Hint: Think Plan D

Dude, your wife is dysfunctional and out of warranty.

She will go through failure after failure.

Welcome to the cesspool.

I'm sorry, but this should have been the cue to you that this was NOT the woman you should be spending the rest of your life with. BTDT, I also missed the cue, and suffered through years of pain because of it.

If you have the chance now to walk away now, with no children involved and joint property sorted out, then DO IT and never be in contact with her again.



Let the WBF's H and the MM's W know about the A, and send copies of the e-mails if they want proof. They both need to know who they're really involved with.

NO, you can't FIX her. YOu need to know this now. Only she can fix herself. No you cannot FIX us. You are only 50% of this M. The ONLY thing you CAN FIX is yourself.

I know this sucks to hear, but it is the truth. That is where the beginning is in all of this.

Your wife is what we call a serial cheater. She has been unfaithful to you with at least four different men that you know about (within a period of five years), and I’d be willing to bet there are more.

Sorry, but this is one marriage that was doomed from the beginning. She definitely has issues but what you need to understand is that you can do NOTHING to change her. Her changes have to come from within herself and it doesn’t sound like that’s going to happen anytime soon.

I vote that you cut your losses now. Read up on MB principles and hopefully next time around you’re picker will be fixed and you’ll set your standards higher for what you require in a marriage.

I asked her what needs that I didn't meet for her and she told me that she wasn't physically or sexually attracted to me anymore. We were nothing more then room mates. I didn't feel that way, and no one else thought of us that way either. I am 6'1 and 190lbs. I work out everyday and have an athletic build. I take care of myself so it is not like I let myself go after we got married. I think you all call this "fog babble". You are probably right, maybe it is best that I cut my losses. She has called, emailed, and texted me since Wednesday night and I won't communicate with her. I told her then that I was saying godbye forever and to not contact me again. I told her to have a good life and take care of herself. I guess you can call this Plan B? Or maybe the start to the real Plan D.

MHDF

You go plan B with your WW with the understanding that you can not stand the pain with her having an affair.

You then spell out the conditions for her to come back to the marriage. NC, open book, passwords, cell phone bills, etc.

Just telling her NC and then refusing to explain plan B requirements is not doing a plan B.

Two months since Dday. Have you plan A?

How have you plan A?

You then spell out the conditions for her to come back to the marriage. NC, open book, passwords, cell phone bills, etc.

Done that and it does not look promising.

Just telling her NC and then refusing to explain plan B requirements is not doing a plan B.

Gotcha

Two months since Dday.

Congratulations!

Have you plan A?

My plan A was to be nice, loving , no anger, and listen. It didn't work.

How have you plan A?
I thought I did.

Hey MHDF (love the name, BTW!)

You have done all you can, now stay dark. Do not speak to her or see her in any way, shape or form. I would also get a lawyer and have them start drawing everything up while she is still in this "quickie" amicable mood. Get it all in writing and signed asap.

Move on with your life. Learn all that you can on this site so that you can make better choices in the future for a mate. Also, it will teach you how to protect your relationships from the start so that hopefully you never have to end up in this sitch again! As you said...you are a younger guy who takes care of himself. Learn the stuff on this site and you'll find someone soon! Just be sure to wait until after the D is final...give yourself some time to re-coup and heal!

Best of luck to you!!

Cymanca, thank you for posting that link on woman who suffer from BPD. It was alike reading my life with my wife for the past 8 years and how maybe my own childhood issues drew me to a woman like her. It was quite disturbing to see in print, but very helpful. It has been 3 days since I stopped all communication and it sucks! I know it is for the best, but it is so hard.


is this OM married???
He WAS married when the affair started. He is either divorced now, or in the middle of one. I can't seem to find out who she is because I live in Tennessee, the OM & WW live in La, and the OM's BW lives in Ms. I know it has Jerry Springer written all over it.

Have you read "Surviving an Affair"?
No I have not, I have read lots of material and the last couple of days I have been reading everything on this website.
Have you read "Her Needs, His Needs"?
No, but he only EN that she said I didn't meet was that "she was not physically or sexually attracted to me". The OM has 3 failed marriages, a huge beer gut, alcohol problems, and a vasectomy for a woman that wants children. I guess I fail to see the attraction!

MHDF...there is thread that was bumped, started my MelodyLane, about serial cheaters. Take the time and read this entire thread...you will be amazed...


((((MHDF)))) Hope you are doing OK!

Ok today I made some pretty dumb moves.

1) I contacted the OM's mom and tried to tell her what was going on and his mother said "I have nothing to say to you so leave me and my family out of this" and she hung up on me.
2) I wrote her a long detailed email, but have no clue if she got it.

3) Then the OM calls me and we get in a screaming match. He actually had the balls to tell me to leave his family out of it, as if he didn't destroy mine. I so wish I could find out if he were divorced yet or not so that I could help his wife out in the divorce.

Yeah not a good day today for me at all. I have still not had any communication with the ex since February 20th. Yeah me!

Have you ever had any therapy?

Yes I go every Tuesday. I have been going not for a month and reading tons of material. Do I sound crazy? Is that why you asked? lol

I have not had any communication with my wife in 9 days. I am still in counseling, reading, researching, and trying to make myself a better person. I am working out everdaytaking care of the house, bills, and continuing to carry my head high in church. A friend of mine who is a friend of hers called me and said my WW was already starting to ask questions about some of the OM's stories. I think he is getting caught in lies, not really sure, but I am told she still defends him. I can't worry about that though, I can only continue to work on me. I sure do appreciate all of the advice that I get on here. I don't know if I could have got through it without all of you.

Also, last night a friend of mine called me that I have not heard from in a while and said his wife had committed suicide on December 8th which was 5 days before my wife informed me of her affair. And I thought my Christmas was bad. If you ever feel sorry for yourself and think you have it bad God will show you someone who has it worse.