...the same kind that I had cut out and put on my board...

So, STBX can have the old stuff...I know that he's not liking the role reversal these day but I'm loving life! It's great not to be getting the scraps anymore! hand-me-downs, whatever you want to call it!

Well, I have to get some rest, I ACTUALLY HAVE TO WORK ALL DAY TOMORROW...LOL...I tried that Thurs., but was only there 2 and a half hours b/f I got the call to go pickup OS b/c he was throwing up all over the place...so, I've had my fair share of time away from work...

I'll drop back in soon!

((((((Rin))))))

I'm so glad to see you doing well and sounding so strong.

Keep your chin up and your chest out as Mimi would say.

Sorry to hear about the case of the icky's going around.. we're not immune to it here either though I did admit to getting some satisfaction in knowing that WB picked up DS's severe cold and got pretty sick... I got hit by it too but not that bad apparently. Oh well..

You're doing great.. congrats on the new washer/dryer.. ahh.. laundry.. the constant hum that is the background noise of my life <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Rin

I don't think I've posted to you before, but I've read all your threads. What an amazing journey you've had lady!

Like you, I am waiting on my D. Except I'm so jealous because you only have 40 days to go and I have 4x as many days...YUCK.

I never thought I'd say I was looking forward to getting a D, but God works in mysterious ways. Can't say that I'm happy about it, but I am at peace with my decision and ready to move on to the next phase of my life without WH. Sounds like you may be in a similar place.

Sorry your babies were ill...there certainly is something goin' 'round.

Don't stay away too long....

Smartiepants2

WEll, Hello guys/gals! Thanks for dropping in! Tonight, I'm feeling a little crazy but that's because I can't find something having to do with the D...and I'm trying to get my proposal together...

ALL THE NUMBERS!!! ARGGHHH!!! LOL


Kiddos are doing great, thanks SP2! I'm feeling really good tonight too! I'm so happy to be feeling better! i was talking to my FedEx guy today and come to find out he got the same thing too Friday night! I was joking with him about him trying to eat, I was smart enough not to eat anything until Sat., then it was just some yogurt about midday and a small bowl of mac n'cheese that night! Today I was able to eat, but I sure did drink alot of water!

James, I do feel really good! Thanks for noticing! MOF, not this weekend but the following a bunch of us girls will be getting together for movie night...I'm still in the process of doing the invites! I'm looking forward to that!

SP2, LOL, you'll get there and I think that we are in the same place too! I'm really happy with my decision also....

Speaking of, I got a forward email from my go between today...STBX was just asking about the kids and how they were doing...I simply stated that YS was eating well and doing good, and OS was feeling better and was back at school! Nothing else from him just the way I like it!

I never would have thought that I would fall in love with a PLan B...LOL...being I was so scared of it in the first place...

I've also had somethings going on with work...not so hot and I have been wanting to fine another job for some time, so my eyes and ears are open to that...especially since I'm at the tail end of this D and doing well with it...

For the first time in my life, I have money in the saving account, checking, all my bills are paid...my credit is doing well despite STBX's efforts...I'm not getting CS right now and I'm doing great! Life is good...I'm FINALLY living life and not letting life live me! I could never phantom being this happy without STBX in my life...

I do find myself wanting justice for what he has done to me and the kids...and for me that's a dollar value right now...and I do wish that the same thing is done to him that he has done to us...I guess to teach him a lesson although I do feel that he will not learn that lesson...primarily b/c his view of reality is askew...he doesn't see anything that he's done as wrong and can rationalize everything away as being my fault for whatever he determines at that moment...and that's okay, I no longer accept his truth as mine...so he can say what he wants and the way I feel about it, he can rot in that swamp of his where his camper is parked...

But in the same breathe, I can wish well...I can only guess that's a healthy attitude to have...not to much of this and not to much of that! I don't know...

I'm certainly not bitter and the only concern I have for myself is dealing with the next person that comes into my life somewhere down the line and accepting him for who he is and not including my old experiences in the lot...I don't think that I'm that kind of person and b/c I'm aware of that concern I think it will be easier...

I want to say that I'm extremely concerned with trusting the next person in my life but the phrase that comes to mind is "TRUST GOD AND LOVE PEOPLE!" If I trust him and myself then the rest is a done deal...but having been used and manipulated so much over the years, I am fearful of putting myself in the same position...this is me, sharing with you, what I think and fear in the here and now...not something that I dwell on but does cross my mind...

Perhaps as I read more of this book and how to recognize similar people I'll feel better...it's been a hard process to accept that I was with a controlling and abusive man...the words themselve make me want to reach for denial, and say that it didn't happen to me...just b/c I wasn't hit doesn't make it any less of an experience...it was real and is very hard to swallow...

I am here by the grace of God b/c as we all know he doesn't give us what we can not handle, showing us what we can handle little by little, carrying us when we are not strong enough to walk...This is my belief...that a power greater than me has been taking care of me the whole way through even when I didn't want it...opening doors when others are closing...

LOL...Okay, enough sharing my stuff for the night! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Thanks for stopping in and posting, my gratitude list grows each day...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Wow, Rin,

You sound amazing. Good for you. I'll be talking to you girl as you have what I want, freedom from the past and the bad.

I'm so happy for you and want to read more about how well you are doing. You are an inspiration to me.

Thanks Q! Good to See you around also!

Q, sweetie, it's a choice to be free from the past! A difficult one no doubt!

I have a special little something for you that came to mind and I had to walk out to the car to get my Courage to Change book! Do you have one?

If not, I invite you to read pg 139...the first time I heard it heard, I had to dig in my purse for a pen and I wrote but one word at the top of the pg b/t the date and the pg number!

FREEDOM!

In the Today's reminder it says: The Chinese word for crisis is written with two characters. The first stands for danger, and the second for opportunity. I will look for the good hidden within everything I encounter.

"There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in its hands." Richard Bach

This is just a sample of the page...I invite you as well as anyone else to read it and share your thoughts...


I need to go back to sleep, but let me know if you can not get a hold of it...or anyone else here that would like the hold pg to be posted...I can't do it right now, no matter how short, but I can say that the first time I read it, probably six or eight months ago, it moved me and Freedom was the only word to come to my mind!

Like I said it's a choice...a choice to change your thinking...a choice to reclaim what we have given away...a choice to empower yourself to move forward in the right direction for YOU and no one else...a choice to love yourself more than anyone else on this earth...WHY b/c YOU deserve it!!!

LOL...and yes, I mean to love yourself more than your kids too...b/c it is in loving ourselves that we learn how to love others to the BEST of our ability...we always talk about getting the best...well, the best starts within first...

My Latin teacher in HS said once: That if we could not be our own best friend than we could not be a best friend to anyone else!

THAT has stuck with me...that one moment in time when that one person who no one really liked, but I loved b/c he challenged us. His words stuck in my brain, these upteen years later...b/c I KNEW that he spoke the truth!

Good night!

Good Morning! Well, I have 32 days 'til the final date for this D and things are doing great!

STBX came by the house for V-day, which was our anniversary also, to give the boys V-day presents, which was actually purchased by his mother! THe cards from the florist said from Gammy and Daddy! It didn't surprise me any. I didn't go to the door...OS met him at the back door and I was laying down on the sofa, I didn't move from my spot...

You should have heard him drive off, accelerator to the floor in the truck...oh well! I know that he wanted to talk to me but I could care less...I've been staying dark...new email address has been working out great and he finally stopped TMing me and calling! I just stopped answering them...

So, all quiet on the home front...YS was released from the doctor yesterday, so he will be heading back to school after being out for over two weeks...the new washer and dryer are being delivered today...we're go excited...we have plans to pop some popcorn and watch the wash channel today...it's a front loader...LOL....

My lawyer is filing a contempt of court on STBX for not paying CS, he owes me three payments, and this will include all the things that he took from the house before we moved in...all of the tools, etc...plus a few bills he was suppose to be dealing with that he's not! I've had to pay the one that's only in my name b/c he let is slide for three months which dropped my credit score...

Needless to say, I'm handling my business and the kids and I are doing fine...better than fine...we have everything that we need and all of my bills are paid on time! I have even gotten my information over to my lawyer so start the community property settlement...

God is good, all the time! Thank you all for the support that you have given to me in almost two years...MB is the place that I began to learn how to be healthy and find happiness! Even when sometimes the things I was hearing were the hardest things I had heard...

GOOD FOR YOU, RIN!!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

way to go Rin! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thanks Mimi and MEDC! I have missed you guys in a way but life has been really good being away from MB...

I have to say that it was really nice being around STBX in a way these past few months...in the fact that I was able to recognize the venom that came from his lips and being clearheaded...

I was able to see that this WAS NOT THE PERSON I want to be with...he created more trouble than it was worth...makes me think of FROG and the things that he told me...

(((Rin))) You go girl! I'm so proud of you! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Rin,

MAH-VE-LOUS DAH-LING!!

Thanks PM! Thanks BUgs! WOW, it's been an interesting day! A LONG DAY!!!

Washer and dryer was delivered at lunch, kids missed religion b/c of an accident with an 18 wheeler and one of our bridges...went visit a friend who recently had back surgery...learned HN1 is trying to sell her house across the street for a crazy amount but if she gets it that's all the better for me in the long run, then I brought the kids to one of my meetings, grabbed something to eat on the way home and we watched the washer, front loader...THat was fun! LOL

Finally got the kids in bed...I'm ready to head that way myself...oh, called my lawyer the motion is prepared and he has to look over it, then, I guess they file it and we set a court date...not sure if I have to be there or not...then, I guess after that is done we have to set another date for the final D decree...community property settlement will be in there somewhere...I'm praying that it will be final soon also...I'm ready to get it all over with...

My plan is to concentrate on my spirituality and not looking for someone else...or worrying about relationship stuff that will all come with time...God's time, not mine...that's my plan at least...taking care of me and the kids...enjoying life...

So glad to read these new chapters in your life, Rin.

Rin,

Joining my big congrats on your choices along with others here...getting out of the way of others' consequences is a big one...and you're doing it...holding yourself to your code.

Helps me out that you share...and I'm loving you watching the wash cycle together...you rock as a human, wife, mom, friend, daughter...oh, the list goes on and on.

And a poster on MB, too. That's on the list.

Proud member of Rin's fan club...

LA

Wow Rin, I am just in awe of your strength.

Courage to Change, I am not familiar with that book. I will try and see if I can get a copy. I am learning from you how you are changing and I admire it so.

It is a choice and I am learning to make it. My actios are showing that I am thinking of myself as worthwhile, my head is slow in that dept but we are working on it.

FREEDOM... That was the topic at my AA meeting tonight. I feel like I took the jump off Mt. Rainier and I am trusting G-d completely with my soul and life. It's his anyways. I feel free in so many ways. And those ways that I don't, I just leave alone until I can choose to deal with them in a healthy way.

Choice.... I choose to live and learn today and I choose to think that your walk and so many others are my lifeline to survival because it's through your experiences, strength and hope I can pray that one day I will experience.

Thank you so much sweet one, sleep well

HI Queen...wOW, you're topic was Freedom...my topic was acceptance...Have you ever attended an Al-anon meeting to help you deal with your friends and family members who have this disease? you can get a copy of Courage to change there...

It's rather funny that I can accept that my dad, who I saw this pass weekend, is back to drinking everyday...knowing that he is doing his pills also...as much as I love his I wasn't raised with him...so it's rather easy for me to throw my hands in the air and accept that I may hear one day that he has some liver disease ir something even more horrible...

Of course, I make excuses for him in my mind, saying that he has back pain that was never corrected with surgery like it should have been and thus I know that living with the pain can be unbearable for him sometimes...it's easy for me to make excuses for him and write it off..perhaps my way of making it easier to accept...but he was this way long before the injury...and I feel for my half sister and brother who grew up in that mess...

I chose not to visit them as often as I could b/c of the drugs and alcohol...TBH, I blame my sister for my niece's healthy problem, doing drugs during her pregnancy, and not just that one...my oldest neice had some healthy problems also...but b/c she is my sister I don't hold that against her...

To me I have planned B them for years b/c it helps me to love them more...not to get caught up in the day to day drama...my niece will have her surgery tomorrow and my sister is a nervous wreck...which I understand completely and had great compassion for her during this time...

I know that she can not understand this being so close to home for her...but Children are God's gift to us and we should value and appreciate the simple fact that he let us borrow them, enjoy them the time that we have them and should he decide to call her home, then I take comfort in the fact that she has served her purpose in the four short years that she had been with us...

Queen, once again my choice to think positive in the chaos of the destruction with other people's choices...addictions...to find the good in the bad...same with my dad...sure he's drinking AGAIN...but with him it doesn't stop him from playing with my kids...building wooden boats for them...or enjoying them even when they run and jump on him...he doesn't say a word...and I know that he's in pain, it's wrote all over his face...but he grins and bares it...at least that was THIS trip...no grumpy old man barking anything unpleasant...full of kisses and hugs for us...so we enjoyed our time...

Makes me think how I learned to accept seconds in the first place...makes me appreciate that I know better today...that I can say that I'm worth better, and so are my kids...able to pat myself on the back when I go back and see my family...knowing that I am making better choices for myself as well as my kids...there's no drugs and alcohol immediately effecting our lives...my choice...and now there's no abuse...

Both topics, the kids and I connected on in the past few days...talking openly about drugs and alcohol, peer pressure, how STBX twists your words to fit his needs/wants, whatever...I hear them and they hear me...I say that I understand and let them know that it's not just them in the best light that I can without downing STBX and let them know that they can talk to me about it when things like that happen...or the role playing this Sat. while driving to my dad's asking them to try drugs and alcohol...laughing together and grounding them til they are 80 for the wrong answer, which YS started to do just to be funny at the end...

You know I wear my t shirt that says "world's best mom" proudly...especially after finding the strength to improve our situation... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Loving myself more than ever before...knowing that I'm worth the best that life has to offer and not scared to put myself out there...

I understand the feeling of jumping off a mountain...the fear of leaving...and having to learn exactly what you have...to trust GOd, have faith that he would take care of us...and HE HAS, nothing bad has happened...we have grown closer...stronger...my belief!

E, LOL.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> THank you for stopping in...I enjoyed celebrating our friendship as well as all of my friends on V-day...YOU KNOW it really turned my day around, being my anniversary and all, but I was determined not to let the day be horrible...reclaiming it with celebrating what I do have verses what I don't have...

LA- I was surprised to see you post...Thank you! It was certainly a gift, your presence, your words...reminded me how much I love myself these days...grateful for the change...as well as all of the people in and out of my life...

LOL...yes, we watched the wash channel tonight...what a soap opera! LMAO...just imagine the three of us, with our plates, sitting on the floor watching the lights, and the kids walking off from time to time then coming back and asking "WHAT THEY MISSED?" LOL... we baked muffins last night...

When I do these kinds of things I take great comfort in the fact that I may not remember this stuff later, but they will and my payoff is their joy, now and in the future when they think back...YS can crack an egg pretty darn good, that's his job...he's teaching OS how to do it "like Mom"...

LAst week I brought them to my board meeting, where they drew on the chalk board and OF COURSE, I HAD To take a picture with my phone...they drew me, and wrote best mom...Pride and love filled my heart...still done when I think about it...knowing that I've make some great choices which at first was for them and not me...what a payoff indeed...what a great code, huh?

I'm reading AGAIn, HINDS Feet in High Places...my favorite book of all time...I lost my copy again and recently purchased another, this time it has Daily devotions in it...Queen, THIS IS A MUST READ!!! I was given it for my step two work and it helped me in so many ways...I have given so many copies away...

It's the reason behind my choice to work on my relationship with my higher power...wanting to depend on him to fill me up rather than OP...and there's more reasons too...I'm his newbie, you know, asking him to come into my heart a few months after D-day, laying in bed one night, next to STBX filled with pain...which is no longer there, replaced with joy and happiness...a far cry from where I was...

Well, I bid you all Good night AGAIN! I pray to sleep eight hours in a row! LOL

Your transformation is beautiful ! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Oh, I'm so jealous!! A new washer and dryer!! Lucky duck! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

HTH

THanks Pep! THat means alot!! I really appreciate it!

LOL...HTH...No need to be jealous...I didn't NEED THE WASHER but I HAD to have a dryer! It was taking me 8 hours to dry clothes! Thanks be to God for the two of them!

WEll, my niece is in ICU, the surgery was a little rough, they had a hard time keeping her blood pressure down, but she's doing okay...it's just going to be a day by day thing...they are going to let her wake up tomorrow from what I understand...

My SM said that she looks really bad right now...tubes all over the place...I'm going to drive over there this Sat. to see her...my SM was a mess but my sister seemed to be doing okay...she's so tiny to begin with...

I have some reading to do...so I hope that everyone is doing well...I'm hoping things around here calm down some...I've been reading threads but not posting...just wanting to let everyone know that I'm trying to keep up!