Hello. I guess I will start with introuducing myself. I am 32, and my H is 34, we have been together for 10 years, married for 7, we have two kids together, 7 and 4 years old. I have never before had any kinds of worries or doubts about him. He has always been the "poster child" for committed. He has always been totally devoted to me. So needless to say, when I started to get some sixth sense to another woman, that he worked with, it totally rocked my world. I found out about his, very, emotional affair on 2/11. The text messages on his cell phone were undeniable. So I confronted him with it. He broke down and came clean about everything. It had been going on for about two months, and she befriended me, by going out to dinner with us and her boyfriend, on three occations. But all the while hunting my husband down. I was wrecked, to say the least.
So, now he has completely broke things off with her. There are no phone calls, no text messages, and he has has totally recommitted himself to me. So whats my problem?
They work in the same company. So that drives me crazy, even though he tells if he sees her in passing. He has been very good about answering all of questions about what happened. And he says it was only heavy flirting, and innuendo. And they kissed once. I just cannot shake this, though. I have always thought of myself to be pretty, I never have had an issue with self confidence, but now I do. I feel old, shes only 20, and I feel ugly, she is polar opposite of me, she has dark hair, and Asian looking, but I am blond and light skinned. I think that has been hard for me. I am 5'5 and weigh 120 lbs. but I feel fat, even though the realistic side of me says Im not. Its still hard for me to eat, I have seen myself move into an anorexic lifstyle, I just cannot consume more than 400-500 calories a day, I feel sick otherwise. I know that really its not good for me. But I just want to be perfect. I have even looked into getting a boob job, since mine have nursed three children, they DO NOT look the same. I want to be the sexiest thing in him eyes. Than maybe he will never look at her again.
I have tried to get into a therapist, we played phone tag all today, so may be I will get to talk to her tomorrow, and make an appointment. I hope I am not rambling, I am alittle drunk, it seems to be my only comfort right now.
I just want the pain and hurt to go away. I know he loves me, and he was seduced by her, and now he is back on trake with me. But it still consumes me. I never stop thinking about what they said to eachother. The only time I feel really good is when he is with me. I can eat when hes with me, and I can somewhat function when hes around.
PLEASE, help....I am so sad, I just want this pain to go away!