Today's been a pretty good day...of course, I didn't want to get up and when I did I tried on most of my closet for work today...since we are only working til noon...I was going to say scre* it and wear jeans but that didn't look right either ...

My bedroom is a mess from trying on clothes...

BUT the day has been getting better...I opened the door this mornign and there was a xmas present sitting on my garbage can from a friend. I tried calling her but I didn't get in touch with her...So, I went to get some coffee for me and a coworker using the gift card my mom sent me...

When I got to work a Corporate team member called and I was thinking Great what did I do now? Well, they are having a Christmas party today with their kids...she asked me to hold and put me on speaker phone and they all sang We wish you a merry christmas! That helped cheer me up.

Then, my sponsor stopped by and gave me my xmas present...beautiful little candles that says "I can do all things through Christ!" So today's not bad at all...I'm going to go spend my gift card right after I get off of work...have to be at my Aunt's house for 4:30 and then off to my friend's house tonight!

No time to be lonely today! That was the reason I worked 12 hours yesterday...to keep myself busy!

Thanks for reminding me that there IS life after D!!

Merry Christmas, Rin!

Thank you SD! ANd your welcome Chai!

I'm getting ready to go wash the car and fill her up ten off to my Aunt!

Merry Christmas Rin, be very good to yourself..

You are such an incredible person...

:MerryChristmas:

Merry Christmas to you too! Or :happyhanukkah:!

I have been very good to myself ALL day...after I got off of work, I ran some errands...my dad and SM sent the boys and I a moneygram for Xmas, so I went and picked that up...then one of OS's presnts didn't come in so I looked for that, no dice! backorder until Feb! My sponsor gave me a gift cert., SO of course I HAD to go spend it...

Came back to the house, picked up some things, went wash the car, came home, got Dolled up and off to my Aunts from there...then I headed down to my co-worker's family thing to play STEAL THE PRESENT!!! That ended early so I headed over to my Uncle's house where the rest of the family was getting together...I got invited to lunch tomorrow, so I'll be there to kill some time before the boys get home...

I figured since I'm up I'll headed across the bayou in a few minutes to go to midnight mass...not my usual church that I attend but the boys go to religion there...no better way to celebrate than to give my praise for all that the Good Lord has helped me gets through in the past few years and knowing that he's got my back tomorrow with the kids...I certainly don't want to have to call the cops on POWS and I'm hoping that he doesn't make me have to go to that extreme with the threat of not bringing them back on time...Who really wants to do that? I've never had to do anything like that before but I certainly will if I have too...

The boy's Xmas has been in front of the tree since Friday night...I've just added to it with the presents from friends and family...They opened a saving account last Friday with some money from POWS' grandpa and they will have more to add to it this Friday. OS started that one and YS wanted to walk in his footstep...of course, I didn't have a problem with that!

Well, I need to slip my shoes back on and head out to get a good seat...haven't been to midnight mass in YEARS!!!! Must have been a kid at the time...It's a good day to go!

:MerryChristmas: it's the best time of the year to go to Mass.

May the words of G-d fill your heart tonight on this special holiday for you and everyone else who celebrates.

Rin, you are such a joy and a inspiration of success to us all. Not just because you have moved on, but by the way you have attacked the pain and walked through it, learned new ways to live and taken responsibility for your fallbacks.

a TRUE MB GODDESS

Rin,

Glad you are staying so busy! Sounds great!

Hope that you found joy & peace at midnight mass,,,,it is usually quite a moving experience.

:MerryChristmas:

Hello, ladies...I have really enjoyed myself the past few days...

POWS, I am hapy to say brought the kids back EXACTLY on time...not a minute to spare...he was happy go lucky like there was no conversation the Monday before where he was threating to keep the kids...I guess that he was aware of what I would do if he didn't have them back on time...IDK...

He actually txted me earlier today with "Hey I'm sorry! take it how you want but that's it! I'm sorry!"

About an hour or two later he sorry by on the bike, I had asked him if he has recieved any mail for me but the post office is still screwing up our mail since he forwarded his...he stopped by to show me exactly what he had...he stayed for a little while, outside the house, talking...

I heard that he was going to get away from OW soon, he was fixing to change some things, get a job, etc...he said something about OW and I told him that I had tried to tell him a long time ago what kind of woman she was, that this was not the 1st house that she had destroyed, but that I knew he wasn't going to listen to me...he said that there was something that you have to learn the hard way...

I'm not sure WHAT he thinks that he knows or if he's just tlaking trash...but I know I was thinking that even if he does have a clue, it doesn't matter anymore...I've moved on...we can't even have a little conversation without there being some miscommunication or intimidation and threats...

We talked about CS and the next time that he gets the kids, he didn't realize that it was so far away...not until Jan 16th...

MOF, yesterday he said something to the kids about him coming over and playing the Xbox guitar hero with them...I didn't say a word, wasn't going to open that door...hence the reason why I kept him outside of the house, except when he asked for something to drink...

During the conversation I asked if the bike was up to date of the payments and he said no, he choose to do Christmas instead...GREAT!!!! More bad choices on his part...WHATEVER, he has no job...living in his camper in front of OW's house...admitted that there what they had was not going any further...

He's misable and I think that he's trying to get back in this door but I'm not there...when he left he said thta he would let me go back in and play with the kids...becasue that's what I was doing...we were all building the boy's lego sets at the time...right now, they're playin the xbox...I had done nothing except play since they came home...

Oh, POWS was upset with his dad, who gave the kids a dollar for xmas...he talked about that for a little bit...I said people don't change unless they have a good reason to want too...

I just hope for his sake that he makes the changes that he needs to for himself...in order to have a better relationship with the boys and whoever comes along...

All in all, things went well, I was happy to see him leave...but the visit was well enough, no tension or anything like that...

Well, the kids and I are off to run some errands and grab something to eat...

I'll check back in later...I was just thanking God that I wasn't put in the position of having to call the police yesterday and believe me I was thanking God for it too!

I was thinking earlier that the holidays have gotten POWS sentimental...as far his apology...it's always the same...general...never detailed...I don't doubt that he's sorry in some way...whatever it is that he's trying to get from me...

THat's the way I see it...thinking perhaps if he says he's sorry than he'll worm his way but in with it...soon enough he's going to realize that's not going to work...

I was thinking about how good it feels to know that I don't want him...I've been in this place before but it feels a little different I guess every time I relaize it...

To know that I don't want him around, that allowing him around me is destructive...it's the whole thing of if I allow him around me than I'm settling and opening myself up to believing his lies and I JUST DON'T want any part of that...

Looking back and wondering WHY was "I" picking up the pieces for him all the time...cleaning up his mess with spending and his other poor decisions...settling for him "talking to HIS "friends""...putting other people before me and the kids...why would I ever want to go back to that life? It just feels really good not to be all broken up about the life that I had verses the one that I DO have now...

I was feeling low about the holidays and not having that special someoe to spend it with but it was great NOT to spend it with POWS...I can deal with that...

I was feeling pretty overwhelmed with certain things but playing with the boys the past 24 hours, visiting with family and friends...I made it through...soon enough that special someone will come along, until then I'll just keep trucking along...

It's that lonely feeling that gets me sometimes that so hard to deal with...I usually try to avoid that feeling with keeping busy...his threat of not being the kids back on time didn't help and only added to wanting to walk into that dark place...but I stood my ground, didn't allow him back into MY life like he wanted and walked through that valley...I'm feeling pretty good but am still wondering WHAT he's trying to pull right now...

Always on guard with him, always!

Is the healthiest place to be, that no matter what he does, pulls, etc. it just simply doesn't effect you anymore?

Hey night owl, you have email... Got time to read it?

Sure, you've got mail!

I emailed you back, but in the interest of time... I'll just call you from home....

Talk to you in a few.....

HI Queen, just wanted to let you know that it was great talking to you!

I wanted to reinforce that we will KNOW what is healthy and what is not healthy primarily because we are here...learning what it takes to make a good M...seeing that it takes TWO to do the work...not one doing the work and one saying that they want to do the work... HUGE difference huh? I was reading another thread and I was thinking "I'm going to know a good person when I see one because I read about horrible ones all the time here! Becasue I know that actions speak louder than words and I'm not going to rely on my wishful thinking anymore!" :twobyfour:

Coming to MB, I've been given the tools to use in my own life, I just have to have faith that they will work for me...

That was the case here and I'm sure in many other Marriages here...

I firmly belief that a Marriage can recovery from JUST an A; however IF there are other issues involved that "WE" were unwilling to see, didn't want to see or whatever the case then the chances of recovery are slimmer...

I have no love lost over the lose of MY M...I mean of course no one wants that...I certainly didn't intent to get D like everyone else that has walked this path...BUT IT HAS BEEN TO MY BENEFIT...I can do bad on my own!

On another note:

I have a friend down visiting that I haven't seen in years...I got to meet her son for the first time, HE'S SOOOO CUTE!!!! 8 months old...we're definitly going to ahve a blast over the next few days with him!

I'm hoping to get together some friends to play MAD GAB or Apples 2 Apples, or something while she is here!

NC from POWS since he popped up at the house Friday...thank God...of course it doesn't happen often that he does that (may have been the 1st pop up, I don't remember) but I think that I'm going to ahve to draw a line in the sand about that one...you know CALL FIRST before you appear or are thinking about appearing...

What's up with all the contact since he lost his job? Wanting Rin to "take care of him", "meet some needs"...Please!

I would love to have the opportunity to talk to you again...I was wondering where you are as far as the D is concerned...I wanted to ask but got so wraped up...you can see I'm a talker...

Certainly a ppl person unlike I was told for years! I can joke about the things that POWS use to tell me now...it's funny that I actually believed his crap... huge difference today in the fact that "I" know MY truth and don't accept OP's truth as my own!

Hi Rin-

Glad you got to talk with Queenie-she's great. If you and your gnome ever want to get a picture at Mount Rainier, you all will have folks to stay with.

Hope you had a great Christmas. Ours was very white-18 inches here but now it's melting.

Well Thank you JT! We did enjoy Christmas here! It was HOT! SHort sleeves and shorts could have been woren comfortably!

Well, I just had friends leave...I didn't think that they were going to come...since my friend is down with the baby, I thought it would be nice to have some other friends over to play some games...Apples to Apples was the BOMB, Mad Gab not to fun, and Cranium Playoff was horrible! I was very happy to have them over...at MY house...I didn't grow up having ppl over...

And I've have such a big change in my friends since the D...I have very few that I talk to now that I had before...SO it felt really good to have a few over...I would like to do that more often...have ppl over...entertain...that wasn't something that I did...I was nervous about it, or they wouldn't show up, or whatever...

It was pretty important to me and it worked out well...I built a fire outside and we roasted marshmellows and made smores, the boys had some sparklers that I let them play with, and then we came inside...ate some snacks...joked, it was good!

It was really special to me to talk to you the other night. Thank you so much for taking the time and patience to walk through my thoughts.

I think this is one very PROFOUND statement. He always talked the talk, but the actions were hardly there if ever and I didn't realize it. I took him at his words and trusted what he said.

Yes, I would love to talk to you again very soon. I am legally separated, somewhat considered filing for D after 2 years since D-day. I don't think there is a longer Plan B in me. Not after all that I am learning about our M.

The truth is, and as hard as I fight to completely accept it and understand its ramifications, like SL says, my H is a broken man, beyond just an A. It will take YEARS to fix him and that's only when he realizes he has ISSUES... I am no martyr, I want love, passion, a g-dly relationship in my life. So, I seek G-ds will has hard as I can. Any thoughts of how to word it?

I hope you have a good time with your friends. And I love listening to you and your wisdom. You are so strong in your commitment to healing and I need to surround myself with people who live it and work it. I have no clue how to really do that yet, but I'm learning....

JT, you are TOO KIND... I love you girl.....

Ok, this sounds way to awesome.....

RIN!!!!!!!
It sounded like you had a LOT of fun!

I had smores for the first time in a MILLION years on the 4th. of July this year... those things are AWESOME!

I am not one to entertain either, but when I do, I always think, "Man, I should have done more of that!" I have people over, just mostly my close knit structure of friends, but I used to NEVER have people over.

One of my best friends (a male, JUST a friend) came over on Christmas, we watched some episodes of "Da Ali G Show" which were hilarious, and I had a great time with him, just laughing, bickering about how I handle the remote, and being HAPPY. It was awesome.

I am glad that you are doing well!
MO

Rin,

Look at you, girl! Having people over?! Playing Hostess!

You are the ever emerging/growing Goddess!! Stepping outside of the past to make your new future even better!

I'm glad you had such a good time. I love having people over and entertaining,,,,,,,,,,anything from a casual pool party/bonfire to an elegant dinner. Sharing time with people we care about and who care about us is a wonderful thing.

Especially when it is something new,,,,Post D. Part of our 'new' lives.

Outstanding!!

So, what are your plans for ringing in the New Year?