Rin:



ITA!

LG

Hello All! Thank you for all of the support! J and I are going strong! This weekend we went to Houston, where he's from and as soon as we get into town, there was a flash flood! We went like three blocks from his sister's and all of a sudden there's water all around us and my Charger will more than likely be totaled!

J feels SOO responsible and has even offered to buy me a new car. Now, it probably won't come down to that BECAUSE I'm a smart girl and got GAP insurance. He is and has been willing to pick up all expenses related to it. There are thousands of claims from the area. That was friday night, we hadn't been in town 30 minutes when this happened. Saturday night, after J and I arranged for a rental car, which he put on his credit card until the insurance company could get their act together with the car rental company. He arranged for our night at the Omni, I was sitting in the car when he was calling for reservations and unknown to me at the time. He arranged for a rose, chocolate covered strawberries, and a bottle of champange to be delivered to the room! He said that this was the start of making amends for the lose, then we went to dinner in the hotel. FABULOUS, ordered some awesome wine and becasue I liked it so much bought me a bottle.

I have gotten the opportunity to express my anger, my disappointment, my hurt, everything and he just listens, hugs me, holds me tighter, apologizes for his part, and reassures me that everything will be ok. MOF, Sunday morning we were getting ready to leave the hotel when I got a call saying that the Boy's Godmother passed away. So, he was there for me when I was able to process that. Yesterday was the funeral and I txtd him with how I was feeling and the next thing I knew we was in my driveway hugging me forever and reassusing me. I have never been cared for like I have been with him.

This is really weird for me to have someone who is so concerned with my well being...providing comfort in a dark spot...I never got that from XWH...

So, I'm trying to keep my head up right now...I have been doing lots of mourning...the car, becasue I loved that thing SOOOO much, and then death...

Still no CS from XWH, and we go to court on May 27th...still doesn't have a job...not surprising huh?

First, great update!

Second, my condolences.

Third, silly girl, don't you know better to go near Houston when it rains?! At least J should have!

Hi, Cat! That's the really bad thing, there was only 20% chance of rain, it came out of nowhere. I'm really grateful that it wasn't worse than it is. We were in the tow truck headed back to the tow shop and the tow guy was telling us about a guy who almost drown in his car! By the time that the tow guy got to the car, the guy inside was at the back glass with barely enough room to put his face in an air pocket.

Now, we were not in any danger like that, but I have a whole new appreciation for the term FLASH FLOOD...that term will never be the same for me again...

Thank you so much for the condolences...I was a little surprised that the boys took it so well...I, on the other hand, was doing okay until the funeral...she watched me grow up, and helped me with so many things...

Rin,

Sounds like J is a 'keeper'. I'm so happy that you have found someone who is so loving & supportive. While that's new for you, I have a feeling it is something you are more than willing and able to handle!

My deepest sympathy on your loss. It's never easy, but I feel better knowing you have J with you during this difficult time.


Sorry, too, about the car. But think of all of the fun you and J will have shopping for something new!

Bugs, I am settling into this easily...I find it really easy to ask for what I need from him as long as it's not help money stuff...that area is really difficult for me but the lose of the car has forced me into a position that I have to accept his help so that he can make amends and forgive himself for putting me and the kids in this position...

Before this past weekend, we would go somewhere's and he was always picking up the tab for dinner and I explained how that made me feel, so he would let me get it every once in awhile...well, we're got shopping for misc. items and he ended up purchasing them for me and that didn't sit to well with me but he wants to do it and expects nothing in return...in my mind, if I can't afford to get it myself then I don't need it at that time...but he wants to do for me and the kids...so that's probably my biggest issue right now...and I'm thinking that because it's so new that I will allow him to do it in the future and handle it better...and J's very understnading about it also...

What I'm finding is true intimacy or what I consider true intimacy without SF been a huge factor like it was in my M...it's amazing how ppl can connect on so many other levels...and I'm in awe!

FOX, the deposits into my love bank have been huge...and J can't really understand how I can be so understanding on this car thing...first off I have explained with as much as I like to travel that it could have happen to me alone...he just feels so guilty that we were in his hometown, visiting his friends and family...

I hear all the time from him how amazing I am in so many aspects...being a strong woman has concerned me in relation to find a partner but my strenght doesn't affect him...it's more of an awe on how calm I remain...he's so use to being the strong one and he wasn't when we were being flooded...he said that he didn't know how to take me becasue I wasn't yelling and screaming that I was thinking rational...I find that we bounce off each other becasue when he's not strong that day, I am and when I'm not, he is...

I really feel a partnership with him, not a parent/child, or in a controlling way of it has to be done this way...but based on joint decisions...

I can do this with him for a VERY long time...he's certainly a keeper!

HI all, just dropping in this morning to say hello and give a little update!

No word on the car as of yet, the insurance company SHOULD be going out to look at it today! At this point, I'm actually hoping that it's totaled because with water damage it could be 4 or 5 months down the line and I could start having trouble with it!

J has been looking around at cars but we're not doing anything yet until we find out what's the verdict. He's been on the list for the '10 Camaro for a year now and he is more than willing to give that up for me but I can't allow him to do that and it won't be needed anyway. Besides if I do have to find another car, it may work out to my benefit, I didn't get rid of my other one, with the timing of it breaking down and me getting the charger; I couldn't trade it in. So, if I ahve to get another, I have the option of trading the GT in.

I didn't know how to react Thursday, the kids and I went to his apartment to play video games and hang out and he called me into his room. He processed to give me two shirts that he bought me while he was out shopping. I actualy didn't know how to react, I'm not use to getting gifts. It was a hit or miss on hiolidays with XWH, I was usually the one getting him something and if I did get something it was "let's go to the store and pick you out something!" I told J that I was uncomfortable with it and he said that was something I needed to get accustom to becasue that's what he does, and it's true he does that for other ppl too.

BEing with him is SOOO different than what I'm use too and it's hard to allow him to help me with something but he never pushs, he waits until I'm ready to allow him to do it. I really couldn't ask for a better man. This is the kind of stuff that I've dreamed about but never thought would actually happen to me.

We went out to the movies last night and then for drinks with some of his friends. C and I walked off from the guys and were talking and I was telling her that the age difference bothered me at first. C looked at me and said "but J has always had an old soul!" I even expressed some of my concerns about J taking on me and the boys and if he really knew what he was getting into. C said that he's well aware and feels that he may not know it all but is more than willing to do it!

He thinks I hung the moon and has told me that being with me makes him want to be a better man. THAT'S what I was looking for someone who made me want to be a better person and I did the same for them. I never told him that.

With all of that said, I still have some fear. Sometimes I allow the stories that I ahve read here about the WS and OP to creep into my head and how they have said "you're my soul mate or you're the person that I'm suppose to be with, etc." Wondering if I sound like one of them! LOL Then, I find my past stuff coming up sometimes with what XWH did to me with his A and have to remind myself that J is not him. There are triggers but different from the triggers that I got after D-day. All in all, I think that I'm handling it well, one day at a time, and I always speak up and don't fear a reaction from him. I know that he will just listen, reassure me, and sometimes that's a uncomfortable for me but I do it just the same!

Well, I'm out of here, J just called me for lunch! Miss you guys!

WOW, there are so many new ppl here and certainly not where I am today...some of the newbies I was helping prior to the site changes I ahven't even seen or perhaps they changed there name...

I really am missing the old group, I don't get to bounce my stuff off of many ppl now a days

When we were all hurting our EN's were being met here. We were basically having EAs with the forum, we we're addicted to it. We spent entire work days, day after day, on here getting our fix.

We graduated, now we feel somewhat normal again. We are allowing our ENs to be met by others. We're no longer in the same situations like we once were. We're all growing in different directions. We all still lurk, but don't have much to say.

It's sad, but beautiful all at the same time.

I can tell you that I read every post you write. Some stuff I can identify with, a lot of it I can't these days.

I don't even know where I'm going with this? I just wanted you to know I'm still here, just a lot quieter LOL!

of course, if you lob me a giant meat ball, I'll hit it out of the park

Beautifully written Beau! I certianly concur!
Thanks for dropping by!

Can't help on the Meat Ball! I mean I am cooking spaghetti tonight, but we don't do those! LMAO

Hey Rin,

I'm still here, only I don't post much; I post updates when requested, but don't really have much to say. When I do, it's usually a :twobyfour: for a friend, when they backslide.

Beau got it pretty close to right on, with the EN's and stuff. I don't think I will EVER feel like I did before this whole mess, cuz that innocence is lost, but I feel mostly great again. I wish the sun would come out 'round these parts. Looks like at least another week of overcast rainy days. BLEH!!!

HI SL! hope that the sun has come out for you and all of the changes that you are trying to make in life are happening fast enough for you!

Little update:

Tuesday, J dropped by my work to tell me that he was starting night shift that night...on the way over here he stopped at the florist and got me a single rose and as an after thought got me a candy boquet for Mother's day. He was going to take the boys and I to the zoo but since his schedule changed won't be able to. He also asked that I take the boys to get ice cream to fullfill his promise to OS which was made last week as a result of his grades coming up. I honestly had forgotten about it, so it surprised me when he asked me to take care of that for him.

No word on the car and what the insurance company is going to do yet...I was talking to a friend of mine and it's his cousin that's doing the work on it...he said that the electric system is shorted and I already knew I needed a new engine...so I'm still thinking totaled.

Everyone knows that OS was almost failing, well, we got his progress report a week ago or so and he had 2 A's, 3 B's, and a C. IF I didn't write it before YS was in the School spelling bee and made it to 6th place out of 16. I am/was very proud of the two of them.

XWH may have a job, he said something about having to go to orientation this week but would not tell me anything else.

My Old lawyer did get suspended for six months, so I made the right decision on changing. I was very happy when my Sponsor called me yesterday to let me know about the newspaper article.
http://www.houmatoday.com/article/2...-DA-has-law-license-suspended-six-months

So, hopefully when we go to court this month on the 27th everything will be final.

All in all, things are good...minus the car issue, life's still coming together!

Hi all! All is quiet on the home front today! OS is grounded this weekend! He was very uncooperative in school today! I know that it's winding down to an end but I will not allow this type of behavior. He refused to work all day! Lost 10 conduct points, has a day of detention and was wrote up. Still not sure what the write up was about or the consequences for that one but when we got home I told him to change clothes and cut the grass. After he's finished with that he has to weed the flower bed and vacuum the car in addition to cleaning his room this weekend!

He wants to goof around at school after all the hard work he's done, well, I'll work him here, see if that turns him around for the next two weeks that are left!

YS is cleaning his room right now too while mom is relaxing in disciplinarian mode.

J and I are doing fine...we get to steal bits and pieces of each others time between us working. He compliments me all the time on how beautiful I am, sometimes I can stand to hear it and others I look away or bury my head in his chest. He laughs, it's cool.

He's a really care taker but at the same time he knows when to back off and I don't have to say anything. He makes me feel like a school girl most of the time. Sometimes he just reaches up to touch my face and I always lean into it.

We've even had a few discussion about different things and I have gotten frustrated with him, having to agree to disagree. There was one last night where I actually told him in my opinion that he was wrong and I reeled a little bit from it for a short point of time. I mean I told him that I thought he was wrong and there was no anger, nothing! He actually told me that he would rather hear me tell him when I thought he was wrong. I was just taken aback a little bit in a good way.

Poor cha was heartbroke yesterday, one of his closest friends was fired from the company and J was taking it pretty hard. I'm not use to having to comfort my partner. In the 15 years that XWH and I were together I don't recall him ever crying, getting choked up, or any emotion other than anger, laughing, just the basics. With J I have seen remorse, guilt, happy, sad, mad, playful, loving, empathy; it's amazing to see and most of the time I can read him like a book. He's always telling me how he loves the little looks that I have. He pays so much attention to me and asks how "I'm" doing? I mean he really wants to know and when he says he's going to do something he does it!

Anyone that know my sitch knows how that was NOT the case in my M...lip service and tons of it followed my nothingness...

With all of that said, I'm still uneasy about this, still feel the need to watch my back sort to speak...still not trusting...still fearful...but it's not overwhelming...it's just those little insecurities in the back of my head checking to make sure that this is real and I'm not seeing what I want to see and not what reality is...

That was so my mistake with XWH, I saw what I wanted to at the time and not what was...I can't repeat that mistake again...I have alot more at stake today...two wonderful boys that are foremost in my mind...

He's very selfless and humble. All the heartache and pain, the dogs I had to step over to get to this one was well worth it.

Sounds like you're doing great, I'm glad.

And I am OH SO glad to hear about parents who give their kids punishment like you are. It is doing him SO much good, in the long run. Good work.

Rin, sounds like J is soup for your soul. There's nothing wrong with taking things slow and cautious, you've been burned before. The real test comes when there's a crisis. Sounds like the car thing was an example. Notice that not once did he blame you or point the finger at you? That's different, huh? He actually tried to take responsibility for something that he really had no control over. You were right to tell him it wasn't his fault. It's cool that you guys are working together to find a solution.

I'm so happy for you that you've found someone caring at this stage of your life. The boys need that too. What do they think about him and you?

Rin, I know exactly how you feel about J. It's like this with AZ man, too. He's such an honest guy. I'm still getting used to it, and appreciate it sooooo much. He's genuine

It's good to hear that you are doing well, and that raising strong men is high on the priority list, for you. Disciplining your children has got to be one of the most important parts of being a parent. It can be tough, but the results are well worth it. High fivein' ya, Rin!

HI PM! Thank you for dropping in! J is very good for my soul, I feel loved by him of course I know that there's a ton of ENs being met and my fear is that I will lose it!

As far as the boys, they LOVE him and they have made some comments about getting him a father's day card, being part of the family...they have even voted him the CEO of the house...he plays with them, talks to them, wants to know their opinions...then asks me how I feel about what they say...YS is more vocal about his strong like for J then OS...we happen to have a conversation about tonight, YS said that he wanted J to be his dad because he's so playful...the other day J sat down at the table with us to eat...and OS asked how many times XWH had sat at the table with us to eat...I said not many and OS said "our dad is sitting at the table now!"

I was so uncomfortable...I've always been extremely protective about introducing them to anyone I dated...so for them to even be around J is remarkable...he's pretty darn important to me...kids just say the craziest things...

AS far as J being willing to step up to the plate, it's amazing! There's no blaming, MOF, sometimes I think that he's too critical of himself.

Thanks for the comments on the boys, you guys know how hard it is when you have to do that tough love thing.

Well, I have been in the middle of writing this post for a few days! LOL...just didn't get around to hitting the submit button!

Thanks SL! I can't be around for them forever, they will have to take care of themselves one day! One day mom won;t be able to get them out of whatever they have gotten themselves into and they will have to figure it out for themselves. That starts here and now in my book...Einstein: Every action has an equal but opposite reaction!

The reason I asked about your kids is that my daughter is in a similar place as you, except her children's father is in jail and they were never married.

She has met a wonderful man who has really stepped up to the plate in her life and the kid's lives. I'm worried about what will happen when their father is released from prision and finds out that mommy has found someone else.

I'm worried for the children's sake. He (their dad) can take a flying leap as far as I'm concerned, but he IS their father (not daddy, big difference).

At first, the oldest one used to cry about missing him. She still does occassionally. The youngest one probably doesn't even remember him, even though he stole him from his mother for three weeks when they first split.

My daughter will probably end up marrying her new guy. He's a prince. But I still worry about my grandbabies and how this all will affect them.

Well, PM, I can see how you would worry about it. I'm probably more worried about it than the kids.

J has even met XWH briefly and I met the new OW...we were on our way back from Houston when the car was flooded and running late. XWH txted me and asked where I was...so we were both running late and ended up meeting in a different city to exchange the kids...it was a matter of timing, we were still and hour and a half away from home...J and XWH didn't really talk and neither did OW and I...just XWH and I about the kids and that was it...

Ten or fifteen minutes and we were back on the road after getting gas...

I know that XWH would like to be friends but I've told J that I have no intentions of being buddy buddy with XWH...I'm not friends with ppl who lie, cheat, and steal from me...that for my sanity I have to keep XWH at a distance, I don't want to be dragged into his CR@pp...Which J is perfectly fine with...

I did have a conversation with them one night, OS said that he liked his dad and J...I made a point to tell him that whether it was J or not that no one would replace their dad and if someone did try to do that then they were not the one for us anyway...OS was okay with that...

This morning on the way to vision therapy he was asking about us getting M'ed and wanted to know if when that happened he could be the Ringbear or something...I told him that whenever that happens he will have a place in the ceremony...he was like COOL!

PM, I think that you're abbies will be just fine...my parents D'ed when I was three and my mom never said anything bad about my dad, I got to make up my own mind...I have the same philosophy as far as the boys are concerned but OS has seen more than YS...all the same kids are going to lvoe their parents no matter what they do or do not do...those babies are in God's hands, they are after all his children...they are in good hands!

In my eyes it's a matter of being just as open and honest with them as it is with your Spouse...they knew that I wouldn't introduce anyone to them unless they were important to me first and I knew that they would be worthy of introducing them to the most important ppl in my life...

OS always joked about interviewing whoever that was and we did that also...sat down the three of us after YS went to bed...some of the questions were really funny like "what do you like to drink?" When the response was Pepsi, OS looked at me, and I said that was fine, we can live with that. OS looked back at J and said you're hired and continued to repeat you're hired whenever he liked the answer! OS's last question to J before going to bed was: Do you think my mom HOT? to which J replied I think your mom's very HOT! OS looked at him with the thunbs up sign and said Good Job!

J also told him that if he ever had anymore questions that he was more than welcome to ask. The kids don't get to spend alot of time around him but when they do, they talk alot about anything and jumping all over each other.

Last night, J thought that he didn't ahve to work so he came over to watch "Bedtime Stories" with us and have supper. YS were feeding each other popcorn and occasionally they would feed me some...lol...I and OS really got shafted on that deal...between the two of them they ate almost all of the popcorn!About half way through the movie, J got a call from work and had to leave, he was so disappointed, and we were too.

One of the things that I like about him is the transparencey, I didn't ask, he just does it. I'll get a txt, heading home or I'm home can't wait to see you! or "Good nite/morning!"

He's so good to me! I say I wish I had some Oreos, he says noted one nite, and what happens? He's bringing me some at five the next morning after he's gotten off work just to see me for five minutes! I asked XWH to bring me a snickers from "the Store" once and I got it a week later, melted!

well, I have to get back to work! It's a short day but I do have to get something done!

I'm so eating this up! ENs being met all over the place.

Well, brief update, it doesn't appear that the insurance company will be totaling my car out. They have just dropped a new engine in it and called today to say that they will be putting a new raidator, condenser, and core support in it and that should be complete by this Wed. or Thurs. I'm sure that they still ahve some testing to do on it but I could be picking it up this Friday or Saturday! So J and I will be heading back to Houston to get it and return the rental. Who knows I might get another night at an awesome hotel!

Outside of that, J and I are still going strong, boys are doing well. They are very ready for the end of school.

The 27th is coming soon, we're hoping not to go to court, but with XWH past, I can't see not going...a judge will ahve to force him to do what he's suppose too. OS confirmed that XWH is working but still unsure as to the place AND XWH IS responsible for the cost of child care when the boys are with him.

Anyone following knows that I was told last summer that I had to pay that, well, this lawyer says NO! I'm actually waiting to hear something this week about possibly getting this stuff settled but I'm sure not holding my breathe about it.

So aside from still dealing with the world of D, things are good, I'm climbing those hills. It's just easier now, I gets hugs now and hear that things will be okay, everything will work out!