FWH got a new job and we had to do our budget. As he sighed that we still don't have enough money for our "needs," I recalled old wounds of him always telling me it's my fault that we don't have enough money (I'm a stay at home mom). So, even though we're in reconciliation from an OEA, and it's going pretty well, I was terrified of doing the budget with him. I put words into his mouth and finally he told me that he didn't say the words this time. Also, he had agreed to spend "time" with me (not budget time) that evening, and this was getting really long and I was really tired. He had even agreed to physical intimacy (which has been good since D-day) and horrible before that (for years). Anyway, I got so angry and couldn't help crying and crying, then a bunch of other wounds regarding the A came up. I was a mess. When I reminded him we were going to be intimate, he said, "well it won't happen now!" That was it! I slammed down a glass of water and headed for the bathtub (to hide, not to bathe)...an old behavior of mine...very old...

After a while, we were able to talk and figure things out, which was very good, but I kept feeling all of the wounds and feeling, feeling, feeling.

I also feel like I have to walk on eggshells with him since our counselor told him that he has to trust that when he is open and honest with me about his feelings, that I will not hurt him. The counselor believes that I won't, but I'm not sure. We did the emotional needs inventory last week and it was very hard. i feel like I told him I didn't like his rankings of his emotional needs (especially since sex was #7 and for me, it was #3), and the way he said I wasn't meeting his emotional needs. He didn't really mean the way they came across on the inventory, as he explained, but it's the way I interpreted them. Like, he had attractive spouse and domestic support marked at a 2 instead of a 3, which I work really hard at and expected them to be 3's. He said he just doesn't give anyone a 3 or -3 on anything. Whatever. That's just like him, the counselor said, but it hurt me.

So, now I feel like I have to walk on eggshells, especially to avoid angry outbursts and crying sessions of my own, even though it's only been 3 weeks since D-day. Isn't he the one who's supposed to be walking on eggshelss with me?

Also, one more thing...I have this overwhelming feeling that when I'm not with him, I'm not safe. I don't think, unless subconciously, I'm afraid he's going to either continue or start an A, but I just want to "fix" the relationship and I feel I can't do that when we're apart.

With his new job, he'll be gone out of the house from 12-10 4 days a week. Since he was unemployed for 8 mos, I'm not used to that. Also, he's taking 3 classes at college...so when he's home, he'll be working on that. I'm afraid our "honeymoon" period of reconciliation will end abruptly. Help! Thanks.