Hi, I'm just dropping in to let everyone know that I'm doing well!

YS had to have surgery and that put me around STBX alot more than I wanted to be but everything was fine...YS is doing well, he'll be out of school another week...just tonsils and adenoids...

OS was sick last Thurs., and then I got it Friday...couldn't keep anything down w/o feeling sick to my stomach...I slept on and off for 36 hours...one son was checking my temp and the other tucking me in...I was hot and them cold...

D is still under way...I felt well enough Sat. to go looking for a new dryer and ended up getting a new washer too...that little trip took a lot out of me and I rested the rest of yesterday and today...checking in with people when I felt I had the strengthen...today, we went for a ride and I stopped at the store to get some powerade...So, I'm feeling better and I have to go back to work tomorrow...

I can say that dealing with STBX has been rather eye opening...I can clearly see that his line of thinking in not based in reality...and I feel extremely confident about removing him from my life...

I have to call my Lawyer tomorrow with an update about CS, more than likely we will be filing a contempt of court and asking for assignment of income...I also got the value on the house done and STBX and his lawyer accepted that...so, I'm trying to move in the direction of finishing that up...

I have 40 days until the D is final and I'm very comfortable with my choices...

I have been reading a new book called Why does he do that? By Lundy Bancroft and I completely understand where MEDC, Mimi, and some of the other MBers were coming from about abuse programs verses anger management, IC or MC...It's answering alot of questions that I had that no one could seem to answer, perhaps in a way I could understand...I'm not sure on that one...perhaps I didn't want to hear...but I have enjoyed my time away from MB and outside of not feeling well have been doing great!

The interactions that I had with STBX were okay, nothing stressful...he did help with YS some...and as long as we didn't talk about us, we were fine...and he's the one that started that...I just stood my ground which upset up and he did his usually behavior and stopped talking to me, which is in no way hurting me...I love it this way...

MOF, I have set up somethings like email forwarding so that I don't have to deal with him...

Oh, on another lever...remember HN1 and HN2, horrible neighbors...well, you all know that HN1 moved, well, Friday night HN2 left her H again...that's right again...I found out that she left while I was gone during the summer for about a month...well, I got to witness the cops coming out and her leaving in her SIL's car...didn't even take her vehicle...I mention this because the CLAN is still breaking up...all of these people who didn't believe me, appeared in court against me, said horrible things about me, etc...their world's are crashing down around them and I'm so very grateful that mine is peaceful...

I hope that this offers hope to OP here if you are in a sitch where "evil" sort to speak, is working against you...IT DOES get better!

I have even created a visualization board, a cork board with things that I want or want to do...cut out pictures...one was of my washer and dryer...I just did this Thurs. night...Friday I was informed that my dryer would cost more to fix then it would be to buy a new one...Sat., I went shopping and had half of what I wanted to spend...well, God works his magic and I got my dream washer and dryer...the same kind that I had cut out and put on my board...

So, STBX can have the old stuff...I know that he's not liking the role reversal these day but I'm loving life! It's great not to be getting the scraps anymore! hand-me-downs, whatever you want to call it!

Well, I have to get some rest, I ACTUALLY HAVE TO WORK ALL DAY TOMORROW...LOL...I tried that Thurs., but was only there 2 and a half hours b/f I got the call to go pickup OS b/c he was throwing up all over the place...so, I've had my fair share of time away from work...

I'll drop back in soon!

((((((Rin))))))

I'm so glad to see you doing well and sounding so strong.

Keep your chin up and your chest out as Mimi would say.

Sorry to hear about the case of the icky's going around.. we're not immune to it here either though I did admit to getting some satisfaction in knowing that WB picked up DS's severe cold and got pretty sick... I got hit by it too but not that bad apparently. Oh well..

You're doing great.. congrats on the new washer/dryer.. ahh.. laundry.. the constant hum that is the background noise of my life <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Rin

I don't think I've posted to you before, but I've read all your threads. What an amazing journey you've had lady!

Like you, I am waiting on my D. Except I'm so jealous because you only have 40 days to go and I have 4x as many days...YUCK.

I never thought I'd say I was looking forward to getting a D, but God works in mysterious ways. Can't say that I'm happy about it, but I am at peace with my decision and ready to move on to the next phase of my life without WH. Sounds like you may be in a similar place.

Sorry your babies were ill...there certainly is something goin' 'round.

Don't stay away too long....

Smartiepants2

WEll, Hello guys/gals! Thanks for dropping in! Tonight, I'm feeling a little crazy but that's because I can't find something having to do with the D...and I'm trying to get my proposal together...

ALL THE NUMBERS!!! ARGGHHH!!! LOL


Kiddos are doing great, thanks SP2! I'm feeling really good tonight too! I'm so happy to be feeling better! i was talking to my FedEx guy today and come to find out he got the same thing too Friday night! I was joking with him about him trying to eat, I was smart enough not to eat anything until Sat., then it was just some yogurt about midday and a small bowl of mac n'cheese that night! Today I was able to eat, but I sure did drink alot of water!

James, I do feel really good! Thanks for noticing! MOF, not this weekend but the following a bunch of us girls will be getting together for movie night...I'm still in the process of doing the invites! I'm looking forward to that!

SP2, LOL, you'll get there and I think that we are in the same place too! I'm really happy with my decision also....

Speaking of, I got a forward email from my go between today...STBX was just asking about the kids and how they were doing...I simply stated that YS was eating well and doing good, and OS was feeling better and was back at school! Nothing else from him just the way I like it!

I never would have thought that I would fall in love with a PLan B...LOL...being I was so scared of it in the first place...

I've also had somethings going on with work...not so hot and I have been wanting to fine another job for some time, so my eyes and ears are open to that...especially since I'm at the tail end of this D and doing well with it...

For the first time in my life, I have money in the saving account, checking, all my bills are paid...my credit is doing well despite STBX's efforts...I'm not getting CS right now and I'm doing great! Life is good...I'm FINALLY living life and not letting life live me! I could never phantom being this happy without STBX in my life...

I do find myself wanting justice for what he has done to me and the kids...and for me that's a dollar value right now...and I do wish that the same thing is done to him that he has done to us...I guess to teach him a lesson although I do feel that he will not learn that lesson...primarily b/c his view of reality is askew...he doesn't see anything that he's done as wrong and can rationalize everything away as being my fault for whatever he determines at that moment...and that's okay, I no longer accept his truth as mine...so he can say what he wants and the way I feel about it, he can rot in that swamp of his where his camper is parked...

But in the same breathe, I can wish well...I can only guess that's a healthy attitude to have...not to much of this and not to much of that! I don't know...

I'm certainly not bitter and the only concern I have for myself is dealing with the next person that comes into my life somewhere down the line and accepting him for who he is and not including my old experiences in the lot...I don't think that I'm that kind of person and b/c I'm aware of that concern I think it will be easier...

I want to say that I'm extremely concerned with trusting the next person in my life but the phrase that comes to mind is "TRUST GOD AND LOVE PEOPLE!" If I trust him and myself then the rest is a done deal...but having been used and manipulated so much over the years, I am fearful of putting myself in the same position...this is me, sharing with you, what I think and fear in the here and now...not something that I dwell on but does cross my mind...

Perhaps as I read more of this book and how to recognize similar people I'll feel better...it's been a hard process to accept that I was with a controlling and abusive man...the words themselve make me want to reach for denial, and say that it didn't happen to me...just b/c I wasn't hit doesn't make it any less of an experience...it was real and is very hard to swallow...

I am here by the grace of God b/c as we all know he doesn't give us what we can not handle, showing us what we can handle little by little, carrying us when we are not strong enough to walk...This is my belief...that a power greater than me has been taking care of me the whole way through even when I didn't want it...opening doors when others are closing...

LOL...Okay, enough sharing my stuff for the night! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Thanks for stopping in and posting, my gratitude list grows each day...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Wow, Rin,

You sound amazing. Good for you. I'll be talking to you girl as you have what I want, freedom from the past and the bad.

I'm so happy for you and want to read more about how well you are doing. You are an inspiration to me.

Thanks Q! Good to See you around also!

Q, sweetie, it's a choice to be free from the past! A difficult one no doubt!

I have a special little something for you that came to mind and I had to walk out to the car to get my Courage to Change book! Do you have one?

If not, I invite you to read pg 139...the first time I heard it heard, I had to dig in my purse for a pen and I wrote but one word at the top of the pg b/t the date and the pg number!

FREEDOM!

In the Today's reminder it says: The Chinese word for crisis is written with two characters. The first stands for danger, and the second for opportunity. I will look for the good hidden within everything I encounter.

"There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in its hands." Richard Bach

This is just a sample of the page...I invite you as well as anyone else to read it and share your thoughts...


I need to go back to sleep, but let me know if you can not get a hold of it...or anyone else here that would like the hold pg to be posted...I can't do it right now, no matter how short, but I can say that the first time I read it, probably six or eight months ago, it moved me and Freedom was the only word to come to my mind!

Like I said it's a choice...a choice to change your thinking...a choice to reclaim what we have given away...a choice to empower yourself to move forward in the right direction for YOU and no one else...a choice to love yourself more than anyone else on this earth...WHY b/c YOU deserve it!!!

LOL...and yes, I mean to love yourself more than your kids too...b/c it is in loving ourselves that we learn how to love others to the BEST of our ability...we always talk about getting the best...well, the best starts within first...

My Latin teacher in HS said once: That if we could not be our own best friend than we could not be a best friend to anyone else!

THAT has stuck with me...that one moment in time when that one person who no one really liked, but I loved b/c he challenged us. His words stuck in my brain, these upteen years later...b/c I KNEW that he spoke the truth!

Good night!

Good Morning! Well, I have 32 days 'til the final date for this D and things are doing great!

STBX came by the house for V-day, which was our anniversary also, to give the boys V-day presents, which was actually purchased by his mother! THe cards from the florist said from Gammy and Daddy! It didn't surprise me any. I didn't go to the door...OS met him at the back door and I was laying down on the sofa, I didn't move from my spot...

You should have heard him drive off, accelerator to the floor in the truck...oh well! I know that he wanted to talk to me but I could care less...I've been staying dark...new email address has been working out great and he finally stopped TMing me and calling! I just stopped answering them...

So, all quiet on the home front...YS was released from the doctor yesterday, so he will be heading back to school after being out for over two weeks...the new washer and dryer are being delivered today...we're go excited...we have plans to pop some popcorn and watch the wash channel today...it's a front loader...LOL....

My lawyer is filing a contempt of court on STBX for not paying CS, he owes me three payments, and this will include all the things that he took from the house before we moved in...all of the tools, etc...plus a few bills he was suppose to be dealing with that he's not! I've had to pay the one that's only in my name b/c he let is slide for three months which dropped my credit score...

Needless to say, I'm handling my business and the kids and I are doing fine...better than fine...we have everything that we need and all of my bills are paid on time! I have even gotten my information over to my lawyer so start the community property settlement...

God is good, all the time! Thank you all for the support that you have given to me in almost two years...MB is the place that I began to learn how to be healthy and find happiness! Even when sometimes the things I was hearing were the hardest things I had heard...

GOOD FOR YOU, RIN!!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

way to go Rin! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thanks Mimi and MEDC! I have missed you guys in a way but life has been really good being away from MB...

I have to say that it was really nice being around STBX in a way these past few months...in the fact that I was able to recognize the venom that came from his lips and being clearheaded...

I was able to see that this WAS NOT THE PERSON I want to be with...he created more trouble than it was worth...makes me think of FROG and the things that he told me...

(((Rin))) You go girl! I'm so proud of you! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Rin,

MAH-VE-LOUS DAH-LING!!

Thanks PM! Thanks BUgs! WOW, it's been an interesting day! A LONG DAY!!!

Washer and dryer was delivered at lunch, kids missed religion b/c of an accident with an 18 wheeler and one of our bridges...went visit a friend who recently had back surgery...learned HN1 is trying to sell her house across the street for a crazy amount but if she gets it that's all the better for me in the long run, then I brought the kids to one of my meetings, grabbed something to eat on the way home and we watched the washer, front loader...THat was fun! LOL

Finally got the kids in bed...I'm ready to head that way myself...oh, called my lawyer the motion is prepared and he has to look over it, then, I guess they file it and we set a court date...not sure if I have to be there or not...then, I guess after that is done we have to set another date for the final D decree...community property settlement will be in there somewhere...I'm praying that it will be final soon also...I'm ready to get it all over with...

My plan is to concentrate on my spirituality and not looking for someone else...or worrying about relationship stuff that will all come with time...God's time, not mine...that's my plan at least...taking care of me and the kids...enjoying life...

So glad to read these new chapters in your life, Rin.

Rin,

Joining my big congrats on your choices along with others here...getting out of the way of others' consequences is a big one...and you're doing it...holding yourself to your code.

Helps me out that you share...and I'm loving you watching the wash cycle together...you rock as a human, wife, mom, friend, daughter...oh, the list goes on and on.

And a poster on MB, too. That's on the list.

Proud member of Rin's fan club...

LA

Wow Rin, I am just in awe of your strength.

Courage to Change, I am not familiar with that book. I will try and see if I can get a copy. I am learning from you how you are changing and I admire it so.

It is a choice and I am learning to make it. My actios are showing that I am thinking of myself as worthwhile, my head is slow in that dept but we are working on it.

FREEDOM... That was the topic at my AA meeting tonight. I feel like I took the jump off Mt. Rainier and I am trusting G-d completely with my soul and life. It's his anyways. I feel free in so many ways. And those ways that I don't, I just leave alone until I can choose to deal with them in a healthy way.

Choice.... I choose to live and learn today and I choose to think that your walk and so many others are my lifeline to survival because it's through your experiences, strength and hope I can pray that one day I will experience.

Thank you so much sweet one, sleep well

HI Queen...wOW, you're topic was Freedom...my topic was acceptance...Have you ever attended an Al-anon meeting to help you deal with your friends and family members who have this disease? you can get a copy of Courage to change there...

It's rather funny that I can accept that my dad, who I saw this pass weekend, is back to drinking everyday...knowing that he is doing his pills also...as much as I love his I wasn't raised with him...so it's rather easy for me to throw my hands in the air and accept that I may hear one day that he has some liver disease ir something even more horrible...

Of course, I make excuses for him in my mind, saying that he has back pain that was never corrected with surgery like it should have been and thus I know that living with the pain can be unbearable for him sometimes...it's easy for me to make excuses for him and write it off..perhaps my way of making it easier to accept...but he was this way long before the injury...and I feel for my half sister and brother who grew up in that mess...

I chose not to visit them as often as I could b/c of the drugs and alcohol...TBH, I blame my sister for my niece's healthy problem, doing drugs during her pregnancy, and not just that one...my oldest neice had some healthy problems also...but b/c she is my sister I don't hold that against her...

To me I have planned B them for years b/c it helps me to love them more...not to get caught up in the day to day drama...my niece will have her surgery tomorrow and my sister is a nervous wreck...which I understand completely and had great compassion for her during this time...

I know that she can not understand this being so close to home for her...but Children are God's gift to us and we should value and appreciate the simple fact that he let us borrow them, enjoy them the time that we have them and should he decide to call her home, then I take comfort in the fact that she has served her purpose in the four short years that she had been with us...

Queen, once again my choice to think positive in the chaos of the destruction with other people's choices...addictions...to find the good in the bad...same with my dad...sure he's drinking AGAIN...but with him it doesn't stop him from playing with my kids...building wooden boats for them...or enjoying them even when they run and jump on him...he doesn't say a word...and I know that he's in pain, it's wrote all over his face...but he grins and bares it...at least that was THIS trip...no grumpy old man barking anything unpleasant...full of kisses and hugs for us...so we enjoyed our time...

Makes me think how I learned to accept seconds in the first place...makes me appreciate that I know better today...that I can say that I'm worth better, and so are my kids...able to pat myself on the back when I go back and see my family...knowing that I am making better choices for myself as well as my kids...there's no drugs and alcohol immediately effecting our lives...my choice...and now there's no abuse...

Both topics, the kids and I connected on in the past few days...talking openly about drugs and alcohol, peer pressure, how STBX twists your words to fit his needs/wants, whatever...I hear them and they hear me...I say that I understand and let them know that it's not just them in the best light that I can without downing STBX and let them know that they can talk to me about it when things like that happen...or the role playing this Sat. while driving to my dad's asking them to try drugs and alcohol...laughing together and grounding them til they are 80 for the wrong answer, which YS started to do just to be funny at the end...

You know I wear my t shirt that says "world's best mom" proudly...especially after finding the strength to improve our situation... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Loving myself more than ever before...knowing that I'm worth the best that life has to offer and not scared to put myself out there...

I understand the feeling of jumping off a mountain...the fear of leaving...and having to learn exactly what you have...to trust GOd, have faith that he would take care of us...and HE HAS, nothing bad has happened...we have grown closer...stronger...my belief!

E, LOL.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> THank you for stopping in...I enjoyed celebrating our friendship as well as all of my friends on V-day...YOU KNOW it really turned my day around, being my anniversary and all, but I was determined not to let the day be horrible...reclaiming it with celebrating what I do have verses what I don't have...

LA- I was surprised to see you post...Thank you! It was certainly a gift, your presence, your words...reminded me how much I love myself these days...grateful for the change...as well as all of the people in and out of my life...

LOL...yes, we watched the wash channel tonight...what a soap opera! LMAO...just imagine the three of us, with our plates, sitting on the floor watching the lights, and the kids walking off from time to time then coming back and asking "WHAT THEY MISSED?" LOL... we baked muffins last night...

When I do these kinds of things I take great comfort in the fact that I may not remember this stuff later, but they will and my payoff is their joy, now and in the future when they think back...YS can crack an egg pretty darn good, that's his job...he's teaching OS how to do it "like Mom"...

LAst week I brought them to my board meeting, where they drew on the chalk board and OF COURSE, I HAD To take a picture with my phone...they drew me, and wrote best mom...Pride and love filled my heart...still done when I think about it...knowing that I've make some great choices which at first was for them and not me...what a payoff indeed...what a great code, huh?

I'm reading AGAIn, HINDS Feet in High Places...my favorite book of all time...I lost my copy again and recently purchased another, this time it has Daily devotions in it...Queen, THIS IS A MUST READ!!! I was given it for my step two work and it helped me in so many ways...I have given so many copies away...

It's the reason behind my choice to work on my relationship with my higher power...wanting to depend on him to fill me up rather than OP...and there's more reasons too...I'm his newbie, you know, asking him to come into my heart a few months after D-day, laying in bed one night, next to STBX filled with pain...which is no longer there, replaced with joy and happiness...a far cry from where I was...

Well, I bid you all Good night AGAIN! I pray to sleep eight hours in a row! LOL

Your transformation is beautiful ! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Oh, I'm so jealous!! A new washer and dryer!! Lucky duck! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

HTH

THanks Pep! THat means alot!! I really appreciate it!

LOL...HTH...No need to be jealous...I didn't NEED THE WASHER but I HAD to have a dryer! It was taking me 8 hours to dry clothes! Thanks be to God for the two of them!

WEll, my niece is in ICU, the surgery was a little rough, they had a hard time keeping her blood pressure down, but she's doing okay...it's just going to be a day by day thing...they are going to let her wake up tomorrow from what I understand...

My SM said that she looks really bad right now...tubes all over the place...I'm going to drive over there this Sat. to see her...my SM was a mess but my sister seemed to be doing okay...she's so tiny to begin with...

I have some reading to do...so I hope that everyone is doing well...I'm hoping things around here calm down some...I've been reading threads but not posting...just wanting to let everyone know that I'm trying to keep up!

I will add your neice to my prayer list. Please keep us posted.

Mazel Tov on the dryer and washer. They make life so much easier, don't they?

Wow, it is hard to believe it's been a year that we have been friends on this road. You have inspired me and help me when I needed it, and for that I thank you.

Glad you could reclaim V-Day as something of you own again, and thanks for sharing it with me.

Hi Queen, I really do appreciate that, the prayers that is and the congrats!

Hi, E! I was looking at your stats and didn't realize that you've been separated for over a year...and you are just NOW where you are in the process...I imagine my D will take longer than a year also...

Still no word from my Lawyer...that's cool...it will happen when it happens...things are still going well on the home front...still struggling with OS and his grades...poor test scores...but YS is well, and we are all happy!

Thanks Rin,

How is your neice doing? Each week during shabbat we say a mi'sheberach prayer which is for the healing and restoring of people. My rabbis' have always commented on they don't know how it works, but they know it does. She is in my thoughts as you are.

Hi, thanks for asking...I spoke with my sister tonight...she said that they removed the breathing tube tonight and they may remove the chest tube tomorrow since it's not draining like it was...

All in all, she doing well so far...I'm going to New Orleans Sat. to visit...

I really need some me time in here some where...

I wish that I could block STBX from TMing me...I usually ignore but it's getting to be a pain...I've even considered changing my number...still don't want to do that just yet...

Tons of assumptions about me in regards to him, then the guilt trips, or some excuse to contact me...same stuff, different day...

I need some Rin TLC...

WEll, I need to get in bed, we were all late through my alarm clock...

I'm glad she is doing as well as can be. I'll keep the prayers up.

You take care of yourself. New Orleans, that is one place I would love to see one day.

Are you sure there isn't a way to block him? Can you call the phone company and ask?

Sleep well and keep us posted.

Hey Rin!


Hope you got a bit of rest. I am glad to hear that your neice is coming along. I'll keep you all in my prayers (as always)!

Hey Rin!


Hope you got a bit of rest. I am glad to hear that your neice is coming along. I'll keep you all in my prayers (as always)!

So, what's up with a lot of TMs from STBX? What kind of boundry did you set for him on communication? You can have TM disabled on your phone, it's not a big deal.

Have a safe trip to N.O. tomorrow! Wish I were with you,,,,,we'd do lunch at Commander's Palace!!!

Morning guys! I limited communication to just the kids, but I've noticed that he uses that as an excuse to ask me why I've doing what I'm doing or why am I acting this way, what did he do to me, is it b/c he didn't swap weekends with me....

I don't answer him...then when I don't I'm being childish, blah, blah, blah...he's not the one that needs to grow up...blah, blah, blah...you need to let go of the past...blah, blah, blah...I'm a good guy, been nothing but nice to you...

Last night I told him to leave me alone or I would file for another restraining order...so I'm going to see what that does before I do anything else..he backed down last time the law got involved, so I'm counting on the fact that he doesn't want to get in trouble with them...I like the idea of disabling TMing, I didn't think of that one, so thanks!

Queen, I'll be very happy when the cell phone companies come out with a call block service...there's no other way...

LAst night, TMs started out with Can you call me after your meeting? I said Why? He said never mind, I left it alone...knowing that if wasn't about the kids...then I get the same questions, then, after I turned my cell phone back on, I got "fine, it was about my neice but I guess she's not important enough for me to care about!"

I thought it would be something like that and it didn't surprise me when I got the excuse and guilt trip...well, it just so happened that my sister called my cell about a minute after I turned it back on and I explained what happened...she said no problem, I'll let him know how she's doing...so, she was nice enough to remove that excuse for him...but he'll come up with another...

This is just him trying to control again and what has worked for him is not working now, so he's trying whatever he can to get me to have contact with him...if he persists I will disable Tming...

My goal is peace of mind...

Rin,

WHY do you need to let him know how your niece is doing? You have already ignored him on that, let it go. Giving in to it after the fact only encourages him to continue the attempts at contact.

JMHO

That's it BUGS I don't...I don't owe him a thing...that was my sister's choice to contact him after I mentioned that I had just turned my cell phone on and explained why I had it turned off...

I guess I could have asked her not to contact him...

As far as I'm concerned I don't owe him a darn thing...I'll have to ask my sister if she did contact him when I see her tomorrow...explain that by her contacting him it may encourage more contact or him trying to dig for info from her...like one of his messages was that we have to get along b/c we have kids together...I thought to myself, I don't have to do anything but die...

Rin:

You have gotten SO STRONG.

That strengh is scary to WPOS.

You have given him a way to get in.

Stop that. You can co-ordinate kids activities just fine without cell phones and TM's.

Get a new phone.

With a NEW number.

He doesn't like his position of weakness. But, he is trying to bring you back down to the morass.

Don't let him.

The view is getting better for you all the time, and no reason to stop that, right?

(((RIN)))

LG

Howdy Rin! YOu sound like you are doing MAHVELOUSLY!

As for the contact regarding your niece, you are not and have never been responsible for him keeping up with his/your family. He can call the hospital, contact your sister or OTHER members of the family. Don't get caught up in owning what is not yours to own.

.

LG, THANKS MAN!!! I REALLY APPRECIATE THAT!!!

Well, I had no contact with him until tonight...he dropped the kids off and handed me a check for two CS payments...I'll be visiting the jeweler tomorrow to get my D/10 yr. anniversary present to myself! I fine way to celebrate a new beginning and the means to an end at the same time...

My niece was released today! SHE'S AMAZING!!! DOING WONDERFUL!!! Thank you all for your prayers!!!

SL, I got you and I talked to my sister about that too! I also mentioned to her that it's not my responsible to let him know how the kids are doing in school or things like meetings too!

Last night, my SM came home with me while my sister stayed at teh hospital...it was girl's night and two of my friends were able to make it to eat supper and watch a movie...we all had a great time!

I have a repair to do on my car, my check engine light came on, so I have the parts and will be doing that soon as I can...easy stuff...

Great weekend with my sister, SM, niece, and friends...I'm doing really well...Friday, I relaxed around the house...did some shopping...and Sat, and today was back and forward from New Orleans...Life is good!

I just think that I have to learn more of what's my business and not enable ANYONE!!

Isn't it amazing how prayers can heal someone.

And that the stupid choices aren't our responsibility either.

How very true on both...

I'm still dealing with a little guilt for standing up for myself...drawing that line, having it crossed, and having to follow through with my last and final boundary...

Like I said a little guilt but I will get over it...b/c I know that what I'm doing I should not feel that way...that what I'm choosing to do now, is just part of a process of progressive boundaries...that I have to protect myself becasue I'm the only one who knows my limits and what I can and will not tolerate...

Good Morning! Someone, emailed me, LOL, b/c I haven't posted and update! LOL Wanted to know if I was okay! I have been doing great! Really busy, I fixed my car on my own, service engine soon light came on last Sun., I went to Autozone and had them run the code, picked up a new thermostat, changed it out, and the light is now GONE!!!

I am so proud of myself for that, never did anything like it before, but I got it done for about $8 bucks...

NC with STBX since last Sun. when he dropped off the kids and gave my two payments of CS...it's been really peaceful around here without him...

Tonight begins cajun French classes at our church sponsored by out indian tribe, the Houmas Indians, which we are part of, and YS and I would like to learn so we will be attending that! OS's not interested but he will be dragged along too!

I have also been looking for a job, the process is slow, but it will come when I need it too!

Well, I have to get dressed for work! Been busy there too! I'll try to check in tonight!
Have a great day!

23 days left! No word from my lawyer, but I do know that everything was on his desk for him to look over things...I'm looking forward to the end of this!
Rin

Hi Rin,

That is awesome about the car. Good for you. I think that kind of independence can only make you feeling stronger about yourself.

I am really happy about your niece. Keep us posted on how she progresses.

I really am learning alot about how you are learning to set boundaries and move on with your life. Thank you for sharing.

French cajun classes, mmmm does that sound good. What kinds of food will you be making?

LOL...it's learning to speak French...I know some...but I would like to know more...

I do feel good about the car thing...I have always been mechanically inclined...all I did was get teh code, researched it online, found instructions, and got my tools out and went after it!

As far as I know, Farrah's doing wonderful, they removed her stitches b/f she left the hospital, I'll have to call my sister and check on her...thanks for asking!

Boundaries, wow, I remember when I first came here and was freaking out b/c I didn't know what boundaries were and here I am today, enforcing them b/c they feel good to be...no more backing down...that feels great! At least compared to what I use to feel like...you know back down, hold resentments, etc...mad a t the world all the time...sad way to live! You're very welcome!

Do you think that it was you who learned this behavior or your relationship that created it.

I went back and read some of your writings and it seems very similar to mine. Was your STBX a super controlling person who played games with you?

I'll be excited to hear about your niece.

Cajun French, I bet that is a beautiful language. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> How did you learn the language so far.

Good morning Rin! I, too, am mechanically inclined, and would have done the same thing.

As far as Queenies question goes, I'd like to put my $.02 out there. In my case, the situation was not the problem. I was. I didn't have boundaries, and without them, you don't protect yourself from the get go.

Also, being ACOA, I believed, from childhood, that my feelings weren't important, but everyone else's were, so I went about helping everyone else to feel better, and was super vigilant, and super responsible. That is just breeding grounds for resentment, because I'm not SUPPOSED to be angry or sad or whatever I felt.

I'm just really learning this, and it's a tough lesson. To have done a lot of damage to myself by not learning proper boundaries, it just makes me ill to think about it. BUT, that was then, this is now. We can only work with today, right.

Hi, LOL, I remember my password to get in at work...hope I can sneak by today...

Quenn, I have to agree with SL...b/c of my childhood, ACOC, and all of the abuse, I wasn't taught boundaries...it was okay for someone to touch me in a way that I didn't like...it was okay for them to do anything that they wanted and it was no okay for me to stand up for myself...

I was me long before STBX came along; however, STBX was controlling/ is controlling and that didn't help...I tried to stand up for myself and then the crap would start and I would end up backing down..and I hated it...I hated him for it...I hated the situation...I hated my life for that matter...and the snowball effect that it produced...I couldn't get angry at him, and I didn't know it at the time, but I would take my anger out on the kids...

Tlak about an eye opening experience when I realized what I was doing to them, so the only amends I can make on that one is to do my best each and every day!

On the French, I picked up what I know from family...

I just got the most beautiful fruit arrangement from the very best(est) LOL friend I have ever known in my life...

I have been taught so many wonderful things and hope that I have done just as much...

I am so filled with joy and am honored to say that I'm so happy that I want to cry...I don't ever remember having this feeling...it is beyond a doubt the best present I have ever gotten and completely out of the blue...

I had to share b/c in the day following d-day were extremely difficult and I was told over and over that it would get better...and though I had faith there was some part of me that still didn't believe it was true and today things are wonderful, peaceful, clear, and utterly amazing...

Just like today! How blessed I am! We all are! Thank you! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Rin and SL,

Thanks SL for your .02. I don't know what ACOC, but I was an ACA. I don't understand how that played into my life.

What I do know is that I lived in emotional abuse from the beginning, my mother was narcissitic and my father was emotionally bankrupt. We lived in a world of games ALL the time.

Boundaries is something I have NEVER learned because I didn't think I was worth it. I am learning differently now and want to learn how to recognize when I am not setting a boundary or when a boundary is being crossed so I don't let it happen.

How did you both learn to understand and apply this in your lives?

ACOC is adult child of an alcoholic...I personally think that I am still learning...take for instance this last thing with STBX...I asked four times for him to leave me alone...I took some steps to remove him from my life b/c he wasn't doing what I asked...hence the new email address and the intermediate...that still did not work...so, I told him that if he did not leave me alone that I would get another Restaining Order...

I knew this would work but this was the last step for me, the last boundary that I could set...boundaries are progressive and I got to see this clearly this time...i set a boundary, spoke up, and still the boundary was crossed, making me uncomfortable...so, I had to figure out how to find some peace...set up rules on email accounts, including my work, which he was writing too...and when I had enough I drew the last line in the sand...

Now, I can not cross that line either...I can not make contact b/c if I do that is sending mixed messages to him and I'm very happy where I am today...I know that I have mixed those messages in the apst, now on purpose but b/c I didn't know better...so, I believe that it is a progess which we continue to learn at the time, applying to all aspects of our lives...some easier then others...

We do this with our children, "johnny, do not throw your toys or I will ______!" johnny throws his toys and we enforce whatever if was that we said we would do...Johnny doesn't learn his lesson and doesn't respect your wish and does it again...so, we have to come up with something better...and if the process repeats, the consequences are harder than before...BOUNDARIES! what is acceptable for you, what are you comfortable with...

Does that help?

LOL, What does the second C stand for.

It does help and it's something that I need to learn more about because I don't think that I EVER lived with boundaries in m M. From the time my H cheated when I was pregnant to this latest thing. All these years I thought I was being a Bi..., and making unreasonable demands, but I have to wonder what really is the truth and that's driving me insane. Maybe the things I was asking for wasn't out of line, but setting up a boundary and the both of us just weren't good at setting boundaries for ourselves. I don't think it's just so foggy what really happened.

I really love reading about how you are learning to set boundaries because it helps to give me ideas of what would be a boundary in my life.

Thank you

you mentioned Bi...I have a few things to ask, that may or may not help...but I think that our sitch are more similar that I thought...if you are not comfortable here, my email address is in my bio...

As far as ACOC...I guess it's an off aday, it's supposed to be ACOA...I don't know...it's cloud nine day, i guess... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I can say this that personally I don't think that you were wrong in the things that you asked in your M...perhaps you were growing up and wanting better, I say this b/c that's what I did...STBX would agree then not follow through, tell me he was okay with it but really wasn't...I wanted it to be just us...but somehow I allowed myself to be sucked in time and time again...trying SO HARD to make him happy, to make him love me the way I needed and wanted to be loved...

But giving ourselves away doesn't ever accomplish want we are after...it only makes matters worst...taking care of ourselves WILL make things better, treating yourself with kindness, not kicking yourself, accepting that you did the best that you could where you were then...today, you are learning better...today, you are learning to let go of what you did then and accept the fact that you did not have the tolls you needed to do things differently...today, you are a better person b/c of it! everything that we go through is part of the learning process, means to a better end...rebirth...recovery...

God giving us our heart's desires!

You have email.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

WEll, we showed up for French class at the end...I heard that it was at 7 and it was at 6...so next week we will be early...

I'm off to a milk bath with some lavender in it...to read a little and relax... friend of mine said to add some powdered milk to a bath and you get out feeling all soft...well, I felt like a Goddess, so I'm doing it again tonight!

I think the better I treat myself the healthier I become...and I'm actually loving treating myself! I don't hesitate to get something that I like now...tonight I bought myself a candle...oh, it smells so good...

We completely enjoyed our fruit tonight...the pineapples were cut into flower shapes with cantaloupe balls for the middle, tons of strawberries, and some grapes...sweet and juicy...wonderful gift!

I hope that everyone is having a good night...my thread is open to anyone, all the time...for comments or questions...take care!

Hey..Rin...got milk? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

LMAO...sure do? I was just thinking about you! Wondering where you were hiding! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hope you are doing well! LMAO <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I alwasy keep an eye on your thread...don't say much...but am always watching. had to comment on the milk thing. Makes me want to go bake some cookies!

LMAO...AHHHH!! Milk it DOES THE BODY GOOD!!! Funny, I went grab a few cookies before I sat down, then you write about baking cookies...SWEET!!!!

LMAO...I'm looking forward to doing as little as possible this weekend...I haven't had a lay around and watch movies weekend in a while...maybe I'll work up the motivation to cut the grass...Lord knows it needs it! Clovers everywhere!

Well, I'm going to finish my book and head to bed...Sweet dreams to all...best wishes and lots of love to go around! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Good Morning! Well, I talked to my paralegal this morning because I had a few questions to ask...one was whether or not we could do the comtempt of court and the final date/judgement all at the same time, which she said yes too...she said that would actually be better because we wouldn't have to pay court twice...So, i'm hoping that happens...

Second, I asked whether or not I was going to have to amend my tax return...STBX's lawyer is asking for me too, but he is still behind on his CS, so I've been told to do nothing right now...

Third, this summer STBX and I go 7/7, so I asked whether CS would be reduced during that time and she said more than likely not because I still have to maintain the house for the kids, but STBX COULD request that;however, a judge probably wouldn't do it...I mentioned that right now he is using my sitter when it's his time and expecting me to pay for it, well, a few days is fine b/c I have to pay for the full week regardless but I'm not about to pay for him to put the kids at MY sitter...

He can pay for his own stuff, if you know what I mean...so she said that was an issue that we would have to address...I just want to have my ducks in a row before we get to that point...b/c if STBX has the opportunity he will walk on me with that one, claiming that's what he pays CS for...sorry buddy it doesn't work that way, perhaps in the past he would have gotten away with doing something like that to me, but not TODAY!!

STXB can kiss my ***! I'm good today, it was just something that occurred to me and I figured I needed to address the issue now...school will be letting out at the end of MAy and the way this D has been going I just thought that I would have to do it now to get an answer for later!

Hey Rin,

When I had my Legal separation drawn up, daycare, or sitter services, or whatever you want to call them, was factored in as part of CS. If you two can come to an agreement on when the kids will be with the sitter, that can be factored in to child support.

If he uses them only sporadically, then that's a bit more tricky, and yes, he will have to pay for them on those days. It's much harder this way, and causes much more conflict in the long haul. I suppose you could have the sitter write up a receipt for how many days the kids are with the sitter when POWS has them, and take that to your lawyer to see if you can factor some sort of alimony or CS from it.

I dunno, just typing what I'm thinkin.

Have a great weekend, Milky-Goddess Rin!

lol...you should REALLY try it! It's great! So far, it's just been a few days, no biggie but I can see him wanting to put them at the sitter 5 of the 7 days he has them...THAT'S a biggie...

Right now, I pay all child care cost, he wants to pay half but I wouldn't allow that b/c I could see him getting HN1 or somebody to watch them or course that was when he was asking for 7/7 custody...I dunno either, we will see...I know that it will all work out and I don't stress about it at all these days..

HI All! I hope that you are having a great day! It was in the 70's yesterday and this morning after all the horrible weather in was in the 40's.

I kept OS home today we was coughing pretty bad, headache, etc...So, he did some breathing treatments and it's starting to break up now. He's got state testing next week and I don't want him to miss that...He's still doing horrible in school so we'll see what the consequences of his behavior is...

I called my lawyer yesterday....even through POWS gave me two CS payments, he still owes me two more...as of the first...so the para said that she would try to get the lawyer to rush it...I have 18 days with no court date set yet...I know, I know, in God's time!

I'm also looking for another job, enough is enough and I need something with benefits...we had an audit and I'm owed some backpay, well, there's a situation with that and my boss and I'm being put into an uncomfortable position which I should not be ask to by put in...apparently I'm being asked to donate some back to the company because "they have take care of me in the past." That's a whole bunch of crap and and I was only on salary when it was convenient for them...

And then there was a day that she paid me for and I had to make up the hours, well, the hours I have made up show up as overtime and I didn't get paid for overtime...basically it amounts to about two weeks of pay for me...

So, after 7 1/2 years of taking this kind of crap I'm done...they refuse to pair a single minute of overtime...and I have gotten screwed more than once. I've stayed because it was convenient, b/c POWS didn't want me to leave, b/c I shouldn't make several life changes all at the same time, and whatever other reason sounded right at the time...

WEll, I've HAD enough...I finally had enough of STBX and got rid of him, well, now's the time for the job! So, I have been sending out my resume for a few weeks now...after I was told that I was now replaceable, then a few days ago, I was told that I was back up to par and being my old self...I had to ask myself what, in a few weeks had changed, and I thought not me in that short period of time, but he's drugs could have! Prescriptions!!!

Today, I spent the day sending out resumes...So, I'm kind of venting about the job today...when I was called into her office yesterday I was just thinking OKay, what have I done NOW! Then, it was about making a donation back to the company...she doesn't even have an amount yet...Makes me sick! talking about all of the stuff I've gone through in the past year, meeting with my lawyers, the kid's being sick, etc...

Seems to me if you do something for me out of the kindness of your heart then you shouldn't expect anything in return...

Just my POV...I just have to have faith that I AM exactly where I need to be and I'm learning a few things on the way!

Rin



All I can say is --YOU GO GIRL! LOL!!!

Smartie

Thanks SP2! How are things going for you?

I'll second that,,,,, Go Girl!

Remember, stick to a Plan. Keep the emotions in proper perspective.

You can do whatever you set your mind to, there is no doubt.

Hope STBX comes through with the CS,,,,,not just so you can have what your boys need, but to save you all of the turmoil that goes with that entire situation.

{{RIN}}

THanks Bugs! I really seem to need the support right now, I really hate that she's asking me to make a donate to the company out of the backpay...it's like the last straw, you know?

I think that a change would be great right now...fresh air sort to speak...but I'm not going to stop looking for another job...granted I want my Master's too but I'm sure that it will all work out the way it's support too...in God' time and not mine!

Main thing, keep the faith! Right?

(((Rin)))

Wow, you sound really strong. Not much to add, as it seems you've got your mind made up, and I for one back you 100%. I wouldn't stick around for that kind of treatment at work either.

God's lookin out for you girl.. you just keep on rockin it!

Strivin, about your back pay: Can you file a claim with your state Department of Labor for that money?
It's beyond chutzpah (brass [email]b@lls)[/email] for your boss to ask you to "donate" your pay to them. Cheesh.

HI, it's the back pay that they are asking me to donate a part of...it's weird...we have already been audited...

Nevertheless, because I have agreed to give some of it back, because I did not work the overtime, I was only making up hours that I was paid for in advance, I missed yesterday at work due to OS being sick...but I'm sure that I had to have worked some overtime in there some where...at this point, it's a matter of how important is it and it's not that important b/c I am leaving and they have learned a valuable lesson...

WEll, she tells me today that b/c I am willing to work with them on the "donate" that she is going to pay me for yesterday, it's the least that she can do...which makes no sense...she giving me like a third of what I'm going to give them later...she's actually crapping on herself...

These people are sick in their thinking...I was going to use a vacation day but instead I was told to write in my time like I worked the entire day...Stupid is as stupid does...

Hi, James! Thank you so much! Life sure is fast around these parts...community service, the boys, work, religion, LEAP tutoring...school...I'm doing the best that I can right now...My SPon. is coming over to watch the boys for me tonight since I have a business meeting to chair...

So, I'm trying to cook supper now, at least when I get back they will have had their baths, and have eaten...no homework tonight for OS and YS gets his done in no time! I ran out of powdered milk, so I guess I will just have to settle for something else to soak in tonight!

Okay...thanks for dropping in guys...

Morning! I'm having a rough morning today! Self-Doubt has been crawling around in my brain...I hear myself say things like I can't do this...thinking about getting my Master's and finding another job...

I want to say that I must be throwing myself into the future or worrying...something has got my in this funk...I mean I didn't want to come to work today...

Then, I remember thinking to myself am I always going to have this problem of people walking over my, treating me like crap and to be honest that scares the crap out of me...

It's kind of like "well, the grass it's always greener on the other side!" But it has been with my personal life so I guess I have to ask myself can it really be better in a new job...see what I'm doing to myself...I see it but it doesn't stop the thoughts in my head...

When you don't know that you are being treated poorly to knowing that you have been there is a certain amount of concern that I will put myself into that position again...

I'm just struggling today and I know that I have to focus on TODAY but I'm having some trouble...

Some insecurities which I don't normally feel but they are popping up...I hear what I'm telling myself...not good enough...can't do it...etc...

So, that's where I am today!

Ok.. here with the leaf blower to clear away some of that self doubt debris.


Rin.. your story of personal recovery is one of the most inspiring here on these boards. Look at what you have survived, what you've been through, and the transformation of yourself through it all.

You ARE strong, and you know where your boundaries are. How many people do you know in your personal life who can't say that? I know more than just a few..

I can do all things through He who gives me strength..

Remember that one?

I think you'll be fine, and you know deep down that it is to be expected a little doubt creeping in when you're thinking of throwing yourself to the great unknown.

I think there are two types of people who try to fight through infidelity and restore their M's.. the first type, which I'm thinking you and I probably most closely ascribe are those who settle easily into routines and comfortable grooves in their lives and don't like to upset the balance once that even keel has been achieved.. and then there are others who are stubborn (whether stupidly so, or righteously so).. which I'm sure we both bear some resemblance to as well.. but you get the picture.

Just here to let you know that you're normal.. I'd honestly worry about you if you didn't have some anxiety over the whole job thing..

Thanks James! I really appreciate the leaf blower and the quote!

Yes, I have been through alot and I guess I'm back at the point that I was when I left...feelings and thinking that I can't do it...not just about the job, but about the Master's and other things too...but no the D...and the kids...

I was just reading in "What happens when Women Walk in faith" that God doesn't always give us the shortest path to take and the author talked about Moses and his jounrey...

I think it's back to the fear of the unknown...more change and change is scary enough...

Then I have to admit that I now have a dream of what I would like out of my life and now sure how I go about getting that...you know the kind of person I would like to be with, the house, etc...so completely in the future and not one day at a time...I mean I haven't even gotten this D over with yet...

I'm going to try my best to refocus and have more faith...get back into that Pollyanna attitude that I'm known so well for...

Yanno Rin, sometimes when you've been to ****** and back (while trying to remain employed) it's better to start fresh. The thing is when you let your company in on personal problems, even though they commissorate and tell you they're rooting for you or whatever, you'll always wonder if they think less of you because of your troubles (even if they really don't).

With a new company, you can start fresh... clean record... no history. No need to let them know anything but life is rosy.

Are you kidding me? Doubts? Rin... after everything you've been through... you can do anything... and do it well.

It's kind of funny how perceptions change. I was thinking about this story the last few days actually, of Israel's 40 years in the wilderness.

God punished them for turning away from Him, and taking up false gods. Did not allow an entire generation into the promised land.

A scant few weeks ago I'd have looked at this kind of passage as a reassurance from God that He was working to deliver my wife and children home (to the promised land).. but now, I see it as a clear warning of what happens to those who take their eyes, hopes, and dreams away from Him.

It reminds me to pray for WW.. for my children as they are in the wilderness with her.. but I'm no longer triggered by thoughts of a return. I simply am focused on being the person God wants me to be.

I think PM's got a good point here too, that sometimes a fresh start all 'round is just what the Dr ordered. Put your faith where it belongs and the way will appear before you.

Got faith in you Rin! Keep your head up and your focus where it belongs.

Honestly, after all this.. if any situation starts to make me feel walked on or used ever again, I'd be expecting my gut to start making noise to tell me that I don't have to put up with it, and start looking for my walking shoes.. could be what's happening here with you... just a thought.

Morning! Pm, I agree with you! About the fresh start for several reasons, I will be able to met new people for one! Second, I'm tired of my bosses making excuses for me; I don't need an excuse. If I did something wrong, I was wrong, plain and simply. I can own that, I don't need someone making excuses for me because I have made a mistake. I can own that, makes amends if need be and move on...

BEsides, it's a reminder...STBX coming to work, us getting together with my co-workers, etc...I want to be free of it all!

But at the same time it's scary and I can't see how it will happen...finding a job that pays me as well as this one does...women typically make half as I do...so I'm relying on my faith...trying to remain hopeful and get through this season the best that I can...

James, we've talked about looking for signs before in life...well, I read your post and later, I read the same quote in the book I'm reading...

Now I know that it comes from Phil...anyway, I have been looking hard to try to find God's presence in my life right now...and I took that as one...a gentle reminder...

I think that all of this self-doubt is a result of the end of the D being near, a little more of the grieving process, but more than anything, I think that it's the same response that I had to leaving...a repeat of myself saying that I can't do this, I'm not strong enough, blah, blah, blah, and still following the path one day at a time...

That's one thing that I can say about myself, even with the doubt and fear, I still preserver, one day at a time... even when I feel that I can't, I'm afraid, I still press on, not changing my direction...

I minimize what I have been through too...PM, when you said that, I thought no big deal, nothing more than the next person...I actually thought about recaping that becasue I -know- that some of the stuff I have been through it not normal for OP, but it seems normal to me, so in my mind's eye it's nothing special...

Well, that's all I ahve this morning, I'm having trouble waking up today, I had to ahve slept very poorly last night...

TGIF!!!!

((((Rin)))))

Good morning!

So very glad to hear you sounding strong today, and I TOTALLY AGREE that it's wonderful when God reinforces something special in our lives, and reassures us that He does speak directly TO us, if we're only open to listening for Him.

Yanno, I sit and read what you said about perseverance despite fear and uncertainty. One word comes to mind: Conviction.

It's a quality to be respected, admired, and emulated. I believe that it is one of the fundamental building blocks of the Self Respect we need to rebuild our lives and survive what we've been through. To those BS's who recover themselves, I believe it is a quality that is difficult to come by at first, but is soon found to be an essential part of our lives.

It's a strength that doesn't come from the sins of Anger and Unforgiveness.. it isn't Resentment.. it isn't an emotional response.. it truly IS faith and self confidence based.

Got another one for you this morning:

"I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted." Job 42:2

Rin,

I would suggest putting off changing jobs for the time being. Divorce and job change are two of the biggest stressors for people. Doing them both at the same time could be a bit too much. Give yourself a few months after the divorce to settle in....keep looking for a new job during that time...but be careful ablout putting too much on your plate.

Well, I'm more awake than I was early, not much...lunch will be a nap for me!

Conviction, that's something to think about...

Thank you for sharing that with me also...the new quote, wait I should say verse...I forgot my book this morning, realized it when I got to work...

Tomorrow is a year that I left...it was a horrible day, also a co-worker's b-day...that's what triggered the thought this morning, b/c he was standing outside the office when STBX showed up last year and I was scared...I told my co-worker that I was locking him out of the office...I was planning to leave but STBX found out ahead of time that I was D'ing him and I just thank God that I had gotten our clothes out the day before...

I freaked that day, I called my boss and she called the police...STBX was shocked that they were here for him...that night I slept at my bosses' house, then the next at co-worker's, and the Sunday we made it to our home for the next six and a half months, with my Sponsor...

It was the scariest thing I ever did...leaving...wow, it doesn't feel like yesterday...so much has changed this past year...and none of it has been bad...

I'm glad I sound strong...

Thanks James, for being here today...

HI MEDC! I missed your post...sorry about that...I'm not in a rush to change jobs...I figure it will come jsut when I need it...You know?

So, I can definitely keep looking...there's so little out there that's not oilfield related around here and I sure can handle a commute to New Orleans every day, not with young kids...

SO, it's going to take some time...I really appreciate you stopping in and posting...I take comfort in knowing that you lurk and keep tabs on me...LOL

My silent big brother...looking out! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Good Morning or what's left of it...I stayed up til 2 this morning finishing reading that book I was...

It also occurred to me why I'm struggling right now with finding another job and building new dreams...

We were pretty poor when I was growing up, at one point, my family filed bankruptcy and in order t eat for awhile we had to fish to eat...needless to say I hate eating fish and will seldom do it...when I wanted something I asked for work at our neighbors, starting at age 12...

College for me was my way out of the abusive drug and alcohol environment....an education was a means to having money or at least I equaled it that way...

I need fin. security, something that I didn't have as a child and also didn't really have in my M...well, the inner reason I want my Master's is because I think if I have the education then the money is there...

I also dream about that special someone and they need to be secure also...and that's where the questions, doubt comes in...I hear you can't do it, etc...and all my fear comes to the surface, with that fear comes the little voice with all the negatives messages...and even through I hear those messages, I still have faith that God will provide for me, somehow and someway...I know that my higher power will take care of me because I have send evidence in the past of his presences in my life...

Last night I got pretty lonely and it was late, I thought about calling someone but then, I thought turn to God, and let him fill you up...so I did, I finished reading "What happens when Women Walk in Faith!"

It was actually pretty good, it talks about the phases of out faith...and I believe that I'm in the death phase or winter season...waiting for the spring, the new growth to open me and have my dreams fulfilled ten fold...

It's a struggle to stay upbeat and have faith when you can't see the plan, but past experience says to me that the plan is better than my plan...I have to remember that nothing bad has happen to me, that I have been able to make it on my own...

And a reminder that I have to live in the present and not jump into the past or future...

One of my friends here says alot "don't give up 15 minutes before the miracle!"

So, I going to walk with Conviction reagrdless of my feelings, embrace this new life, work on being willing to be willing, enjoy the little things, why is that so hard to do...

To slow down, breathe, be still, stop and smell the flowers...

I feel better today...not really strong, but better...accepting that I have gotten to the bottom of why money and education or so important to me, why I fear and doubt myself about finding a new job, a new relationship, etc...I know the why's, the feelings that I have, and feel pretty good about that...

Thanks for all of the support...always a pleasure to have...

Sounds like you've been reading Secrets of the Millionaire Mind, since you've done a great job of outlining the old money blueprint you're wanting to change...

I haven't posted lately but I do read a lot - you're doing great!!

Thanks KA, I haven't heard that one...today, I'm starting to read "The Power of a Praying Parent!"

Thanks for the encouragement, I apprecaite it!

KA, you are simply amazing! That was exactly what I needed! I brought the boys to the book store and we hung out while I was there I read the first chapter and thumbed through the rest taking notes...it was the motivation I needed...

Along with the verse that I keep seeing...for the third time "I can do All things through Christ who strengthen me!" Phil 4:13 (Thanks again James!!)

This verse not rests on my mirror in my bathroom, I figured it I kept seeing it then it was meant to remind...I also have some other affirmation that I will be adding to it!

Bugs, I have to thank you for mentioning the "stick to a plan!" I will be sitting down and reevaluating my sitch and making things happen with what I DO have...

I have the motivation that I needed...I have some ideas about how to make my dreams come true...and will be looking into that...it may take some time but I have the strength again that I needed...

Heads up, shoulders are back, and I deserve my dreams!!!

You are very young, and haven't had too much experience. Now days folks change jobs a lot. If the next one doesn't seem to be a fit, then you change until you find the right one.

You amaze me, and are doing just fine. Continue working toward your goals and have confidence in yourself.

Thanks believer...things is I believe in being loyal and I think that has hurt me in a way...

I really do appreciate the affirmations...I hear all of you guys in my head so often...my reinforcement...

Finding MB was one of the best things that ever happened to me!

Nothing wrong with being loyal, but you need to watch out for YOU too. The statistics are that people change jobs, and careers something like 12 times in their lives.

I've been working at the same place for 28 years. But I had 30 jobs before I found this one.

Have faith in yourself.

WOW! I will do just that! Thanks again and take care! I see exactly what you are saying!

Well, Ladies and Gentlemen! I'm proud and completely excited to say that I am the new business manager for a local community college...my present position was executive assistant!

Out of the blue and I'm serene about the whole thing! I got a call yesterday afternoon, after work, interview at lunch, and I walked out with the job...making a little more and I have benefits!

I've given my two week notice and I feel so comfortable with what is happening!

BEAUTIFUL! WONDERFUL! MAHHHHHVELOUS!

Good work Rin! Happy for you! Now, I'm gonna moonwalk on outta here...

((((((RIN!!!))))))

SO proud of you girl!

God always has a way of taking care of us no?

Congratulations on the new job!

How was your notice received by the boss?

Nice job, Girl!
Congrats!

You are amazing!!


-AmI.

Awesome Rin! Congratulations, you deserve it!

Rin, you're awesome!!!! I was wondering where you are re: D? Isn't it supposed to be final this month? What happened with CS?

HTH

THANK YOU ALL! YOU GUYS/GALS HAVE BEEN SUPER AMAZING WITH SUPPORT!

james, NOT WELL, with tears in fact! This is God's doing here! I see that...within the last week, I saw this four times! "I can do all things through Christ who strengthen me!" Phil 4:13

You were the first to tell me that, then I read it in the book I was reading, and in two emails that I got...I figured I needed to pay attention...

I sent that resume out months ago!

God is good, ALL the time!

Still waiting on the D, and the contempt of court...I caled this morning and the para is trying to get my lawyer off his a**! We're going to do all of it at once! less court costs! Still owes me CS...this Sat. will be three payments...

Congratulations, Rin! That is great news.

Thanks Smiley! I didn't think I could be so happy! I've done some reflecting today to where I was this time last year and I AM a miracle...that's the why I feel about...

Last year, I was scared out of my mind and this year is truly amazing!

There is a God!

RIN!
YAY!!! I am doing the awesome "Happy Dance" for you!!! How wonderful!!!!
You will do an awesome job... you know you will!

Look at far you have come... it is AMAZING!

Congratulations. Glad things are going well!

Thanks! I'm so elated! Not stressed at all about how I will do...it's combining education and business, two things I love...

My passion is education! I love to help people and I'll be doing that! Give me two year to get Director!!! LMAO <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

It's all the support...my dreams are coming true...

LOUD BOOMING ANNOUNCERS VOICE:

"In this corner we have Rinder, Queen of Louisiana! Fighter extraordinare!"

And in this this corner:

"POS" "Well, where did he go?"

Looks like this match has been canceled!

You win! Hands down!

Good luck!

LG

MAN YOU ARE COMPLETELY AND WITHOUT A DOUBT AMAZINGLY SUPPORTIVE!

Thank you so much!

I actually saw him yesterday, the kids and I were on our way to celebrate with dinner and POWS was right in front of us, the boys started yelling they wanted to see him...

They haven't seen him in two weeks b/c of the schedule...so I blew the horn and we pulled over...well, HE ENDED UP GOING TO EAT WITH US...no biggiie...he admitted while we were there that he did stop me from changing jobs on several occassions and that he was proud of me and patted me on the back...

WHATEVER...I did stay b/c he wanted me too...it was a matter of convenience for a long time...while Rin's in charge of her world now!

Hello, everyone! I have been doing great! The kds are gone for the week to their grandparents, POWS'...my choice...I would rather them visit with the grandparents then sit at the sitter's all week...the meeting with them last night was tense...

I tried to make conversation but it didn't go to well...I was a little upset on the way home but got over it...

Well, I was really happy this morning and then I got a call from my lawyer and they said that POWS's attorney dropped him for not paying the fees...so I was asked for an address of where POWS could be served and since he doesn't really have a home address, I had to give them his work address...

Of course, this threw me into crisis mode, thinking about what's going to happen now...I didn't know what I was feeling and it took awhile for it to hit me...I was angry...very angry...

Once again, his stuff is effecting me and it's a case of I want what I want when I want it...our separation period was over this weekend...I'm tired of the whole process and SOOOO ready for it to be over...

So, POWS will be served at work for the contempt of court and I will be hearing when we go to court...

Of course, I have questions like what's going to happen should he not have a lawyer and how is that going to effect me?

Still no CS, so we are asking for an assignment of income...POWs is in contempt for about 4 or 5 different things and at this court date we are going to do the final decree, then all that is left is community property...

I'm doing better as far as the way I feel compared to this morning but I'm not in that peaceful, happy mode that I was this morning...when the sun was shining on my face and I felt the wind on it too...watching the squirrels chase each other...

Hey Rindy...

He is a bum isn't he. You keep doing what you are doing and let the lawyers sort it out.

I hope you are well otherwise.

MEDC

I am doing fabulous otherwise! Bum, IMHO, is an understatement! LOL



:grinning from ear to ear and enjoying life:

Well, after calling my lawyer back and asking some questions...POWS DOES NOT know that his lawyer has fired him yet...

A letter was mailed to POWS, but I don't know what address they could have mailed it too BECAUSE POWS STILLLLLLLL gets his mail here...and I haven't pushed the issue because I have been trying to get my title released for my car and I just had that issue resolved this week...so it should be coming in the mail to me this week...after that I'm going to do something about it...

From what I understand this will not really affect me all that much...should POWS decided not to get another lawyer, I will have to provide two witnesses verifying that we have lived separate and apart for 365 days...NO PROBLEM!!!!

Then, my lawyer will have to deal with POWS directly on the community property settlement...

Boy, the consequences for the wayward keeps on coming, huh?

So, I'm feeling really at peace compared to where I was earlier today...

On another note, I haven't started my new job yet, my last day at this one will be this Friday and then Monday I will start...I found out this morning that my new boss called my references last night...after the fact...LOL

It's really peaceful here at the house without the boys...just me and the dog...so, I'm going to turn on the TV and probably fall asleep...I need the rest after being in crisis mode earlier today...a good nap will be great self-care! My inner child was in full tantrum mode with the news...time to let her rest!

Morning everyone!Doing pretty good today...I'm not sure what is up with POWS but he has been spending alot of time at HN2, across the street...(horrible neighbor 2)...last night he was there again, that makes two nights in a row...but he didn't have time to see the kids before they left to go to his parents...

Last week, he was there like three times...

Now in the past that would have intimidated me...him just being there but now I can just write it off...I come and go as I please but I do wonder what's up with that...like WHY THERE?

I know that he's eating there...I mean I assume that he is because of the time...I left at 7pm from the house last night, he was there, and when I got back, he was gone...

Now, you know I still don't trust him...but at least I'm able to write him off and go on with my life...

reminder, HN2 is also a coworker of his...

well, let me get back to work...

Good Morning Ladies and Gentlemen!

Just wanted to do a quick update! Things have been going extremely well in my little world...aside from still waiting on a court date for the contempt and to finalize the D...

I should hear something back today about that! POWS paid me three payments of CS last week plus $95...and as of April 1st he owes me again...

I had to call him yesterday because I started my new job this pass Monday and when I asked God for an amazing job I got it...I love the staff and am finding it really easy to move around in the computer system...anyway, I had to call him to ask him to watch the kids this coming Mon. through Wed. because I have training at corporate which is two hours away...So, he agree, it's his weekend and he will just keep them until Wed. when I get back...

This job is SOOOO laid back compared to my other job...I'm in love with it so far...MOF, second day there I was nosing around in the reports and had to correct a problem...had to call attention to the correct people...and had it resolved in about 30 minutes...outside of that I've been reading whatever I can and setting up my calendar...

The boys and I are doing extremely well...I have been doing alot of shopping for things for my office...cleaning the house, finished painting the kitchen...getting some finances in order, moving some things around for my best interest...

Also found out last week that POWS was up to no good...I mean I already mentioned that he lost his lawyer...well, he's trying to move some fin. things around too, without my consent and well before the community property has been settled...I just called my lawyer, mentioned it to them...he's trying to combine the truck note and a credit card of ours and wants me to sign some paperwork...of course, I'm not signing anything without my lawyer's approval...

So, I have a few things on my plate but life is outstanding...full of joy and devoid of misery...I laugh SOOO much and hard these days...

It's so amazing that when you are in the valley of Infinity all the pain and hurt you are in and to think that it will ever go away...doesn't even bother me to talk to him when I have too....

God bless and please know that it gets sooo much better....

AMEN! It does get better!

Managing to not trigger myself when having to deal with WW lately too. It's a blessed relief once you've really started to extract yourself from their drama and just let them own it for themselves.

You sound FANTASTIC Rin.. just wanted to drop in and lay some hugs on ya.

(((((((Rin))))))

Happy days to you Rin. Sounds like you are doing so very well.

HI Guys! Thanks for the Hugs James...good to hear that you are doing well and handling your stuff...wonderful huh?

MEDC, Thanks, I feel really great...I really don't see how life can get any better...all of MY ducks are in a row...LOL...

Take care! When I get more news I'll let you all know...
Rin

Good Morning Ladies and Gentlemen! I'm checking in now that I have some news...

I FINALLY got a court date on the contempt charges and I will be there May23th...this will finalize the D also...Of course, I'm asking for an assignment of income becasue he pays me when he wants to and not like he should...then, there's the issues of some more money that he owes me, selling community property with a restaining order against him, and taking movable property when he was told to move out of the house...

While I'm at it this morning, I'm going to confess to dating someone for about a month now...and that's all I have to say about that becasue I haven't wrote about it from fear of being bashed for not being COMPLETELY D yet...

Outside of that, my job is a dream, hard, but I love it...I got back from training Wed. afternoon, two hours away...It was wonderful and I'm still excited about what I do! Official title is not manager but Business Officer...AWESOME!!!
Rin

at this point Rin...if it makes you happy, I say do it. Stall tactics and a drawn out process are the reasons you are not divorced on paper.
Just be careful not to rush into anything and be happy. Whoever this new man is, he's a lucky guy.

Thanks MEDC! I greatly appreciate that!

I went to church with him last Sunday and we have plans to be this SUnday also...that's something that would have never happened in the past.

Tues., I got a dozen roses, a card, an LSU lite up mug, two wine glasses waiting, and a chilled bottle of wine when I got back from training...I was in awe...really not use to being treated so well, but learning to get use to it really fast...he even cooked for me one day and IT WAS SOOOOOO GOOD...

More stuff I didn't get...it really is like having a new life...

Slow...OHHHHH YESSS!!

AH, it's BC's cousin, and I DID NOT met him through BC, LOL...I thought that was funny...must be a great family huh? LOL Anyway, he has his three kids...the boys are the same age as mine and then the girl's 7...

No matter where it goes I'll be blessed just for having gotten to know him...

Yeah, what are the odds

Wait, we're from Houma

never mind

EEEEXXXXXAAAACCCCCTTTTLLLLYYYYY!!!!!

BTW, BC...This one's going to last a while...FYI!!

LMAO...Maybe I'll get to see you at a family function!

Nice to hear you are still moving forward.
I just dropped in tonight. So many new names but the stories
are still familiar. I haven't figured out how to navigate the
new format yet to post an update. I don't have much time now.
Man, I can remember the days when I was on MB for HOURS at a time, this really was my life line during the bad times.

Take care, I'm glad you are feeling better!!

Rin

No 2x4 from me on your latest "development"...LOL! I'm with MEDC--as long as you take it slow -- ENJOY!!!!

And I'm counting down with you on the finality of the D. I've still got a few months yet...can't wait.

Take care of you and those babies.

Smartie

Hi Guys! Thanks for stopping in! CHaCha and SM! WOW!!! What a pleasant surprise!

Thanks for the support with the new R...update on that...My BF is dealing with his STBX...WW with drug addiction...we've walked the same path over the last few years and because of his stuff right now, I decided to take a step back which pains me, but I feel that it's the best thing to do...

What will be will be...his plate is full right now...he's fighting for custody of his three kids and there's some drama, so I'm choosing to remove myself, not an easy task...but love is a choice and I'm choosing to love him the best way that I can right now...

Which is really about taking care of myself as well as protecting my kids...first things first, right? It's amazing what people with an addiction will do as we have all seen here, the lies, the reactions, the off the wall cr@p...

For all of you BS out there, beware of the addict who "appears" completely remorseful, willing to do anything, but when they are not around you...is sneaking off for a binge, leaving the kids alone at home for days, etc...

Certainly can't afford to lose myself again due to someone else's stuff...cause if I lose me, then I lose everything else...ALL of the balls I'm juggling get dropped...LOL

Funny, the difference in attitude and POV I have since I left POWS...which BTW, is still being an !ss but some things don't change...

I started returning his mail to sender, something I said that I was going to do, told him about, decided to wait until I got my title to my car in the mail, and am finally taking action on it...just following through...better late than never...the story of my D...LOL...

I know he'll be pissed when he finds out, just like he is about me not watching the kids for him this Friday, his b-day! Sorry I have a painting trip planned...him getting pissed off doesn't even bother me anymore...I just figure he'll get glad in the same shoes he got mad in!

Well, Let me get some sleep...WHICH I have been sleeping ALLLLLL night! Truly amazing...not every night, but I'm working on it...I have had several nights in a row...stopped my ADs also! WHOOHOOOOO!!!!

Go Rinster!!!! I'm so proud of the journey I have traveled...to know where I was when I came here...like ChaCha said...to where I am today! Making healthy choices for me!

:Yes, I just patted myself on the back!:

Best of wishes to all of you still traveling that road! You all are certainly in my thoughts and prayers!
Love ya!

YOU ARE JUST AN AMAZING WOMAN.

I really hope we get to talk on the phone soon. I am so proud of how you take care of yourself. I'm sure that doesn't come easy and yet you are showing all of us how to do it right.

Way to go girl.....

LOL..you have the number! CALL MEEEE at your convenience WOMAN!!!!

Love ya!

I know and I am so bad. I talk on the phone all day long at work and I just hate that thing on the weekend.

You sure are up late, want to talk now?

AH, sorry I missed this one! I went to bed right after that last post!

((((QUEENIE)))))

Well, I sure did piss in POWS' cheerios yesterday! The kids and I went eat after I got off of work and when we got home, POWS was across the street at HN2's.

He walked over to give me CS, and I'm glad I was wearing my sunglasses because I know that I rolled my eyes when I saw him...

I spoke with my Paralegal yesterday after lunch and POWS has rehired his lawyer...and told his lawyer that I have been having all kind of guys sleeping over here all the time...I kind of laughed, told her it was one guy, my BF, one time, last week, it's a serious relationship and we have been seeing each other since early Feb...also mentioned that I had talked to POWS about it b/c he asked...

So, he's just pissy with me, oh, well! Anyway, he asked if he had any mail, and I said just wants on the box...he said I didn't get anything else, "No, I've been returning it to sender!"

Flames, flames, I tell you were shooting out of his head! He went into that what have I done to you for you to treat me this way? Blah, blah, blah...I just told him that I had asked him to take care of it, even gave him the forms to do so, which of course, he didn't remember me giving to him...I told him that he has had seven months to do something about it and I warned him three months ago that if he didn't what I was going to do...

Of course, he was trying to blame me and I simply told him that if he wanted to make me out to be the bad guy that was fine, I didn't care! THAT pissed him off even more and he left, then processed to get on his bike and ROAR off...I thought to myself, if he thinks that when he gets into an accident and seriously gets hurt for driving like that I'm going to feel guilty he's got another thing coming! That would be another consequence of his choices...I'm certainly not feeling sorry for him!

I think that it's just amazing how I completely avoided making him mad because I could handle it to today being able to simple write off him being mad...he did tell me that "he's been nothing but nice to me during this whole time!" I thought that it sounded like an implied threat...not the first time that he has said that...but looking bad, he's just full of hot air...doesn't follow through and all that time I was scared because I thought that he would...living in fear from the threats...

Certainly not a life! Now, don't get me wrong, I still think that there's a slim chance but IF something does happen then I'll deal with it like everything else...when I get there...if I get there...

Like yesterday, in the early months of leaving and being back home, I would have worried that he would come back and do something...not today!

Well, I have to get to work, only there half a day...six hour trip to go painting this weekend...Bourbon street scene that I'm looking forward to doing!
Have a great weekend if I don't get to check back before lunch!

Love all of you guys, each and every one...

Rin,

Please tell me that yo are NOT having a man sleeping at your house while the children are home. That isn't happening...right???

Well, here's an update:

POWS has rehired his attorney...as I stated in the previous post...I did ask MEDC's question...

POWS had a bad attitude last night when he dropped off the kids...to think that I was the cause of that bad attitude when we were together...to think that I believed the stuff he told me and to come to the this point and see that I'm not me, is awesome...

It's so easy to blow him off these days, not get upset when he acts a total a$$...the kids said that he was in a bad mood all weekend...he was asking me about his mail...he finally forwarded it to another address or wherever...said that his box is empty...so not my problem! Seven months he had to do what he needed to do...

I'm no longer his Mighty Mouse...saving HIS day! guess he thought that I would always do that for him...he's a slow learner you know...LOL

I got a call from my Lawyer last Friday, POWS is still fighting me on claiming the kids on my income tax return...so my lawyer asked me a few questions about why I claimed them...POWS was three child support payments behind at that point, I'm not sure how that's going to work out...POWS does get to claim the kids according to our paperwork, but the law states that if he's behind than I get to claim them...

I was a little off balance last week with some things but recenter and focused on me and the God of my understanding and quickly grounded myself...so nice to be able to do that nowadays...

I attended church for the third time yesterday...the first time was with my BF and twice by myself...this church has been "in" my life for sometime...it was recommended to me by my BF's sister, years ago, before I knew who he was...I had actually set up MC there, which to remind everyone POWS agreed to go, took the time off, explained to his bosses what was going on and never attended with me...

I ended up counseling a few times by myself and one afternoon after POWS and I got into it, I called and canceled everything..."I was making him do something that he didn't want to do!"

Well, yesterday I talked to the pastor's wife who was counseling me, I walked up to her after service and the flood of emotions was overwhelming...remembering where I was to where I am today...WOW!!! We hugged for a long time...and I explain what had happen and where I was today...

Then, my lifelong childhood neighbors walked up to me after and my previous bosses where there...which offer to take me to lunch and I happily agreed...So like I said regardless of what happens with me and the BF...he has been good for me...another avenue has opened for me...

Sometimes things come full circle...last Wed. was two years since D-day, I didn't even notice it...that was until Friday when I was writing in my calendar...THEN IT WAS OMG, I CAN'T BELIEVE I DIDN'T REMEMBER THAT!

NO HURT, NO PAIN...No horrible memories or anything...life is fabulous and good things do happen after all of it!

have a great day everyone....

HI everyone! Life is still pretty good around these parts! I have been having to deal with POWS alot of late! I had lunch with him today to discuss OS's failing of the state test which now requires him to attend summer school...if he passes summer school on to 4th grade, if not, Oh well...it's an immaturity thing and an "I don't want to attitude!"

This weekend both boys will be on garbage detail while at POWS...we're going back to shelter, food, and clothing for a while with them...YS is doing well in school, but at home has the "I can't, I don't want too, and it's not fair!" What else can you expect from a five year old...

POWS and I are doing well on the home front with the kids...standing firm and making decisions where they are concerned...we go to court on the 23th for the final D...

I dropped the BF, too much drama that I refuse to deal with...or should I say baggage...just decided to remove myself completely from that one...

New job is going well...been really busy...not as much stress as there once was...even with a huge audit going on...

All in all, life is good, peaceful...and I continue to focus on myself and take care of me...

I have my second trip planned to fly to South Carolina the day after court to visit a friend and I'm looking forward to that!

Well, i'm super tired today, heading to bed early...take care...

Rin,

I am doing a fly by.

I really have been crazy busy lately and haven't had a chance to check in on anyone. I am happy you are so close to your D you have handled the whole sitch with pride and dignity.

Remember part of the whole journey is fixing our picker. Glad you decided to check out on the new guy with all the drama.

sorry to hear about OS. This is a very tough time for them and the D will effect them.

Keep moving in the right direction!

I now have a new Son he is almost 4 months old. My M is actually better then ever.

The FWW tells me all the time how lucky she is to have me.

The other two kids are great too. I don't know when I will have time to check in again.

You take care of yourself and those two boys!!!

HI Frog! GREAT to hear from you! So happy that things are going so great! I would love to see that new son of yours!


Little update!
Well, tomorrow is the big day and my plate is full!

POWS filed a contempt on me about claiming the kids on my taxes, and well, I have the contempt on him for CS...so they wash out!

POWS's Attoney wants me to amend me taxes but there maybe a way around that, we have a few options...POWS gets to claim the kids every year but to remind everyone he was behind on CS, so I claimed them, which I had asked about several times and heard that it was okay...what they didn't tell me was that I had to have a court ruling to say that I could! Meanwhile, POWS has agreed to the garnishment from his check...and he's endanger of losing his job from what I heard...got demoted from his office position to his tools and he's not spending as much time as he should doing his work...missing a lot of time and "visiting" with other workers...

But tomorrow everything except community property should be done with....I have a full plate and an feeling nervous and anxious right now...OS with summer school, work (we just finished getting audited and there's a lot to do there!), my trip this weekend, POWS and I going 7 and 7 with the kids tomorrow also...

It just seems like I have a whole lot to do right now! Well, I'll check in later today!

Well, tomorrow's the big day and it's been a rough day for me...

I really do not like my lawyer...and once this is over, I will more than likely find another one for anything that I have to do in the future, considering that POWS and I's lawyer are right next door to each other and more than likely from what we hear they are best friends...

I'm not really up for explaining what has happened in detail with me claiming the kids on my taxes, and the court order, the contempts, and the IRS...long story but I caught POWS in another lie and that's just more evidence that I can only identify him as a deceitful, lying P.O.W.S. (piece of wayward $h)t) for you newbies reading....

It's been a rough two years, two months...I was changing my sig line a few minutes ago and noticed the time line...two years, two months from the time he confessed to the final D...

The great news is that D-day came and went this year and I didn't even notice it, that was until a few days later when I was reading my calendar with all of my appts. I had wrote it down...I had to call my best Friend and celebrate that I wasn't even sad, didn't notice it at all...

Tomorrow really just the show in front of the judge...yes, we've been separated the year, etc...two witnesses...okay it's done...all that time down the drain...not for nothing...but the end of one story and the beginning of something new...or at least that's what I keep telling myself...

On a note on POWS life, OW and him has been off an on since I left...and I ran across his MySpace...and it's private which it great as far as I'm concerned, but his message was "in love with someone who knows and will not let it move forward!"...well, come to find out if was her that he was talking about...

All that time I fought for my M, and was telling him what she was really like, it didn't matter...so take note...WS will believe whatever they want to believe...YOU are the problem, not what they are doing...they can't see it, won't see it...that's what Plan B is for...and it works...it really does...in my case, recovery was GREAT for me...I have a better life now in a lot of ways...

Of course, no one wants there M to end...I certainly didn't and sometimes, just sometimes...I wish things ended differently...but I have to believe that God has something better in store for me and the boys...

Well, I have to try to get some sleep...I hope that I can do exactly that...

I certainly appreciate all of the help that I have gotten here over the pass few years...especailly my personal growth...

Rin:

I hope that is goes well for you today.

The gavel drops and this chapter ends.

About the tax return filing....

Unfortunately, most lawyers know even less about the tax ramifications of divorce and who should claim what then they do about the law in general. What seems "fair" and "equitable" in divorce discussions, does not always translate into fair and equitable in the long run. Most attorneys just write up the document to state who claims what exemption each year. It is SO MUCH more complicated than that now.

POWS doesn't pay his CS? Oh well. You have to get a court injunction and have him served and many other steps. However, if you claim the boys and file your return, such a stink can be made with the IRS, etc. And with some of the credits available now, the credits can be worth more than the awarded child support on an annual basis. So, you can get screwed twice.

Sad really.

If its a year that your allowed to claim the boys, then make sure you file on January 15th, electronically. The IRS goes with who files first. They reject the second return that claims the same children. Then you two have to sort it out. It's a game of "Gotcha!" Propose to resolve this past year, but calculating the difference in your return with or without the boys, and then he does the same. Refund the difference in the taxes, either by reducing his back child support debt or a credit for a month or so. No reason to file amended returns, it just clutters the system.

You sound good.

LG

Rinderful...

Today is that day.

You were wondering what it would be like.

A symbol day.

All the love and support and connection brought you to here.

Actually, that's true for all of us.

And the journey continues.

LA

{{{{{{{{{RIN}}}}}}}}}

My prayers and thoughts are with you today.

I know how fine you will be......

HI ALL! WEll, It's done! And I feel great...I was going to say fine but I'm better than fine!

I actually woke up late and had 15 minutes to get the kids and I dressed and out the door and I did it DIVA style! Was actually at my attorney's office a few minutes early and had to wait on my lawyer...

I think we were in court 20 minutes and out of there...POWS has an income assignment now...his employer pays the state and the state pays me, regardless of whether he loses his job, I still get paid...as far me and the IRS...I'll wait for them to contact me and will deal with that when that bridge needs to be crossed...POWS could have gotten into more trouble for not paying me CS than me filing them on my taxes...so, he agreed really easy to the income assignment...all went smooth...even had more witnesses than we needed...

All we have is community property now...I had planned to go into work after court, but I'm doing a ME day...POWS is picking up the kids and they will be with him for the next 7 days...I may have to help get them to the sitter and school this coming week but that's no big deal...I can handle the morning and part of the co-parenting that POWS and I have been working on and that has been going better than expected of late!

I really didn't think that I would feel this good...perhaps I got it all out last night...I was a little sad...

I fly out tomorrow for a wonderful weekend...will be hitting two new states for me...I'm excited...have to be on the plane at 6am...

Thank you all for all of the support! I'm going to relax the rest of the day...I have a massage scheduled for 1pm today...and I will be taking advantage maybe even get my nails done...I've been wanting them for a while...

I'll check back in later...

(((((Rin))))))


Go treat yourself well today!

You deserve it. You sound VERY good and VERY strong.

My prayers with you and yours.

Thanks James! I appreciate you stopping by! I need to make the time to read up on some of you guys!

I usually just drop in and I'm out...my work hours have changed and I'm not really liking that but it does have it's benefits in other ways...

Every day is Diva day since the new job! I get to dress really nice and I get a massage AT least once a week! usually twice...for nothing at that! Got to love my job just for that perk! It is stressful dealing with federal money all the time and the deadlines, but I'm getting the hang of it...heck, I've only been there a almost two months and everyday is a learning day...I'm sure that will get better too! We're having that audit and having to backtrack and keep up...

Take care Rin!

Hey Rin,

You sound remarkable. Hope the DIVA day was awesome. Let's talk soon and catch up on things. Have a great week if you don't pop in.

Love, Queenie

HI, LG...I missed your reply early...and I hope that you read this...

I filed with the boys, early...from what I hear POWS filed and the IRS accepted his return only with a copy of the court order...he gets the dependence EVERY YEAR b/c of the law and what he provides in support, I didn't have a choice in the matter from what I was told...WELL...SUPPOSEDLY...the IRS will be contacting me...I'm just going to wait b/c from what I heard that could be six months to year(S)...that gives me plenty of time to save what I need...

I was pretty blown away when I heard about it, but after pulling one of the teachers out of class at our school and talking to her about it I felt better and like I said if and when I have to cross that bridge I'll do it then...it's all hearsay right now...

I really would like to tell you about it off MB...through an email or something...so that I can understand better what you are speaking about and tell a true picture...of course, with Flamingo's knowledge...nothing more intended...strictly this tax issue and the IRS...it does make me nervous...I've been saving up since POWS and I separated and as everyone knows I didn't have a dime until my next paycheck...I've busted my butt to get where I am today and that could be wiped out quickly with them...of course, I know that they will work with you and I could make payments if it comes down to it...

From what I understand he's not entitled to the EIC or the day care costs...so that makes a huge differnce in itself...

Thank you, I do feel good...I thought that today would be difficult but it hasn't been... I'll write a little more when I erply to Queen about how my day has gone...

HI Queen! Great to hear from you again so soon! Your support has been wonderful...perhaps I can remember to call you next week when I come back from my trip...LOL


I had a wonderful day! my massage therapist gave me some extra TLC today instead of an hour I got an hour and 40 minutes! I was in heaven, fell asleep, and was so happy when I got up! THen, I came home for a few minutes, then went to get my nails done...they are beautiful!!! I haven't had them done in a year or so...stopped an got a cup of coffee, my supper tonight! LOL...I know BAD BAD BAD! LOL...

Talked to POWS...he am the kids are off to visit his mom, six hours away...we are still trying to work out OS's summer school schedule with the 7 and 7...phone has rang a few more times...I've worked on my car a little bit...and I'm washing some clothes for my trip...phones still ringing...HUGE DIFFERENCE in life...too be cared about SOOOO much...to feel loved by so many people including you all here...WHEN I SAY THAT LIFE HAS GOTTEN BETTER, LIFE HAS GOTTEN BETTER!!!

Personally recovery for me has been amazing...I could joke about how I should have done this years ago...but not all of it was bad and there are things in my M that I will always treasure...I've grown up and learned a wealth of knowledge...it's been applying it that has been the struggle, but well worth it!

I was telling several of my friends today that the difference between being M'ed to POWS and now, it that I don't have to confront POWS when I know that he's lying today, I simply write it off...knowing that he does it and I'm done with it....verses having to prove that he lied all those years before...it simply doesn't matter...he is the way he is...I accept that and as far as a relationship with him in the same capacity that that we had is unacceptable to me...my standards have been raised and I don't believe everything that he says as my truth anymore...

I treat myself as a DIVA...take care of myself first...respect and honor myself...hold firm to my beliefs...can people change? ABSOLUTELY!!! I did, BUT you have to want to want it! You ahve to want it SO bad that you can taste it! A WS who doesn't want it that bad will only fence sit for as long as you will allow him too! So, when someone talks about NC letters, and actions speaking louder than words, you can certainly tell the difference in respect to them being remorseful!

Wishing everyone who reads this the best...in whatever sitch you are in!

Hey Rin,

I'm thinking about ya girl. How are you doing? How's the new job going?

{{{{{{{Rin}}}}}}

I'm doing fairly okay! Work has been interesting and ome life well interesting too!

POWS has to have surgery and will be finding that out tomorrow when that will be....

It's been pretty stressful to be honest...I came to check on something here tonight and saw that you posted...

I'm not really up for talking about myself here! I'll have to call you! LOL...perhaps you have gained enough knowledge an wisdom to advice me....

LOL...no, I just need to take a little better care of myself and relax and rest a little...I have a horrible sunburn, well, I'm starting to peel now...but I have a lot on my plate and I know that this too shall pass and everything that I need to do to make things better it's the doing part that, the follow through that needs to happen...

Hi, MEDC if you are out there...I miss you, hope that things are going well for you and same to you James...

I miss all of you...I wish things would slow down a little in my life! LOL

Take care and best wishes to all! Hi, SL! ANd BC, if you two are still around...

I'm looking forward to catching up with you and life.

My middle one graduates one week from tonight. How flipping cool is that....

((((((Rin))))))

Glad to see you're still around.

Life being a bit busy isn't all bad, keeps us occupied and at the very least we can go to bed feeling like we've accomplished something at the end of a busy day.. even if tomorrow looks like more of the same.

Been missin you around here, but believe me I totally understand the need to get away from the reminders and sometimes our personal struggles are enough that we really don't have the capacity to take on others' as well for periods of time.

Been keeping you in my prayers, and continuing to hope all is well.

Hi guys! Queen that's awesome...James I hear you man...

I'm actually feeling pretty low today and last ngith...I have had a lot of interaction with POWS the last two weeks with the 7 and 7, surgery, OS with summer school, court, etc...and it really hit me last night...

OW called when he was in my presence and I just wanted to lash out at him, I did speak my mind and the look on his face was so sad and all he did was apologize, offered to stay away, and out of my life, which I gladly accepted...left like a dog with his tail between his legs...saying he sorry he is and that he never wanted to hurt me, etc...I got to say that I felt she was the main reason for the breakup of the M in my eyes...which of course, he doesn't see and I told him that everything that he has done to me will happen to him...it already has and he will not admit to it...OW has cheated on him and his heart has been broken but he will not admit that to me! Then, he would have to say that I was right...I don't have to hear it from his mouth...I got to read it in his handwriting, which he doesn't know about and that actually gave me some peace...that was last week...

I was going to help him out with the surgery...drive him to it and back home b/c he has no other family here, but I told him last night that I CAN'T...he will have to find someone else to help him out, which he said that was fine...I said just to let me know what I could do for him in regards to keeping the kids...

My heart is hurting today...I'm off balance and very teary eyed...trying to make it through the day...focus on work and what "I" need to do...a guess it's a more of the grieving process still...

We have spent a lot of time together in the past few weeks trying to clear things up...the truck will be out of my name soon, paperwork all complete and ONE phone call from HER and it screwed up that peaceful relationship we were developing to get things done...trying to settle things with the community property may be easier then it once was...

So I still have to communicate with him about some stuff, but I think that I'm just going to do it less often then the past few weeks...make a list and then call, instead of calling per item...that will give me more distance than I had before and less chance to be where I am today...

I'll be okay, perhaps it was exactly what I needed, the opportunity to speak my peace to him instead of holding it inside...more letting go because i know that he can't give me what I need...can't love me the way that I have loved him...and I deserve the best and he has nothing but less than that to offer...tiny little reminders along the way to keep me with the goal of expecting nothing but the best...

Well, i have to get back to work...tonight I have to go pick up my new cell phone...I am excited about that and I did almost finish the yard, which I'm happy about too...some things on my to do list are being knocked off, that is a plus...

have a great day from the teary eyed bayou gal...

Must be the week (or two) for triggers.

((((Rin))))

FWIW I think you're handling your situation remarkably well all things considered.

I can only hope I will handle things so well in the future.

Not too much to add, other than I'm very sorry you're hurting, but also very glad to see that you are applying the 'hurt' in a way that will help you heal. More of the old concept of what man intended to harm, God has used for good.

Thinkin 'bout ya.

I hear ya, Rin.

With DS's birthday, and illness, and daycare info and such being passed around left and right between me and PWC, I am ready for a break in the emailing. I get what you are saying, except I only SAW PWC on DS's birthday for about 2 hours. it was good to get thru that.

Onward and upward, Rin. This will pass. I think it is a really good idea to build up info to talk about, line item by line item, instead of piecing it out over phone calls, emails, texts, etc.

(((Rin)))

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{RIN}}}}}}}}}}

I am always amazed at how you work through your pain on here, identifying what it is, and finding a solution. Alanon is sure working in your life.

Tough to do, and the pain still is ICKY... But you are an example that helps the rest of us get through this with a plan of action on how to do it.

Thank you,

I hear you on this, Rin, and hope you get to a place soon where you can really cut back on contact. Even businesslike emails are triggering on some level.

(((Rin)))

Thank you very much James! I know that I'm a strong person I have made it this for...I really don't think that I have truly allowed myself to grieve...I think that I thought I was but I was really focusing on other things and pushing it aside...

I'm still sad today...I got out one of our old cell phones thinking that I could use the smartcard in it...I had saved it b/c of the txt messages that POWS and OW had on it...there's one that she said ok, I love you too...from Sept. 05...way after d-day, and I didn't find it until after d-day when he switched cell phones...

I'm going to keep it for the time being to remind myself now to get sucked in to who he pretends to be...a gentle reminder of why I divorced him in the first place...

I'm going back and forth between being mad and wanting to cry...I don't know if that's normal or not but I'm doing the best that I can with it...so I'm in day two of mourning...LOL...

Rin,

I just have a sec before I have to run to the airport but had to stop by and say - Absolutely you are NORMAL! Besides, what constitues 'normal' when you have been betrayed as we have?

Each one of us goes thru 'similiar' cycles, but we are still individuals who are struggling through this situation. Yes, you have grown and become stronger than you ever knew you were, but it's ok to still be vunerable at times. It's ok to acknowledge and work through those moments of weakness,,,,,,,,those moments of sadness. The ability to work through it, without getting stuck IN it, is the difference between THEN and NOW!

Glad you are back posting!! Miss your LMAO comments!!

Take care!

Morning SL! I have missed talking to you very much especially here lately...I have thought about you on more than one occasion...

I hear you loud and clear and thank you...I'm looking forward to going back into my cave...funny you mentioned b-day...both of the boys are coming this month...21st and 29th...so I have to content with that also...POWS and I had discussed the options for their b-day party but that got put aside with the surgery...which I found out that will be Monday morning...so I'll probably get the kids this sunday instead of next Friday...

That's cool, as long as I get a little time...I'd like to go to some adult stuff this weekend...LOL...I haven't drank a beer in weeks! HA! Time to kick it up a little!

Hey Rindy....hope you start to feel less sad...you have such a pretty smile.

Your ex is not worth the tears...celebrate your liberation from such a horrible husband!

Just wanted to say hello to you. so...hello.

Well, i was going to post to each one of you individuality b/c I know that we all like to feel special! LMAO...

There you go BUGS, just for you and that was done through tears...you know I love to joke and cut up..thanks for the sec of your time...

Queen, thank for the compliment...and on the back posting comment BUGS...I'm making the time to do it, even if I can't read OP's thread...like I'm suppose to be in the shower right now, getting ready for work! I don't know how else to handle this sitch but to post here...so if I'm not here, LOL, you know I'm doing well! sad but true...I would call it selfish but I know better, it's a matter of taking care of myself...

Oh, and go figure I'm a vet with over two years under my belt here...HA! I still feel like a newbie, LOL...

SD, I greatly appreciate your stopping by as always man...it really means alot...

Well, better go hit the shower...I am SOOOOO sunburn....two days on the back of a motorcycle this pass weekend, you know you can't tell because of the wind what's going on with you...did a 1000 miles and enjoyed every minute...from Louisiana to Destin, FL and back...would do it again but a little different, would actually think about some sun block! HUH, GO FIGURE? The stuff works! Who would have thought! Lesson learned on that one! LOL

THere you are! LOL...thank man, I hear what you are saying...

BTW, I happen to enjoy your posts here for the record, LOL, would hate to see you go especially over retarded crap!

have a great day!

Morning! I'm doing better this morning!

I was thinking about all that time that I didn't sleep...up even 45 minutes to an hour. WEll, i stopped taking my AD back in MArch and I have been sleeping pretty good since then, 10 hours on my recent trip to visit a friend of mine, I was so tired!

So sleep has been helping...not weepy this morning, very thankful it's Friday and I don't have the kids this weekend...sun will not be in my plans at all with 2nd degree burns from last weekend...

I have plans to help a friend write a letter this afternoon, he has a disability when it comes to writing his thoughts down into words...intelligent person but there a break in the link that doesn't also the words to be wrote down the way that he wants them to be...other than that I have a painting that I was hired to do and I need to finish it...even through I really don't feel like doing that or anything else right now for that matter...

Well, I have to go get ready for work...I don't want to go there either...

Rin,

That's so sweet of you to help your friend out with his letter. Doing for others always makes me feel better!

Oh, and do the painting. I'll bet you'll find that once you really get started it will be enjoyable and good 'therapy'.

Enjoy the weekend!

Hey Rin,

How are you babe?

HI all! I did finish the painting and it should be dry soon, and I have already been hired to do another one...my friend just has to come up with want he wants to do and I'll be ready for it!

Last Sunday, I took OS out and took about 160 pics of him, got about a dozen great ones...I plan to do the same thing when YS gets home...

Had a melt down at work Monday...boss gave me Tues and Wed. off with pay...went in today with a better attitude...I have a co-worker who is creating trouble and I CAN'T believe what he did today!!!!!!!!! This co-worker has rubbed the boss the wrong way and I think that the best solution is to sit back and watch him slowly kill himself...it clicked today on exactly how I need to handle him...he is sneaking and manipulating...I'm dealing with the characteristics of an addict or alcoholic...impatience...etc...

It put me in a moral dilemma, but I decided that the best solution in this case is to let sleeping dogs lie...bad thing is that him and I went to school together and he thinks that "MEANS" something, but he's actually trying to control the sitch and get his way...now that I figured "the real problem" out, I can right that part of the problem with work off, because he doesn't matter in my book! I have lose complete respect for him...and he said that "he knows me!" that was really a laugh, otherwise he would not have done what he did...

No point in mentioning it but I'm looking for another job and checking into a few other options...like going back to school for a second degree that will increase my income...being that I already have one it shouldn't take me that long to finish the second...

So, I'm just "doing" something and will be making a decision sometime in the future...a new process has been started at work also that will make things alot easier...so I plan to kind of be still in that department...

I briefly txted with POWS today about this Father's day, he is suppose to have the boys but according to him, he is still having trouble sitting up on his own...from that conversation, I realized that I am still angry with him...told him that he NOW knows what it feels like to have a c-section and referred back to the day that we came home from the hospital and he choice to go to sleep before getting my pain meds. I got stuck on the sofa for a few hours with YS laying on my chest because I hurt so bad that I couldn't get up and my voice was so weak that he couldn't hear me calling for him. I gave up and went to sleep...

He said that he was sorry for that...I just wished him Godspeed in his recovery and that I would keep OS with me...

I've had a bit of bad luck here lately, the post office is returning my mail to sender because someone can't read that it's ONLY POWS' mail that needs to be forwarded...so if I did get a CS check in the mail it has been returned...and both of my big TVs are out...but I'm watching a 19inch which is better than the 13 inch that the kids and I watch for the six months that we lived at my friend's house...

I wanted to question what had I done wrong that I am having so much trouble but had to remind myself that bad things DO happen to good people...

I've had a lack of motivation in the past few weeks but am feeling better tonight...there are things that I need to do but just don't feel like doing them...I guess that's okay...it will get done when it gets done...I still want to kick myself for knowing that it needs to be done and not doing it...

All in all, this moment is good...thanks for asking!

Rin, thanks for the update. It's good to hear that you're doing well. I still remember your graititude lists, and have started making them, too. Did you know your enthusiasm is contagious

(((Rin)))

Good Morning EO, long time no see! Thanks for dropping in...perhaps it would be a good day to do a gratitude list my list! Although, I know that I am extremely blessed and I thank GOd often for the things that I don't have and the things that I do have, it has been awhile!

So, thank you ma'am! I'll do a few things in this post! Contagious, oh yes! I need some to rub off on me right now I think! LOL

Great to see you!

Okay, here goods:

My health!
My kids!
A solid roof over my head!
A computer that works!
Friends to talk to and post with!
A loving, caring, and understanding God who has blessed my in my struggle, has the power to move mountains in my life even when I don't have the strength.

That's good for now! I invite anyone to write a few things that you are grateful for today. It helps remind me where I need to be!

Thanks again EO! I ahve to finish getting ready for work!

The karma bus! HA! I have told him several times that everything that he has done to me WILL happen to him...I'm seeing it now...hence no compassion...

Thing is I know that I'm stupid where he's concerned and I told him that instead of people saying "I love you!" they should say "I'm stupid about you!" Because I know with POWS that I'm just plumb stupid where he is concerned...if the door is open the least little bit, he moves right on in and I have to kick him out...I do think that I'm getting better about it...and that door has to be open some because of the kids...

The awareness, etc...I'm sure that there will come a day that
I am like "Oh, not partner, stop right there!" I think I still have a hard time accepting WHO he really is verses who I want him to be...

It's a case of I want what I want when I want it and that hurts me everything...

This reminds me of the song Marilyn Monroe sang in "There's No Business Like Show Business":

"After you get what you want, you don't want it.
If I gave you the moon, you'd grown tired of it soon.

You're like a baby, you want what you want when you want it,
When you get what you want, you don't want what you get...."

(etc.)

Could apply to a lot of different situations...

LOL..what more needs to be said on that one!

On a different note, co-worker that has been causing all the drama at work was fired today...he has been doing this for a few weeks now...

Yesterday, and I don't understand why he "thought" that it would be acceptable to me, offered me drugs...in combination with the other things that he has been doing he was out of the door this afternoon...I had to figure out how I was going to handle the sitch...and I wasn't going to say anything, BUT after entering into a meeting with my boss and hearing the rest of the stuff that was going on with him, I spoke up...

My boss said that he should have fired him a few weeks ago when it first occurred to him, but that this was the last straw...so, some of the pressure and stress from the job should be relieved now...no one wanted to talk to him for fear of being the next target...

No word from POWS today and that's good stuff! It's actually been a very good day!

See what being still does.

Leave people to own their own garbage and they WILL be served.

SOOOOOOO true BC! So true!

I hear you BC! It has been proven time and time again. IF you happen to be around this town in the next few weeks, I would love to caught up with you! Perhaps, the boys can play together or something. Just a thought, I know how busy the two of us have been.

Until this CS, gets under way from whoever it's suppose to be coming from, I have been doing some sideline work...just finished a painting! I have another lined up, and an co-worker wants to hire me to take some pictures for her. So, I'm thanking God for my talents of late! I feel pretty darn blessed to have OP wanting "ME" to do this for them!

Hi SM, welcome to my thread! Thank you for your post!

thank you!

i am for the former mlhb.. not sure if i ever posted on your thread or not...

nice to be here.

Ah, yes, we have spoken! LOL...that's what I get for not staying current with everyone!

I'm in the process this morning of setting up a photo album to share some of my artwork! I will post the link when I'm complete! Hoping you all enjoy it! Part of the recovery process, LOL, you know getting to know yourself and focusing on it!

OKay, here's the link: http://picasaweb.google.com/Strivn4better

Rin, thanks for the photo album, and for the gratitude So cool!

Wow Rin I absolutely love the artwork. My fav is the 3rd one. So colorful....

Tell me about it.

HI, thank you very much!

The third one?

Jean Lafitte's blacksmith shop on Bourbon street in New Orleans...we did it in a painting class...all three are in oil...that's the one that I don't really like...LOL

Jean Lafitte's real name was Jean Pierre Billiot, which is my maiden name...so I'm from a pirate! LMAO I was given the genealogy on it a few years back.

Why don't you like it?

The way the building is angled, it seems wrong to me in respect to the other building and objects in the picture...

Outside of that, I think it's good, the color...I didn't do what I was suppose to...all of the black in it, I freehanded on it...I just got a marker and drew all over it! That I think I did an excellent job with!

My other friend is hiring me to do a Japanese scene which I'm looking forward to do, it will be an original of things that he would like to see in it!

Oh I bet that would be gorgeous

Arrr, matey. Nice painting of me house! You won't be walking the plank for that one.

Sorry, could not resist. Pirate Rin....Bwahahaha

You are such a freakin nut! LMAO

Thanks for the laugh!

Good Morning! I am very nervous today! I got a call yesterday from my XFIL, YS is ready to come home and because POWS Still can't drive, I am going to meet the inlaws at the half way mark to pick him up.

I really don't like meeting with them. It's just the tension that I have a hard time with even if it's just a few minutes to change cars.

MOF, things are a little rough right now, money wise becasue I still haven't heard anything about the income assignment. I, ONCE AGAIN, called my laywer this morning and they are checking on it. So, that's kind of adding to the rough feelings I'm having about going get YS, being that I'm living on just my income right now I really don't need the additional expenses BUT in this sitch what am I going to do. Not like I would ever tell YS, NO you can't come home! So, I will deal with that and I will survive, because that's who I am.

Also, I have both of their b-days to content with this week, OS is Sat., and YS is the following Sun. I have made plans to bring them to a waterpark verses a b-day party this year. That will be an all day event. I'm hoping to stay at a friends, that way we will not have to get up and drive so early in the morning.

As far as work, well, it was quiet around here yesterday without the other employee causing trouble. It was indeed a stress free day!

I briefly txted with POWS yesterday; the dr. still hasn't released him but he did mention something about trying to take the boys this coming weekend. The break in interaction has been good, I seem to be more upbeat than I was but all of the rainy weather this past weekend really made me miss having someone around! I really miss the companionship.

Well, I need to go do SOMETHING...I'll figure that out when I get to it!

have a great day!
Rin

You sound good Rin.. and don't sweat the exchange, just be you, be friendly, and leave the rest to God. These are certainly things we don't have to sweat when we remember who we have at our back.

(((((Rin)))))

Just stoppin in to spread the Sunshine, b'cause it's sure better than the rain.

Life is good, just breathe it in and enjoy it. Today is yours for the taking.

Thinking and prayin about ya!

J

Hello ALL! Thanks James! I appreciate that!

Well, the meeting went fine enough. XMIL did make a few comments that I wasn't really happy about and choose to act stupid and ignore.

One was that I use OS as a sounding board! I left that alone! And the other was that she tried to tell me that YS had chicken pox and that's why he had the bites that he had. I think that if my child had chicken pox I would know about it! I mean it's not like you can't tell that kind of thing! So, I just said "really, it didn't look like that to me!" Then, she went on to say that it had to be a mild case! I simply agreed and went on my way...

I think it really wasn't what was said as much as it was how it was said...but I was able to relatively blow it off thinking that if this should become a problem then I will not be so nice and LET them keep the boys like that! For now, and I have always believed that the boys deserve to have a relationship with these people, which I am nice enough to allow extra time with them. Besides TBH, there's lots of payoff in it for me...reduction in childcare costs, and time to myself or with one of them alone, like it has been in the past few weeks with OS.

The last time that we met it was XFIL that unnerved me. Of course, I do have a choice and can simply tell POWS that I will not pickup the boys from the X in laws again that the exchange can be between him and them in the future, but I am not to that point as of yet.

Aside from that we had a safe, nice trip home! I stopped to take some photos of YS, which I am not to happy with and have plans to take some more tomorrow morning to finish up the project that I am doing for the two of them!

Work was really nice today, we were told that we are doing a good job clearing up some of the trouble of what was there prior to the new staff! AND THERE WAS again peace and quiet in the office, no drama or stirring the pot! MOF, the Director will be taking me and the co-worker that I work with closest to lunch tomorrow! I'm stroked about it!

Well, I'm off to bed! Very tired being in the car for SOOO long today...about six hours with the stops that we made...AND when we got home our dog was SO mad at YS for being away that she chewed up his new flip-flops that XMIL bought for him in the first five minutes that we were home! That was pretty interesting trying to calm him down! Ended up calling POWS and letting YS talk to him, and POWS told him to keep the good one and he would try to get XMIL to buy another pair! "YOU KNOW THEY WERE CAMO AND YOU CAN ONLY GET THEN IN THAT ONE PLACE!!!!" LMAO


It's so tought to be six! Almost, his is on the 29th and OS on the 21st on this month. I already changed their ages in my bio!

night!

Hi, all! Things are going pretty good here. I did get a call from my lawyer yesterday letting me know that the assignment of income order was not serviced to POWS' employer until June 11! SOOO! THey should start taking the funds out of his check immediately, which is nice to know! I was also told that he is responsible for the missed payments on June 1st and 15th!

POWS is not to happy about this! Oh well!

I have completed the admission process to go back into college for a BS in Computer Information Sysytems...I was told today that becasue I already have a degree that I may only have to take 25 to 30 hours to complete the program...So, this is what I'm looking into right now to better my situation and myself...

I figure that I can stick it out here for a year until I complete it...I'm willing to do the loans and stuff for the opportunity to increase my pay...

Hence, I'm wanting to become MORE independent from POWS than I am already...

Well, I have to cut it short, I have a meeting!
Rin

Rin,

Glad the support is finally getting straightened out! I think it's great to have it done automatically in your sitch, so that it's another link broken in the chain that is binding you to him.


Yea, like we really feel bad about that - - NOT! Poor, poor POWS, having to reap the consequences of his actions and be responsible for his kids! Waaahh!

Glad you are back pursuing your education! Fantastic! I had dinner with girlfriends last night and one of them is doing the same thing. I'm so proud of you both!!

Glad to hear work is improved, too!

Have a great weekend!!

Rin:

Things are sounding good for you.

You asked about getting some assistance from me regarding a "potential" IRS problem. Wait until you get a notice from the IRS. Everything else is just bluster from POWS.

IF, and thats a really BIG IF, you get a notice from the IRS, then you have an issue to be dealt with. I can help you with it, but, it might be best to find someone in LA who can make sure that the community property laws and your Seperation Agreement are followed.

Just a thought.

LG

well, hi guys! Thank you very much Bugs! I have always been concerned about the loans, but I broke down and fixed you ahve to spend money to make money!

So, here I go again...it will be rough, working full time, the boys, and everything else but there's a payoff in there...

"Opportunity is often disguised as hard work!"

LG, that was the help that I wanted really...how to handle the sitch...I talked to one of the Criminal Justice teachers at our school and she said to just wait...for the if and when, then deal with it...I was pretty tore up about it when it happened, or should I say heard about it...just have to let that sleeping dog lie until then...

What I can control now is to save IN CASE it does happen...so that's really what I was asking for...to hear exactly that...then she told me that even if I do have to pay that back, I can set up a payment plan...so, okay!!!! I'm good with that!

I really appreciate all of the support, really I do...I am grateful to have people like you and Bugs! I am certainly true to my sign, Libra...

Well, I'm happy to announce that I had another great day at work! WHOOHOOO!!! This whole week has actually been good...AND I don't have to boys tonight...well next 7 or whatever days...I will see them tomorrow...going to the waterpark with POWS for OS's b-day...

I have had plenty of opportunities to think about the last time that we spent alot of time together and looking back IF I have too I can handle him for about two days, then it's time to put a WHOLE LOT OF DISTANCE between us...besides tomorrow should be easy...plenty to do and not really have to interact with him...

Hope the weather holds out...well, I'm going to lay down for a little while...enjoy the peace and quite of the house...already treated myself to a fresh haircut, so I'm DIVA'd out! LOL

HI all! I have missed all of you so much! Been thinking about you all for about a week now...

Things are good in the neighborhood here! Still at that job of mine...don't really like it but I'm doing it...still waiting on the university to get financial aid straight for the program I'm trying to get into for my Master's...that won't begin until Jan...

The boys are doing well...OS made it to the 5th grade...XWH and I had a little discuss about keeping him in the 4th but after talking with the Asst. principle, we (I) decided to go along with her and allow him to try it out...so far so good...of course we're only a few weeks in and Open House is tomorrow night...which I haven't told XWH anything about...remembering my lessons from here very well...MOF, I haven't really talked to him at all in the past few weeks and I'm good with that...

Sunday when he dropped the boys off he said "Do me a favor and just be careful! I got a call from a friend of mine and she was raped last night, beat up pretty bad!" I just looked at him and said ok! He said that she thought he was a friend of her's! Conversation, if you can call it that, lasted for about a minute, enough time for me to get the boy's stuff and get back in the house...

Still trying to finish this community property thing...we got nothing from his lawyer so we did a formal proposal and sent it to them...that was almost two weeks ago...I had to call a friend that day b/c of the anxiety I was feeling about his reaction to it...he's given me suck a hard time about this whole D...Of course I asked for a lot more than I expect to get...

Well, let me get out of here...I have a few things to do before I can get some sleep...

(((((((Rin))))))))


So glad to hear from you.

I know the D stuff can be a little overwhelming at times, even with offers/settlements in place. Just remember whenever it feels like it's all too much, to calm yourself and pray. God promises to give you Peace.. you know you're on the right path for you, and we all have faith that you're being taken care of very well.

Sounds like life is just rollin along for most of us, and we're all just trying to do the best we can.

If it's any consolation I personally think you're doing great.

Been missin ya Rin!

Rin,

You sound good, girl! Really good.

About the D stuff, it does get the rollercoaster going a bit, doesn't it? Just remember that in this, you get to man the controls. You know what to do and what you need to do for you and your boys. Stick to it.

*He* will react the way he will react. Not a thing you can do about that. Even now, he needs to go through whatever necessary to reap the consequences of his actions. Just like Chai and Luna right now - their WS's don't Like it one little bit. Too bad.

So, Masters Program? Good for you!! Give us a bit more of your time when you have it,,,,,,,,,,,we miss you!

Thanks James, I still have my rough days here and there...where I'm focusing not on the past but the future too much...waiting for something to happen...waiting for that really awesome guy, or school to get their stuff straight, or whatever...so I have to set myself straight...

And as far as dating is concerned...I'm so disgusted with that...the last one i went on was with supposedly a good Christian guy, HUGE cross in the front yard but would not respect my boundaries and kept touching me...I was thinking date rape the entire time, I left before anything bad happened, then the next day, he had the nerve to tell ME, I was the one all over him...needless to say, I didn't speak to him again...I recognized that one real quick....that was about...hummmm...two months ago...

I did a little spiral for a while and that was three dates in a row that wasn't so good...now I'm in the thought pattern of I don't care, I don't want a relationship, I don't want to date...but TBH, I miss having someone there...I'm just not settling...and all I do is pray these days...

I feel like I'm in a season and I'm waiting for something to change, something that I want very badly to happen...so I have been having some trouble staying present...

James I really appreciate you stopping by...I can use some talking too...I have to get these boys out the door for school...I'll be around, I have some catching up to do around here...perhaps a little giving back...

I think we'd all agree that acknowledging that there IS a future to look forward to is a huge step along our path. This isn't a bad problem to have IMO. While living in the NOW has it's purpose, those of us with kids know that you have to keep an eye out for the future as well.

Just as long as you're waiting for something to happen on the guy scene rather than forcing it, I think you're alright. School might be a different story.. in my experience the burocracy that bogs down those places sometimes needs a swift kick in the pants. I'm sure you're just the lady to do that when the time is right though. :twobyfour:



I think this is normal, and probably stems from the fact that as adults, we hope at least that every new relationship will be an improvement on the last one. I think this is reflected in the statistic I've seen tossed around that most divorcees are married again or remarried within 3 years. I think the understanding that we're not going to find -that- relationship right off the bat is a healthy one.. and one that will hopefully prevent us from being 'stuck' with bad choices in the future. It's ok to be a little gunshy too.. looks like you've got a pretty good eye out for these little things..



I'm sure we've both learned never to 'settle' for anything less than we deserve anymore.


No need to rush here Rin.. I know for me that it probably won't take another 28 years to find that someone special.. I'm not the kind of person to waste time in relationships of convenience anymore, which occupied much of my teen/early 20's... with kids I don't have that luxury..

A watched pot never boils.. no need to force it. Enjoy Rin and the kids for a while.. once you start really enjoying yourself, someone wonderful will come along and want to join the party for sure.

At least.. that's what I'm hoping for

WEll, Good Morning, this is the 1st chance that I have had to response...open house for OS's school was last night and I was actually a little late for that...then OS didn't write his homework down, SOOOO...we had to go back up there and get it...

On the school scene for me, I actually got a call yesterday from the dept., saying that I shouldn't have any trouble getting aid and that I could go ahead and bring in my deposit to hols my spot...they only accept 18 people into the program that I'm going for...I guess God was winking at me on that one because I sure was getting down about it and decided that if he wanted me there then I will be there...BAM, the call yesterday!

Focusing something on the guy scene, HA...I don't have time for it...MOF, that's one of the reason I decided to enroll in school to get my MAster's...I'm accomplishing one of my dreams that I have always had from childhood and it's less time to focus on finding a relationship...it's all about focusing on me an the boy's right now...Of course, I'm not going to lie, I really miss being in a relationship, the companionship...but it's about doing better for myself and the boys...and the standards that I have for the next one that comes along are super high...

LOL, no alcohol abuse, drug abuse, no hitting, no name calling, will accept my children, puts God first, responsible, hard working, blah blah blah...

I do have a friend who is trying to set me up with a Dr. friend of hers...but I've handed that over to God too...saying if that it's meant for us to met, then it will happen...I really have got from the spiral to a, I guess, I know care attitude...but in a healthy aspect I think...

One thing that I am extremely grateful for is the fact that I have friends who CALL ME for advice...to get my POV...that makes me feel wonderful...I remember when I came there that I didn't feel like anything I said had value to it...like I didn't contribute anything to the conversation...and sometimes I struggle with that still, here on MB...LOL, it's amazing what a self esteem will do for you... I KNOW I'm the cream of the crop now...LMAO...I don't know it all and certainly will never but at least I can touch a few lives here and there and does me wonders...

MOF, this Sat., I will be volunteering some of my time to help feed the local people around here through Angel Food Miniseries... in case, someone is not familiar with it...you can get restaurant grade for cheap...really helps out when everything is on the rise...and anyone can get it...there's no income limit or anything like that...there's a website...

Anyway, the last time that I went, there were suppose to be 200 ppl helping and only about 30 showed up...so I brought my stuff home and something kept telling me to go back...it was a struggle in my head b/c I wanted to cut the grass b/f it rained...but I went, and after I was rewarded with getting the grass cut...

WEll, I have to go get ready for work...going to be another long day, been up since 5:30...cooked breakfast, got supper going in the crock pot...got the boys off to school and all that remains is me...we had staff from our corporate office down helping us get ready for accreditation next week...what a headache that has been...some of us have even been putting in Sats...like after I help out volunteering, I will be at work that afternoon, making sure that everything is done for this coming Thurs...

Okay, everyone please have a blessed day! Take care!

Is that a new show on Food Network?

and how do they know what Angels eat?



look, they put this guy here just for you

HIya Mr. Beau! I haven't got use to all of those little things yet!
www.angelfoodministries.com, NO, not a new show, check it out...it's all across the US...this is the link to the menu and the local places that offer the program...

Speakin of food...Football season is here...we'll ahve to get together for a BBQ... Since you're so good at it and when I still can't lite the pit! :MrEEk:

How's that little one doing? Is he going to pre-K yet?

Good Morning to all! I'm very thoughtful this morning, reading Bugs' posts about what's going on in her life has me questioning the past interactions between XWH and I...

And I'm not really excited about he weekend either...the boys will be with their dad and I will certainly miss them...I made sure to give them extra hugs and kisses before they got on the bus this morning...I have a few things to do tomorrow, but am dreading the loneliness...and of course, there's church on Sunday...but this afternoon, I have nothing but coming home to this empty house...

I know that I probably need to rest up...I have been pretty cranky in the morning from lack of enough sleep...and when I head to bed at night it doesn't help...praying for that right person to come along...praying for patience...accepting the fact that God's plan is better that mine any day...

It's certainly been a struggle to keep uplifted...so I've been turning to reading the Bible or inspiration things, and watching inspirational stuff...been on a Madea kick lately...watched Daddy's Little Girls last night...

Actually I should be at work right now, but I'm draggin, as most mornings...not wanting to go in but once I get there I'm okay...and the day seems to improve until that is bedtime comes along...

Well, I guess I need to finish getting ready and get the day rolling...plenty of report to do and if I'm really lucky I'll get a massage today...

Best wishes to all, take care and be safe...

SL, if you're around I'm working my way to your thread, wanting to catch up on you and some other here...

I really want to read some newbie stuff, but haven't really been able to bring myself to do that yet...

Have a great and blessed day!

WEll, I had a pretty good day at work...really didn't want to be there and was pretty down this morning...one of my appts. was a no show and it just so happened that one of our massage students didn't have anyone to practice on...so I checked my schedule again and had a massage...

It had been a few weeks since I had one...I knew I was tense but didn't realize how tense until I laid on the table waiting for her to return, then the weight of the world felt like it was on me...especially in my neck and shoulders...

I ended up falling asleep and I felt so much better after...that was a blessing indeed...the boss brought lunch for us today, so I completely forgot about dropping off the boy's clothes at the sitter...I came straight home and then realized I had to do that...

On the way, I forgot I had to TM XWH to let him know that OS has a biography due Monday...he just replied with OK...I didn't expect anything else from him...So NOW, I'm home...all is quiet...playing around on the computer...the grass needs to be cut but I have no motivation to do it...figure in a little while I'll lay down, perhaps read, or get some studying done...I have to prepare for the GMAT...wonderful thing about that little test is that the minimum to get into grad school is 400 and I only NEED a 420 to pass...

I guess I'm just kind of accepting my feelings right now and telling myself that it's okay to not want to do anything...that way I'm not kicking myself...it's okay to feel down...I always have a way of pulling myself out of it...I've felt this way since that last date I had with Idoit...it's just unbelievable and disgusting...it's really knock me for a loop...

Free MASSAGE!! SCORE!!

Nice way to end a week.

I've gotten used to always having this THING hanging over me, like a dark cloud, since I've been either avoiding it or dealing with it for so long. FIGHTING against the down has been my NORM. There is no partner there to pick up the slack, or lean on, or just evoke laughter to give to me a break of sorts.

The financial strain is tough, too, as I'm sure you experience.

It's a lot to deal with.

Luckily, I have friends who are funny and caring, and I can generally count on them to have an ear for me to bend.

Coming here helps, as long as I avoid the newly betrayed threads; the pain is palpable, and it reminds me of so many mistakes I made early on and throughout this process. I need to start leaving that in the past, and forgive myself for whatever (that's a whole OTHER thread all on it's own)

Anyway, despite all, you seem to be on a good track.

Good Morning...I heard you on the stressful part...things are a little tight around here...but I do have the power to change that...our TV went out about a month ago...we had a 19 inch but watching that from across the room was ridiculous...amazing how we watched that 13 inch for 6 1/2 months when we were living in one room, but we were closer to it! LOL

So, I'm working to pay that off and of course there was the school shopping to do...so it's tight right now, but I know that it will get better...hey, I got food in the house, all the bills are paid and a little saved for a rainy day, I'm good for the most part...still gets me down sometimes...

Well, on the touch thing we talked about Friday...it just so happen that a friend of mine was on his way house from a rained out beach adventure thanks to FAY and decided to stop by yesterday...poor thing when he got here, he was wet and cold...most of his clothes in his bag were wet too...so I asked him if he wanted to warm up with a shower and I could wash/dry his clothes...

While waiting on him, I was studying for my Grad school test...when he walked back into the living room, he looked so tired and still had close to 2 hours to drive home...so I asked him to put his head in my lap...after rubbing his back, arm, and running my hands through his hair...he was out...so I got my need for touch...homeboy slept and I just rubbed and sang (I had country music on while studying), while playing a game on my phone, i messed up and couldn't get to my books...interrupted my studying but I was happy...he slept for about an hour I guess...then we folded his clothes and he was on his way home...

I had to let him thank you for the visit that I enjoyed it more than he knew...

By late last night, I was DJing myself...thinkin who would want me with two mixed kids...I had to fuss myself so much for sending those negative massages to myself...and it was out of the blue...this time, I have thought about it before and even posted about it I believe...or maybe it was I thought about it and was too fearful to post what I really thought...

I think the latter is applied to this sitch...anyway, SL...thanks for thinking I'm on the right course...you know we all need that reinforcement sometimes to help us keep our heads above water...

XWH had the nerve to have OW's grand kids, I'm sure that's who there are, because the boys are always talking about them...come to find out OW has moved in with her daughter... with him yesterday when he dropped off the boys...I think there was three of them...they all went to a swim party in the mist of a tropical depression...it unnerved me some, but the boys were fine and the worst hit after they were home...this is also the kids that XWH lets the boys run the neighborhood with...also something that bothers me but I have to let that go too...

Well, let me finish getting ready for work...another rainy day...

ANd I have OPen house tonight for the little one...

Good Morning everyone...well,I am still having some trouble with DJing myself but I'm working on that!

I watched a movie last night that was phenomenal, calling "Facing the Giants" and that really helped lift me up...

James wherever you are I miss you man!

I guess when things get hard you still have to prepare your fields for the rain...I have to continue to give my best which is so hard sometimes...which is so difficult sometimes...it's hard to keep your head above water...

So I'm working on that...I called a friend the other night about some of my feelings but he was not very helpful and I should have known better...

okay, off to try to do my very best and keep truckin ahead...looks like we're going to have to deal with a hurricane soon...AGH!!

Is it bad...well, let me start with this one...XWH txted yesterday asking if he had the kids this weekend...we had already talked about this twice within the last month or month an a half...it's the 5th weekend in the month, which rarely happens so, it's mine...I reminded him of the conversations and said that I see that he's not using a calendar like he said that he would...he wrote back saying he had to ask becasue he's SO use to getting them every weekend...I didn't reply to the last message...

So, I'm trying to figure out how to handle that in the future with him...there should be no reason in my mind for him to be asking me if he has the kids this or that weekend...we rarely change...so what WOULD be a good reply without sounding like a royal B? Something as simply as "Look at the calendar"? He's so "forgetful"...what is that?

Him wondering if I'm going to change my mind and let him off the hook with dealing with the kids, you know NOW, he would rather have them every other weekend...he asked about changing that before school started...I said no, I was fine with the schedule and he replied with I guess so, if I had three weekends a month off from the kids...I replied "well, you should have thought about that when you were fighting for custody so bad!" I don't see him saying let me give you a rest in the middle of the week?

He said that wasn't me, that was my lawyer...I said you could have told him that you wanted different...remember, this man fought me so hard on custody, wanting 7 and 7, which I felt was NOT in the best interest of the kids...now, he's wanting to go to what I originally offered him...every other weekend...would love some thoughts on this one and the behavior...

He was great at making me feel guilty in the past, but I am long over that...

Which lead me to that same friend I called the other night told me that before I thought about a new R, that I needed to get over XWH....I said believe me, I'm over him, I'm not over what he did yet, not completely...anyone understand that one...

OKay back to my original question, is it bad to me giggling to myself that XWH's weekend plans will more than likely be canceled due to our little hurricane threat...he's planning to attend a bike rally...

Okay, I have to get on the ball...I just have to voice those concerns and try to get someone else's thoughts on dealing with POWS...you know I have no faith that the wayward mind set will ever change...

I know you're working on it.. but hey, you're a lovely woman with lovely kids.. a great eye for art and photography.. not to mention you're pretty handy around the house.. you're a PRIZE for the right lucky guy.. at some point you're going to have to stop seeing yourself reflected in the mirror of your ExWH.. I'll get back to that..

But because BR isn't here herself to say it.. I'll say it for her.




I'm still around, reading mostly and only adding where I feel that I'm needed. Lately I've been kind of too much of a mess myself though.. been mentally/emotionally coping with the last of the 'firsts' at least until the D is over.. then it'll be another year of them I guess.. maybe not.. maybe I'm past the worst of it.. but yesterday was the last of them.. a year from DDay.. Monday night was worse though.. really got into a funk where I was missing WW, DS, DSD and the whole family thing terribly.. the trouble with being alone and bored I guess.. it's worse when you have a phone number of a really attractive/fun/funny waitress who has been throwing out the 'signals' for several weeks now.. I think I'm just at the 'lonely' point and want company.. she'd be a nice option but I'm still married... starting to resent that fact.. not quite sure what to make of that, but it comes and goes so we'll see if there's any sustained sense of it.


Yup.. I think most of us here can relate to this. Though you know as well as the rest of us that the tougher the path, the greater the reward. Even if that reward is being able to look yourself in the mirror later and not having to question whether or not you did it right.


Heh.. I really wanted to call and talk to someone Monday night.. but you know what? I know people who I love and who care about me will probably just tell me what they've been saying for almost a year now.. you're better off.. move on.. get on with your life..

Feh..

What I really hear is 'Man.. I care about you and all, but I'm really sick of hearing about this WW crap.. can't you call me at some point all excited about some new great girl in your life.. or hell.. let's talk football!'



I think this is kind of the same thing SDGuy.. and myself to a large extent are going through with the 'stick poking' that still goes on long after things are over.. it'll be something that abates with time.. the emails/conversations become businesslike and less filled with the emotion..

We still on some level feel responsible for them.. or to them, and that'll just take time to go away. We do have a responsibility to our kids though, and it's balancing that responsibility against removing ourselves from being responsible for them that is the difficult line in the sand to see sometimes.

My suggestion on a response to something like that? Simply refer him to the line in the parenting plan that references it.. make him look it up.. no fluff.. just the reference.

And honestly.. if he wants to give up his time with the kids, and take you up on the parenting plan.. make the offer to him that you'll be happy to look at any proposal he'd like to submit to the courts about a change in parenting plan. I'm sure it'll shut him up quick... probably would increase his support amount a great deal as well.


I think your friend is right.. JMO though.

Here's why I don't believe you're over -him-..


What does his plans and whether they go down or not matter to you?

If you're over it and past it.. why is his suffering any kind of setback important? Sure you can say it was because of what he did to you.. but I've had people burn me in the past.. friends who didn't turn out to be friends who really screwed me over.. who these days? I don't even give a second thought to.. I'm over THEM.. I don't let myself get into those situations because I've learned from them.. so in a sense I'm not over the situation.. but I don't wish any ill on them.. or take any satisfaction when I hear that they are reaping what they've sown in life..


Nope.. not so long as they are waywards.

Once he finally becomes the Ex.. once you're really over him.. it won't matter anymore.

Do the best you can with what you got Rin.. don't forget that you're a Goddess.. and don't worry about POWS so much, it'll only drag you down.

Oh no, you didn't!!

Fox

Awww.. c'mon cowgirl.. you know you've gotta be quick on the draw around here.

I didn't mean the KNOCK IT OFF! part.

I meant the "BR" part.



Fox

Meep..

You're right..

I'll take my lumps now please.


Sorry..


forgive me?

Okay, I'm better now.

You're forgiven.



Fox

WEll, looks like it's a great thing I'm handy with that Hurricane headed straight for us...now, I just have to find on person to give me a hand boarding up the windows, think I can get pretty much everything else...

I'd also like to hear more on what you were going to say...


I surely missed something along the way! can't figure it out with the joking wither...

I'm sorry that you are struggling too, but I can attest to the fact that it gets better...D-day rolled around this year and I completely missed it...didn't realize it until five or six days later and then I was so happy that I missed it...I was just plum happy that it didn't bother me...

I think the only time I'm triggered it when one of the kids says something about what they do while over there...something like XWH let them ride they bikes to Burger King...that's a busy and dangerous area...that gets under my skin...but not the affair stuff anymore...they recently let it slip that she was working at a fast food restaurant...but she didn't anymore...I just simply replied I didn't want to hear it...so she was a bus driver, then a waitress and then that place, wonder what it is now...not really...she switches jobs like she does men...sad...

I don't even have problems on bday, or holidays...I did get choked up at Open house the other night, but I was in the mode of longing for someone in my life and watching all of the other parents with the spouses...not to mention, I KNEW that HE would not be there, b/c I didn't tell him about it...but secretly I think wished he would step up to the plate and be a better father...weird, at the same time I KNEW better...

I think it was more the longing to have someone in my life, for the support and help...


Well, I was told here that if I KNEW beyond a shadow of a doubt that the marriage was over that it was okay...but that's really a personal choice and you have to weight that into the D stuff...You are not alone with those feeling either...I understand...


I see what you are saying...but sometimes I still want that justice...it creeps in...more of "AH, you are getting what you deserve.." See I thought that I was over him because I don't think about him all the time and most of the time, when he's not with the boys care less what, or with who he is with...BUT EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE...like this weekend...thought of only b/c of the txting the other day...then knowledge of the hurricane...I think yeah, and hope the worst for him...

So, I guess I'm not completely...I went from wanting him to feel the same pain that I did to wanting to laugh at him when bad things happen...because I think he's getting what he deserves...GOd, I need to stop doing that...I thought the same thing when I found out he was demoted from his office position back to his tools...and when he had to have surgery...I thought "Man, that stress will eat you up if you're not living right!"

Man, I have been away to long...I can't think of her name to save my life, but I have always prayed that pray that God would break him...not for me anymore...

MOF, after I left and for the longest time, I would think maybe in a few years we'll get back together but NOW, he'd have to be a stroke victim with a completely different personality and that's not going to happen...

So I guess what you and my friend is saying is that there's still some things that I have to deal with far him to really be a distance memory...to be over him?


HA, I did that in the conversation where he asked about changing to every other weekend...I said well, if it's a permanent change then it has to be in writing and we would have to deal with the lawyers..he said not really, I said I would want it that way...and there would be no change in support...he's maxed out...I would just get more time with them...losing deal for me...

I actually love not dealing with POWS...I like that he's removed from my life, except for the Sunday drop off and if I didn't have to deal with him then I was be happy with that too...

I'm actually waiting to hear from him, asking us if we are leaving for the hurricane...I have been trying to figure out what I'm going to say if that happens...because if it was his weekend, I would trust that he would protect them in whatever decision he makes...So I'm trying to think of a good answer in case he does call...that's business like...to the point...you know what I'll handle that IF it comes...this is the 1st time I will be dealing with a hurricane by myself...house, kids, pets, etc...I know that I can do it...

Thank you so much JAmes!
Having you here really helps...I think that's why I don't post more b/c when I am here I think about POWS...like the friend that I called...if I'm around him, I talk about POWS...I actually thought maybe I need not be around ppl that we both know b/c it's like an open door...something is said and it leads to talking about him...YUCK...what you guys think?
Perhaps I'm in denial! LMAO

I understand about not wanting to talk about 'them' sometimes and needing a break from here because of that. In fact, it's feeling that way to me a bit right now, but I think I may try to start reading a few new threads and just let mine drift away for a while. I hope that is possible,,,,in that there just won't be anything to talk about in regards to Drac.

I can keep up with everyone else on their threads. Or heck, maybe I'll start a new one.

I really just wanted to pop in and tell you AGAIN to be careful!! If the storm comes rolling in, you get yourself somewhere safe!

Oh, BTW - a few weeks ago some friends and I were talking about coming down your way this Labor Day weekend. We have a classmate in the area & were going to have a girls weekend. Other things came up, so we decided not to book it. Glad we didn't now!!

Be safe & keep us posted.

Great news! My brother just called from offshore and he's been sent in tomorrow, so he will be here to help me board up! he's one of the lucky one that's getting out early...

Bugs, that's great that I could make you laugh with the stroke victim comment...I got off work early, picked up the boys, stopped at the grocery store, and we're home getting some things ready to go...

I forgot about my brother being out there, this is his first hitch...fine example of God providing...he said that he would help board up here before leaving to go home, which is 3 hours away...

Glad I can be of help to someone. I think yeah, that's why I've been mostly posting to other people's threads.. After a while it's the same bellyaching all over again.. just another bump in the road and gotta vent some anger here rather than at WW..

I think when you can handle those bumps without being angry about every little thing.. well.. then you've finally let go enough to move on in a healthy way.

My struggles right now are no small thing.. but I've already addressed it in the past with her.. she just doesn't care.. I'll address it with the court instead when/if we ever get a date in front of a judge.

This is starting to get rediculous.. but it'll be over eventually.


As for the cutie at my favorite breakfast stop.. I'll be making my way in there this Saturday.. just playing it by ear at the moment and allowing myself to be the goofy/charming/funny guy my friends know me to be.. not forcing anything.. besides I think keeping up the friendly banter until I'm actually 'free' to start dating will probably pay dividends and give me a chance to see any of these: before dipping my toe in the water. She knows my sitch, and I've mentioned that I'm really not letting myself get back into that world until the legal stuff is over.. so I guess part of the litmus test is to see how/if she respects that..

Dang tempting though.. whew..



I feel where you're coming from though on the wanting to see them get what they deserve.. it's lingerings of the anger phase.. we've consoled ourselves enough times with the thought that the karma truck is coming to make a delivery that it's something of its own reward when it does..

Usually for me though.. I just end up feeling guilty that I take any satisfaction from her suffering.. Ultimately though I'm getting to a point where my reaction is a simple shrug and a 'Well.. she's just getting what is coming to her'.. and I move on.. I feel sorry for her sometimes.. but she's beyond my help at this point.. and beyond me worrying about.. now if DS is affected.. then it's my problem.. unfortunately I'm starting also to get to a point where I realize I HAVE to distance myself from worrying about DSD as well... sad as that is.. there's NOTHING I can do to help her either.. her mom made that choice for her.


Wow.. now how's that for hijacking your thread with my own crap?

Just basically trying to let you know that there's a sympathetic ear out there who understands some of this stuff you're going through.. Think most of the amigos are on the same page or have been at one point.. so just know that you're never alone.

Thank God for having family nearby.. yup.. He provides..

Saw a sign on the way in to work.. something like.. when you're at your wits end, you'll find that God lives there.

Heh.. how true is that eh?

LMAO...I didn't think that was a TJ...just relating your stuff to mine...

Always appreciated...

Well, I was waiting on the contact from POWS about this storm and I got it this morning bright and early...

POWS: "What are you and the boys doing for the storm?

ME: "IDK yet"

POWS: "XFIL called last nite, he is coming to get RF and said he can get the boys if need be"

ME: "No, he may not!"

POWS: "Well, its an opp and why not"

Me: "It's my weekend and they are w/me, i will care 4 them during this time like i do everyday"

POWS: "I hope that you don't plan on keeping them here if it's coming this way"

POWS: "whatever Rin, he's just lookin out for his grandkids (I got mad here and called a friend to help me with the responses b/c it was back to back and I didn't want to

POWS: I don't care who's time it is I want to know if my kids are going to be in a safe place for the storm"

Me: "They will be, end of decision"

POWS: "I want to know where and when it comes to the kids you don't tell me end of anything. They are my kids too"

POWS: I don't know why you make a fight out of everything. But I want to know where my kids are going to be. If plan on staying here i will take them with me. you can be pissed with me I don't care but don't my kids in harm way by being mad with me and my fam. I would never do that to them"

ME: "like i would do that, when i figure it out i will let u know"

POWS: "Thank you. That's all I was asking. Just trying to help not trying to say you can't handle it or anything like that just letting you know there were other opps."

ME: "I said Idk yet but u know I'm considering all opps"

POWS: "OK, it's cool. Like I said it was not meant to piss you off"

Me: "It didn't, have a good day!"


I DID get very mad and started shaking...we have a history of fights with storms...

So, we were all very LATE this morning...and I was still upset when I got to work, good thing there's only five of us to close everything up...So, I called my lawyer and the para said she didn't know but would ask...she has custody of her kids and has no intentions of leaving...said that she would call back with info as soon as she could...I hadn't called in a while, so I asked about the community property b/f going into POWS being an [censored]...my lawyer happens to be going to court for something with POWS's lawyer and she sadi that she would have them speak on it this morning...

At least I think that he was as a result of past behavior...intimidation and has used the kids to try to make me feel guilty...

As far as the IL's...I feel that they are once again overstepping their boundaries...perhaps, I could have said no, that's okay, thanks...and we would not have gotten into it like that...even expecting it to happen I was still caught off guard with that one...I got up at 4 and couldn't go back to sleep, checking on the weather, washing clothes, cooking breakfast...

With POWS's contact...the shirt for YS didn't get dried in time, they both missed the bus...the other clothes are still wet in the washer...I had to drive both to school...fill out a form at YS b/c someone in the class has/had chicken poxs...gets myself ready for work in the process while talking to the friend to try to calm down...

B/c you know I'm thinkin the worse...him coming and trying to take them from me...and of course, it's the 5th weekend go I have papers to prove that...of course, the worst, fear popping in...

Thing is IF it was his weekend and this was going on, I would trust him to him the right decision and wouldn't even question what or where he was going...I know it's what I would do and not him...

I didn't need this right now...my brother is flighting in this morning and will be helping me out...we are all just killing time here this morning...MOF, my coworkers after hearing what happened was more than willing to send me home, but I need to be here rite now...I will calm down, MOF, doing better now than I was and calling the lawyer was a huge part in that...

Eh... guess this is what Graycloud calls the snake feeding sessions..


Personally my response would have been something to the tune of:


The boys will be fine with me. Thanks.


Him: Where are you going blah blah blah


None of your business, boys will be fine with their mother.


Him: BLAH BLAH BLAH.. RANT RANT.. BLAH BLAH


*crickets*

God I wish I could do that...the legal stuff is what worries me...we have joint custody with me as Dom...

So...then I don't HAVE to let him know what I'm doing...I "know" that there will be more contact...so I should just ignore it and do my thing for this...

CRAP...i was just telling my friend the other day that his bark is bigger than his bite and here I am falling back into the fear and all of that stuff all over again...

RGHHHHHH!!!I have got to stop falling into this trap...nothing has happened, he has caused a big mess in the past and I still got the boys and the house and all of the other stuff...just like he said that I wouldn't...I ran on fear of what he said to me for so long...I have got to stop doing this...

That's giving my power away...allowing him to control me...now I'm really frustrated with myself...

Bah.. no need to be frustrated with yourself Rin.

Just take the power back.. nobody has any power over us that we do not give them.

Rin... you're a strong woman, raising strong boys into men. Sure it's as daunting a task as the weather on the horizon, but you CAN and ARE doing a great job of this.

Look.. if he was so concerned, he had the choice to be with his FAMILY.. he chose otherwise.. he doesn't get to play hero when he wants to appease his guilt anymore.

These are the consequences of his actions.. he can live with them.

I'll tell you that PROBABLY what is going on is the feeling of helplessness that should anything happen to you or the boys that he will always be remembered as not BEING THERE.. I had the same fear a few times during tornado season this year.

It made me want to call WW... so I did.. but instead of talking to her I talked to the kids.. got them settled and under control when she was panicking in the background.. I was their rock and wasn't even there... POWS doesn't understand this, and is having trouble coping with his choices.. and is going to poke at you because you're the one who can make him feel better... and if you don't he can walk away muttering 'What a b1tch..' and self justify a little more.

Crickets darlin.. for your sanity. You got bigger stuff to worry about right now than what POWS thinks or is concerned about.. it's not your bother anymore.

He knows you're going to take care of the boys.. don worry 'bout it.

But if you do evac.. bring me some -real- shrimp etouffe and I'll let you crash as long as you want.

LMAO...where are you? The places I have to stay at, like my dad's are on the other side of BC's and in the line...I'm not going to go that way!

A friend told me to come to her house, plenty of room, BUT it's in savanna...I'm not driving to savanna with two kids and a dog I really don't like...for well over ten hours...

LMAO...I don't have that but I do have red beans and rice already cooked with sausage and tasso in it...Bon daux! i probably spelled that wrong but it mean Good GOD!!!

So I really don't "OWE" him anything...I don't have to tell him a darn thing...this is not part of the coparenting thing...thinking to myself really...trying to get it stright in my head...

Rin:

No disrespect to James here, but POWS CAN ask what is going on.

Sure, YOU CAN Handle it, but if the rolls were reversed and POWS had the boys, wouldn't YOU want to KNOW what he was going to do?

YES. And you would ask. You would offer.

Just like he did.

(Mimi, I'm not protecting POWS here at all.... )

TM's and emails dashed off in this case create much of the tension, up front. Because your trigger, and they do not convey ALL the INFo.

Otherwise, I think you sound great. Glad you decided to drop by some!

Just remember to always LOL!

LG

Nah.. I'm stuck up in the cornfields of Indiana, so a tad farther drive than GA I'd imagine.

But hey.. at least the Saints will be practicing up here for the week in our brand new stadium. It'd be jus like home


Mmm, red beans and rice... see, I have a cajun weakness as it's one of the few ethnic foods I've yet to be able to master.. which is odd considering how easy it's supposed to be..

Nope.. can do Thai.. Phillipino.. Italian.. Northern Italian (there IS a difference).. Greek.. and even some Indian food.. but nope.. no cajun.. I just don't have the Creole in me. But I sure do love to eat it. Fortunately for me I have a friend who used to be a four star chef down in Nawlins who opened up a 'lunch stop' type place called Yats that serves some FINE FINE FINE nummers.





You got it girlie.. all he needs to know is that you and the boys are safe and getting out of danger.. otherwise he can stew in it.. IMO at least.

None inferred LG...

My point however is that she doesn't have to let this get her all riled up.

Yup, he has a right to know that the boys are safe and out of the way of the storm..

What he no longer has a right to do is dictate what she does, or demand that she reports to him her every move.

Rin,

Yep, you let him push the button of "Rin isn't good enough" and instead of ignoring it you did give him the power to get you all worked up.

You COULD have taken his inquiry differently, but you took it based on your own bias.

Think about it = You could have thought, "Nice that he is concerned and making sure we are ok." Instead of immediately ASSUMING he was questioning your judgement when it comes to the safety of the boys.

Do you know how I am familiar with how this happens? Because I've done it myself too many times with Drac.

Remember the wonderful world that includes things like The Less Said to a WS the better? Next interaction do that. Less is more. A simple, "No set plan yet. Will be out of harm's way".

Done.

Over.

Rin is back to taking care of what's important in Rin's life.

I know you know all of this. Hope it helped to vent it out. I do understand the total frustration with his replies. I just wanted to remind you that YOU have the power to properly control these interactions IF you keep control of yourself first.

Now, I have some screwdrivers here that I need to put away,,,,,,,,,,,,

Bugs:


You naughty girl, YOU!



LG

well, with the last update putting the storm eye 17 miles from my house, I decided to go to my dad's...

So, I tmed him "Going to dad's"

He replied "Okay, Thanks!

My dad's place is in the direction that the storm will be going but by the time that it gets there according to the track it will be a tropical storm and not a Cat. 3, plus we'll be on the good side...

My brother and I just took a break, I have four window left to board up, almost everything else is picked up, we were even able to flip the trampoline and chain it down...I have a huge container freezing with water so that should be done....


I stopped writing and started done something, forgot I didn't finish my post, but we'll be done soon enough!

I'll post more later
Love ya...

thank James, don't want to drive there...door's always welcome to my fellow MBers!

HI all, it's not looking good for me and BC...I know it's still a ways away but it's upgrading and the track it going to be 26 miles from my house and I will be on the bad side...

I'm at my dad's right now and will be heading to my mom's, south of San Antonino tomorrow with the boy's...because it will still be a hurricane when it passes here with the increased intensity...we were going to ride it out here if it was going to just be a tropical storm...

I talked to BC yesterday while passing through his city...gas is hard to find everywhere...and heeding his advice, both my brother and I topped off our tanks before getting here...you should see the lines at the gas station waiting for gas trucks to arrive...looks like I'm going to have to leave here tonight becasue of contraflow...

okay, more when I can..
Rin

Thanks for the update.. you take good care of yourself and those boys Rin.. my prayers are with you.

Going to be a rough week for all concerned.. got some bad news today about my guitar player's DSS.. I'll update later when I'm emotionally capable, but it's one of those things that brings life into perspective.. Make those hugs extra tight tonight, one never knows what tomorrow brings.

Hey Rin,

How did you fair? Didn't come in as bad as thought? Keep us posted when you can.

{{{{{{{{{{{JAMES}}}}}}}}} It's always amazing and unearthing how G-d puts things in perspective for us. However we still choose to see it or not.

Take care and let us know how you are doing.

Q

HI B! Thanks for writing and asking...I'm not sure how things are at my house yet...I still haven't found anyone to check on it...of course there's not a whole lot of ppl in the parish right now...I'll be heading to LA tomorrow...it's a long drive from here to there so I'll be stopping at my dad's for the night before heading back home...

Besides we're not allowed back in until Friday at 6am and no later than 8pm...will be under curfew for some time I'm sure...no power but we can get food, water, and ice...

I'll keep you all posted...limited internet access here and i probably will not have it for a while at home, being that they haven't determined when we will be getting power back...

love all of you, keep prayin...and take care!
Rin

Rin,

So glad to see an update from you! Sorry you have no word yet on your place, but I know you are thankful just to have those 2 most important little guys safe & sound with you.

Please drive safe.

Praying for you and everyone down there!!

Keep us posted.

Just wanted to post an update I got from Rin.

The house is missing some siding and an small piece of the awning was torn down. At first glance the roof looks fine. They have water, but still no electricity. Her dad is bringing a generator to solve that problem.

Eph,

Thanks so much for the Rin update! Rin,,,,,,Glad to hear things aren't destroyed. Sounds like the necessary repairs aren't anything you can't handle.

Keep an eye out for my little brother down there,,,,,,he just might be on the crew that is restoring your power. He's down there with his lineman crew from Illinois. Last I heard he was moving from Mississippi over to Louisiana. Good looking, shaved head, tatoos, big smile, smart a$$/funny guy,,,,,,,and to add to that description that tells you nothing I'll give you one more tidbit that he'll probably be wearing a Harley shirt! ha!!

I've always loved being at places where there are lots of bikers and someone tries to describe one of them. It's always "black Harley shirt and tatoos!" I always say, "Sure I saw him specifically!"

Hope you are well. Give us an update when you can.

hi all...I finally got internet connection tonight...took a little work with extension cords, etc...still have no power...not sure when we will be getting it...we have a little block in our section that still doesn't have it...everyone else around us...but we have a wire across the street that's down and the transformer is at the end of my driveway...we go out to get ice, food, and water...when we come in, we check the transformer and nothing yet...

as most ppl, i lost everything in the freeze...

POWS was suppose to return to work today, all of the company's employees were...did he do it...no, just like it was suppose to be his weekend...guess where they stayed...with me...YS wanted to call him, so I let him...POWS is suppose to come by tomorrow...but a friend of mine invited us to go to his house a few hours from here...instead of spending 40 to 60 dollars a day for gas to run the generator at nite...so after my meeting at work tomorrow to see when we are going back to work...i may take off and go there to be a little more comfortable...

yesterday I went help a friend cut down some trees and haul them and then ended up at another friend's house and helped the neighbor tarp his roof...when I was there, I found out a little more on why Mr. POWS lost his office job...basically not cut out for the job, not doing what he was suppoe too...like I thought...he really pisses me off...I talked to him the other day...he asked about the house and not the kids...SOOOO typical him...

I know I'm more aggravated these days because of the heat and dealing with all of this crap by myself...my dad and a friend came to stay and that helped out alot...

we're also watching Ike to see what he's going to do...and the dog got hit by a van today, but she appears to be perfectly fine...no limping or anything...I just felt bad for the boys b/c they watched her...perhaps she learned her lesson about running off...

I did find out today that I will be getting paid for the time off, which is a great help...I'm waiting until Ike does his thing to call the insurance company, I don't have enough damamge to do anything with them but have to go through the motions to get to FEMA to pay for the evacution expenses and all of the expenses I'm taking on now...we actually got mail today, that was amazing, I wasn't expecting that...still waiting on garabage pickup...all that food I lost is starting to smell pretty bad...

okay, I'm venting a little but I really have nothing to really complain about I'm really lucky...I have pictures that I want to upload when things get back to normal...

I don't even know if POWS is going to take this weekend b/c he missed last weekend...he's sooooooo.....sooooo....avoiding his stuff...and I'm carrying the load...so the norm with him...

I need to relax...today was the hottest...and I'm tired...

Bugs, I wish I would run into your brother...LOL...I NEED HIM!!! LOL

Umm, yeah...it was a little more involved than that! :RollieEyes:

Thanks goodness for your remote IT help

LOL, u r so silly...LMAO...thanks for the laugh and the help...I appreciated it...

I'm still sweating...that poor little ac...trying to cool the living room, and my bedroom...I don't see how we made it for Katrina and Rita like this...

I'm thanking God for cold showers right now...that makes a world of difference sometimes...yalk about a shock but when you get use to it...WOW BABY!

((((Rin))))

Glad to see in the grand scheme of things you're doin alright.

Enjoy the comforts at your friends place, and if you get a chance to sneak on, just know that I'm keeping you and the boys in my prayers.

You're sounding pretty good all told Keep hangin in there.

Mom and Dad got power back a few days ago. I think they're still handing out free meals at Coteau Baptist Church. COOKED meals, like meat loaf and stuff. Some volunteers from Tennessee or something. If all you're eating is bologna it might be worth the trip. I'm coming Sat afternoon. If you need something you can't get in Houma, let me know. Everything's back to normal here.

Hi Rin, thanks for letting us know how you're doing. I know it's not on the same scale, but I'm in South Florida, and remember those cold showers after Hurricane Andrew and Wilma. I feel your pain!

Here's some great storm music LOL

Praise You In this Storm by Casting Crowns

Flood by Jars of Clay

hi all, thanks for all of the thoughts...Ears, I appreciate the music...the boys and I got home from mandeville tonight...Travis, my friend and I sat in line for two hours in the car and stood in line for another six hours to get emergency food stamps to replace all of the food that we lost for the hurricane today...his grandma was nice enought to watch the boys for me while I did that...

When we got back I loaded the boys again and headed home...we are already feeling the effects of Ike tonight...the wind is pretty bad but we can sit on this one...waiting to hear from my fam to see if they are going to head in this direction for the weekend...

been trying to straighten up this place from the madness of gustav, get everything plugged back in and back in place...we got power back about an hour after I left to go to Travis's...too funny...

Beau...Hey man...are you sure you wouldn't do that for me? LMAO...don't big bros do that for little sisters...idk, never had one...LMAO...I'll forgive you if they don't...

I know that I'm ready for life to get back to normal...I'm tired of living out of a bag...almost two weeks now...will the madness end?

On the POWS thing, YS called him mon. to see if he would come by, but no word...ah, here comes one of the feederbands from Ike...so we're getting some rain...anyway, POWS said that he would come by Tues, but no word...no call, nothing...I didn't expect it...and I will not be calling him to see about this weekend either...if he really wanted to be with them, he would be making the effort...It's my weekend anyway...I'm tough and strong...I can handle it...looking forward to a break through...

They have been really good, all the traveling and stuff...especailly to my mom's that was a long trip...

Well, we're all settled in, just need to do some cleaning and some grocery shopping, of course that depends on the weather tomorrow...we can deal with more MRE's until it clears up to get out...

Love all of you guys...I think I'm handling the POWS thing and everything else pretty good considering the stress that comes with it all...at least I got one thing done today, next step insurance company and the fight with FEMA again...

Ike's kickin our Arses down here...I'm still good where my house is...

Paper reports will are as bad or worse than when Rita hit...

http://www.houmatoday.com/article/2...communities__looks_like_Rita__or_worse__

Stay safe Rin.

Chris

will do Chris...thanks for the thoughts...Oh POWS txted this morning wanting to know if I wanted him to take the kids...

After checkin the weather and being in a tornado watch I said no...I'm not about to let them kids sit in a camper...he's crazy but he was fine with that...told him to be safe and if he wanted to stop by to see them to just call first...

School were suppose to open Monday but that's been pushed back to Tues and from what I'm seeing n the parish will probably be pushed back again...

Schools still with no power and now we have to deal with the water...

Being I work for a local college, I don't see a whole lot of students reporting back to school either...this sucks...but I have to say that I'm extremely blessed regardless...

Rin,

Been thinking about you a lot lately what with all the storms passing your way. Glad to know you and the boys are safe!

Rin,

Glad to read an update & that you all are okay!

Little brother (last we heard) is working around Baton Rouge,,,,,too bad he's not by you or that school would be up and running! ha!

Keep us posted.

WELL, HELLLLLLOOOOO LIZ...thanks for stopping in...a pleasure to be thought of...

Hi BUGS!!!

First day back at work...MOF, I figured it wold be a really casual day, no students or anything like that...I wake up almost two hours late...throw on some jeans, got the boys to the sitters...whom I called last nite after talking to the boss and she just got power back 10 minutes before I called...finally got to work and we have students!!! HURRAY...about 30 which is no where near our population...hearing most students are flooded, no coming back, moving out of state or something like that...

so, life is slowly getting back to normal...

On a side note, I am trying very hard to remain emotional detached from this friend of mine that I ahve been spending alot of time with...who has helped me out alot in the past few weeks...I ahve been knowing him for about six years and there's a long story to go with that...if anyone remembers the story, he was my ONS when I was M'ed...way before I found MB...

I removed myself from him, told XWH about him, would not talk to him (although XWH remained friend's with him, which I didn't understand), and was constantly trying to "prove" myself to XWH for that whole time...liek I said long story...

Anyway, if I didn't mention it, I was on the way to NEw Orleans on July 18 to celebrate a work thing with our boss and co-workers and "HE" appeared behind me at a red light...I had some trouble in my own mind about dealing with him...still thinking that I had to prove myself in some way, and then thought I'm D'ed, nothing to prove to anyone...

Have mentioned to him that I am not ready for a R and he has said the same...

But the same things that attracted me to him in the first place are coming up...when POWS was on the CPU looking at porn, while "HE" was there, "T" was playing with the kids, talking to me (and POWS)...sometimes he would pick up OS with POWS and I's agreement and they would ahng out at his house...POWS didn't do things like that with the kids...

Anyway, like I said I'm trying very hard to remain emotionally detached...he contacts me almost every day in one form or the other...I don't contact him first...

Something came up while we were visiting this last time and I said that I was trying really hard to remain emotional detached from him, and he said that he was not the emotional attached kind of person...in other words, don't get attached to him...

So, I have some fear going on with this...I do have to say that last nite he txted me and said that he could tell that I was a whole new person in my daily walks...which I said yea, I am and I like it, and thanked him for noticing!

I'm just not sure what's going on, don't want to waste my time on something that could be "damagous" for me...so I remind myself often...I don't know, it's hard...

There's no way to answer this without it sounding like a huge 2 x 4

so I'll paraphrase your post and let you rethink what you're asking.

You hooked up with your AP, the guy that had sex with his buddy's wife, and the things he did to lead you astray still turn you on, but now you're all better, not him, and he's telling you to not get attached because he sure as he11 isn't.

and you're wondering if he's relationship material?




I'm holding back by the way

Did I ask about him being R material? NO...wait I have to re-read that post again...then I'll come back...

NO, I very well said that I didn't want a R...I stated that first...

and thanks, I needed to re-read that again...and to read your post...I'm standing firm where I am...

Sweet, thanks BC!

just for clarity...if was my fault...I completely take responsibility for my actions...

I feel so stupid sometimes... :twobyfour:

Hi Rin,

I am glad you are safe from the hurricanes. I think of you often. I haven't gotten a chance to read my emails from you regarding alanon, but if you haven't responded, I'll email you again.

What I know most about you is that you know how to intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually look at the challenges in your life. You will do what is right for you. Whether its right for others or not.

We all may not agree with our actions or choices to move along in life, but we dont' abandon and I for one want you to know I am here with you every step of the way.

Just be cautious and don't get hurt

If you're feeling emotions for the guy, then that's a relationship, at least on your side it is, cause it's not on his.

very dangerous waters with him(pardon the metaphor)

I'm just thinkin he's gonna have his fun and then he'll be on his way, then you'll be left devastated, even though you knew better

I know, this is tuff stuff, just remember

Intelligence over Emotion

and then again it's JMHO

Good Luck Rin

See I really respect your opinion...and that's why I mentioned it b/c you guys see things that I don't think of...

I don't think that there are feelings for him per sa b/c I think it's more of how grateful that he has been around the past few weeks to help out with the storm and it's effects...whole new adventure for me...

He came down and helped me and my dad with things around the house after Gustav, didn't have to tough out the no power thing but did to help us out...he's has always been that way...

what I was really thanking you for...is all of these years I ahve always accepted full responsible for my ONS with me...saying it was me, I'm the one that did this and I'm the one that did that...but by you saying what you did about him being POWS' buddy really hit home...

I think that it's really stress induced and I'm exhausted from it all...trying to get in touch with my insurance company now...

Besides who wants scraps after we have been through what we have been through...I don't...

Fantastic Rin!

You got the exact point I was trying to make, I'd even went there in my reply and then took it out before I posted it.

I guess what I really wanted to stress was HIS involvement in the ONS and the slippery slope you're dancing on at an emotional time in your life.

The conditions are all there to get yourself somewhere you don't want to be.

I don't know the guy, I don't know what he's all about, I'm just giving you my take on what it looks like

Thanks BC...TODAY WAS ANOTHER ONE OF "THOSE" DAYS...

I have had all I can take today...I went to the bank at lunch and I was pulling out of the parking lot, well trying to and the car died, steering well locked up...I freaked for about 30 seconds, knowing XWH was down the street and he was the last one that I wanted to call...so I gathered myself and put it in park and it started right up...

I called this friend b/c he's a mechanic and asked him a few questions, but he had to take another call from his ins. company...he let his aunt use his truck this morning so he could work on her brakes and she got hit on the way to work...front end is messed up bad...

So, i stopped at the Midas place and asked them to check the alternator...it was fine...then I called Tim and asked if I could come over straight after work...well, we had a meeting with the new President of the company and it ran late...needless to say I really didn't need this today...on the way to TIm's, the car almost died again...

Long story short...we think that we found the problem, part happens to be in, but I still had to pick up the boys, and get home...it died again on the way to pick them up, but after i got them, we made it home safely...

So after they get on the bus, I have to drive back to Tim's and he's going to take care of it...Thank God the guy who sold him the part is going to reissue the warranty so I don't have to come out of pocket $246 again...so two screw and some labor or beer later and we're hoping we have fixed the problem...

I was just praising that darn car for making it all the way to TX and back, got GREAT gas mileage, and it does this...

I am pissed that community property is not settled yet...not only about the car but having to deal with the ins. company and both of our names are still on the insurance policy...I remember the last time I had to make a claim, both of our names was on the check and the mortgage company...but I am jumping ahead of myself on that one...I can deal with that one if and when I get to it...

And I am so grateful that you directed me to Tim last year...both of you have been a blessing!

So, I'm going to make sure that I head to bed early so I can shut the world out today...do my best to wake up fresh, b/c tomorrow is a new day...might be a rocky start but I'll make it!

Jesus

When you say truck, I'm assuming you're talking about the explorer and not the F250, Right??



and I have no choice but to quote Rocky Balboa

"It's not about how hard you can hit, it's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving foward"

that simple minded Italian is a genuis

so keep moving foward

It wasn't Tim's truck, it was my other friend's truck, he's a mechanic too...


WEll, we changed out the sensor and it's just a wait and see process...she ran good on the way home and I'm fixin to head to work...

I didn't sleep much at all last night...couldn't stop my mind from running...would try to pray and would be off thinking about other things...

Ended up cooking after midnight, so supper is done tonight!

Good Morning! Figured since I was around I would give a little update!

THe kids and I are doing extremely well! Getting OS tested for ADD, grades were not so hot again when report cards came out! YS made A/B honor roll and brought home student of the week last night!

I FINALLY GOT A NEW CAR!!! WHOOHOO!! WEnt to TX to visit a friend and barely made it into the driveway! So, I pulled the codes on it the SUnday morning after finally getting a scanner and it wasn't good! Had to put the car on a dolly and tow it to my dad's in LA, from there my dad let me use his truck, and I went car shopping!

06' Dodge Charger, sunroof, heated seat, HEMI!!!! I'm so in love and I did it all by myself! I'm so proud of me! I still have to return my dad's truck and fix my other car so I can sell it! I'm going to my dad's this weekend and my friend will be towing it back to TX and fixing it for me becasue the shop around my dad's couldn't give me a firm price. More like anywhere's from $400 to $1200, and we all thought that was crazy!

XWH came over Saturday night to look at it, I finally told him I had one. I had to ask him to watch the kids longer the weekend I got stuck in TX and boy that was a mess! THey ended up going to my Aunt's until I got back into town.

Anyway, the whole point to the story of him coming over Saturday, and something else I'm really proud of is he ended up kissing me while he was here. Now, mind you, he's living with OW, they have been on and off, but are living together right now as a result of the storms and the damage to everything. POint being, he kissed me and it didn't do anything for me! Complete difference, I can honestly say that I'm over him and he's a complete joke.

IT's really funny to me, that all of the things that he did to me cheating with her, I got to see Saturday. He mentioned something about sneaking over here one morning and waking me up and I thought to myself YOU ARE SO STUPID!!! WHY IN THE HELL WOULD I WANT THAT BACK!!!! Not to mention SHE IS SO STUPID!!!

It's like so clear to see that he's addicted to the excitement or getting caught or something.

I don't know if anyone else can relate to the proud feeling I have on this subject either, but I thinks it's amazing that I can see through all the BS that he was throwing my way. I played along to see JUST what he would do, like confirmation that I wasn't crazy and making things up when we were together and I was fighting for my M. THat MY Addiction to him is broken!

He's so sad, he honestly thinks he's still got it with me, like I guess all he has to do is snap his fingers and I'll let him have his cake and eat it too! That's all he wanted during the M anyway, thing is I let him for a long time, because I was weak! WEll, sorry BAby, that was the OLD Rin, and it absolutely AMAZING how far I have come, through all of the pain, tears, heartache to the only thing I can do now with regards to him is feel sorry for him and laugh at him!

I think I'm actually at the point that MEDC mentioned one time about continuing to work on myself and I thought he was crazy. What do you mean work on myself, I'm better but I think I'm where he was talking about. Completely free from the WS and grips of stupidity! No longer willing to take leftovers and e okay with that, no longer wishing and hoping that the WS would change and we could be a happy family. It's been coming in waves and I finally feel like the last wave has crashed!

So, I'm prepared for any 2X4's for letting him kiss me, but I honestly feel that I needed it to see where I stood. Call it stupid, but I'm okay with it!

Thanks for all of the support over the years. I think the baggage is finally behind me and I'm REALLY ready to move on!

:twobyfour: Are you NUTZ??!? (Just kidding)

And the new empowered Rin told him what to do with it in no uncertain terms, right? He went away KNOWING that he stands no chance with Rin ever again, right?

Nope, to be honest, I'm saving that for the next time he mentions something. I've thought about it long and hard since it happened and am now awaiting the chance to let him know exactly that and that his kiss did nothing for me.

Sad huh, I've always been the type to soak it in, figure out exactly what I want to do about whatever it is and then go with that.

I did think I was crazy for kissing him back and going along with his crap, but I really needed to see just how far he would go with this because of how far he went in deceiving me. I did say a few things that let him know that he wasn't the one, but I really want to "stick" it to him the next time that he says the littlest thing to me. I did let him know that I didn't see how he could live with himself, and that I wouldn't be thinking about him when I went to bed.

I "know" that has to be bad, in some ways I still want to make him hurt like he hurt me. TBH, I don't really think that anything I do will actually do that being the state of mind he has. No sure if this is "normal" either.

I think that I was so weak in the past that a simple kiss would makes things all better for me. How easy it was for me to get sucked back into him and it didn't happen. It's simply NOT okay today and I feel like I have come so far with him.

Make sense? I mean in the past year and a half I have opened that door several times only to get hurt time and time again and THIS was it. There's no hold anymore, of course, he wasn't with her to my knowledge. I got sucked back in and I let that happen. I really can't believe how stupid I have been with him in the past. Like I was stuck on stupid for a long time, and I really feel like I'm not anymore! Wish it would have gotten here sooner! LOL

A friend of mine says that you have to be sick and tired of being sick and tired of a situation, that interaction was like the final: "I can't believe what this man will do!"

Exactly. He hasn't changed a bit, but you have my dear friend.

Rin:

How about this:

Call the OW. Tell her that POSWxH kissed you and offered to "surprise you" one morning.

And then say: "Have a nice day!"

POSWxH will call, but you don't have to talk to him.
POSWxH won't try to kiss you again.
POSWxH made your reply to easy.

And then you can just:

Nice to hear from you!

LG

Thanks LG! Good to stop in once in a while!

TBH, I don't think that it would really matter, I'm really not sure what the sitch is over there. I assume since his camper is there that he lives there, but when the kids are there, they sleep in the camper.

I asked him about it once and he said that he slept in the camper with them out of respect for the kids! This coming from this man.

Also, I found a letter that he had wrote to himself this past summer and he was mad at her because she was "talking" to someone else. Well, it came down to it and I brought up the subject he said that she was not cheating on him becasue they were not together. It sounds like she didn't want to be with him.

Regardless, I know that the camper is at her house, he doesn't sleep in the house when the kids are around and I'm not sure if he does when they are not there! POWS has always wanted things to appear one way and they are not that.

Besides, I could care less if he cheats on her. He would call me a liar and she would believe him, if they are together. And I would come off as being the horrible X only trying to stir up mess if they are together. Either way, it's crappy!

I got to see how trashy he is and learned how he did what he did to me. Done, I can use that in the future should someone try to do it again! One thing I have learned here is that all WS behavior is about the same. This interaction clearly showed me how addict he is to the excitement of being caught, or doing something that you aren't suppose to, or whatever it is that he gets out of it!

I hope that one day, perhaps on his death bed, he apologizes to his kids for what he has done to their lives as well as mine. But, on a positive note, leaving was great for me, and I continue to strive for the best of the best...scared as he)), but on my way!

Hello, will miracles never cease!

I have some awesome and amazing news! Our Director and Director of Education got fired today and I have been appointed Acting Director by the President of the company. He walked into my office today and told me that he would need me to take care of some things for a while. I just said okay, no questions asked, about 30 minutes later he informs me that I will be acting director. I was in shock and think I still am! My phone has been ringing off the hook from coworkers, and friends. I have alot on my agenda and tons of fears that I have to calm, including my own!

I have spoken with several of my friends who have supported me beginning with the time of the A until now and they are really so proud of me! One of my friends said that I have really blossomed since I decided to leave my M. She talked about all of the great decisions that I have made in the last year and a half.

I have made waves since I left and I can certainly say that I am successful in my personal recovery and all of you are a part of that success. So, thanks to all of you for that support. I can't repeat that enough.

COOOOOOLL!!!!

Now you might actually be able to afford the new car

or is this one of those, "you're the temporary boss, so no raise given"

Regardless, buy a BOSS car, get a BOSS job

Congrats little bine!

Congratulations, Rin! You have come so far.




Fox

Thanks guys!

Actually BC, I am getting a one time bonus and it's really nice. The president has already made the arrangements for it to be on my Dec. 15th check. He said that he wanted to made sure that the boys and I had a great Christmas and it will be!

I laughed and said that "a Financial incentive would be great to help deal with the stress!"

I can certainly handle that for running the place for the next month or so until someone is found! It was a very busy day, I didn't stop from the time that I got there and I loved it!

He even gave me permission to shut the campus down @3:30. I have a Dr. appt to go to @ 4 around the corner. He gave me kudos on the great job that I was doing and I look forward to showing him my go goer personality. I am applying for the director position even through I know that I will not get it because that's who I am! I don't have the experience of running a school, but this is an opportunity that I will not let slide! Success is what you make it and I plan to shine to the best of my ability in the time that I am allotted! :pumkin:

Well, I've been sick all week with sinus cr@p, I'm going to go lay down and watch some TV. Boys are with POWS, which I "DID" have the opportunity to talk to him yesterday and I "DID" make a point to let him know what happened, of course, excluding the bonus part! He called to ask that I send really nice clothes for the boys b/c he's taking them to a wedding. I didn't get to call him right back because my phone was blowing up, so when I did call I mentioned that I was acting Director as of that day!

I had to rub it in a little, LOL, I mean look what he gave up! I'm doing better now than I ever was! JMVHO! LOL...have the HO and your camper, and all of the cr@p that goes with the life you chose! :gobblegobble: I'm moving up! LMAO...

Hey Rin,

Been a long time...

This is the best news of all. All the success we have outside ourselves doesn't compare to the personal recovery we feel inside and with G-d as our lead.

Mazel Tov on this and the promotion. I can't think of anyone who deserves it as much as you.

Thanks Queen, it's temporary, but I'm the woman for the job! Hoping that I leave a lasting impression!

SO, POWS came over tomorrow to drop the kids off early. He came inside to see OS's project, hence the reason he was dropping the boys off early, so we could finish it!

On the way inside, he pinched my butt, and I QUICKLY slapped his hand away without saying anything about it!

OS showed him the project and we went over it and quickly finished it while POWS was here. They were to take their baths and POWS and I talked about different things, including the upcoming Holiday schedule. He then said goodbye to them as they were finishing up and getting settled in for the night in their Pj's.
So, I walked him out and made a point of letting him know that kiss last Saturday didn't do anything for me. He asked what I meant and I told him that he used to kiss me and it would knock me off my feet, and when he kissed me,that it didn't do anything for me.

He said that he was getting old and losing his touch. I laughed and said "at least with one person!" I just said that I felt I was complete done with him and that I really was in a place to l with him only on the kids.

You could hear the sadness in his voice but he was trying to joke it off. Oh well!

I visited a friend of mine this weekend because I had a wedding out of town. This friend has been friends with POWS their whole lives. He admitted to me that he told a friend of his that POWS really f'ed that one up, talking about our M.

All I could really say was yea! IN the meantime, I'm still waiting for that special someone to come along! Right now, I'm just concentrating on the job (the boys, work, and taking care of my stuff) at hand.

HI all! Well, here's a breif update and I'm off to bed! Things have been crazy since I have steeped into the Director's role at work!

I've been handling the stress alot easier than I have in the past! I didn't handle stress well when I was with POWS. I can only guess that was becasue I was in knots all the time, off center!

Last Friday, I received a call from OS's teacher, saying that he was refusing to do his work! I said that I would be up there later and would call his dad to let him know what was happening. I did txt POWS, told him what was going on and that I was on my way to the school. I also asked that he call me later that afternoon so that I could tell him what the teacher and I had talked about.

OF COURSE AND I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN, no call! It didn't disappoint me or anything, I expected it!

When I got to the school and talked to the teacher, things had changed! She said that OS was choicing to do the things that he wanted to do but it didn't sound as bad as she made it out to be on the phone. After speaking with one of his other teachers, I find out that this teacher is a FIRST time teacher. OS was just screened at school for ADHD, scored on the low side but is still there! So, I just signed his IEP for extra things that they are going to do for him. As a result of talking with the older teacher, I will be trying to move OS out of the new teacher's class and into her's. Not only does she had more experience but is also a licensed socail worker and has a STRONG desire to help OS success, even if it's by the skin of his teeth.

Her and I have communicated a good bite, including email.

Well, Sunday, POWS txt me asking if I could pick up the kids from him, mind you he's living at OW's house! I simply replied "NO!" he wrote back why not, I pick them up from the sitter's and drop them off every week. I didn't response and there was a quick txt after that one that said never mind I'll figure it out! I wrote back that if it was a problem of time he could drop them off early. He said that he would ahve them back for 7pm, like he was suppose to. I said thank you and he said for what. I txted back for bring them home!

Nothing after that! He arrived a few minutes late, and was in no mood to talk! I could tell by his body language! He handed the boy's bags to me and walked back to the truck and left. Didn't ask about the Friday or anything.

I thought oh well, I've been caring for these two pretty much on my own for years, why stop now! I asked OS if his dad had talked to him about school and he said yea kind of. POWS had OS call XMIL and talk to her. OMG, what kind of father is this? He says he'll call and doesn't, then tries to "talk" to the child and doesn't BUT had XMIL talk to him, who is FAR removed from the sitch! Oh, I'm sure THAT helped. Like her helping when she asked "OS, ask your mom if you can come live with ME for a while so we can figure out what's wrong?" however she put it!

These ppl are unbelievable! It's so sad that this is the kind of support that OS is getting from his father, teh man that claims that these boys are HIS LIFE! Bu))[censored]!

And as far as me picking up the kids from HER house, POWS was out of his mind to even ask. I will ONLY pick them up in case of emergency and that in my book means he had to have been rushed to the hospital or something along those lines. Just my thinking but if I were to pick them up there then he would think that I'm okay with him living there, or HER for that matter and I am not and will not be okay with HER!

Then, IF I DO this, he will want more and I'm not about to bend over backward for someone who I see pulling no effort into his kids lives much less his own!

please correct me if I'm wrong but it appears if I give an inch he takes a mile and I'm not about to be his caretaker anymore! Been there done that and that's was a wrap a long time ago! I'm spent a long time being his fool, no more licking the bowl for him, and eating the cake! I'm more than willing to be the Baitch in his eyes for the rest of my life and I'm perfectly okay with that!

On another note, we are getting a new director at work come Dec. 8th and I AM ready for him to step in! I have lost about five pounds in the last few weeks, which is great! I'm always happy to lose a few pounds, LOL, especially with the holidays coming up! I don't stop from the time that I get there until the time that I leave and am still running when I get home!

I figured I would start early this year and the boys and I finished the Christmas tree tonight! Last year I wasn't into decorating but I vowed to be more festive this year! They are looking forward to decorating the yard, so we are going to do that this coming weekend when I actually have some time off!

I just don't get POWS, I didn't with the A, I don't now, and I certainly don't with regards to the boys! Of course, I guess you can't give what you don't have to give?

Funny how we emerge from this stronger.. more grounded eh? Personal growth can reveal a great many strengths we never knew we had. It's painful.. like working over muscles that rarely get used.. but in using them, we become stronger.. more fit people.


And this is really where a lot of the dissapointment comes from isn't it? Someone we used to love, respect, and admire, has proven themselves to be worthy only of this kind of expectation?


Let go of your anger Rinder.. I know it's hard, but you've got to look at it as you would any business arrangement.. the ground rules are in place.. you play by them.

Then there's this..


You've got kids.. you know how this works with a 8-16 year old's mentality. Heck.. just the other day when WW told DS he'd get to spend a Wednesday night with me.. he was so happy and grateful to her, he asked if he could stay two days instead of just one.. He's actually pretty mature for a 4 year old.


You're still trying to figure him out?




It'll just make you :crosseyedcrazy:

That's the REALLY sad part, I wasn't even disappointed! It was more like "Oh, he said he would call and didn't! OKay!" What hurts is I feel for the boys! One night we came to drop off YS's folder that he forgot and we were talking about OS. WEll, OS came to the door inside the house, and we were standing outside the door. POWS looks at OS and asked him if he would like to spend some time just the two of them, OS said yes and it didn't happened! OS didn't say a word, I didn't bring it up! I hurt for him and of course that makes me feel like I have to do more for them!


IF that's the case then the rules are in the paperwork that he returns them to me!


Yea, I got you on this one! I don't think that I really try to figure him out, he just pisses me off with his actions regarding the kids and there only so much I can do to protect them.

He asked me at the beginning of the school year if I wanted to go to every other weekend and I said no I was happy with the schedule, thinking that it was good for the kids to be around him so much, but the more I see the things that he does the more I consider it. Thing is I won't want the custody amended in court, so he couldn't say that I'm just not giving him his time, so he can't come back on me with that!
As it stand now, I have the 2nd weekend and if there's a 5th weekend in the month.

It's really frustrating and it was when we were married! I always wished he would do more with them and this is the most time that he has ever spent with them. Sad, just sad!

Rin,

I'm so glad that you have been 'acting' Director! What wonderful experience, even if it has been exhausting. That is the good kind of tired, I think. That comes from being so busy! I'm sure it will be a relief to have the new person come in, but you now have that impressive work to put on your resume!

As for the Ex, well as much as I dislike the phrase, it is what it is. And we both know nothing that you do can change that. It's POWS's problem. Unfortunately, it's the kids that suffer because of it.

You have done an outstanding job all of this time being a wonderful mother and a fabulous parental role model for them. Stay focused on THAT. You do it well. They see it. They feel it. They know it. You can't stop the crappy, negative actions of POWS,,,,and you can't stop the fact that they see it, feel it, and know it. Yet by providing that opposite example & influence in their lives you are counteracting it.

Remember, "You can't Fix Stupid" so don't waste your time on it.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!!!

Hi Bugs!

yes, it is what it is! For years POWS would tell me that he would do more things with the boys when they got older and I would say that now is the time if he wanted a relationship with them that he said he would. Unfortunately, he talks alot of stuff but following through is a problem for him!

On another note, I was SOOO proud to walk in and tell the boys that I was acting Director! Their MOM, acting Director! No matter how short of a term, I know that they see the improvements in me and I hope that my light shines to them. I hope that they have the same desire to push for success in a multitude of ares in their lives! The changes that I have made, the first thing that they have mentioned is "mom's not always angry and upset!" I have more patience with them and other things in my life. I feel good for them in regards to my life and I feel bad for them with POWS' part.

It has been stressful but I think the stress is a result of being in an area that I am not comfortable with. I think that being uncomfortable is a result of some fear, and wanting to do the best that I can even through I don't have the tools. I have been learning alot and this has all been about opportunity anyway! I'll be going to the Director's Conference in Gulfport next week and then I have to do everything with graduation. Handing out the diplomas, and degrees, speaking...a whole new world! I'm nervous, scared, and I keep thinking thank God for those speech classes in college! LOL

On the home front, the IRS was nice enough to finally sent that letter asking me to refile my taxes...that whole mess with him being behind of CS, doing what my lawyer said, and not having a court order...

Still dealing with my ins. company from the hurricanes, I called today and they STILL haven't sent out a check.

I haven't been able to get my old car fixed yet, the boys and I are leaving tonight to go to my dad's and he will be towing it back home for me this Saturday! Then, there's the task of finding someone to fix it!

I also don't know if I mentioned that POWS and his lawyer hasn't responsed to anything that we have sent to them to conclued community property. SOOOOO, my lawyer filed for a court date and that is scheduled to be March 4th! They are actually hoping that this will propel them to do something. The court document staed that it will take a half of a day and a court reporter will be needed!

Then there's the ADHD with OS.

So I have a lot going on but nothing that I'm complaining about. I'm handling it all one thing at a time and haven't been stressing about it...it will happen when it needs to happen and no one moment sooner! I have the firm believe that God's plan is better than my plan anyday! I know that God has often laughed at me about my plan! Good thing he has a sense of humor! LoL

AH, speaking of the ins. company, let's see what they have to say...

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Outstanding!! A conference and then a speaking engagement at graduation??!!! You HAVE to post a pic for us!!!

You are doing great girl!

About OS ADHD,,,,reach out to whoever and wherever you can for assistance. I went thru a lot with DSS and there is help out there. And if he's having issues at school, as with any other type of school issue, more communication is the only answer. Keep yourself in front of those folks as much as possible. Same with his doctor and counselor. If he doesn't have a counselor, I'd suggest giving it a try. It's amazing what I was able to do for DSS when I did that.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving!

HI All! I'm just getting into from Gulfport and from doing graduation!

I was SO giddy when I got to Gulfport in my hotel room Tuesday night! AND WEDNESDAY after being in meeting ALL DAY, seeing that corporate ladder and KNOWING that I finally MADE it! WOW!!

I'm offically a Director in training! WOW, little old me! I'm so proud of where I've come from to where I am today! I ahd to call me mom and tell her "Mom, I've made it! All of my hard work has paid off!"

Life has changed SOOOOO much for me and the boys! After I checked into my room, I headed to my favorite place to shop and was rewards with some AWESOME finds for the boys Christmas. That night at dinner the President of the company handed out Christmas cards and I got a check for a little more than I had spent on the boys! Of course, I did get myself a pair of new shoes and a couple of small things for myself! A girl HAS to treat herself!

I met some wonderful people, ALL willing to eager me down the road!

I AM SO IN AWE! I NEVER would have thought that life would have turned out like this for me after my M ended! Of course, my choice and an extremely difficult one at that!

Thing is even out of my fear I have stepped up to the plate and have been rewarded every time!

While I was in Gulfport a friend txted me saying that he has a friend that he would like for me to meet! Thinks that we would get along great! SOOOO, this weekend my friend and I will be going visit him. From the little I know about him, he seems pretty interesting, well established, responsible, just got back from London, an engineer! Certainly not getting my hopes up but looking forward to making a new friend at least!

It's just been a whirlwind since I stepped into this Acting Director's position, about a month now! If I'm understnading right I will be traveling more. I certainly missed the boys this week! I'll get to see them in the morning and then they are off to POWS tomorrow afternoon! SO sunday is the earliest I will get to love on them. I hope that they are as proud of their mom as I am of myself! I hope that they can see the benefits of all of this and understand that it's not easy to give up the time with them for work but that it is for our future!

I certainly hope that "I" am their mentor, their lighthouse, and I so want them to say I want to be just like my mom! I didn't have that growing up. I had to look to outside influence, steal tidbits of knowledge here and there!

WE're going to have a great Christmas because even though I was fearful, nervous, questioned myself at certain points, I have done a great job! I want so much more for than. I'm getting the opportunity to give back to them what they have given to me, even when I didn't deserve it becasue I was so angry and resentful of POWS for so long! I took that out of them and I vowed to make amends by providing a better future for them! I have and I'm so proud. I still screw up for time to time but I can't change the past only the future one day at a time!

I am SO grateful for this site, the people, the principles, amazing! The concept of personal recovery was inconceivable to me when I got here. I didn't understnad that as so many others. I didn't know where to start, what to do with myself...

I've found my purpose in life! I'm great at inspiring people, giving them hope for the future and today! Who would ahve thought that I would nail my first speaking engagement with poise, class, self-confidence...I certainly wasn't that when I found MB...I was a lost soul, who felt I didn't have anything to say that people would want to hear. Tonight, I touched lives, not just my students but their family and friends! WOW! WOW! ME?

That's God's work right there, closing one door and opening another! It's there, you just have to wait!

That's us, the MB crowd, giving YOU a standing ovation.

:MerryChristmas:

Wow Rin.. you sound AWESOME!!!

I'm so proud of you, and proud to know you!

You're truly blessed my friend.. now maybe we can stop doubting ourselves and just watch you shine.

You ARE the light!

So happy for you!

D@mn! I think this girl will be running for president next.

Rin, couldn't you imagine having a little bine for president!

Hey, then you could get the federal recognition you've been fighting for



I'm gonna get clobbered for that!

Good for you Rin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

way to go RinDiva!

Couldn't have said or done it any better.

That is so AWESOME.... What a JOY it is to WATCH you BLOSSOM into such an INSPIRING GODDESS....

Wow, thanks for the update, what an amazing inpiration!

WOW, thanks to all of you for the comments and feedback!

BC, I have two bines waiting to just grow up!

At least they have the color!

Federal recognition! HA! I'll have to start brain washing them now! :twobyfour: Becasue YOU are BAD!!

I have also found a way to inspire OS to study! I draw on him! Yep, draw! With a pen, we're moving to markers when he brings me home an A on his spelling test which I hope to see this coming week! WHOOHOO! I found it by accident...last Saturday night, we were up watching a movie or something and before I sent him to bed I decided to go over his words with him. He was spelling Meander and was getting it wrong...so I had the pen in hand, grabbed his ankle and started drawing away. He loved it!!!!!

AND he started getting them right by using the drawing...so everytime we studied I would draw on him away...waiting for the results...told him if he got an A on the spelling test I would draw all over his chest with markers! He got a C on his last test, up from the F's, he normally gets. HURRAY!!!!

I have some work to do this weekend! Create an organizational chart, my new job description, so that my pay can be adjusted accordingly...also got my Financial Aid person a raise in the process too! There's going to be some personel changes soon also, I think! But I have to get that done this weekend to be ready for Monday when the President and new Director comes in.

Hi MEDC! Missed you!

PM, Thanks...you're so AWESOME!!!

Eph, you know you are the best big brother a girl can have...

BC, man, I still ahve NO clue what to do with you! D@mn [censored] @$$!

Ears, thank you!

I know I missed a few who posted...Oh, James! Thanks man! It can and will happen to you too! I'm watching and waiting in the wings!

And my Redskins gal! WHOOHOO! Love ya, Queen!

:MerryChristmas:

Rin,

Wow girlie, or should I say GODDESS.... You just sound so strong, so on the ball headed for nothing but the best in life.

I'm so happy for you... hip hip hip hip hip hip

:happyholidays:

Thanks Queen! I am very concerned about the community property settlement!

POWS was actually over last night before the time to drop off the boys b/c he was helping me pull out the stereo in my old car so I can install the system in my new car!

before he left I asked if he got the letter stating that we had a court date set. He said that he didn't know but he was happy that it was set. I said well, I would like for us to come to an agreement and not have to go to court! He said something about his lawyer asking him to get this information or that information and said that's what he was paying him to do!

POWS also said that he felt like he shouldn't have to give up money out of his 401 because I am getting the house! What I couldn't make him understand is that he TOOK everything else, resulting in a comtempt of court...and he sold the bike also...He said that he sold the bike to use the money for the house!

We agreed to meet and talk about settlemetn but the more I think about it, the more I don't like that decision...I would feel more comfortable going to court with it!

Thing is he's wanting ME to give him the information that HE needs for his lawyer...he also doesn't understand that even when I wasn't living here that I was supporting him by paying the bills and paying off debt...WITHOUT a drop of CS from him...all that stuff adds up...

I'm really nervous about doing all of that...thinking that I'll forget something...guns, 4wheeler, trailer, truck equity, car equity, all the tools that he took, deer stand, house equity, 401....WOW! Bills I paid, bills he paid...rental reimbursement...blah, blah,blah...

This subject has been on my mind since yesterday, eating away at the back while I introduced the new Direction to our world, making sure that he got what he needed...

I was thinking how I need to update my information with accuate to the "T" numbers...

For those of you who know my story and POWS behavior, correct me if I'm wrong but court appears to be the best option!

Well, I'm a little low tonight! OS was complaining about a few things with his dad and the blame that he gets for stuff that he doesn't do...same thing for me when we were together...

THen, OS was asking me questions about custody time with his dad and with me...which led to other questions and it really was a good conversation but then I was listening to some music that a friend I might enjoy and I went into this funk sort to speak...

That lonely feeling hit...and I was thinking that things are really great on the job front...had a great day with the new director...

But outside of the kids and I there is no one to "share" the day with...which I do occasionally get down about...like everyone...wanting someone to love who "REALLY" loves you back...

Like Queen said on her thread the other nite...I just want my pity party for a moment, then I'll be okay...

I guess with personal recovery you have to work on one area at a time to have the whole picture recovered...fact is regardless of the M...I miss being M'ed sometimes...having someone there to share the days events with...I usually call a friend or just sit with my feelings...or just go to bed so that I don't have to think about it...

All triggered my OS and I's conversation...derived from something else his dad has said to him...which the ONLY great things I can say is that at least OS felt confortable enough to talk to me about...OS doesn't want POWS and I back together...he "really" sees all the stuff and WHO his dad is...hears the things that his dad says...

OS was asking me about my life and his dad's life...we talked about Boyfriends, which there's a lack of...told him about someone I am talking too...why I don't have "guys" stay over or anything like that...it's like he wants me to find someone, but like I said to him...whoever it is has to accept the whole package or nothing at all...and I don't want to be happy in one area and not happy in another...OS said that he understood and made reference to "wanting all the moving parts to fit together!"

So smart for 10 yrs. old...so as in the old days, I'm here writing it out...one of the questions was about custody and I even told OS that if he wanted me to get out the paperwork so that he could read it himself, I would...

TBH, the things that I hear OW say to the kids, of course, this is through the kids telling me from me to time, I actually like her more than I do POWS...she at least takes care of them, takes up for them when he's being hard, and OS even said tonight that she gets on POWS for not spending time with them like he should when they are there...that part actually amde me feel good...part of the "I'm not crazy, it was like that when he was here!"

One thing that OS was complaining about was them getting fussed when they ask her to get them something to eat, then OW gets on POWS for not feeding the kids, then POWS gets on the kids for asking her! THey know that he doesn't/won't for them, seen it with my own eyes...so it does make me feel somewhat better that she is caring for them...Weird? or what?

Well, I feel somewhat better...guess I just needed to write that out like in my past life here...

This all just got me to questioning myself...wondering when the right one comes along will I be smart enough to recognize it...thinking in the future...

Well, it has been a LONG and exhausting day since I didn't sleep well last night! I'm headed to bed right after I email some pictures for work!

I picked up the boys this afternoon and OS informs me that he has been suspended from school for tomorrow but doesn't have any paperwork to give to me! SOOOO, I will be at the school in the morning! I already had plans to try to get him into another teacher's class so that is moving up to tomorrow!

I was livid! Just when you feel that you are making a step in the right direction, you move five back! I informed OS that regardless of the sitch, susenpion are NOT acceptable in this house and he had a consquence for that. I explained that I expected him to walk a thinner line!

OS feels that this teacher has been trying to get him suspensed for some time now! She new with no experience, first year teacher...

So, I will attempt to get him moved out of her class into a more experienced teacher's class, if that doesn't work then it's back to the drawing board with OS. On top of it, I usually work with the Asst. Principle and it was the NEW principle that OS dealt with today! She's probable unaware of the struggle that I ahve been having with OS, the new IEP, the recent screening for ADHD. So, I have that on my plate in the morning! What a wonderful way to start the day!

Just when I felt like I was making headway with him!

Hi there S

I just wondered what it was like to text superwoman.

BTW. What does POWS stand for?

Hey there! You are doing great - life is made up of challenges and sweetness and doesn't have to be challenges and pain.

It's time to help your son find the gift in ADHD so that he can harness the creativity and energy to work in his favor instead of against him. He's ten, so he's going to understand it if you teach him in small bits.

I watched this special on PBS taught by Daniel Amen - he was teaching about how the brain functions - what drugs, stress, etc. can do to the brain. and how to heal the brain and help ourselves deal with aging. There are some applications that may apply to your son. His book is "Change your brain; change your life". I'm getting the book for my husband for Christmas because he really perked up as he listened - some of the difficulties he's had with depression are relevant here.

Remember Romans 8:28 talks about everything working for good - so start with the spiritual lesson first while you work through the difficulties this suspension causes both of you.

One other thing - you have truly gotten the lesson that you are a woman of strength. Two plus years ago, I wanted this gift for you that only you could give yourself. It's amazing what happens when you escape the clutches of an abuser.

Someone who could really use your mentoring right now on this board is 2Much2Lose - she is married to a mental/emotional abuser who could easily become physically abusive too.

Please read her thread and see if your experience will bless her the way I think it will. She needs to know your story - because she's terrified of the unknown that life will be if she breaks with her abuser.

Much admiration going out to you - you're awesome!

Rin,

Kayla really hit all of the points in the post above.

Absolutely work with OS on finding the gifts in his condition. I've walked in your shoes, and although I don't live it daily anymore with DSS, I am still right there with you. Things can be going along very well (in our minds), and some big issues pops up. It goes with the territory, but you can find coping skills for both OS and you to not only help deal with this stuff as it comes along, but to help prevent a great deal of it in the future.

Sounds like you have some great resources at school, but the entire team needs to be on board. His teacher should have been in meetings with you, the principal, and the counselor when you filed his plan. I'm sure you made that happen today. Remember, when it comes to school, you can not communicate TOO much. Everyone being up to speed every day with what's happening does a world of good for everyone concerned.

You are doing great!

I gotta run, but take care!

Rin:

I find it surprising that a student with an IEP was suspended.

Start with ONE THING: OS is NOT to blame the teacher. IF he says that he is on her list, and was expected to get suspended, then put it back on him. "Why didn't you talk to me?" What are you doing to create this attitude in your teacher?" etc.

BTDT.

LG

POWS stands for Piece of wayward sh)t...

I didn't understnad what you meant by wondering what it was like to txt superwoman...I didn't txt OW...

Thanks for dropping in...nice to have you here!

She was talkin about you COUILLION!!

:happyhanukkah:

Thank you very MUCH for the words of inspiration! I will certainly check into 2much2lose and see if I ca inspire...

I will also look into that book too...I ended up having to bring OS to work with me today...I didn't have a choice, the sitter was gone when we got to her house and I wasn't about to leave him by himself...

So I put him in a classroom to get the work done that I had copied off the board for him. Of course, he didn't accomplish much, but we did just finish up with some of it.

I'm grateful that my new boss allowed me to do that. I also got his hair cut today while he was there! SO, YES, this susension DID cause us some difficulties today! We also went to lunch today and I promised OS not to tell his dad about it, which he was very grateful. POWS doesn't help matters but from my POV hurts the situation!

LMAO...alright BC, I got it! It's been a LOONNGGG day! Just finished SOME homework and we started as soon as we got home!

LG/BUGS: I'm going to try to make this a short story!

Come to find out this morning, after returning form the school with OS and talking with a coworker...who looked at the paperwork that I have it's not an IEP, it's a 504 plan...there has not been a Pupil Appraisal done on OS and from my understanding this is ILLEGAL...my coworker is going to send me a request for evaluation, she is also in the process of filing a class action lawsuit against our school board administration for not following proper procedures when handling kids like mine...she through her hands up and said that "she has another one!"

I did manage to get OS switched to another class starting Jan. 6th. Even his main teacher agreed that OS responses better to the other teacher than her. I personally think that they were trying to CYA...I had the teacher, Asst. principle, and the intermin principle in the office...

The teacher that he is switching to can NOT understand WHY OS is being suspensed for behavior relating to his disability...

My coworker stated that there should be a behavior modification plan in place as well to help him stay on task, and get him work done.

According to the principle, she said that she needed to make OS understnad that this type of behavior will not be tolerated...says that he REFUSES to do his work...I personally can't see him REFUSING...it's more like a passive refusal in my eyes...

OS said that he has asked for help with things and she doesn't help him, I personally think that she has labeled him...OS said that she would not allow him to go get his paperwork from the office yesterday. The teacher said that was not the case.

I told them that if changing him from this class to another class is not the answer and behavior does not improve then I was wrong.

I am very upset with the system and my coworker said that if she had to that she would show up with me at the 504 building that that would make heads turn and accomplish something.

I ahve already catch them violating the privacy act and giving out information on OS to POWS' mother when she called. I am still trying to figure out HOW to get him out of this school and into another one somewhere in the parish, so that he can have a fresh start. The afternoon care if the problem AND I would have to lie about where I live to do that too! Drive him to school everyday!

The whole thing is just sickening! Ever on the paperwork I signed, which I didn't completely understand, I signed for things that I was invited to but have not been given the date to attend. Communications that I haven't recieved and THAT IS my fault. I should have read every single thing on the paperwork, but not understanding the system and how things work, makes it a little difficult! SOOOOO, I'm learning...and I will request in writing the written evaulation for a REAL IEP, pupil appraisal, evaluation, and anything else that I can get my hands on!

I also called the office that I am waiting on an appt. with the pyschologist today. I was told that it will probably be ANOTHER three weeks before we can get in! This is like going throught D all over again! The school system IS JUST AS BAD AS OUR JUSTICE SYSTEM!

SO, here I am, head up, shoulders back, and doing the best that I can with OS, a little at a time! Doing my best to live IN the solution and not the problem!

Rin

Ok.. a little late to the party I know, but I'm sure you understand with the week I've had.

As I read the exploits of the last couple of days I can totally understand how difficult all of this is for you. ExWW and I went through a lot of the same difficulties with DSD and the school she was enrolled in for K-2nd grade. Everything from new teachers, to teachers who really didn't take the time to understand DSD's ADD and other factors like the emotional issues she suffered her first year there when her biological father stopped contacting her.

It is difficult, yes.. it is stressfull yes, but you've handled far worse than this with class, dignity, and character. Don't look on this as an oppressive situation, but an opportunity for you to show DS how to shine in the face of adversity, how adults are supposed to handle conflict, and that not only will you go to bat for him, but that you will also hold -him- accountable for his actions.

I do agree with LG though that the last thing you want to do is let DS off the hook completely for this. It's easy to blame the disorder, but if DS sees you doing so on a regular basis, it will also become a stumbling block for him as he will try to use it as an excuse and a crutch for the rest of his life, rather than training himself to overcome it.

You've got a long row to hoe with these kinds of issues, and it is hard work, requires a lot of patience and love.. but take it from a guy who took an emotionally distraught girl and taught her homework discipline, and saw as she has taken it upon herself to continue that discipline and is now a straight A-B student.

It can be done!

James! WOW! A-B's...I've been hearing that so much here lately! A child who was doing bad to A/B honor roll!

I certainly laid into OS about the suspension...said that no matter what the reason a suspension was completely unacceptable...this morning him and I sat down and did some short and long terms goals and the rewards for that...

We did not complete ALL of the homework or Work that I rwote down yesterday but alot compared to what he HAS been doing! I rewarded him for that...

I also wrote down for him things he needed to do in the classroom to unsure that this teacher doesn't point him out or look at him...tips on how to make it...

I talked about practice, practice, practice, and reinforced the what he was doing right verses what he was doing wrong...

Okay have to go do some work...

Rin,

Wow! Sounds like a whole lot going on. The guys have an excellent point to be sure you do hold OS accountable for HIS actions. That is extremely important with all kids, but ADHD kids it is even more important. He has to know that his condition is NOT an EXCUSE.

Now, as far as the school and all of that crapola. You need to make this a major project with the first order of business to be for you to become an expert on what your rights and OS's rights are in this sitch, along with the exact legal responsibilities are of the school. There should be nothing you don't know about who is required to do what. Also, start keeping detailed records/files (if you have not already). Keep a notebook. Take it with you to every meeting at the school. Write down everyone you meet with and all the details of the meeting. Make sure they see you do this. That way they know it's 'on the record'. Also note any other types of communication you have about OS, including phone calls, emails, voice mails, and notes that come home from school.

An educated parent is one who will get the best education for their child.

Should you HAVE to do all of this? Heck no! They should be helping you every step of the way with this to ensure OS gets what he needs. Obviously, they aren't going to do that, so it falls to you.

Lucky for OS that he has Rin for a Mom! You can do this. Once you are up to speed and they realize how prepared you are, it WILL get easier!

Hang in there!

Thanks bugs! I'm actually in the progress of gathering all of the information that I ahve here and there and creating a binder! I ahve lots of reading to do!

My coworker sent me a ton of links with parent's rights and responibilites that I ahve to read up on and educated myself with this morning!

I picked up YS at school this afternoon as a reward for doing well and have him here at work with me! We got his hair cut and he's doing his homework right now! While I was at the school I was talking to a friend of mine, who's the Master Teacher there, and she was askign how OS was. So, I processed to explain and she told me that I needed to do what I was planning to do. It was great to have that validation from her. She KNOWS OS, so that felt good!

So I appreciate the tidbits...LOL...I ahve to prepare just like I did for my D...at least I ahve the experience! LOL
AND I KEEP STUFF LIKE THAT!!!! So, I'm a squirrel, gathering and organizing, preparing to create a history. I am also requesting a full copy of his records from school, because I KNOW that I have not saved or have lost important documention to help my case!

I do have the feeling of "how can I do this!" But, I ahve that feeling all the time and have survived, so in fear I walk and I will successed once again!

Any other information from you wonderful ppl IS ALWAYS greatly appreicated!

Hello, WOW, I was reading a thread and had to stop too much of my own experience in that one!

I was like JESUS, I dealt with that, the charm, wanting to believe all of POWS cr@p...the games, the deflection, throwing it right back at me so I wouldn't keep holding him repsonsible for his actions...

The "well, you did this and you ahd no right to do it"...the silent treatment, the sneaking around, the complaining about what I was doing or what I wasn't doing...calling me controlling...when in fact it was him...I had control on the surface but underneath it all, i ahd none...

THe mental exhaustion of accepting responsible for his stuff...wanting to have hope and believe everything that he said was true and accepting it as the truth...

The passive aggressive behavior...the lies of omission...and on and on...

I don't know how many others out there feel the same way I do, but I often wish that I never had to deal with POWS again, that it would be so much easier that way...anytime I'm around him, or talk to him it bothers me deep inside becasue I wonder did I say too much, am I letting him in, am I getting sucked in...

It's really a learning process, becasue he IS usually so pleasant, easy going, CHARMING...that's a great word...it's like when am I going to screw up with him again, becasue I don't realize it until after I've done it...

I don't want to be his buddy or friend...I don't want to be his wife, girlfriend, or even accept tidbits here and there...I want to be in a permanate plan B all the time but I can't...

So, I guess that it's still a learning process and reading that thread reminds me of how sneaky he really is...hence the feelings and thoughts posted above...

I'm extremely careful with him/around him...MOF, when meeting someone new I'm looking for things that I like and don't like, and if I think that this is something that I can't live with, I'm quick to cut them off...end it right then and there...sometimes I wonder if I'm being too critical of the ppl I meet...not giving them the opportunity that they deserve...

I just don't want to go back to the type of R and M that I ahd before, that's extremely scary to me...all the cheating, the lies, it was maddeness...

I have a new life now and I don't want to repeat my past life, so I guess I'm just extremely protective...

Regardless, my question is do I have the strenght to help someone other than myself deal with the same type of person? Could this be healthy for me? To recall without the feelings or is the feelings that I remember...the helplessness a useful thing? Can I turn that into a strenght? It was hoping that things would change but knowing that I was getting nowhere...

I realize just because that WAS MY PaST that it doesn't have to be my future...WOW! I never never want to accept crumbs again...I'm still trying to get rid of the toxic...which almost smoothered me...

I just see myself as being so gullible with POWS and I do fear being gullible with someone else...and with him...I fear it!

That's the negative for me...I know that I ahve told myself hundreds of times that I was so stupid with him...but I need some other way to explain to myself why I stuck it out for so long...all the wishing and hoping...because I'm not OKAY with it...It's not a regret really...it's...God I was so stupid how can I change that in the future? What can I change so that I don't repeat the same mistakes...I can recognize it with POWS but sometimes I slow...or I have took myself over and over again that I'm slow with it...something will happen with him or then I go man, I shouldn't have done that or this...

Can you see what I'm talking about, making sense?

I have been trying to get on MB since Friday nite, the website or something was acting up!

POWS called me Friday nite and informed me that he was laid off, but that doesn't souns right...it really sounds like he was fired...I'm looking into it. I double check what he tells me to make sure that I don't get sucked in to his lies anymore.

POint it, I'm losing my CS that I have fought for so hard, about a grant a month until he does whatever...

Here's why I think that he got fired and this also goes to show other BS then Aland sucks...POWS got "laid off" thursday, well he's living with OW right...he didn't tell her until Friday morning which caused a huge fight from the way POWS was rambling on...OW said that she was no going to take care of a grown man and she told him that he needed to pack something and go live with his mom...SO HIS LIVING SITCH IS IN DANGER! AND SHE'S still claiming that they are just "friends,"...we all know about that word right?

Later in the conversation, POWS said that so and so got fired "too" like last week or so. The way he added the word "TOO" makes me wonder. Then in the conversation he said something about later down the road having to beg me for a place to stay...I didn't say anything! That's the last thing I will ever do, after how hard I had to fight him to get him out the first time! OH NO, not happening and I think that he was feeling me out TBH!

So after I got off the phone with him, which he said if I wanted to call him back that I could. I told him that he probably needed to vent to his friend that he was on his way to visit.

His co-worker said that he has not heard anything about a layoff and the company sends out notice to the employees that they will be having one. He said that if he heard anything that he would let me know.

POWS txted me Saturday morning with "My life can't be simple and easy!" at 5:30. When I woke up and saw it, I just deleted it and didn't response. I can't be and will not be his leaning post!

So, the bonus that I'm getting tomorrow for stepping up at work will not be used for Christmas but to get us through the next few months with just my income.

I have to go deal with the boys for a little bit! I will come back and finish posting. I ahve a few other things that I wanted to say!

OKay, so sense I can't control POWS' stuff but I can control my own stuff...the first thing I did was sit down with my finances and looked at my budget to see how I can make it through this rough time!

THe boys are going to have a pretty good xmas, I just will not be spending anything more at this point to make sure that we are okay! No shopping and giving to friends and family either...

I personally have to think that God was preparing me for this, setting me up, letting me know that I would be okay...adding to my income before the news came from POWS. Friday at lunch I got a call from a friend of mine who owns a business and is having medical problems. She needed someone to come in and balance six months so she could give the infor to her accountant this week. At first she asked me how much I would want to be paid and I know that they can't afford a lot so I asked her what she was able to pay me...I was just going to do it because she needed the help. So, I worked for six hours yesterday getting her up to speed.

The only thing I could think of was that call at lunch was God's way of telling me before hand that I was going to be okay. I mean I haven't even paid my first car note yet! But I'm feeling pretty good about the news, I have some concerns however, I've made it on just my income before!

So tomorrow I will be calling my lawyer and informing them on the sitch and saying "OKAY, what do we do NOW?" POWS still owes me money, there's comm. Property to settle and now he doesn't have a job! What do we have to do to get the income assignment set up or have the state walk in?

If there's anything else that I need to do please help me think of it!

I haven't done anything with my old car, I'm concerned with selling it even through POWS said that it was my car and I could do anything I wanted with it. Basically, I don't trust him and have no reason too! Like I'm concerned with what he's going to do with the 401K...we are still under an order from the court about getting rid of anything...if he cashs that 401 out then I'm sure he would be in trouble for that also. The government would be taking their 20% out etc. Then as bad of a bid as he is in, I wouldn't put it past him to use the money to get out of debt, etc.

So I need some advice on that one! I'm praying for March to come fast so I can get this all settled!

OH, on top of that, there was a certified letter that came in the mail. THe post office messed up and put the letter and the card in my box. Apparently, ANOTHER LAWYER besides mine is after him.

Reenforcement that I made the right decision in D'ing this loser...all of his would be on my shoulders! My life would be chaos and I'm so happy not to have that in my life! I would be crazy with dealing with his emotions, his stuff and my emotions and my stuff on top of it!

On another note, I just went introduce myself to our new neighbor, appears to be a single dad with his DD, same age as YS. THe boys wanted to play with her, so I introduced myself and invited her over!

Hi Rin,

I haven't really posted to you in a long while. But I just have to tell you how I can just imagine your voice talking through the last posts.

YOU are a GODDESS and I have absolute BELIEF in your that you will get through this.... You are a warrior. You know the steps, you know how you can't control the outside stuff, just turn it over to G-d and let him take care of you.

G-d has your back, he knows what he is doing. Reach down deep and grab that FAITH you always seem to grasp when you need it most. G-d is there, he will give you what you need. Maybe not what you want.... But what you need.

[quote] My life would be chaos and I'm so happy not to have that in my life! [quote] You get to be the partner in this new life with G-d and let him lead you to the promised land.

If you lose the CS can you get state assistance for food or anything else that would help out? Can you go to the food bank and get some help there. It helped me out and let me put money towards other stuff.

I haven't given my children gifts at Hanukkah, birthday or really anything else for a few years now. Can't afford it, what I have given them is my recovery and survival to move on and build a new life. We have heat, food, a roof over our head and gas to get to places.

I love you Rin, I believe in you....

POWS, what a joy that is NOT YOURS..... :crosseyedcrazy:

Oh I wish! I thought about that yesterday but I make to much by myself...Cause I was wondering about getting the kids on reduced lunch but I was denied without my CS so I'm sure I would be denied to food stamps...there is a program that I'm aware of for food and I've done that before...

The Angel Food ministries...I missed the past few months but this Saturday you can sign up for Janurary's menu, cheaper, awesome food, restuarant grade...so, I'm going to start preparing for Jan with that...then if I have to I can always call my mom and ask for help...anyone can qualify for the program and you can use your food stamps to get the food...www.angelfoodministies.com...if that's not the site, let me know...I tell ppl about it often at school...there's sites all over the US...

I already let her know the sitch and said that I would be fine for the next month or so, but would probably need some help down the road...everything will be covered except food and gas...I actually feel pretty good about it only becasue of the bonus tomorrow...that's a month of CS right there...GOD was preparing me for this...he really has taken care of me...

Back in the day if I was with POWS, I would have been freaking out...I mean really stressing, wondering how long is it going to take him to find a job...blah, blah, blah...just ate up with worry...but not today...calm, cool, and collected...now that's progress!

The only thing I have to figure out is my next step with him, holding HIM accountable to his kids!

Thanks Queen! I hear your program in you writing! I've been reading, keeping up of late! You are doing wonderful, I hear the change and it's amazing! KUDOS!!! :happyhanukkah:

Things have been getting better for you and the fam huh?

Yes, he was. And it's because he has FAITH in you that you will SEEK him for help instead of doing what you would have done in the past.

And in your words, your program is coming out in your writing.

Does it mean we don't worry, NOT... We are human, but we also keep it to a HEALTHY concern and understand where and how we make our next step.

Go back to the school and try again. In my district we have changes made all the time. Anything helps, yes?

I'm going to check out that ministries, but I'm sure even though I'm not getting the court ordered amount, I'm doing ok.

Asking G-d for the next indicated step is good. And then doing the footwork and in the end all we can do is leave the result in G-ds hands. That is SO HARD.

You are doing AWESOME.......

Thank you so much! I need that support right now!

POWS is still trying to pull me back in...at least that's my POV...

He txted me again...a little while ago with "Slip in and give the boys kisses from me please!"

I wrote back that he would be able to give them kisses soon enough himself...

He replied "I know but a little extra won't hurt!"

I didn't response...he's in that mode of feel sorry for me...and I'm not giving him any slack...I will not help him...had he made better choices in the past he would not be in the spot that he's in today...

I am planning on being pretty dark with him right now...

I was looking through stuff tonight to help with my letter to get OS an evaluation and I ran across POWS birth cert. and SS card...he kind of needs that to get another job...hummmm...what to do about that one? I guess if asked I will deal with that then...but I'm not offering anything to him...he's got to stop depending on me to come to his rescue...

Recognition is money in the bank. It helps us to protect ourself, not react, make choices and take action based on OUR desires and wants. NOT THEIRS....

I feel like I need a mystical swirling eye, and say in my best Mad Eye Moody voice "Constant Vigilance!"

Plan B queens cannot let down their guard, EVER.

You know that you cannot go back to THAT kind of life, so much constant vigilance must be used to avoid that smelly dark place!

You're an inspiration RIN!

Thanks Queen...I'm doing my best!

KA, I am always on guard with him, looking for the lies, the charming attitude...he is amazing in a bad way.

I can not ignore him completely for the rest of my life but I walk a line thin when I ahve to deal with him BECAUSE I don't trust his motives...

I love being removed from him and have every intention of keeping him as far away as possible!

He IS MY BLACK HOLE!

So I called my lawyer this morning and the paralegal's response to me saying that POWS had lost his job was: "You have got to be kidding me!"

So she said that she would be writing a letter to his lawyer and seeing if we can settle the community property. I also voiced my concerns about him cashing out the 401 and she said that we still had the restraining order providing him from doing anything like that. I said given his history that did not stop him from selling the motorcycle or taking everything. She said that this was true.

So, I'm handling my business and taking care of the boys. What more can I do at this point?

I need to gather all of the CS checks that I have recieved and add them together to see how much POWS is actually behind. I'm sure that number is higher than I'm thinking and start really looking at the number for the CP settlement!

My plate is full right now between this work, OS's education, which I am finishing up the letter to the appropiate personel within the parish today, and work.

Today, I am dealing with some anxiety!

Rin, don't forget to breathe honey.

With POWS losing his job, I don't think that means that the CS stops. It should keep acruing so that when he DOES finally get re-employed he continues to pay and will owe back CS.

You know his tax return can be garnished if he owes back CS, right? I think there's other things that can be done too. I even think you can go through the state's attorney general's office if you don't want to pay (or can't pay) the attorney's fees.

You are being very smart and proactive by planning ahead financially.

This is just another bump on the rocky road of life.

You'll survive because we ALL know that Rin is a survivor.

AND if he applies for Unemployment Insurance through the state, they can garnish that also for child support.

Fox

My question to the state is : How does the state know? The income assignment was done through my lawyer, so I'm guessing that the state has no clue that he is behind on his CS.

I have no way of getting his tax return right now to my knowledge.

How do you receive payment? Does POWS pay you directly?

IMHO, you should check into going through the state and having THEM collect and get it to you. That way, all these things we are talking about can be caught.

Check with your lawyer.

Fox

POWS employer was paying me directly via an income assignment. With the lost of his job that will no longer happen...I think that I will be getting one more check and then that's it!

My paralegal is looking into this and will be calling me back...I'm trying to figure out exactly how much he owes me in back CS now and then I'm having to update my records with what I ahve paid for him in regards to the bills.

Tons of work still to be done...

ITA. In Texas, one can go through the Attorney General's office to get this done. I'm not sure how it's done in LA though... you guys have some strange laws on the books.

Hi Rin

Queenie asked me to check in with your thread-sounds like you have a lot going on at once. Isn't that the way it always happens?

I'm glad that you've got your lawyer's office on the whole CS thing. As far as I know, everything goes through POWS's SS# so if he applies for unemployment-it catches him there. And the 401K thing will be harder for him than the motorcycles because it has to go through the plan administrator and through his SS#. Once again-no way to sneak that one past anybody.

I also was reading about your OS's struggles and the school stuff. If you want, send me an email. That's my daily work world-teaching kids with all that, and helping their parents figure out how to get what they (kid and parent) need from the school.

Hang in there-you are doing great!

morning JT, i'm going 2 email you what i finished up yesterday and got out 2 the appropriate ppl.

Queen, thx for getting JT here, i haven't heard from her for a while!

PM, you said alot with "we got screwy laws here"...I mean they did let BC continue 2 live here with the Santa thing that one year, it was crazy! And the reindeer! WOW!!!!

I couldn't help it. Rudolph's nose was so bright, I was hypnotized I tell ya!!

BC...love ya man! Hope things are going well on your end!

OKAY...I got a call from the School's Superintentent this morning as a result of the letters that were hand delivered to school personel yesterday! We can not reverse the day that OS missed but he will be allowed to make up any work that was missed!

Also, he said that there does appear to be a history and that my son needs help so he said that he would be handing this over to the Special Education person, who also got a letter from me, and it appears that we are going to be moving in the right direction with OS. HE even called the principle and SHE admitted that it's not that OS doesn't do his work but there DOES appear to be a problem.

I feel like my voice has been heard and I'm hoping and praying that THIS helps OS. We can get some things going in the right direction.

My friend who helped me with all of his is a child advocate and she's just so happy as well as I am. I know that this is going to be a long process. WEll, they have 60 days by law to have him tested.

LMAO...I just got a call from the principle...she is gathering the information that I requested and I have to be at the school tomorrow morning! I am so thrilled for OS! The principle admitted after reviewing his records that he has been on the decline and needs some help!

GOOOOO RINDIVA!!! I fight a great fight when I have the tools to fight with!

JT, OMG, THANK YOU! I talked to OS this morning and he said that he often gets headaches when reading and that's why he puts his head down and then ends up falling asleep.

Poor Cha' asked me this morning if it was his fault that he gets bad grades. I told him that part of it was his fault for not doing what he was suppose to be doing but I was going to fight for him and we were going to figure this out!

He's happy today! I ahve to be at the school for 10am to go over the test that he took yesterday. I'm also going to call the eye doctor today and see about getting an appt.

On another note, POWS txtd me at 1:30 this morning...I didn't get it until I woke up! Said: HopeI don't wake you but I can't sleep to much on my mind. Just wanted to say thanks for listening the other night!

Of course, I didn't reply and will not...my plate's full with OS and other stuff...I can't "play" with him right now...OS is the most important thing...getting him squared away...I can help OS but I can't POWS!

Hey Rin-

I enjoyed talking with you and helping you find ways to help your OS. Just knowing he has you in his corner to help him figure all this stuff out will make a huge difference.

As far as the "bad grades" stuff, let him know that some of the smartest people in history were not "good" students the way that the education system measures things.

Einstein did not speak until he was 4-years-old and did not read until he was 7. His parents thought he was "sub-normal," and one of his teachers described him as "mentally slow, unsociable, and adrift forever in foolish dreams." He was expelled from school and was refused admittance to the Zurich Polytechnic School.

Thomas Edison teachers said he was "too stupid to learn anything." He was fired from his first two jobs for being "non-productive."

Let me know how things went at school today

http://www.houmatoday.com/article/2...ld_be_suspended_after_tussle_with_lawyer

I'm feeling pretty burnt out today! please read this article on my lawyer...Community proeprty court date is set for March 4th...

What happens to his cases?

Uhh.. I dunno Rin.. is there another attorney in his practice that could take over for him?

The way that article reads.. you've definitely got yourself a bulldog.. but for something as straightforward as what you're looking at.. wouldn't another attorney be able to handle it?

Which one is your attorney?

If it's the one that faces suspension by the State Bar, what they usually do is require him to notify his clients to give them an opportunity to find other counsel. If there is a retainer involved, he may be required to refund the unused portion. I imagine that there will also be a continuance granted on your case if requested.

Mine is the one facing suspension!

This could also be the reason why he hasn't asked me for any more money that what I paid upfront!

I really need to call!

Well, I have decided that I will be at the District Attorney's office in the next few days...if I can I will be there tomorrow or Monday or Tuesday...I know that this is a bad time of the year to be doing this but it has to be done!

AND I just got confirmation tonight that POWS was fired from his job for missing so much time! To top it off, I talked to him tonight after I got off of work...he was coming out of the woods! He's six hours away...and he had to buy a hunting license to go hunting but he can't pay his child support!

Well...

Louisiana Child Support Enforcement Measures
If a non-custodial parent does not pay child support, he or she is subject to enforcement measures by the State of Louisiana to collect regular and past-due payments.

Being included on Louisiana’s Delinquent Payors list, a publicly-available list of individuals who are under a legal obligation to pay child support, yet have not made a payment in the last six months.

Withholding of income (wages, employment bonuses, Workers’ Compensation benefits, unemployment benefits, etc.)

Reporting delinquent parents to credit report bureaus.

Driver’s, professional, and hunting and fishing licenses may be suspended or denied.

Passport applications may be denied by the U.S. State Department.

Interception of a parent's federal and state income tax refunds, state or property tax credits, and state lottery winnings.

Liens may be filed against any real property or other assets.

A lawsuit may be filed against the non-custodial parent asking the court to enforce its order. The court may find a parent in contempt of court and possibly impose a jail sentence.


I think with the lawyer thing, that I'm just going to let the state fight my battle for me!

I am being nice and letting POWS keep the kids for extra time go that they can go see their grandparent's.

I'm tired and I need someone else to fight my battles for me...the state will do a good job and I don't ahve to attend to the cr@ppy lawyer that I have...

LAdies and Gentleman we have found the ask to OS's school problems! The eye doctor DID find a problem with his eyes! When he tried to read and write they turn a too far in...like he's trying to cross his eyes...

He said that this is the reason for the behavior, not wanting to do the work...I have to THANK JT FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART FOR THIS ONE!!!!! You have saved my child and I am forever grateful! We have to go back for more tests but first they lowered his prescription on his glasses and wants to wait until the new glasses come in. THen, we are going to do more tests to see if there's something else going on. Since OS is color deficient also, the dr. would like to do some color testing on his also.

I have also included this article for others who are interested....JT said that alot of people don't know about this and they usually hear about it through word of mouth from one parent to the other! I would have never known to test his vision for focus and tracking...he didn't really mention anything about his eyes hurting, burning...and once I found out about this I started questioning him...after reading for about 10 minutes the words started bunching up...sometimes he would start seeing double and had headaches often...basically the eye muscles need to be strenghten.

http://www.add-adhd.org/attention_deficit_disorder.html

It's like a wait has been lifted! And I'm still following through with all of the other testing too, just to be safe. OS has had these behaviors for a long time, I'm sure that it will take some time to correct. The dr. will also give recommendation to the school to help OS out!

I keep wanting to tear up, I guess out of JOY and relief! I ahve MB to thank for this too!

Queen, thank YOU for getting her here! JT, you are amazing, wonderful and YOU WILL ALWAYS BE IN MY HEART!

Hello, I've had some major down time this weekend and I have been loving it...no POWS, no kids, no friends except some calls and it's been great...thing is I haven't had any down time like this in awhile and it was uncomfortable at first but it's gotten better...

I'm finishing up cooking my turkey for tomorrow potluck at work...I've gotten to church twice today...the Christmas play was at 6 tonight and it was absoletly wonderful...I didn't remember when the last time I've been to something like that...

POWS is trying to widge his way into being here Christmas day to watch the boys open their presents...last year we were spending alot of time together and I think that's what he's really looking for BUT I CAN'T HAVE IT...

This year I am standing firm and not being nice to him like I have been in the past...it's not my fault that he has no place to go and no family to spend it with...a result of his poor choices...besides anytime around him and I start wishing I hadn't talked to him...normally becasue I don't want to be around someone who lies SOOOO much...

It's been a long process in putting my foot down but I know that I'm getting better every day...little by little...THIS year I am almost comfortable with being by myself...I ahve been focusing this year on the true meaning and how grateful I am for all of the positive changes that has happened since I left...it's been helping for the most part...

Hey Rin,

You just sound so much strong and stronger each time you post. Focused, more easily able to identify your needs and boundaries and making sure you are taking care of yourself.

How proud you must be of your growth and recovery..

LOL...no and yes...it's been a long hard road and I have failed many times...had to deal with bad feelings for my choices and have struggled alot...

In my mind I fall, get back up and fall again...it's the learning process that's been so hard...

I'm helping out on another thread and have been reading the beginning and it's been difficult...I've actually been thinking lot about the mistakes I ahve made in dealing with POWS...then I read another thread about a WONDERFULLY AMAZING GODDESS AND DATING and how strong she is and I'm not there...

I have been wondering if I will get to that point...I think it's a combination of the threads that have me in this self doubt mode but it makes me want better...

I'm really tired and need to go to bed...H.A.L.T.

I'm trying to take care of myself...I ahven't been eating like I should becasue I don't feel like it...I've been struggling with a few things but like I said in my earlier post, I'm trying to focus on the true meaning of xmas!

Well, I'm off to bed!

Thank you for the wonderful support...you are really awesome!

Miss Rin!!

Hey girl! To quote Mimi,
and how does that go, Queenie,
You sound like you are doubting how Fabulous you are!!


I have such admiration for you. Yes, as you say, you do well - then fall down,,,,,,and then get back up. The point being is that you get back up!!! We all have done it, and continue to do it. The amazing thing is that each time we get back up, we do so with greater strength than we ever imagined we had.

I know that this time of year is very difficult for most all of us. It also gets hard sometimes with reading where others are in their sitch. Yet, each story here is a gift of sorts for me. It gives me a chance to help, but mostly to learn. I continue to learn from so many here, no matter where they are in this journey we never wanted to take.

Look at those beautiful boys you have and remember what strength and grace you have shown them in the way you have dealt with what you have gone through!! You are a Goddess! Don't forget that!!

Rin

Thanks Bugs, it's been really hard staying out of that dark place right now!

I'd throw myself a party but I can't really afford it right now! LOL...

After a long bath, I'm feeling better than I was earlier today...it's just gloomy right now for me...

POWS and I got into it via txt yesterday...he wrote to ask about the list that the boys had for Christmas and I figured it was a good time to tell him that I've have to pass on him being here to watch the boys open there gifts here...used the excuse that we needed to get to my family's house for dinner...he had talked about dropping them off earlier than noon, which I thought was the correct time for me to get them back...

I was in town and didn't have my paperwork to look at...well, he refused to bring them back at the time that I thought it was...I'm still not sure if he's going to bring them back for 2...he got pretty mad, txting me back to back...said that I would have to meet him half way...that I never helped him when he needs something but he always helps me...complete BS...I let him have the boys two extra days so that they could see their grandparents, plus it helped me out with child care costs...

He said so much, and my reply was that his problems were not my problems anymore and it was his choice to go five hours from here to see his parents...

I basically told him that if he didn't have the kids back on time that I would file a report...he told me to get out my pen and start writing...I told him that I was talking about called the police...he said then call...so as soon as I got in the door I called a friend to talk it out and grabbed my paperwork...behold, I screwed up and it is 2pm...

So, I wrote back that "I was very wrong, it is 2, and I was sorry!"

I've been doing a lot of kicking myself, becasue I know what the papers say and he's the one that doesn't or pretends not too...I have to know it so that he doesn't try anything and I screwed this one up...

I'm really kicking myself...I was already in a funky mood and now it's a little worse...partly becasue I was expecting them at noon and now I know it's 2...so they will miss my family thing and I'm going to have to work up myself to even go without them...MOF, I have no plans to go tomorrow night, instead I'm going to a friend's house...

This has been a really crappy Christmas...POWS loses his job, I lose my bonus to bills becasue of that...alright...I'm stopping there, nothing good will come of that...

Positive things: I have money to pay my bills, the boys will have a good Christmas, I'm alive, I have my health, I was able to get a beautiful HEMI prior to Christmas (consider myself lucky for Christmas there!), I have a house...

Looking at the positive is what has been keeping me sane right now...it's just been really hard...

So, I'm hoping that he will return the kids for 2 Christmas day...I think he started the whole thing because I told him that I didn't want him to be with us...he lost that right a long time ago and I'm trying to break away from him more and more...stay in my little Plan B corner...so he tries to push me, intimidate me into doing what he wants and I'd rather be without the kids until 2 then allow him to control me like that...

I've been tired of the threats and intimidation for so long...I hate that I was wrong about the time but in a way I'm proud that I have drawn that line in the sand saying IF YOU DO THIS I WILL DO THIS...and should he cross that line, it's following through for me...otherwise it will always be the same with him...

He even told me that if I called the police that I would have to explain that to the kids, I replied that I didn't have a problem with that...So, he was trying to guilt me too...

Standing up to him for ME has been the hardest things about all of this...I don't want it to be this way, I mean who wants to call the cops on the man that you loved, that you have kids with...who wants to be in that position, seriously?

I'm doing the best that I can and I'm trying hard to not kick myself for things right now and just do the best that I can...but it's hard...I haven't wanted to get out of bed, I'm not eating like I should and it appears that everyone thinks that I have lost some weight...which I guess I have according to the scale and my clothes are a little loose...but I don't eat becasue I don't feel like it or I'm just not hungry...

I thinks it's the holidays and then after stepping down as Director so many things being thrown at me with OS, my lawyer's possible suspension, the IRS catching up with me on claiming the kids from last year (for those of you who don't remember, my paralegal after being asked numerous times said that I could claim the kids every time I asked since he was so far behing on CS, then come to find out I had to get a court order to do it) and POWS losing his job. Not to mention, a court date in March for community property.

So I have a huge bolder to climb, and I keep telling myself that this too shall pass! What happen to me? Dec. 4th I touched lives speaking at graduation and here lately I'm face down in the dirt!

i feel a little better venting...

Look not mournfully into the past. It comes not back again. Wisely improve the present. It is thine. Go forth to meet the shadowy future, without fear. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow(1807 - 1882)

Some wise person quoted that on her thread, hmmmm.

What you're facing now is NOTHING compared to where you've been. That boulder is just really a piece of broken rock. You've survived worse. You'll survive this. How can you go wrong when you got folks like us to help you through it?

What more can I say but you are right...

I'm trucking along...I'm mad becasue he is still affecting our lives...I'm lonely without the kids...there's alot that I need to deal with right now...

It's hard but like you said I've dealt with worst...it just feels bad right now...

no better place to be... :happyholidays:

Today's been a pretty good day...of course, I didn't want to get up and when I did I tried on most of my closet for work today...since we are only working til noon...I was going to say scre* it and wear jeans but that didn't look right either ...

My bedroom is a mess from trying on clothes...

BUT the day has been getting better...I opened the door this mornign and there was a xmas present sitting on my garbage can from a friend. I tried calling her but I didn't get in touch with her...So, I went to get some coffee for me and a coworker using the gift card my mom sent me...

When I got to work a Corporate team member called and I was thinking Great what did I do now? Well, they are having a Christmas party today with their kids...she asked me to hold and put me on speaker phone and they all sang We wish you a merry christmas! That helped cheer me up.

Then, my sponsor stopped by and gave me my xmas present...beautiful little candles that says "I can do all things through Christ!" So today's not bad at all...I'm going to go spend my gift card right after I get off of work...have to be at my Aunt's house for 4:30 and then off to my friend's house tonight!

No time to be lonely today! That was the reason I worked 12 hours yesterday...to keep myself busy!

Thanks for reminding me that there IS life after D!!

Merry Christmas, Rin!

Thank you SD! ANd your welcome Chai!

I'm getting ready to go wash the car and fill her up ten off to my Aunt!

Merry Christmas Rin, be very good to yourself..

You are such an incredible person...

:MerryChristmas:

Merry Christmas to you too! Or :happyhanukkah:!

I have been very good to myself ALL day...after I got off of work, I ran some errands...my dad and SM sent the boys and I a moneygram for Xmas, so I went and picked that up...then one of OS's presnts didn't come in so I looked for that, no dice! backorder until Feb! My sponsor gave me a gift cert., SO of course I HAD to go spend it...

Came back to the house, picked up some things, went wash the car, came home, got Dolled up and off to my Aunts from there...then I headed down to my co-worker's family thing to play STEAL THE PRESENT!!! That ended early so I headed over to my Uncle's house where the rest of the family was getting together...I got invited to lunch tomorrow, so I'll be there to kill some time before the boys get home...

I figured since I'm up I'll headed across the bayou in a few minutes to go to midnight mass...not my usual church that I attend but the boys go to religion there...no better way to celebrate than to give my praise for all that the Good Lord has helped me gets through in the past few years and knowing that he's got my back tomorrow with the kids...I certainly don't want to have to call the cops on POWS and I'm hoping that he doesn't make me have to go to that extreme with the threat of not bringing them back on time...Who really wants to do that? I've never had to do anything like that before but I certainly will if I have too...

The boy's Xmas has been in front of the tree since Friday night...I've just added to it with the presents from friends and family...They opened a saving account last Friday with some money from POWS' grandpa and they will have more to add to it this Friday. OS started that one and YS wanted to walk in his footstep...of course, I didn't have a problem with that!

Well, I need to slip my shoes back on and head out to get a good seat...haven't been to midnight mass in YEARS!!!! Must have been a kid at the time...It's a good day to go!

:MerryChristmas: it's the best time of the year to go to Mass.

May the words of G-d fill your heart tonight on this special holiday for you and everyone else who celebrates.

Rin, you are such a joy and a inspiration of success to us all. Not just because you have moved on, but by the way you have attacked the pain and walked through it, learned new ways to live and taken responsibility for your fallbacks.

a TRUE MB GODDESS

Rin,

Glad you are staying so busy! Sounds great!

Hope that you found joy & peace at midnight mass,,,,it is usually quite a moving experience.

:MerryChristmas:

Hello, ladies...I have really enjoyed myself the past few days...

POWS, I am hapy to say brought the kids back EXACTLY on time...not a minute to spare...he was happy go lucky like there was no conversation the Monday before where he was threating to keep the kids...I guess that he was aware of what I would do if he didn't have them back on time...IDK...

He actually txted me earlier today with "Hey I'm sorry! take it how you want but that's it! I'm sorry!"

About an hour or two later he sorry by on the bike, I had asked him if he has recieved any mail for me but the post office is still screwing up our mail since he forwarded his...he stopped by to show me exactly what he had...he stayed for a little while, outside the house, talking...

I heard that he was going to get away from OW soon, he was fixing to change some things, get a job, etc...he said something about OW and I told him that I had tried to tell him a long time ago what kind of woman she was, that this was not the 1st house that she had destroyed, but that I knew he wasn't going to listen to me...he said that there was something that you have to learn the hard way...

I'm not sure WHAT he thinks that he knows or if he's just tlaking trash...but I know I was thinking that even if he does have a clue, it doesn't matter anymore...I've moved on...we can't even have a little conversation without there being some miscommunication or intimidation and threats...

We talked about CS and the next time that he gets the kids, he didn't realize that it was so far away...not until Jan 16th...

MOF, yesterday he said something to the kids about him coming over and playing the Xbox guitar hero with them...I didn't say a word, wasn't going to open that door...hence the reason why I kept him outside of the house, except when he asked for something to drink...

During the conversation I asked if the bike was up to date of the payments and he said no, he choose to do Christmas instead...GREAT!!!! More bad choices on his part...WHATEVER, he has no job...living in his camper in front of OW's house...admitted that there what they had was not going any further...

He's misable and I think that he's trying to get back in this door but I'm not there...when he left he said thta he would let me go back in and play with the kids...becasue that's what I was doing...we were all building the boy's lego sets at the time...right now, they're playin the xbox...I had done nothing except play since they came home...

Oh, POWS was upset with his dad, who gave the kids a dollar for xmas...he talked about that for a little bit...I said people don't change unless they have a good reason to want too...

I just hope for his sake that he makes the changes that he needs to for himself...in order to have a better relationship with the boys and whoever comes along...

All in all, things went well, I was happy to see him leave...but the visit was well enough, no tension or anything like that...

Well, the kids and I are off to run some errands and grab something to eat...

I'll check back in later...I was just thanking God that I wasn't put in the position of having to call the police yesterday and believe me I was thanking God for it too!

I was thinking earlier that the holidays have gotten POWS sentimental...as far his apology...it's always the same...general...never detailed...I don't doubt that he's sorry in some way...whatever it is that he's trying to get from me...

THat's the way I see it...thinking perhaps if he says he's sorry than he'll worm his way but in with it...soon enough he's going to realize that's not going to work...

I was thinking about how good it feels to know that I don't want him...I've been in this place before but it feels a little different I guess every time I relaize it...

To know that I don't want him around, that allowing him around me is destructive...it's the whole thing of if I allow him around me than I'm settling and opening myself up to believing his lies and I JUST DON'T want any part of that...

Looking back and wondering WHY was "I" picking up the pieces for him all the time...cleaning up his mess with spending and his other poor decisions...settling for him "talking to HIS "friends""...putting other people before me and the kids...why would I ever want to go back to that life? It just feels really good not to be all broken up about the life that I had verses the one that I DO have now...

I was feeling low about the holidays and not having that special someoe to spend it with but it was great NOT to spend it with POWS...I can deal with that...

I was feeling pretty overwhelmed with certain things but playing with the boys the past 24 hours, visiting with family and friends...I made it through...soon enough that special someone will come along, until then I'll just keep trucking along...

It's that lonely feeling that gets me sometimes that so hard to deal with...I usually try to avoid that feeling with keeping busy...his threat of not being the kids back on time didn't help and only added to wanting to walk into that dark place...but I stood my ground, didn't allow him back into MY life like he wanted and walked through that valley...I'm feeling pretty good but am still wondering WHAT he's trying to pull right now...

Always on guard with him, always!

Is the healthiest place to be, that no matter what he does, pulls, etc. it just simply doesn't effect you anymore?

Hey night owl, you have email... Got time to read it?

Sure, you've got mail!

I emailed you back, but in the interest of time... I'll just call you from home....

Talk to you in a few.....

HI Queen, just wanted to let you know that it was great talking to you!

I wanted to reinforce that we will KNOW what is healthy and what is not healthy primarily because we are here...learning what it takes to make a good M...seeing that it takes TWO to do the work...not one doing the work and one saying that they want to do the work... HUGE difference huh? I was reading another thread and I was thinking "I'm going to know a good person when I see one because I read about horrible ones all the time here! Becasue I know that actions speak louder than words and I'm not going to rely on my wishful thinking anymore!" :twobyfour:

Coming to MB, I've been given the tools to use in my own life, I just have to have faith that they will work for me...

That was the case here and I'm sure in many other Marriages here...

I firmly belief that a Marriage can recovery from JUST an A; however IF there are other issues involved that "WE" were unwilling to see, didn't want to see or whatever the case then the chances of recovery are slimmer...

I have no love lost over the lose of MY M...I mean of course no one wants that...I certainly didn't intent to get D like everyone else that has walked this path...BUT IT HAS BEEN TO MY BENEFIT...I can do bad on my own!

On another note:

I have a friend down visiting that I haven't seen in years...I got to meet her son for the first time, HE'S SOOOO CUTE!!!! 8 months old...we're definitly going to ahve a blast over the next few days with him!

I'm hoping to get together some friends to play MAD GAB or Apples 2 Apples, or something while she is here!

NC from POWS since he popped up at the house Friday...thank God...of course it doesn't happen often that he does that (may have been the 1st pop up, I don't remember) but I think that I'm going to ahve to draw a line in the sand about that one...you know CALL FIRST before you appear or are thinking about appearing...

What's up with all the contact since he lost his job? Wanting Rin to "take care of him", "meet some needs"...Please!

I would love to have the opportunity to talk to you again...I was wondering where you are as far as the D is concerned...I wanted to ask but got so wraped up...you can see I'm a talker...

Certainly a ppl person unlike I was told for years! I can joke about the things that POWS use to tell me now...it's funny that I actually believed his crap... huge difference today in the fact that "I" know MY truth and don't accept OP's truth as my own!

Hi Rin-

Glad you got to talk with Queenie-she's great. If you and your gnome ever want to get a picture at Mount Rainier, you all will have folks to stay with.

Hope you had a great Christmas. Ours was very white-18 inches here but now it's melting.

Well Thank you JT! We did enjoy Christmas here! It was HOT! SHort sleeves and shorts could have been woren comfortably!

Well, I just had friends leave...I didn't think that they were going to come...since my friend is down with the baby, I thought it would be nice to have some other friends over to play some games...Apples to Apples was the BOMB, Mad Gab not to fun, and Cranium Playoff was horrible! I was very happy to have them over...at MY house...I didn't grow up having ppl over...

And I've have such a big change in my friends since the D...I have very few that I talk to now that I had before...SO it felt really good to have a few over...I would like to do that more often...have ppl over...entertain...that wasn't something that I did...I was nervous about it, or they wouldn't show up, or whatever...

It was pretty important to me and it worked out well...I built a fire outside and we roasted marshmellows and made smores, the boys had some sparklers that I let them play with, and then we came inside...ate some snacks...joked, it was good!

It was really special to me to talk to you the other night. Thank you so much for taking the time and patience to walk through my thoughts.

I think this is one very PROFOUND statement. He always talked the talk, but the actions were hardly there if ever and I didn't realize it. I took him at his words and trusted what he said.

Yes, I would love to talk to you again very soon. I am legally separated, somewhat considered filing for D after 2 years since D-day. I don't think there is a longer Plan B in me. Not after all that I am learning about our M.

The truth is, and as hard as I fight to completely accept it and understand its ramifications, like SL says, my H is a broken man, beyond just an A. It will take YEARS to fix him and that's only when he realizes he has ISSUES... I am no martyr, I want love, passion, a g-dly relationship in my life. So, I seek G-ds will has hard as I can. Any thoughts of how to word it?

I hope you have a good time with your friends. And I love listening to you and your wisdom. You are so strong in your commitment to healing and I need to surround myself with people who live it and work it. I have no clue how to really do that yet, but I'm learning....

JT, you are TOO KIND... I love you girl.....

Ok, this sounds way to awesome.....

RIN!!!!!!!
It sounded like you had a LOT of fun!

I had smores for the first time in a MILLION years on the 4th. of July this year... those things are AWESOME!

I am not one to entertain either, but when I do, I always think, "Man, I should have done more of that!" I have people over, just mostly my close knit structure of friends, but I used to NEVER have people over.

One of my best friends (a male, JUST a friend) came over on Christmas, we watched some episodes of "Da Ali G Show" which were hilarious, and I had a great time with him, just laughing, bickering about how I handle the remote, and being HAPPY. It was awesome.

I am glad that you are doing well!
MO

Rin,

Look at you, girl! Having people over?! Playing Hostess!

You are the ever emerging/growing Goddess!! Stepping outside of the past to make your new future even better!

I'm glad you had such a good time. I love having people over and entertaining,,,,,,,,,,anything from a casual pool party/bonfire to an elegant dinner. Sharing time with people we care about and who care about us is a wonderful thing.

Especially when it is something new,,,,Post D. Part of our 'new' lives.

Outstanding!!

So, what are your plans for ringing in the New Year?

THank you Bugs! Hi Sadmo! I'm branching out! It was cool, I did have some old feelings come up about it but it was good overall!

Nothing to report today! Busy at work, my friend's still here! I think that her and the boys had a good day...I got home and I had two flower pots with flowers in them and a card.

She wrote: "Thank you for all that you do!You give me hope that things do get better and that I can take things one step at a time to slowly heal. You are an amazing example!"

Such a wonderful things to come home too, huh? SHe doesn't realize how awesome she is just like so many others here!

HI all! I hope that you all had a great New Year's!

I am proud to announce that I didn't tlak to XWH or spend anytime with him over the holidays! I feel like that's a great accomplishment! Basically, I'd rather spent it alone, vomiting my guts up from the flu or worst than spent time with him...that may sound bad to some but that's GREAT!!! I'm breaking that need to "be" (whatever it was) around him...believe him, whatever it was that would cause me to agree to spend time with him here and there...

It was a tough year but I made it! I rang in the new year at a party with my friends and family...three hours from home! It was at a friend of the family's house and I was VERY happy to see this one guy! I even expressed my interest to some family members about him and then it was announced to me that my sister had slept with him...so that ended that! My sister is a wayward, drug & alcohol abusing serial cheater! MOF, I learned that she cheated with him on her present BF. So, He's COMPLETELY OFF limits and there went anything that I felt for him over the years. I had never mentioned it to anyone until that day! It was a big disappointment...he's 44 and she's 27!

So, it was on my heart pretty heavy, so Friday morning I sneak off to his house and told him that I was there to get something off my chest...that I had liked him for years and was excited to see him Wednesday night but that I expressed my interest and had learned what they had been up too...he said that he didn't know what to say and I said that he didn't have to say anything...he told me that my sister would never have a place in his house and that he wasn't trying to change my mind...

He talked a little longer and it came to him asking me something and my response was that this past year was a learning experience for me it that I've had to learn to draw that hard line in the sand and learn not to cross it myself...it went well and I felt so much better when I walked out the door...

So, New Year's Day I was speaking my truth, and sticking to it...from there the kids and I traveld to Houston to visit a friend of mine...which was great and if he didn't live so far away there MAY be something between us...Saturday we brought the kids to the Space Center in Houston, which THEY LOVED!!! I ahve tons of pictures that I need to post.

We got home last night.

I'm feeling pretty good...no one really on the horizon (I am talking to someone local but I just don't see it from talking to him over the phone) "BUT" I ended 08 and began 09 with some great stuff...no communication with XWH until last nite and that was only because I got a letter in the mail about him being SOOOO late on the Harley!

I was with friends and family...stood my ground, drew some lines in the sand...enjoyed my kids, blew up TONS of fireworks...laughed with the kids...Loved driving my car! GOt to play with a Porche 911 in Houston! WOW BABY!! We knew we couldn't keep up but BOY WAS IT FUN TRYING!!! NASA WAS SO COOL!!!! After to go back soon to see everything we missed! LOL

OH TODAY!!! Those friends that I invited over to play games with asked when we were doing that again...so this Sunday, I'm having them all over again and I'm going to try to invite some more ppl, perhaps do some cooking, and stuff...I was rather excited...they want to come back to MY house! SWEET!

Rin,

So glad to hear you enjoyed your holidays!

I am very glad to know you didn't cave to spending time with or speaking with the Ex. You need to have your own new holiday events/traditions and it sounds like you did a fine job this time around!

I am a bit curious though about something? This guy who had the A with your sister. Why if no one knew of your interest in him (including him), did you feel compelled to go to his house and speak to him about it?

Don't get me wrong. I am oh so proud of you standing your ground on your principles,,,,keeping your lines drawn in the sand. However no one in this case was trying to cross those lines except maybe YOU.

Did you think that by talking to him that he was going to be able to say anything different than what you had heard that might give you a reason that you could change your mind about your 'line in the sand'?

I'm not judging,,,,,just asking so that I can understand & to be sure that you understand your motivations in having that conversation. Ok?

Welcome to 2009! I know it's going to be a great year for you!

Because I was SOOOO disappointed and hurt! I had to hear it for myself. I had thought about just going about my business and never saying a word but I couldn't keep my mouth shout on that one.

Definitly an emotional reaction! I have never had any kind of problems with my sister being that I didn't grow up with her and we live three hours apart.

NO, it was more like "I can't believe you touched her, of all ppl and you are NOT who I thought you were!" We spent alot of time talking Wed. night at his house for the party! There was nothing that he could have said at that point to change my mind, he willingly cheated with her! THen, Thursday he spent alot of time at my Aunt's house. When I left early that night, it was like he was disappointed too. I didn't even hug him like I normally do! Guess I needed to explain the switch in me!

Perhaps it was a bad idea to speak my peace at that point, idk!

He's 44 and what I thought was a good guy! Could have made the movie "The 40 year old Virgin!" LMAO...

I had brought a friend of mine with me and her little boy and I kept telling her "WOW, I'm SOOO disapointed!"

09 will be a great year! 9 is my favorite number...I was born on the 9th, lol, so I have it in my mind that THIS year will be my YEAR! Let the learning experiences roll right on in!

not to mention you're about as tall as a 9 year old and aren't you turning 39 this year? wait....no...39's the page your thread will be on by the time your finished beating me

just kidding Rin.

I'm sure for your Bday you'll be dressed to the 9's! and don't skimp on your party, Go the whole 9 yards!!

Now if ya'll will excuse me. I need to run for my life



:happyhanukkah:

I have plenty of free time to kick ur assets to cloud 9!

You aren't that far away Mister MAN!

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Good thing I am a long way away.

I was just thinking about you and a box that I was concerned about...being that I was not here for the holidays...

But I figured you would be asking me about it...

I can come up there soon enough! :twobyfour:

WEll, I just got a wonderful letter in the mail from my lawyer. Apparently I had a court date set for today for a Rule to Reduce CS; however, due to the late service and our inability to prepare, the hearing will be continued to a later date!


The only amount for me that has changed was the $200 increase from one job to my present and the Christmas bonus that I just received after he lose his job of $1500.

POWS is suppose to pay me $1070 a month and is presently behind about $1535 as of the first with another $535 due on the 15th!

Presently I can't claim the kids on my taxes as dependents, which I will be asking for with the new sitch!

I have no clue what (e) could be referring too!

Has anyone else dealt with this?

Hoping PM will stop by!

HI all! Well, I'm still feeling some anxiety over this! I think that he has made alot of assumptions becasue I changed jobs and was temperarily promoted to Acting Director that I've had a major change in my fin. sitch.

I am due for a raise at work, but I'm not sure when that will be coming...to me it appears that he's just trying to get out of paying CS...I think that's why the court date was set so quickly...they just thought that we would bent over and go OKay!

As far today, I'm going cut the grass and clean up for tomorrow get together here! I invited a lot more ppl this this... We are playing some board games, cooking and probably drinking a little bit!

I got the time to take the Christmas tree down this morning and plan to pick up all of my decorations today. More than likely, rearrange the furniture in the living room! I changed it around after we moved in and it's time for a change with that also.

Also have to bring OS's friend back home today. He's been wanting to have a sleepover, but this friend is at his dad's or OS is with POWS when we have tried to arrange it!

We stayed up til after midnight playing the xbox! I was really tired by the time I hit bed and then WORK called me this morning a few minutes after nine! I'm about tired of that too! I mean I'm not the director anymore and I'm still getting calls! In a way it's cool, but more so it's not! When I leave that place, I want to leave it ALL there!

Rin!!!
I KNOW what you mean about work calling early in the morning... I got a call at 3:45 am... wanted to strangle them, I had to be there at 7 am., with an hour commute.... then, when I got home, I did not have grass to cut, I had a HUGE driveway to shovel! I am SOOOOoo tired, but I just got the kids to bed, and I NEED some delirious ME time. Off to a LONG hot soak in the tub in a minute!

Have you heard from POSOM lately? I think that you should rush this along (the CS hearing) AND, since he IS behind, I would DEFINITELY push the issue on who claims the kids on taxes....

I am glad that you are not so ensnared in his "charms" any longer!

TTYL
MO

Hi Rin,

Babe, I'm sorry for the legal hassles again. I have no notion of how to help you, but I certainly am praying and asking G-d to help you.

I worked really hard at my sponsors today, working through some deep stuff. One of the things really coming up is my fear, and the prayer she kept repeating to me was...

G-d please remove my fears and direct my attention to what you would have me be. So, I'm going to try this with you.

G-d, please remove my fear of struggling with finances and direct my attention to the person of sound finances that you want me to be. Try that....

HI Mo, No I haven't heard from POWS...the last time that I talked to him was becasue the kids had a qiestion about whether he would keep them the extra two days off that they have from school, starting this Friday...I dialed the number and gave the phone to them...

He said that he wasn't sure that he had an interview this week and was unsure whether he would be working and would have to let them know...I don't expect a word from him...

Queen!!! I really like that! I'm going to have to write that on my bathroom mirror so I can repeat that every day! I have kept a dry erase marker on the shelf in there since I moved back in! I write whatever is on my mind, becasue YOU KNOW A DIVA SPENDS ALOT OF TIME IN FRONT OF THE MIRROR IN THE MORNING GETTING READY FOR THE DAY!!! What better place to have my time for ME to meditated!

Well, the kids and I got a last minute call about a bday party for my cousin's little boy so we went after I finished cutting the grass and dropping off OS's friend!

After coming home, I got all of the Christmas decorations picked up, rearranged the living room which has been the same since we moved back in, and got everything pretty clean for tomorrow! I also got a few things in the crook pot cooking, some dip made, and tomorrow after church we'll finish things up! I'm looking forward to it and hoping for a bigger turn out this time! I'm very pleased with what I got done!

We were to the store and as a treat I got the boys Indiana Jones Raiders of the Lost Ark! Poor Babies, they put it in and instantly fell asleep on the loveseat with the ottermans pulled up to it! I'm not going to move them, just cover them up!

Well, I'm going to nose around just for a second and then I'm headed to bed!

WEll, hello, ladies and gents...I'm happy to say that my second little get together was better than my first one! Of course there was more advanced notice, I guess that kind of helps.

I had two more pl show this time than the last time and we had like a potluck kind of thing...ppl ate and drank the entire time...the games we played were pretty cool...I still like Apples to Apples better...you can really cut up and have fun with that one...best one for some great laughs...

I wasn't nervous at all this time...I even called or txt to check on ppl who were invited...and it was a good thing that I did, becasue one of the couples had lost my number and address...

3 of the 10 didn't show...it was awesome!

Except for this one girl who's a coworker GF...she puts him down in front of other ppl...I really don't care for her...but at the same time I remember doing that to POWS in front of other ppl a few times because that was the only time that I felt comfortable hurting him back for the things that he said or did to me...

I've thought about asking my coworker about her behavior, but I'm kind of uncertain if it's my place...

You know what...I think I just need to speak my truth and let him know that her comments make ME feel uncomfortable...that I don't enjoy her doing that to him...

It has really given me a whole new light on my past behavior...I know that it was the only time that I felt comfortable sticking it to POWS but it was still wrong and I was actually embarrasses for my coworker...and I now see how other ppl saw me when I did it...I don't feel ashamed of my past behavior but I can tell you that no matter my reasons at the time it was wrong! I only made myself look stupid. I wanted to hurt him as much as he hurt me...

An eye for an eye is not the solution...it's more like two wrongs don't make a right...

I'm still not sure if I should speak my truth or not, but I have learned that was part of my abuse in my M...I remember Loving asking me what MY part was...

No matter if it was once, twice, three times...I was wrong...I can't change the past but I can devote myself not to ever do that again...crazy thing is that's not WHO I am...I don't put ppl down but I felt the need to do it then...

Was that just part of the cycle?

It's kind of like when I found out about the A, I wanted him to hurt as much as I hurt...I wanted him to feel my pain...see what it was like, get him to understand what he had done...get him to stop...MAKE HIM Stop...I guess in my thinking that if I put him down in front of other ppl he would see what it was like and stop doing it...that certainly didn't work...

Part of the dance we were dancing...

I'm not really tore up about it, not feeling any anxiety, or a need to repent to him for my actions...but realize that was the past, I accept than and realize that's not something I want to ever do in my R in the future...

it's actually a little confusing for me...becasue I feel so strongly that what I did is not who I really am but a reaction to the events at the time...

Morning! I'm in a strange mood this morning...having trouble getting motivated again today...I've been having that I really don't want to got to work mood...

I was just sitting here thinking "God, pls let something wonderful hapen this week!" I've been struggling with this down feeling since before the holidays and keeping it from going down...

Well, guess I'm off to work...I know once I get there I will be fine...

I've been trying to remind myself that God's plan is better than my plan any day and wondering what the heck is his plan?

I've just been questioning alot here lately!