Thanks James, I still have my rough days here and there...where I'm focusing not on the past but the future too much...waiting for something to happen...waiting for that really awesome guy, or school to get their stuff straight, or whatever...so I have to set myself straight...

And as far as dating is concerned...I'm so disgusted with that...the last one i went on was with supposedly a good Christian guy, HUGE cross in the front yard but would not respect my boundaries and kept touching me...I was thinking date rape the entire time, I left before anything bad happened, then the next day, he had the nerve to tell ME, I was the one all over him...needless to say, I didn't speak to him again...I recognized that one real quick....that was about...hummmm...two months ago...

I did a little spiral for a while and that was three dates in a row that wasn't so good...now I'm in the thought pattern of I don't care, I don't want a relationship, I don't want to date...but TBH, I miss having someone there...I'm just not settling...and all I do is pray these days...

I feel like I'm in a season and I'm waiting for something to change, something that I want very badly to happen...so I have been having some trouble staying present...

James I really appreciate you stopping by...I can use some talking too...I have to get these boys out the door for school...I'll be around, I have some catching up to do around here...perhaps a little giving back...

I think we'd all agree that acknowledging that there IS a future to look forward to is a huge step along our path. This isn't a bad problem to have IMO. While living in the NOW has it's purpose, those of us with kids know that you have to keep an eye out for the future as well.

Just as long as you're waiting for something to happen on the guy scene rather than forcing it, I think you're alright. School might be a different story.. in my experience the burocracy that bogs down those places sometimes needs a swift kick in the pants. I'm sure you're just the lady to do that when the time is right though. :twobyfour:



I think this is normal, and probably stems from the fact that as adults, we hope at least that every new relationship will be an improvement on the last one. I think this is reflected in the statistic I've seen tossed around that most divorcees are married again or remarried within 3 years. I think the understanding that we're not going to find -that- relationship right off the bat is a healthy one.. and one that will hopefully prevent us from being 'stuck' with bad choices in the future. It's ok to be a little gunshy too.. looks like you've got a pretty good eye out for these little things..



I'm sure we've both learned never to 'settle' for anything less than we deserve anymore.


No need to rush here Rin.. I know for me that it probably won't take another 28 years to find that someone special.. I'm not the kind of person to waste time in relationships of convenience anymore, which occupied much of my teen/early 20's... with kids I don't have that luxury..

A watched pot never boils.. no need to force it. Enjoy Rin and the kids for a while.. once you start really enjoying yourself, someone wonderful will come along and want to join the party for sure.

At least.. that's what I'm hoping for

WEll, Good Morning, this is the 1st chance that I have had to response...open house for OS's school was last night and I was actually a little late for that...then OS didn't write his homework down, SOOOO...we had to go back up there and get it...

On the school scene for me, I actually got a call yesterday from the dept., saying that I shouldn't have any trouble getting aid and that I could go ahead and bring in my deposit to hols my spot...they only accept 18 people into the program that I'm going for...I guess God was winking at me on that one because I sure was getting down about it and decided that if he wanted me there then I will be there...BAM, the call yesterday!

Focusing something on the guy scene, HA...I don't have time for it...MOF, that's one of the reason I decided to enroll in school to get my MAster's...I'm accomplishing one of my dreams that I have always had from childhood and it's less time to focus on finding a relationship...it's all about focusing on me an the boy's right now...Of course, I'm not going to lie, I really miss being in a relationship, the companionship...but it's about doing better for myself and the boys...and the standards that I have for the next one that comes along are super high...

LOL, no alcohol abuse, drug abuse, no hitting, no name calling, will accept my children, puts God first, responsible, hard working, blah blah blah...

I do have a friend who is trying to set me up with a Dr. friend of hers...but I've handed that over to God too...saying if that it's meant for us to met, then it will happen...I really have got from the spiral to a, I guess, I know care attitude...but in a healthy aspect I think...

One thing that I am extremely grateful for is the fact that I have friends who CALL ME for advice...to get my POV...that makes me feel wonderful...I remember when I came there that I didn't feel like anything I said had value to it...like I didn't contribute anything to the conversation...and sometimes I struggle with that still, here on MB...LOL, it's amazing what a self esteem will do for you... I KNOW I'm the cream of the crop now...LMAO...I don't know it all and certainly will never but at least I can touch a few lives here and there and does me wonders...

MOF, this Sat., I will be volunteering some of my time to help feed the local people around here through Angel Food Miniseries... in case, someone is not familiar with it...you can get restaurant grade for cheap...really helps out when everything is on the rise...and anyone can get it...there's no income limit or anything like that...there's a website...

Anyway, the last time that I went, there were suppose to be 200 ppl helping and only about 30 showed up...so I brought my stuff home and something kept telling me to go back...it was a struggle in my head b/c I wanted to cut the grass b/f it rained...but I went, and after I was rewarded with getting the grass cut...

WEll, I have to go get ready for work...going to be another long day, been up since 5:30...cooked breakfast, got supper going in the crock pot...got the boys off to school and all that remains is me...we had staff from our corporate office down helping us get ready for accreditation next week...what a headache that has been...some of us have even been putting in Sats...like after I help out volunteering, I will be at work that afternoon, making sure that everything is done for this coming Thurs...

Okay, everyone please have a blessed day! Take care!

Is that a new show on Food Network?

and how do they know what Angels eat?



look, they put this guy here just for you

HIya Mr. Beau! I haven't got use to all of those little things yet!
www.angelfoodministries.com, NO, not a new show, check it out...it's all across the US...this is the link to the menu and the local places that offer the program...

Speakin of food...Football season is here...we'll ahve to get together for a BBQ... Since you're so good at it and when I still can't lite the pit! :MrEEk:

How's that little one doing? Is he going to pre-K yet?

Good Morning to all! I'm very thoughtful this morning, reading Bugs' posts about what's going on in her life has me questioning the past interactions between XWH and I...

And I'm not really excited about he weekend either...the boys will be with their dad and I will certainly miss them...I made sure to give them extra hugs and kisses before they got on the bus this morning...I have a few things to do tomorrow, but am dreading the loneliness...and of course, there's church on Sunday...but this afternoon, I have nothing but coming home to this empty house...

I know that I probably need to rest up...I have been pretty cranky in the morning from lack of enough sleep...and when I head to bed at night it doesn't help...praying for that right person to come along...praying for patience...accepting the fact that God's plan is better that mine any day...

It's certainly been a struggle to keep uplifted...so I've been turning to reading the Bible or inspiration things, and watching inspirational stuff...been on a Madea kick lately...watched Daddy's Little Girls last night...

Actually I should be at work right now, but I'm draggin, as most mornings...not wanting to go in but once I get there I'm okay...and the day seems to improve until that is bedtime comes along...

Well, I guess I need to finish getting ready and get the day rolling...plenty of report to do and if I'm really lucky I'll get a massage today...

Best wishes to all, take care and be safe...

SL, if you're around I'm working my way to your thread, wanting to catch up on you and some other here...

I really want to read some newbie stuff, but haven't really been able to bring myself to do that yet...

Have a great and blessed day!

WEll, I had a pretty good day at work...really didn't want to be there and was pretty down this morning...one of my appts. was a no show and it just so happened that one of our massage students didn't have anyone to practice on...so I checked my schedule again and had a massage...

It had been a few weeks since I had one...I knew I was tense but didn't realize how tense until I laid on the table waiting for her to return, then the weight of the world felt like it was on me...especially in my neck and shoulders...

I ended up falling asleep and I felt so much better after...that was a blessing indeed...the boss brought lunch for us today, so I completely forgot about dropping off the boy's clothes at the sitter...I came straight home and then realized I had to do that...

On the way, I forgot I had to TM XWH to let him know that OS has a biography due Monday...he just replied with OK...I didn't expect anything else from him...So NOW, I'm home...all is quiet...playing around on the computer...the grass needs to be cut but I have no motivation to do it...figure in a little while I'll lay down, perhaps read, or get some studying done...I have to prepare for the GMAT...wonderful thing about that little test is that the minimum to get into grad school is 400 and I only NEED a 420 to pass...

I guess I'm just kind of accepting my feelings right now and telling myself that it's okay to not want to do anything...that way I'm not kicking myself...it's okay to feel down...I always have a way of pulling myself out of it...I've felt this way since that last date I had with Idoit...it's just unbelievable and disgusting...it's really knock me for a loop...

Free MASSAGE!! SCORE!!

Nice way to end a week.

I've gotten used to always having this THING hanging over me, like a dark cloud, since I've been either avoiding it or dealing with it for so long. FIGHTING against the down has been my NORM. There is no partner there to pick up the slack, or lean on, or just evoke laughter to give to me a break of sorts.

The financial strain is tough, too, as I'm sure you experience.

It's a lot to deal with.

Luckily, I have friends who are funny and caring, and I can generally count on them to have an ear for me to bend.

Coming here helps, as long as I avoid the newly betrayed threads; the pain is palpable, and it reminds me of so many mistakes I made early on and throughout this process. I need to start leaving that in the past, and forgive myself for whatever (that's a whole OTHER thread all on it's own)

Anyway, despite all, you seem to be on a good track.

Good Morning...I heard you on the stressful part...things are a little tight around here...but I do have the power to change that...our TV went out about a month ago...we had a 19 inch but watching that from across the room was ridiculous...amazing how we watched that 13 inch for 6 1/2 months when we were living in one room, but we were closer to it! LOL

So, I'm working to pay that off and of course there was the school shopping to do...so it's tight right now, but I know that it will get better...hey, I got food in the house, all the bills are paid and a little saved for a rainy day, I'm good for the most part...still gets me down sometimes...

Well, on the touch thing we talked about Friday...it just so happen that a friend of mine was on his way house from a rained out beach adventure thanks to FAY and decided to stop by yesterday...poor thing when he got here, he was wet and cold...most of his clothes in his bag were wet too...so I asked him if he wanted to warm up with a shower and I could wash/dry his clothes...

While waiting on him, I was studying for my Grad school test...when he walked back into the living room, he looked so tired and still had close to 2 hours to drive home...so I asked him to put his head in my lap...after rubbing his back, arm, and running my hands through his hair...he was out...so I got my need for touch...homeboy slept and I just rubbed and sang (I had country music on while studying), while playing a game on my phone, i messed up and couldn't get to my books...interrupted my studying but I was happy...he slept for about an hour I guess...then we folded his clothes and he was on his way home...

I had to let him thank you for the visit that I enjoyed it more than he knew...

By late last night, I was DJing myself...thinkin who would want me with two mixed kids...I had to fuss myself so much for sending those negative massages to myself...and it was out of the blue...this time, I have thought about it before and even posted about it I believe...or maybe it was I thought about it and was too fearful to post what I really thought...

I think the latter is applied to this sitch...anyway, SL...thanks for thinking I'm on the right course...you know we all need that reinforcement sometimes to help us keep our heads above water...

XWH had the nerve to have OW's grand kids, I'm sure that's who there are, because the boys are always talking about them...come to find out OW has moved in with her daughter... with him yesterday when he dropped off the boys...I think there was three of them...they all went to a swim party in the mist of a tropical depression...it unnerved me some, but the boys were fine and the worst hit after they were home...this is also the kids that XWH lets the boys run the neighborhood with...also something that bothers me but I have to let that go too...

Well, let me finish getting ready for work...another rainy day...

ANd I have OPen house tonight for the little one...

Good Morning everyone...well,I am still having some trouble with DJing myself but I'm working on that!

I watched a movie last night that was phenomenal, calling "Facing the Giants" and that really helped lift me up...

James wherever you are I miss you man!

I guess when things get hard you still have to prepare your fields for the rain...I have to continue to give my best which is so hard sometimes...which is so difficult sometimes...it's hard to keep your head above water...

So I'm working on that...I called a friend the other night about some of my feelings but he was not very helpful and I should have known better...

okay, off to try to do my very best and keep truckin ahead...looks like we're going to have to deal with a hurricane soon...AGH!!

Is it bad...well, let me start with this one...XWH txted yesterday asking if he had the kids this weekend...we had already talked about this twice within the last month or month an a half...it's the 5th weekend in the month, which rarely happens so, it's mine...I reminded him of the conversations and said that I see that he's not using a calendar like he said that he would...he wrote back saying he had to ask becasue he's SO use to getting them every weekend...I didn't reply to the last message...

So, I'm trying to figure out how to handle that in the future with him...there should be no reason in my mind for him to be asking me if he has the kids this or that weekend...we rarely change...so what WOULD be a good reply without sounding like a royal B? Something as simply as "Look at the calendar"? He's so "forgetful"...what is that?

Him wondering if I'm going to change my mind and let him off the hook with dealing with the kids, you know NOW, he would rather have them every other weekend...he asked about changing that before school started...I said no, I was fine with the schedule and he replied with I guess so, if I had three weekends a month off from the kids...I replied "well, you should have thought about that when you were fighting for custody so bad!" I don't see him saying let me give you a rest in the middle of the week?

He said that wasn't me, that was my lawyer...I said you could have told him that you wanted different...remember, this man fought me so hard on custody, wanting 7 and 7, which I felt was NOT in the best interest of the kids...now, he's wanting to go to what I originally offered him...every other weekend...would love some thoughts on this one and the behavior...

He was great at making me feel guilty in the past, but I am long over that...

Which lead me to that same friend I called the other night told me that before I thought about a new R, that I needed to get over XWH....I said believe me, I'm over him, I'm not over what he did yet, not completely...anyone understand that one...

OKay back to my original question, is it bad to me giggling to myself that XWH's weekend plans will more than likely be canceled due to our little hurricane threat...he's planning to attend a bike rally...

Okay, I have to get on the ball...I just have to voice those concerns and try to get someone else's thoughts on dealing with POWS...you know I have no faith that the wayward mind set will ever change...

I know you're working on it.. but hey, you're a lovely woman with lovely kids.. a great eye for art and photography.. not to mention you're pretty handy around the house.. you're a PRIZE for the right lucky guy.. at some point you're going to have to stop seeing yourself reflected in the mirror of your ExWH.. I'll get back to that..

But because BR isn't here herself to say it.. I'll say it for her.




I'm still around, reading mostly and only adding where I feel that I'm needed. Lately I've been kind of too much of a mess myself though.. been mentally/emotionally coping with the last of the 'firsts' at least until the D is over.. then it'll be another year of them I guess.. maybe not.. maybe I'm past the worst of it.. but yesterday was the last of them.. a year from DDay.. Monday night was worse though.. really got into a funk where I was missing WW, DS, DSD and the whole family thing terribly.. the trouble with being alone and bored I guess.. it's worse when you have a phone number of a really attractive/fun/funny waitress who has been throwing out the 'signals' for several weeks now.. I think I'm just at the 'lonely' point and want company.. she'd be a nice option but I'm still married... starting to resent that fact.. not quite sure what to make of that, but it comes and goes so we'll see if there's any sustained sense of it.


Yup.. I think most of us here can relate to this. Though you know as well as the rest of us that the tougher the path, the greater the reward. Even if that reward is being able to look yourself in the mirror later and not having to question whether or not you did it right.


Heh.. I really wanted to call and talk to someone Monday night.. but you know what? I know people who I love and who care about me will probably just tell me what they've been saying for almost a year now.. you're better off.. move on.. get on with your life..

Feh..

What I really hear is 'Man.. I care about you and all, but I'm really sick of hearing about this WW crap.. can't you call me at some point all excited about some new great girl in your life.. or hell.. let's talk football!'



I think this is kind of the same thing SDGuy.. and myself to a large extent are going through with the 'stick poking' that still goes on long after things are over.. it'll be something that abates with time.. the emails/conversations become businesslike and less filled with the emotion..

We still on some level feel responsible for them.. or to them, and that'll just take time to go away. We do have a responsibility to our kids though, and it's balancing that responsibility against removing ourselves from being responsible for them that is the difficult line in the sand to see sometimes.

My suggestion on a response to something like that? Simply refer him to the line in the parenting plan that references it.. make him look it up.. no fluff.. just the reference.

And honestly.. if he wants to give up his time with the kids, and take you up on the parenting plan.. make the offer to him that you'll be happy to look at any proposal he'd like to submit to the courts about a change in parenting plan. I'm sure it'll shut him up quick... probably would increase his support amount a great deal as well.


I think your friend is right.. JMO though.

Here's why I don't believe you're over -him-..


What does his plans and whether they go down or not matter to you?

If you're over it and past it.. why is his suffering any kind of setback important? Sure you can say it was because of what he did to you.. but I've had people burn me in the past.. friends who didn't turn out to be friends who really screwed me over.. who these days? I don't even give a second thought to.. I'm over THEM.. I don't let myself get into those situations because I've learned from them.. so in a sense I'm not over the situation.. but I don't wish any ill on them.. or take any satisfaction when I hear that they are reaping what they've sown in life..


Nope.. not so long as they are waywards.

Once he finally becomes the Ex.. once you're really over him.. it won't matter anymore.

Do the best you can with what you got Rin.. don't forget that you're a Goddess.. and don't worry about POWS so much, it'll only drag you down.

Oh no, you didn't!!

Fox

Awww.. c'mon cowgirl.. you know you've gotta be quick on the draw around here.

I didn't mean the KNOCK IT OFF! part.

I meant the "BR" part.



Fox

Meep..

You're right..

I'll take my lumps now please.


Sorry..


forgive me?

Okay, I'm better now.

You're forgiven.



Fox

WEll, looks like it's a great thing I'm handy with that Hurricane headed straight for us...now, I just have to find on person to give me a hand boarding up the windows, think I can get pretty much everything else...

I'd also like to hear more on what you were going to say...


I surely missed something along the way! can't figure it out with the joking wither...

I'm sorry that you are struggling too, but I can attest to the fact that it gets better...D-day rolled around this year and I completely missed it...didn't realize it until five or six days later and then I was so happy that I missed it...I was just plum happy that it didn't bother me...

I think the only time I'm triggered it when one of the kids says something about what they do while over there...something like XWH let them ride they bikes to Burger King...that's a busy and dangerous area...that gets under my skin...but not the affair stuff anymore...they recently let it slip that she was working at a fast food restaurant...but she didn't anymore...I just simply replied I didn't want to hear it...so she was a bus driver, then a waitress and then that place, wonder what it is now...not really...she switches jobs like she does men...sad...

I don't even have problems on bday, or holidays...I did get choked up at Open house the other night, but I was in the mode of longing for someone in my life and watching all of the other parents with the spouses...not to mention, I KNEW that HE would not be there, b/c I didn't tell him about it...but secretly I think wished he would step up to the plate and be a better father...weird, at the same time I KNEW better...

I think it was more the longing to have someone in my life, for the support and help...


Well, I was told here that if I KNEW beyond a shadow of a doubt that the marriage was over that it was okay...but that's really a personal choice and you have to weight that into the D stuff...You are not alone with those feeling either...I understand...


I see what you are saying...but sometimes I still want that justice...it creeps in...more of "AH, you are getting what you deserve.." See I thought that I was over him because I don't think about him all the time and most of the time, when he's not with the boys care less what, or with who he is with...BUT EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE...like this weekend...thought of only b/c of the txting the other day...then knowledge of the hurricane...I think yeah, and hope the worst for him...

So, I guess I'm not completely...I went from wanting him to feel the same pain that I did to wanting to laugh at him when bad things happen...because I think he's getting what he deserves...GOd, I need to stop doing that...I thought the same thing when I found out he was demoted from his office position back to his tools...and when he had to have surgery...I thought "Man, that stress will eat you up if you're not living right!"

Man, I have been away to long...I can't think of her name to save my life, but I have always prayed that pray that God would break him...not for me anymore...

MOF, after I left and for the longest time, I would think maybe in a few years we'll get back together but NOW, he'd have to be a stroke victim with a completely different personality and that's not going to happen...

So I guess what you and my friend is saying is that there's still some things that I have to deal with far him to really be a distance memory...to be over him?


HA, I did that in the conversation where he asked about changing to every other weekend...I said well, if it's a permanent change then it has to be in writing and we would have to deal with the lawyers..he said not really, I said I would want it that way...and there would be no change in support...he's maxed out...I would just get more time with them...losing deal for me...

I actually love not dealing with POWS...I like that he's removed from my life, except for the Sunday drop off and if I didn't have to deal with him then I was be happy with that too...

I'm actually waiting to hear from him, asking us if we are leaving for the hurricane...I have been trying to figure out what I'm going to say if that happens...because if it was his weekend, I would trust that he would protect them in whatever decision he makes...So I'm trying to think of a good answer in case he does call...that's business like...to the point...you know what I'll handle that IF it comes...this is the 1st time I will be dealing with a hurricane by myself...house, kids, pets, etc...I know that I can do it...

Thank you so much JAmes!
Having you here really helps...I think that's why I don't post more b/c when I am here I think about POWS...like the friend that I called...if I'm around him, I talk about POWS...I actually thought maybe I need not be around ppl that we both know b/c it's like an open door...something is said and it leads to talking about him...YUCK...what you guys think?
Perhaps I'm in denial! LMAO

I understand about not wanting to talk about 'them' sometimes and needing a break from here because of that. In fact, it's feeling that way to me a bit right now, but I think I may try to start reading a few new threads and just let mine drift away for a while. I hope that is possible,,,,in that there just won't be anything to talk about in regards to Drac.

I can keep up with everyone else on their threads. Or heck, maybe I'll start a new one.

I really just wanted to pop in and tell you AGAIN to be careful!! If the storm comes rolling in, you get yourself somewhere safe!

Oh, BTW - a few weeks ago some friends and I were talking about coming down your way this Labor Day weekend. We have a classmate in the area & were going to have a girls weekend. Other things came up, so we decided not to book it. Glad we didn't now!!

Be safe & keep us posted.

Great news! My brother just called from offshore and he's been sent in tomorrow, so he will be here to help me board up! he's one of the lucky one that's getting out early...

Bugs, that's great that I could make you laugh with the stroke victim comment...I got off work early, picked up the boys, stopped at the grocery store, and we're home getting some things ready to go...

I forgot about my brother being out there, this is his first hitch...fine example of God providing...he said that he would help board up here before leaving to go home, which is 3 hours away...

Glad I can be of help to someone. I think yeah, that's why I've been mostly posting to other people's threads.. After a while it's the same bellyaching all over again.. just another bump in the road and gotta vent some anger here rather than at WW..

I think when you can handle those bumps without being angry about every little thing.. well.. then you've finally let go enough to move on in a healthy way.

My struggles right now are no small thing.. but I've already addressed it in the past with her.. she just doesn't care.. I'll address it with the court instead when/if we ever get a date in front of a judge.

This is starting to get rediculous.. but it'll be over eventually.


As for the cutie at my favorite breakfast stop.. I'll be making my way in there this Saturday.. just playing it by ear at the moment and allowing myself to be the goofy/charming/funny guy my friends know me to be.. not forcing anything.. besides I think keeping up the friendly banter until I'm actually 'free' to start dating will probably pay dividends and give me a chance to see any of these: before dipping my toe in the water. She knows my sitch, and I've mentioned that I'm really not letting myself get back into that world until the legal stuff is over.. so I guess part of the litmus test is to see how/if she respects that..

Dang tempting though.. whew..



I feel where you're coming from though on the wanting to see them get what they deserve.. it's lingerings of the anger phase.. we've consoled ourselves enough times with the thought that the karma truck is coming to make a delivery that it's something of its own reward when it does..

Usually for me though.. I just end up feeling guilty that I take any satisfaction from her suffering.. Ultimately though I'm getting to a point where my reaction is a simple shrug and a 'Well.. she's just getting what is coming to her'.. and I move on.. I feel sorry for her sometimes.. but she's beyond my help at this point.. and beyond me worrying about.. now if DS is affected.. then it's my problem.. unfortunately I'm starting also to get to a point where I realize I HAVE to distance myself from worrying about DSD as well... sad as that is.. there's NOTHING I can do to help her either.. her mom made that choice for her.


Wow.. now how's that for hijacking your thread with my own crap?

Just basically trying to let you know that there's a sympathetic ear out there who understands some of this stuff you're going through.. Think most of the amigos are on the same page or have been at one point.. so just know that you're never alone.

Thank God for having family nearby.. yup.. He provides..

Saw a sign on the way in to work.. something like.. when you're at your wits end, you'll find that God lives there.

Heh.. how true is that eh?